I hate my X so much

[redshoejune]

I want to rant and throw things. I hate that I am stuck dealing with this asshole for the rest of my life because of my kids. 
We have been divorced for over a year and I am so sick of the way he treats me. I want him to grow up and have some respect for the mother of his children instead of continuing to lie and hide thing from me.
His behavior is "immature" according to my lawyer but there is nothing I can do about it.
He has hidden all of his relationship milestones from me, which I only care about because they affect my kids. 
Including the fact that he moved in with her without telling me.
He refuses to let me meet his fiance.
He is a shitty shitty coparent but he keeps up appearances so he can tell everyone what a good dad he is.
Every time we disagree he threatens to take me to court for more parenting time. And my lawyer says he might get it.
He knows how to infuriate me and I keep feeling like a crazy person!

[Deleted]

I would see if your lawyer puts in a stipulation about knowing the address and ALL OCCUPANTS of the residence but be prepared to have to do the same for your ex. My sister's lawyer was absolutely amazing and I am astounded by their custody agreement. It says a residence is anyone who spends more than 15 nights in a 30 day period. And he has thirty days to notify her of the new occupant. So... my sister's XH had a baby. He had to email her about the baby. They also have something about knowing the name and number of baby sitter or person watching the kid for more than 6 hours. She has primary full physical custody so she doesn't have to share sitter info.

It sounds like he's manipulative. It could also be that the fiance doesn't want to meet you. What would meeting her change?

[marylennox]

I'm sorry. I harbor similar feelings toward my ex. It is extremely frustrating to be forced to remain connected let alone co parent with someone like that. I just wanted to commiserate. I wish so much that he was not the father of my child. And I try not to let it make me angry but he's just so impossible to deal with that I can't help it.

[momof2ms]

I'm sorry

I've heard you are allowed to request a background check of anyone who lives in the house your children stay at. Just throwing it out there.

[formerlyak]

Jun 29, 2016 13:02:40 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

I would see if your lawyer puts in a stipulation about knowing the address and ALL OCCUPANTS of the residence but be prepared to have to do the same for your ex. My sister's lawyer was absolutely amazing and I am astounded by their custody agreement. It says a residence is anyone who spends more than 15 nights in a 30 day period. And he has thirty days to notify her of the new occupant. So... my sister's XH had a baby. He had to email her about the baby. They also have something about knowing the name and number of baby sitter or person watching the kid for more than 6 hours. She has primary full physical custody so she doesn't have to share sitter info.

It sounds like he's manipulative. It could also be that the fiance doesn't want to meet you. What would meeting her change?

My agreement has all this and it goes for both of us. When I moved, I had to send him a certified letter with the new info because I'm the custodial parent. When he moved he had to tell me the new info within 30 days. When girlfriend moved in, he had to tell me. When I had a baby, I had to tell him - though we see each other weekly, so it was pretty obvious, but I told him at the end of the first trimester when we told DS.

As for sitters, we had it written in that the parent who doesn't have ds at the time gets first right of refusal to watch ds if it is for more than 2 hours. If the other parent isn't available, we have it written in that my parents are the first sitter we call (either one of us - we chose my parents because they are retired and local and usually available). We have eased up on that a bit now - dh watches ds and ex's gf watches ds from time to time without us asking the other parent first. But we are going on 7 years of being divorced now.

[redshoejune]

He is manipulative and who knows what their relationship is like. I don't think meeting her will change anything since I've already made as much peace as I can with the fact that she is around them regardless of what she is like. However I don't think he should be allowed to do this even though I know legally he is.
I'm not going to do anything through the court at this time, if he brings me back in there are things I want to change, but at this point I am just going to save myself the money.
We do have a first right of refusal clause but it only covers 24 hour care and I like it that way because it gives me flexibility to have my mom watch the kids for an evening without having to tell him about it and get harassed about what I'm doing and who I'm with.

[redshoejune]

Jun 29, 2016 15:28:08 GMT -5 marylennox said:

I'm sorry. I harbor similar feelings toward my ex. It is extremely frustrating to be forced to remain connected let alone co parent with someone like that. I just wanted to commiserate. I wish so much that he was not the father of my child. And I try not to let it make me angry but he's just so impossible to deal with that I can't help it.

I appreciate the commiseration, it's nice to know other people can relate.

[Deleted]

Are you in therapy? A therapist can help you and give you the tools to deal with this anger and help you not possibly get so upset at your XH when he tries to push your buttons.

[redshoejune]

Jun 30, 2016 15:38:18 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

Are you in therapy? A therapist can help you and give you the tools to deal with this anger and help you not possibly get so upset at your XH when he tries to push your buttons.

Yes, I quit for a couple months but am back in now.