UPDATED: Well there goes surgery free 2017. Awesome.

[abcdefu]

I posted in the Sunday Randoms thread that my Pap smear came back abnormal. I had a colposcopy performed and just received the results. The biopsies came back as abnormal tissue which will turn into cervical cancer. I have to have a LEEP procedure which is done in the hospital.

I know I am lucky that I decided to catch up on my wellness visits because I last went to the gyno in 2013.

I know it could be better but it could be worse. I just feel defeated. I wanted this year to be surgery free, but it is what it is.

UPDATE: I went to the gyno-oncologist. I have been diagnosed with cervical carcinoma in situ, aka CIN3 or stage 0 cervical cancer. On one hand I feel absolutely defeated. I can't keep going through this shit. I know I am lucky to have caught it early, but seriously how much shit can one person take.

I was completely caught off guard because I honestly thought it was nothing. In the matter of minutes, I was given my diagnosis, and asked if I ever want to have children. I don't know if I can 1. get pregnant since my ex-h and I tried for 6 years and nothing and 2. if I can actually carry a child due to the tethered cord.

The G-O is running more tests because after speaking with my neurosurgeon, she doesn't want me to have a LEEP due to the lithotomy positioning. It could cause re-tethering of the spinal cord. If I have to have the un-tethering surgery again, there is an very high risk of being paralyzed and wheelchair bound.

Seriously, WTF!?   So my choices are:

A. Have the LEEP done and risk re-tethering and being paralyzed
B. Have a hysterectomy and have no chance of ever having children and subjecting myself to more surgery.
C. Take a chance that it won't progress. My G-O stated it wouldn't resolve on it's own because it would have done so already given the fact that it has been a while since I've had sex.

Sorry for the brain dump. I seriously can't believe I am in this situation...  

[reginaphalange72]

Hey! I'm a former SOer, and have't posted on GBCN much lately, but I wanted to send you some quick supportive words. I've had several LEEPs and they are really not bad at all. It's an in-and-out procedure. I've always had them done at my regular OB-GYN's office and can continue on with my normal day afterwards. I got really, really nervous and stressed out before my first one, but it's nothing to worry about (you're awake for it, feel nothing, and have minimal disruption to your day), and really not "surgery." You've got this!

And I'm sorry to hear you are feeling defeated. But you can do it!

[abcdefu]

Jan 12, 2017 13:31:14 GMT -5 reginaphalange72 said:

Hey! I'm a former SOer, and have't posted on GBCN much lately, but I wanted to send you some quick supportive words. I've had several LEEPs and they are really not bad at all. It's an in-and-out procedure. I've always had them done at my regular OB-GYN's office and can continue on with my normal day afterwards. I got really, really nervous and stressed out before my first one, but it's nothing to worry about (you're awake for it, feel nothing, and have minimal disruption to your day), and really not "surgery." You've got this!

And I'm sorry to hear you are feeling defeated. But you can do it!

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I will have to be admitted to the hospital due to unrelated medical issues, but it's great to know that the procedure is really nothing. Thank you again!

[reginaphalange72]

Jan 12, 2017 13:42:56 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Jan 12, 2017 13:31:14 GMT -5 reginaphalange72 said:

Hey! I'm a former SOer, and have't posted on GBCN much lately, but I wanted to send you some quick supportive words. I've had several LEEPs and they are really not bad at all. It's an in-and-out procedure. I've always had them done at my regular OB-GYN's office and can continue on with my normal day afterwards. I got really, really nervous and stressed out before my first one, but it's nothing to worry about (you're awake for it, feel nothing, and have minimal disruption to your day), and really not "surgery." You've got this!

And I'm sorry to hear you are feeling defeated. But you can do it!

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I will have to be admitted to the hospital due to unrelated medical issues, but it's great to know that the procedure is really nothing. Thank you again!

You're welcome!  You've got this!

[Linie]

I also had a LEEP 16 years ago. I was scared and nervous, but it was really nothing. I only had a local anesthetic and it burned a little, but nothing more. I was more bothered by the "no sex for 6 weeks" than by the procedure.
Since then, no more abnormal paps. I get checked yearly (first 3 years every 6 months), and I still get nervous waiting for the result, but it's all good now (touch wood).

Good luck!

