Helicopter parents hover in workplace

[Deleted]

This is just astounding.

And if there is anyone who would love to have her mom with her at work, it's me. I work with some serious Grade A assholes, and sometimes at the end of a long day, the number 1 thing I need is a hug from my mom (and I have to settle for a phone call or a text message).

But my mom would NEVER contact my employer unless it were to inform him that I was dead or in a coma.

[druidp]

Ooooh, another personal anecdote:

A couple of years back, one of our employees was quitting and moving to London. The night before her flight, she was going out with CWs as a farewell bar tour.

The next morning, I had the following conversation:

EMP's DAD: Good morning, can I speak with the manager of L---?

ME: I can see if the manager is available, but may I ask the purpose of your call to see if I can assist you?

E's DAD: Well, maybe you can help me. I'm her father and she never came home last night.

ME (uhhhhhh): I'm sorry, sir. I'm unaware of where she might be right now. (deciding to test to ensure he is who he says he is) Did she have an appointment or a deadline she needs to attend to today?

E's DAD: Yes, she is supposed to fly to London; she and her family are moving there. Her husband and her kids are worried since they haven't heard from her since last night.

ME (WTF???): Wow, I'm sorry about that! I wish I could help you but I don't have any information about her whereabouts this morning. Have you tried contacting her via her cell?

E's DAD: Yes, but it keeps going to voicemail. I've already called her coworkers in D--- but they don't know where she is either. I'm basically trying everyone there I can since she works for you all.

ME: Well, yes, she has worked for us, although since she is moving to London we don't currently keep record of her whereabouts, sir. I'm sorry she isn't answering her mobile. Would you like me to take your number down so, if I hear from her or someone who was with her, I can pass on a message to contact you right away?

E's DAD: Oh yes, please - that would be great! We just don't want her to miss her flight this afternoon, and plus we're concerned since we haven't heard from her.

..... so I take his number, hang up, and proceed to fill in my supervisor about the situation. And apparently this is NORMAL - this late-30s woman goes out, gets fucking drunk, doesn't call her home (where her parents watch her kids while she and/or her husband go out and get shit-faced), and then her dad or mom winds up calling her coworkers the next day since they don't know where she is.

The whole situation is so WTF. And it turned out she had passed out on a CW's apartment floor, so I had to call the hungover CW, who happened to have woke up, and asked her to have E "call her daddy" since he was worried about her whereabouts.

That didn't apparently work - E's DAD called me back an hour later asking if I had heard from her yet. I was so ready to pull a "DUDE, this is so not my JOB to find your drunk daughter's ass somewhere in the city of Denver because she's a total loser who doesn't give a shit how worried you are!" But I refrained - barely.

[shopgirl07]

My parents could never remember the name of any company I worked for, let alone know how to contact someone there.

I'm happy to say I'm doing my part as well. My 20 year old son decided to get a job and move to another state. He just told me one day, oh by the way Mum, I'm moving to NY to work at XYZ in a couple of months.

[rugbywife]

Sept 9, 2012 19:17:20 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

My parents could never remember the name of any company I worked for, let alone know how to contact someone there.

Same here, my mom might have been able to figure out how where I worked if she tried but she has passed now. My father would have no idea.

[rosiedozie]

We did a gltraining course a few months ago about the different generations and their stereotypical qualities. I cringed through the whole portion on my generation out of embarrassment. Myself and my feriends are self-sufficient and would never think of letting our parents pull crap like this.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2012 13:59:35 GMT -5 lys said:

1946-1964 are the years baby boomers were born. I think you would find large differences between those of 1946 and 1964.

And...?

[stephm0188]

I'm not surprised. I had a college aged employee's mother call me to tell me her daughter was grounded and couldn't come in for her weekend shift.

[bronxgirl]

My mother has often said that she wishes she could send out my brother's resume and drag him to interviews, but she never actually would because she knows that's completely inappropriate. She also happens to have been born in 1945. Apparently if she was born a year later she would be a baby boomer and handle things differently.

[laurenpetro]

jesus christ.

the closest my mother ever came to "helicopter parenting" was telling me over lunch one day that it was time to get a fucking job (i was in the midst of a SEVERE depression after losing one of my best friends 2 months before). she didn't care what job, just get something to get out of the house every day.

then again, i work for my family so maybe my personal experiences aren't applicable to this at all.

[SmartyCat]

Sept 9, 2012 14:13:08 GMT -5 mominatrix said:

Sept 9, 2012 12:58:04 GMT -5 SmartyCat said:

Ditto. And I can't believe that any company would think it's a good idea to perpetuate this dynamic in any way. If anyone is in a position to stop the insanity, it's the workplace. Public schools have a mandate to educate all students; employers can and should hire and promote the candidate most likely to succeed in a position. Having a parent contact a prospective employer is a huge red flag that they don't think they've adequately prepared their child to negotiate adult life on their own behalf.

I can actually excuse a lot in terms of parent advocacy at the school level.

I don't think that there's any doubt that schools are underfunded, that there's a huge struggle for funding in the schools. In my (extremely limited) experience dealing with a public school system, I honestly believe that advocacy is absolutely necessary.


Example (not me, TYVM)... schools here have "walk zones" that mean that kids walk if they're less than a mile from the school. Busses are available for kids who are 2+ miles from the school. If you're between one and two miles from the school, maybe you're on a bus, maybe you're not.... a lot of those parents call and make a stink and their kids get on a bus. And I don't think that's a bad thing - 1 mile is enough for walking, particularly given that the busses around here never seem that crowded, and many of the one mile walks include scary un-maintained city-owned staircases.

