WWYD?

[sweetchix]

When I moved out 3 years ago I left a lot of things behind that XH and I agreed we would sell and split the money (mostly baby items with a few household items as well). We planned on having a garage sale at his house that first summer but we never did. I asked about having one last year but that never happened either. Now it's the 3rd summer and we haven't discussed it yet, but I plan to bring it up.

Last year he had offered to sell everything on ebay and take 10% on top of his half for doing all the work. I turned him down last year because I thought that was silly for him to take an extra 10%. But now that we're in to the 3rd year, I'm wondering if I should just tell him to go for it. I want to get this stuff sold so we can be done with it.

So, what would you do? Keep pressing to have an actual garage sale, which would have to be at his house. My complex is having a sale later in July, and I think my mom is planning one too, but he would NEVER agree to take things out of his house. He wants the control of having it. Or, would you agree to let him take the extra 10% and put everything up on ebay?

Also, this is all assuming he didn't already go ahead and sell/give away anything we had. Which I honestly wouldn't put it past him as he or his mom/dad stole some of my Tupperware that I had boxed up and in the basement prior to me moving out.

[Deleted]

I would totally let him do the work and if you got any money at all that would be nice. My xh was supposed to either sell the W/D and give me half or keep them and give me 400 bucks.

He kept them and gave me zero money. Nothing I could do as it was abandoned property.

[doriswe]

Honestly? I'd forget it even existed. It sounds like more of a hassle than anything. If he happens to sell it and gives you some money, great. If not, you're in the same spot you are right now. It's just stuff.

[sweetchix]

Jun 13, 2016 18:36:01 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Honestly? I'd forget it even existed. It sounds like more of a hassle than anything. If he happens to sell it and gives you some money, great. If not, you're in the same spot you are right now. It's just stuff.

True. But I left some decent stuff that could bring a pretty good penny garage sale wise. I think I'll just tell him to go ahead and sell it on Craigslist or wherever and take the additional 10%. 40% is better than what I've got now.

[niki]

Do you have any consignment shops in your area? At one near me, you just drop off the stuff and they tell you what they will give you.

[glynn]

For the baby/kid stuff I would sale at a consignment sale. For the other stuff I would let him sell and be happy with any money I got.

[stephreloaded]

It depends on what you are selling. Honestly, I would just get over it and forget about those. I also don't understand why you said no to him taking a bit more since he was the one putting all the work.

I get what you are coming from but there are some things that are not worth fighting over unless you are really really short in cash.

[glitzyglow]

I would just tell him that if he's still up to post the stuff on ebay, have at it or suggest taking it to consignment shops. If he's rude about it, I would just let it go.

[sweetchix]

Oh we're not fighting over it at all. It just came to mind now that it's garage sale season and I thought that this year we could actually have one. Or sell it via online sites. Which is what prompted this post.

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2016 9:41:47 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

 Honestly, I would just get over it and forget about those. I also don't understand why you said no to him taking a bit more since he was the one putting all the work.

Yes, I feel like if someone's XH had stuck them with "stuff" for three years, we would have our pitchforks out and would be all "He get's NOTHING. You've been storing it for three whole years and then put all the effort towards selling it. You get allll the money and if you feel gracious you can give your XH some."

Again, I let go of a for sure 400 bucks. Because sometimes the fight is not worth it. 

[jojoandleo]

Meh, I'd offer a garage sale, then tell him he can sell it on ebay and take the 10% if he wasn't up for the garage sale. It's been so long, losing 5% is better than nothing.

In all honesty, three years of you leaving it there, I'd probably feel like it wasn't your anymore. BUT, it never hurts to try. At worst you will get nothing, which is what you have now.

[bl]

I would allow him to sell it and take the extra 10%. I am lazy and will almost always pay someone else to do all the work, 10% isn't much at all.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Jun 14, 2016 10:15:20 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

Jun 14, 2016 9:41:47 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

 Honestly, I would just get over it and forget about those. I also don't understand why you said no to him taking a bit more since he was the one putting all the work.