[abcdefu]

Jan 13, 2017 5:25:45 GMT -5 Linie said:

I also had a LEEP 16 years ago. I was scared and nervous, but it was really nothing. I only had a local anesthetic and it burned a little, but nothing more. I was more bothered by the "no sex for 6 weeks" than by the procedure.
Since then, no more abnormal paps. I get checked yearly (first 3 years every 6 months), and I still get nervous waiting for the result, but it's all good now (touch wood).

Good luck!

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am feeling much better about it now. I posted from the doctor parking lot, so I was ugly crying and upset. I am on staycation until Wednesday and have my consult with the Dr. on Monday. My mom took me out to lunch yesterday and we spent the rest of the day doing stuff, which kept my mind off of it.

I honestly think I am more bothered by the fact that I didn't want any procedures this year. I was determined. Then less than 2 weeks into 2017, I get this news. I am feeling more relieved by the fact that it was caught before it became cancerous.

Thanks again ladies! You guys are the best!

[reginaphalange72]

I'm glad you're feeling better! This is just a small bump in your 2017. Maybe not quite what you had planned, but it (and you) will be totally okay. (heart)

[glynn]

I had this done several years ago. It was not a bug deal, you got this!

[Deleted]

I had this done years ago too (I think I was 21 or 22?). It was seriously no big deal and barely even hurt - I think I was a bit crampy later that day, but that was it. And I've had no problems since.

I know it's one more thing on your long list of crap you've had to deal with, so I completely understand why it's upsetting. But, thankfully, this one is like a paper cut compared to a lot of other things, so I hope you can take comfort in that. Hopefully this is your big health issue this year since this one is easy! You got it out of the way early

[abcdefu]

Jan 13, 2017 12:11:39 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I had this done years ago too (I think I was 21 or 22?). It was seriously no big deal and barely even hurt - I think I was a bit crampy later that day, but that was it. And I've had no problems since.

I know it's one more thing on your long list of crap you've had to deal with, so I completely understand why it's upsetting. But, thankfully, this one is like a paper cut compared to a lot of other things, so I hope you can take comfort in that. Hopefully this is your big health issue this year since this one is easy! You got it out of the way early

And will probably meet my deductible in January! Positive thinking!

Thank you again everyone! It is much appreciated!

[bg]

Sending you support! And I agree with the others who have had the procedure... it's really not that terrible.

[jenstar]

I'm sorry abcdefu, that is annoying! I have heard it's pretty straightforward, so hopefully just a blip on the radar of 2017. I bet by December you'll have forgotten about it completely! x

[ohyouknow]

So for those of you that had LEEPS and didn't feel much, what anesthesia or pills did you get? I had one about 20 years ago and it was the most painful thing I've ever had done. The nurse held me down while I cried and wiggled.
I know there was a lot of judgment about premarital sex in my small rural town, the doctor was an ass to me and made comments, but I never knew that it was supposed to have been medicated.

[reginaphalange72]

ohyouknow - That's nuts! I'm so sorry you had an experience like that.

I had no anesthesia or pills (just 600 mg of ibuprofen about an hour beforehand, if I remember correctly). My GYN applied a local anesthetic to my cervix and just did the procedure right then. I felt nothing and had no pain whatsoever. She's also a frickin' wizard. I don't feel anything for paps, colpos, or when she inserted my IUD, so my experience may be a little more comfortable than normal.

Got up and walked out myself and went back to work for the rest of the day.

[abcdefu]

Jan 15, 2017 16:20:23 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I had a LEEP in 2004, it was done in the OR, but was like 15 minutes. I'd say it's more or a procedure than a srugery. Super easy, there's no incisions or anything. Easy recovery! I just felt hungover for a few days from the anesthesia. Good luck!

This is what my friend said, so I am going with it! It will still be a surgery free seventeen!

ohyouknow :    I understand the feeling. When I had my colpo, I was in so much pain because of the multiple biopsies I'm assuming. I had horrible cramps for days and had to leave work early. I'm also nervous about the positioning during the surgery, since I have tethered spinal cord. Luckily, I will see the OBGYN today and my neurosurgeon tomorrow. It just so happened to work out that way since I've had the neurosurgeon appointment before getting the Pap.

At least I know from prior experience, that you wonderful ladies will keep me company while in the hospital! 

[winecat]

Lots of juju for a healthy cervix!

