Not horrified at all. The fact that she's asking for help too makes me even less horrified, and more wanting to be positive and supporting of her.
I can only imagine how hectic her life is, mine is crazy enough and I have ZERO children...So even if she only starts out by cooking one meal a week I think that's better than doing nothing at all! I think some of the ideas she's gotten in the thread are great and I hope that she can find something that works for her.
Okay, I read it. She's reaching out for help, so it's hard to be all judgey. She needs someone to teach her how to cook quick, healthy meals. I think it will be hard for her to change on her own. She needs her kids and her H to help, too.
Disabilities aside, what the fuck at kids refusing to eat something and being given fast food as an option instead? If DD doesn't want to eat what she is served - at home, at the gparents, with her aunts, at a restaurant, etc., she doesn't eat. Please tell me I'm not the only one who subscribes to this.
I also believe children wouldn't refuse everything but McD's if they didn't know they could manipulate adults into giving them a happy meal.
Post by mrssavy42112 on Sept 4, 2012 8:01:20 GMT -5
Yeah, it is horrifying. I’m reserving my judgment since she is very clearly admitting that it is terrible, feels guilty & wants to change. There are too many people out there who are exactly like that & don’t want to change.
'Horrified' is a bit of a stretch, don't you think? It's not like she admitted to beating her kids or something.
Anyway, she knows she needs to do better in this area and is working on it. No one is perfect. I'm sure there is something you do or don't do that other people would judge.
Post by midnightmare81 on Sept 4, 2012 8:41:19 GMT -5
I will say this is pretty much how I grew up, but mostly because my mother put the cooking duties on me as soon as I could reach the microwave (I was VERY tall as a kid so this was fairly early in life, like 8-10)... My mother had me under the impression you couldn't make anything at home besides pasta or food out of a box, and even that was ALOT of work, so I pretty much lived on pasta until I was old enough to get my first job (14) and then I would go out and pick up whatever I felt like eating from the local pizza place, deli, or fast food (BK was the only thing within walking distance). I was lucky enough to be able to walk to these places so at least I could eat something besides pasta. One the RARE (once every 4 monthsor more) instance my mother did "cook" it was ALWAYS from a box. Even holidays my mother didn't cook, our Christmas/Thanksgiving/ Ect was chinese take out
My first trip to my in-laws was fascinating. H's dad makes EVERYTHING from scratch. He made scalloped potatos, and I just stood there in shock. True and utter fascination. This changed everything for me. I learned you can make almost anything you want at home. I am now working on learning on broadening my skills and how to make what I can make healthier. My point to this is, this would easily have been me if I hadn't been taught. I also have texture issues, aspergers runs in my family and I am convinced I had/have a very mild case of it now looking at my brother and myself when I was his age. Saddly while I was able to learn and "outgrow" alot of my issues, they use it as an excuse for my half brother to not have to do anything, saying he CAN'T instead of taking the time to teach him he CAN. I know this isnt full blown autism, but I understand some of the challenges people face when kids like that
I don't flame her. She realized this is an issue and is asking for help. If we flame her for it, then she may never ask for help again, and that could be a serious health issue. I actually giver her props. She realized she has a problem, and is going so far as to ask for help... As for the lying thing, she is ashamed of what she is doing, and it likely was the first step in realizing she had a serious problem and is working on fixing it. And technically its not a TOTAL lie, they are eating chicken and potatos, just not in the healthiest form. At least they are getting protein...
i hate cooking. i love eating, but that's beside the point. i primarily cook with a single pan or in the microwave. i'm lucky that i married someone who cooks, that my kid isn't picky, and that her daycare provides her with awesome, balanced meals for breakfast and lunch and two snacks.
i know how to cook because my mother taught me (and because she was once hospitalized/unable to cook for about 6 months when i was 11). but if on top of everything else i didn't know how to cook? yeah. i'd eat out more.
i hate cooking. i love eating, but that's beside the point. i primarily cook with a single pan or in the microwave. i'm lucky that i married someone who cooks, that my kid isn't picky, and that her daycare provides her with awesome, balanced meals for breakfast and lunch and two snacks.
i know how to cook because my mother taught me (and because she was once hospitalized/unable to cook for about 6 months when i was 11). but if on top of everything else i didn't know how to cook? yeah. i'd eat out more.
The dishes I cook are sloppy joe's, fajitas, fried rice, etc. Jake will make roasted something with sauteed vegetables and a starch. All perfectly seasoned. Eating is the best part of being married to a cook!
that's terrible for your waist line. and arteries. crock pot is the only way I cook lately though. if not for that, we'd eat like shit
If I wasn't already married and it were legal, I might elope with my crockpot.
I do think it's gross to eat fast food all the time, but she already knows it's not a good thing. I could understand being horrified if she wrote it in a laughing way and was perfectly fine with feeding her kids that way.
I think anybody being horrified or shocked by this is being completely ridiculous.