Yes, I feel like if someone's XH had stuck them with "stuff" for three years, we would have our pitchforks out and would be all "He get's NOTHING. You've been storing it for three whole years and then put all the effort towards selling it. You get allll the money and if you feel gracious you can give your XH some."

Again, I let go of a for sure 400 bucks. Because sometimes the fight is not worth it. 

True. When XH and I split up, he left some stuff in the house. I gave him about 6 months, then I kept what I wanted, sold what I could, then threw the rest away (or donated it if it was in decent shape).
He had already dug up the rose bushes that he had planted, probably because he knew I'd make mulch from them. He left the dogs he rescued, even though I had said that I didn't want them. I didn't make mulch from them, I ended up rehoming them. He knew that I wouldn't hurt the dogs, even though dogs are pretty much disposable to him.

ETA: I had said that I didn't want to adopt the dogs in the first place, he got them anyway, then couldn't be bothered to actually care for them.

[stephreloaded]

sweetchix, I think you need to think long and hard what this is about Is the issue having the control over the stuff and that he keeping them is not the right thing or do you really need the money?

I know I have been broke before and have had difficult financial times. I think that what for someone might not be a lot it might mean a lot to you under certain circumstances so I feel I wasn't fair with you yesterday.

If you think that it could be nice to have the money but don't really need it, I would just move on. Mention the 10% extra for him and expect nothing.

[sweetchix]

Jun 15, 2016 10:10:40 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

sweetchix, I think you need to think long and hard what this is about Is the issue having the control over the stuff and that he keeping them is not the right thing or do you really need the money?

I know I have been broke before and have had difficult financial times. I think that what for someone might not be a lot it might mean a lot to you under certain circumstances so I feel I wasn't fair with you yesterday.

If you think that it could be nice to have the money but don't really need it, I would just move on. Mention the 10% extra for him and expect nothing.

No worries Steph

I had texted him yesterday about getting everything sold. I suggested finally having a garage sale, or posting to online sites and said we could discuss further regarding $. He responded today and said he already sold some things and will give me half that money this Saturday. He also said he'll drop off some remaining stuff for me to do with what I want. I'm quite surprised, and obviously pleased, with his response.

[sweetchix]

Ugh!! Right when I think he's being decent regarding $, he's got to turn around and be an ass. He's refusing to give me a copy of his 2015 wages so we can calculate the new support amount (which he's now 10 weeks overdue on- just the increase, not the full payment) until I agree to calculate it a certain way. I'm sure that way is benefiting him and that's why he wants me to agree to it prior to seeing his wages.

[statlerwaldorf]

I see that you've already got it resolved. Selling stuff is a giant pain in the butt. 10 percent would've been more than fair. I don't plan on sharing with exh when I sell stuff tbh. I've been the one storing stuff and if I go through the hassle of having a garage sale I intend on keeping whatever I make. I don't have anything worth much. Plus chances are I'll end up spending whatever I make on the kids anyway.

[statlerwaldorf]

Jun 15, 2016 15:13:14 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Ugh!! Right when I think he's being decent regarding $, he's got to turn around and be an ass. He's refusing to give me a copy of his 2015 wages so we can calculate the new support amount (which he's now 10 weeks overdue on- just the increase, not the full payment) until I agree to calculate it a certain way. I'm sure that way is benefiting him and that's why he wants me to agree to it prior to seeing his wages.

What way?

[sweetchix]

Jun 15, 2016 18:11:14 GMT -5 statlerwaldorf said:

Jun 15, 2016 15:13:14 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Ugh!! Right when I think he's being decent regarding $, he's got to turn around and be an ass. He's refusing to give me a copy of his 2015 wages so we can calculate the new support amount (which he's now 10 weeks overdue on- just the increase, not the full payment) until I agree to calculate it a certain way. I'm sure that way is benefiting him and that's why he wants me to agree to it prior to seeing his wages.

