Need advice (NSOR) - would you uninvite somehow?

[pandora]

I have a friend who lives near "M". She has invited us both over for dinner. She has never met M, she is only extending the invitation because I had mentioned her in the past and that I would be caring for her son. My friend is very sweet and I know she is going to tell M that she is around if she ever needs anything. They will definitely swap #'s. This is this evening for a BBQ. I am thinking I should somehow uninvite M so that I don't have this web to worry about. I can see M using her for free child care in the future and my friend being take advantage of. Would you tell M that there is a change of plans tonight and not have her come so that this doesn't get additionally potentially messy in the future? Also, my friend is part of a totally separate community for which I am active in so it will really penetrate another social circle of support for me should this get messy on M's side. 

Background:
I decided to nanny for a bit rather than going back into my industry with excessive hours. A friend had a baby 2 days after me and she knew I was considering this and asked me to watch her son. She offered $10/hr which is crazy low but I agreed since 1) I will have my son with me, 2) I wanted to be nice and give her a break...and I thought it would be nice that our sons will eventually be friends and 3) It was to be 5 days so I figured I could do some work on the side to make it work with the mortgage etc.  (WE live in a VHCOL area so this is ridiculously cheap. She sees it as a nanny share so it's half of what a nanny could make). 

I only met her in the Fall last year and she seemed nice. She seems to be lacking in communication. She's a bit passive aggressive. She wanted me to start late July, I told her I needed later since DS had some medical to be taken care of first. She then said 2nd full week in August which we verbally agreed upon. She decided to change it without letting me know to another week later and then said that she already told me. She never did. She only mentioned that she had a conversation with a client and mentioned working with them mid-August. In her mind that was communication enough apparently to me. There have been several other lack of/wavy communication and she ended once sending me a not so nice text when I asked her to clarify and stated that we did not discuss and that we needed to work on better communication. She got defensive but it put me out of 2 weeks of money and I was pretty nice about it. Then she dropped it down to 3 days. She soon after tried for 2 days and I said I absolutely could not do 2 and would need to move on. 

I was in the middle of dealing with a very sick baby who screamed 24/7 over several weeks so I was in no mental condition early on to push negotiations...I wish I had. We are part of a community for which is very important to both of us. I have a leadership role in it and am trying very hard to not make things awkward should I cut this relationship of child care in the near future. I am starting to feel around closer to my house for something more reliable and more money. I am meeting with 2 Moms who are super active in my neighborhood community and I know they will be a great resource in getting my name out there for child care. I have helped them both with their boys so I know they will speak highly of me.

[Deleted]

I would warn your friend that this woman is nice but she might try to squeeze out free childcare so be warned. You did your due diligence. She's an adult and if she wants to be taken advantage of, so be it.

It's not really your problem. I think it would be shitty to try and dis-invite someone to a party that isn't even yours.

[pandora]

Aug 22, 2016 13:34:29 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

I would warn your friend that this woman is nice but she might try to squeeze out free childcare so be warned. You did your due diligence. She's an adult and if she wants to be taken advantage of, so be it.

It's not really your problem. I think it would be shitty to try and dis-invite someone to a party that isn't even yours.

Yeah, I don't think I have the guts to cancel as I think about it. It's not a party rather a BBQ and just us 3 woman and kids plus 1 husband, maybe. Nothing fancy. My friend will be grilling and she'll be stealing my baby to hold, LOL. She's just been dying to see DS and hasn't seen him since the first few weeks because of his health issues last month.

Fair enough, I'll just see how things go.

[stephreloaded]

How did it go?