It's not healthy, and it's not cool to teach her kids to lie about it, but she's asking for help and having to try to deal with an autistic kid's food issues can't be easy. Y'all need to mosey on down from your high horses on this one.
Seriously. I've gone from side eyeing to thinking some in this thread are plain aholes. Way to kick a person when she's down. She's asking for help, not glorifying what she has been doing. WTF?
I think anybody being horrified or shocked by this is being completely ridiculous.
It's not healthy, and it's not cool to teach her kids to lie about it, but she's asking for help and having to try to deal with an autistic kid's food issues can't be easy. Y'all need to mosey on down from your high horses on this one.
Seriously. I've gone from side eyeing to thinking some in this thread are plain aholes. Way to kick a person when she's down. She's asking for help, not glorifying what she has been doing. WTF?
I agree with bab.
When you have a special needs kid who has food issues, you do whatever it takes to get them to eat *something*. DH and I have become short order cooks with our kid because he only eats a few things. And there are some nights where the only thing Will will even entertain eating is a Happy Meal.
And her non-special needs kids protest eating a lot of stuff because eating out is the only thing they know. I think with time and patience, she'll be able to get them on eating home cooked meals.
I'm glad the OP has realized that she needs to change things, and I hope she's able to do so successfully. I definitely get how hard it is to turn a ship around.
Post by pantsparty on Sept 4, 2012 10:29:00 GMT -5
I didn't read the post - I think having a child with autism really changes things. Hell, I've asked my mom friends how they get dinner on the table every night for everyone. I rarely cook during the week just for the two of us. But that's partially because I have the refined palate of a 3 year old and I'm happy heating up a bag of tots and eating that for dinner.
I have mixed feelings about it. I'm willing to concede that I have no clue what it's like to have more than one child to feed, let alone one with special needs and what that entails. I still have a kid that eats whatever I give her. BUT,
I don't get why it's so hard to change this. The fact that she's asking her kids to lie should be enough of a wake up call. How hard is it to just not get in the car and go to Applebee's? To me, wrangling three kids in that scenario seems far more difficult than just staying home.
I don't feel like she really wants to change but if she does, I hope she can. I'm worried she's done irreperable damage with her kids though. It's going to be very tough to get them to like regular food now that they are accustomed to so much sodium, sugar and fillers.
Do you feel the same way about adults who eat unhealthy things. For example, if a person came on here and said, "I'm struggling with my weight. I've been eating too much fast food and junk and my weight is going out of control." Would your response be, "Too late. The damage is done. It is doubtful that you will ever be able to enjoy healthy foods now that you are so accustomed to eating junk."
Also, I'm not sure how much you know about autism. It is possible that changing foods can cause extreme meltdowns for her child. Maybe she can't deal with that every day. Maybe she does not want mealtime to be a constant source of stress for the entire family.
People, put your compassion glasses on JEEZ!! It is not as easy as you think.
Post by laptopvixen on Sept 4, 2012 11:02:02 GMT -5
Sunday we had brunch with proper food around 12:30. We also started drinking. We finished drinking around 10pm, and after brunch we ate: mozzarella sticks, chicken wings, jalapeno poppers and grilled cheese ON WHITE with bacon and tomato with fries from the diner - do jello shots count as food? I had two of those. It was quite the dayload, lol.
Then yesterday I did make us scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast but then we had a Big Mac and a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese and more fries for lunch.
I can see how it would be hard to change this. DH and I eat take out basically every night. We don't eat unhealthy stuff because we live in an area where there are lots of healthy take out options but I still generally feel it is better to cook at home. Every night, though, we do takeout because I don't feel like nagging DH to defrost chicken, don't feel like calling to make sure he has prepared it, just generally don't feel like dealing. And DH is an adult, who won't throw a tantrum; he will just sigh and act displeased. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to eat dinner at home every night with an autistic child refusing what I cook, especially when take out is so easy.
I wonder if this is a rural/urban thing? I cooked more when we lived in a smaller town. But in the city not only do you have to cook (which can be unpleasant if you have a small kitchen), you need to buy groceries (which is often either inconvenient or more expensive than eating out), and the options for takeout are plentiful. Plus, so many places deliver. It is markedly easier.
I wonder if this is a rural/urban thing? I cooked more when we lived in a smaller town. But in the city not only do you have to cook (which can be unpleasant if you have a small kitchen), you need to buy groceries (which is often either inconvenient or more expensive than eating out), and the options for takeout are plentiful. Plus, so many places deliver. It is markedly easier.
It's harder to eat out all of the time, but its still pretty easy to eat like crap, IMO.
Not horrified. I personally HATE cooking as well. I wish I loved it. But I don't. However, I force myself to cook the majority of our meals throughout the week. And as the OP seems to understand that this isn't healthy and is posting about it, she's trying to make a change. Good for her. We all get in ruts. The lying this is a little WTF, but I can see how she's kind of painted herself into a corner and she'll paint herself right out of it.