What way?

It's actually right in our agreement, but if we both agree to a different amount NOT based on that calculation, we can do that. So it's silly for him to hold out until I agree on one way or another. And he's not understanding that I can't calculate anything unless I have his wages. He said he's going to call me tonight. I'm not going to trust any amount he SAYS he earned. I need to see proof. He's got mine. He also asked what NYS divorce law says I need to see his wages every year. All this is making me think that he is hiding something.

ETA: maybe I'm wrong about having a legal right to see his wages but then how do we ever adjust child support?

[doriswe]

In WI, all of that stuff is submitted right to Child Support, so neither of us exchange wage info to the other. And both of us have the right to request it be reviewed every 2 years.

[stephreloaded]

Jun 15, 2016 20:53:54 GMT -5 doriswe said:

In WI, all of that stuff is submitted right to Child Support, so neither of us exchange wage info to the other. And both of us have the right to request it be reviewed every 2 years.

This. One of the greatest things of having gone through the state for CS is the fact that it is no personal. It is a neutral party determining what is the right amount.

[sweetchix]

Jun 15, 2016 20:53:54 GMT -5 doriswe said:

In WI, all of that stuff is submitted right to Child Support, so neither of us exchange wage info to the other. And both of us have the right to request it be reviewed every 2 years.

Jun 16, 2016 9:53:30 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

Jun 15, 2016 20:53:54 GMT -5 doriswe said:

In WI, all of that stuff is submitted right to Child Support, so neither of us exchange wage info to the other. And both of us have the right to request it be reviewed every 2 years.

This. One of the greatest things of having gone through the state for CS is the fact that it is no personal. It is a neutral party determining what is the right amount.

I wish we would have done this. I thought going through the state was only if we wanted direct deposit, which I would have preferred. I guess this could go in that "I wish I knew..." thread.

[doriswe]

Jun 16, 2016 10:43:50 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Jun 15, 2016 20:53:54 GMT -5 doriswe said:

In WI, all of that stuff is submitted right to Child Support, so neither of us exchange wage info to the other. And both of us have the right to request it be reviewed every 2 years.

Jun 16, 2016 9:53:30 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

This. One of the greatest things of having gone through the state for CS is the fact that it is no personal. It is a neutral party determining what is the right amount.

I wish we would have done this. I thought going through the state was only if we wanted direct deposit, which I would have preferred. I guess this could go in that "I wish I knew..." thread.

Is it too late to do that? It's less personal that way, which is nice for both parties.

So out of total curiosity, how do you guys figure it out now?

[stephreloaded]

Jun 16, 2016 10:46:18 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 16, 2016 10:43:50 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

I wish we would have done this. I thought going through the state was only if we wanted direct deposit, which I would have preferred. I guess this could go in that "I wish I knew..." thread.

Is it too late to do that? It's less personal that way, which is nice for both parties.

So out of total curiosity, how do you guys figure it out now?

It is also not just the calculations but the actual payments as well. We do it via wage garnishment and there is absolutely no talk about CS AT ALL so it saved us a lot of animosity at the beginning.

My ex is really good at paying what he owes though. We are splitting DD's private school costs and he always wires the money with several months in advance. Not sure what would have happened if he made the payments directly.

I think when is wage garnishment and the state taking the money out, it leaves out the having to write YOU a check.

[sweetchix]

Jun 16, 2016 10:46:18 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 16, 2016 10:43:50 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

I wish we would have done this. I thought going through the state was only if we wanted direct deposit, which I would have preferred. I guess this could go in that "I wish I knew..." thread.

Is it too late to do that? It's less personal that way, which is nice for both parties.

So out of total curiosity, how do you guys figure it out now?