I don't disagree - I've dealt with the Seattle school situation myself. But what's entirely age-appropriate advocation for an elementary or middle school student, some parents continue into their high school years . . .and college . . . and beyond. There's a fair amount of territory between a parent calling their 23 year-old's prospective employer to negotiate their salary and expecting a 5 year old to manage a mile-long walk alone on dodgy sidewalks.

[laurenpetro]

momin, i don't think they're talking about that, though. i'm pretty sure child safety is a unity horse, where getting preshus's grades changed is not.

[kcb]

My mom tried to call in for my sister's job when she was 17 (had to work on Thanksgiving) and that was such a shit storm when she tried to pull it on me a few years later I was able to nip it in the bud. And I was 16. I can't imagine having mommy call my boss when I'm 20ish.

[SmartyCat]

Sept 9, 2012 20:27:04 GMT -5 bronxgirl said:

My mother has often said that she wishes she could send out my brother's resume and drag him to interviews, but she never actually would because she knows that's completely inappropriate. She also happens to have been born in 1945. Apparently if she was born a year later she would be a baby boomer and handle things differently.

Apparently I didn't read the boomer manual properly. I'll cop to having one of DS's middle school teachers tell me "let him make his own mistakes, you can't follow him around and hold his pencil for him", but by high school he was negotiating with his teachers on his own. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, but it never would have occurred to me to contact his college, or worse, an employer. Actually it did occur to me for about 5 minutes one day because he worked for an absolute jerk, and if she and I are ever in a dark alley and I'm wearing pointy heels she'll get the worst of it. So - potential for assault, but no calls to the jerkface employer.

[ttt]

I honestly don't even think it would occur to my mom to call my employer for anything at all, short of an emergency where she couldn't get a hold of me.

[vanillacourage]

Druid, that is a weird example. If I just didn't come home one night and wasn't answering my phone, especially after I'd been out drinking, then yeah my family would be frantic. It's possible the dad was calling because the husband was dealing with the police.

In general though, yeah helicoptering has gotten out of control. If I ever got a call from a parent about general employment stuff I would be aghast. Do they really think they are helping?

[emilyj]

I have had parents of my college students contact me on behalf of their children. When that happens, I get down on my knees and thank all that is holy for FERPA (Federal Rights and Privacy Act) because it allows me to tell them that by virtue of federal law I can't speak with them about their child, but the student is more than welcome to come discuss their performance with me.

This never leaves a good impression on me of the students.

I wish these parents would take a step back and think how they would have felt if it was THEIR parent calling their professor/boss.

[Deleted]

I just don't buy the premise of this article that this type of behavior is common. No way. And I've known some busy body parents, but none who were that bad!

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2012 14:43:47 GMT -5 druidp said:

This article is about my mom to a T. The one time she had the GALL to call one of my employers in Wisconsin because I wasn't able to get Thanksgiving off to fly down to visit her, I apologized to my employer and told her if she ever tried that shit again she'd have to settle for phone calls for all holidays until I got over the embarrassment.

But that didn't stop her from doing this for my brother for the past 10 years. Calls to his employers, to people he was applying to to provider her "reference" unasked, etc. RIDICULOUS. I told her repeatedly how shaming it is to have someone's mommy call in on behalf of their preshus to upsell them for professional purposes, and did she really think someone would want to hire a guy whose mom might cold-call anytime he got a 2% vs. 3% annual raise?

Unfreakinbelievable.

OMG. Why would anyone even talk to her? My response would be "Madam, we are stricly forbidden from discussing employee's salaries with other people. Click"

[msmerymac]

Sept 9, 2012 20:50:19 GMT -5 SmartyCat said:

Sept 9, 2012 14:13:08 GMT -5 mominatrix said:

I can actually excuse a lot in terms of parent advocacy at the school level.

I don't think that there's any doubt that schools are underfunded, that there's a huge struggle for funding in the schools. In my (extremely limited) experience dealing with a public school system, I honestly believe that advocacy is absolutely necessary.


Example (not me, TYVM)... schools here have "walk zones" that mean that kids walk if they're less than a mile from the school. Busses are available for kids who are 2+ miles from the school. If you're between one and two miles from the school, maybe you're on a bus, maybe you're not.... a lot of those parents call and make a stink and their kids get on a bus. And I don't think that's a bad thing - 1 mile is enough for walking, particularly given that the busses around here never seem that crowded, and many of the one mile walks include scary un-maintained city-owned staircases.

I don't disagree - I've dealt with the Seattle school situation myself. But what's entirely age-appropriate advocation for an elementary or middle school student, some parents continue into their high school years . . .and college . . . and beyond. There's a fair amount of territory between a parent calling their 23 year-old's prospective employer to negotiate their salary and expecting a 5 year old to manage a mile-long walk alone on dodgy sidewalks.

I agree. When I was in 4th grade, if I got any part of my homework done before the end of the school day, I wouldn't write it down in my planner. The problem was, I would occasionally not write down something I had only done part of. I was a great student and could do the work. I was just spacey. My mom got in contact with my teacher and they came to a conclusion that I should have the teacher check my planner and initial it at the end of the day for a month. Then we would see how I was progressing. I was TEN. THAT was age-appropriate intervention. You don't tell a kid in young elementary school to "figure shit out" on their own. And it worked, and I became a lot more organized. I just had to work at it.

By the time your kid is in high school you need to at least start to cut the cord. My parents looked at my grades and correspondence from the school, and met my teachers at open house night, but negotiating extra credit or make-up work or whatever was up to me.

I would have been mortified if my parents had called anyone at my college, let alone an employer. I was embarrassed when my mom decided to start calling my work phone if I didn't pick up me cell - BECAUSE I WAS WORKING.