It's a kind of confusing calculation. We use the NYS child support chart, but then we don't. We take 14% of his taxable wages, instead of the 25% for 2 kids since we spliit 50/50 custody. Then, because he makes more than me, he owes 65% and I owe 35% of that figure. So he pays me 65% of that figure. It's not pretty. And, when we first split, my attorney just threw out a number and that's what he's paid me the past 3 years. Now that my maintenance is up though, we are supposed to adjust the child support to make up some of the difference.

[Deleted]

As someone who divorced with no kids, I must say it would annoy me greatly to show my ex how much I made. This is where I much rather deal with the state than each other.

[doriswe]

Jun 16, 2016 11:48:42 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Jun 16, 2016 10:46:18 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Is it too late to do that? It's less personal that way, which is nice for both parties.

So out of total curiosity, how do you guys figure it out now?

It's a kind of confusing calculation. We use the NYS child support chart, but then we don't. We take 14% of his taxable wages, instead of the 25% for 2 kids since we spliit 50/50 custody. Then, because he makes more than me, he owes 65% and I owe 35% of that figure. So he pays me 65% of that figure. It's not pretty. And, when we first split, my attorney just threw out a number and that's what he's paid me the past 3 years. Now that my maintenance is up though, we are supposed to adjust the child support to make up some of the difference.

Honestly, since the maintenance is up, I'd just say "XH, let's just let CS do their thing so we don't have to worry about this." And if CS comes up with a higher number than you think is fair, you always can change it to an agreed upon number.

I think you're going to be fighting a losing battle with your XH long term if you guys continue to figure your own amount. He's not been terribly easy to work with anytime it involves money. I don't see this becoming any easier with time and you've got a lot of years to have to deal with this. 

[sweetchix]

Jun 16, 2016 12:02:02 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 16, 2016 11:48:42 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

It's a kind of confusing calculation. We use the NYS child support chart, but then we don't. We take 14% of his taxable wages, instead of the 25% for 2 kids since we spliit 50/50 custody. Then, because he makes more than me, he owes 65% and I owe 35% of that figure. So he pays me 65% of that figure. It's not pretty. And, when we first split, my attorney just threw out a number and that's what he's paid me the past 3 years. Now that my maintenance is up though, we are supposed to adjust the child support to make up some of the difference.

Honestly, since the maintenance is up, I'd just say "XH, let's just let CS do their thing so we don't have to worry about this." And if CS comes up with a higher number than you think is fair, you always can change it to an agreed upon number.

I think you're going to be fighting a losing battle with your XH long term if you guys continue to figure your own amount. He's not been terribly easy to work with anytime it involves money. I don't see this becoming any easier with time and you've got a lot of years to have to deal with this. 

So very true. We get along fine except when it comes to money, so this is a great idea. Is this something I would start through my attorney?

[doriswe]

Jun 16, 2016 12:04:54 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Jun 16, 2016 12:02:02 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Honestly, since the maintenance is up, I'd just say "XH, let's just let CS do their thing so we don't have to worry about this." And if CS comes up with a higher number than you think is fair, you always can change it to an agreed upon number.

I think you're going to be fighting a losing battle with your XH long term if you guys continue to figure your own amount. He's not been terribly easy to work with anytime it involves money. I don't see this becoming any easier with time and you've got a lot of years to have to deal with this. 

So very true. We get along fine except when it comes to money, so this is a great idea. Is this something I would start through my attorney?

And if you two don't have to discuss money, think of how much time/energy/stress you'll both be saving yourselves!

I'm not sure if you would go through your attorney or just the child support office. We didn't have an attorney, so we've use the child support forms/services.

[sweetchix]

Jun 16, 2016 11:55:53 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

As someone who divorced with no kids, I must say it would annoy me greatly to show my ex how much I made. This is where I much rather deal with the state than each other.

I honestly thought it a given. I don't doubt that many people hesitated, or lied, but I thought it was required for support reasons. But going through the state sounds like the best path for us.