[Deleted]

Hugs!

[abcdefu]

UPDATE: I went to my appointment on Monday to meet with the OBGYN, since I usually see the nurse practitioner. The office lost my freaking medical/surgical/medications sheet that I type and give to all my doctors. I really did not care for the doctor either. I told him that the positioning for the procedure causes my tethered cord to be set off, which is EXACTLY what happened when I had a procedure in 2013 that utilized the same positioning. He kept saying, "well it's only for 15-20 minutes." DUDE! WHAT PART ARE YOU NOT GETTING??? I told my mom I did not like him. His bedside manner was non-exisitent. My mom said he was really good and was the doctor who delivered my sister 26 years ago. I was not happy, but said okay.

The next day I was driving to my neurosurgeon appointment and the doctor's nurse called me and said that the doctor does not feel comfortable performing the procedure on me so I need to be referred to one of the city hospitals. So now I have to get my chart and start all over with the consults and such!

I am glad that he finally admitted he would not feel comfortable instead of taking a chance on hurting me.


In better news, I saw my neurosurgeon for a follow up yesterday. While I still have pain, he was really happen with my overall progress. I am cleared to do modified activities, such as yoga and walking for exercise. He just cautioned not to go to a class because he doesn't want me to feel pushed or doesn't want me to feel bad when I can't do something.

I am at my current maximum improvement and he was very happy with my progress from PT.

It has been a roller coaster of a mini staycation. Today is my first day back and I'm sure I will have lots to catch up on to take my mind off everything else!

[bl]

So glad you're making some progress and the one dr didn't move forward with something that could have been harmful to you.

[redshoejune]

I hope your new doctor is amazing and I'm glad you're feeling better about things.

[mrsjuleshs]

My doctor wants me to have this done. She only does it in the hospital. It was late notice, no one to take me, and they want $3500! I cancelled that and now I am trying to get in to see the only doctor in that practice who will do it in office.

[abcdefu]

Jan 23, 2017 15:23:33 GMT -5 mrsjuleshs said:

My doctor wants me to have this done. She only does it in the hospital. It was late notice, no one to take me, and they want $3500! I cancelled that and now I am trying to get in to see the only doctor in that practice who will do it in office.

Holy hell! They never offered for me to have it done in the office. It was a surgical center or hospital.

In more positive news, I went to my friend's wedding this past weekend and it was exactly what I needed! I have not had a night out like that with so many friends in a long time. It took my mind off all this crap!

[abcdefu]

Update in OP.

[abcdefu]

Feb 5, 2017 11:45:08 GMT -5 turdferguson said:

I didn't want to read and not reply. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think just take your time making your decision. Talk to your doctor. Maybe look for some online supper groups? Whichever decision you end up making will be right for you. Just know that you have gone through things that most people couldn't handle and have come out successful and you will do it with this. Sending you healing through and peace with your decision.

Thank you so much for your kind words. You are so right about my fighting capabilities. It just sucks to have my mind set that 2017 was going to be my healthy year, but it's already a nightmare.

I always pictured myself with a family including children. Knowing this will most likely never happen for me hurts so much. My emotions are all over the place. Anger, sad, frustration, oddly enough, grateful I caught it early due to trying to catch up with my wellness visits. I know I will get through this; it just stings.

[thedutchgirl]

I'm so sorry that you've received this news. If you have a hysterectomy, could you freeze eggs to potentially use a surrogate? And even if not, you can still have a family! But I'm sorry it might not be the way you'd pictured. Hugs to you.

[abcdefu]

Feb 5, 2017 13:52:43 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

I'm so sorry that you've received this news. If you have a hysterectomy, could you freeze eggs to potentially use a surrogate? And even if not, you can still have a family! But I'm sorry it might not be the way you'd pictured. Hugs to you.

Thank you! I know that things don't always work according to plans. I thought about egg preservation, but I need to talk to a doctor to see the chances of passing on spina bífida onto a child. I'm just frustrated that everything is just so damn complicated.

[reginaphalange72]

turdferguson and thedutchgirl already touched on both the things I wanted to say, so I just wanted to send you some hugs and good thoughts. Whatever you decide, it will be okay. Would it be worth doing the egg retrieval/freezing now just in case and you can always talk with your doctor some more later about the possibility of passing that on? Or is that not something you would want to do at all if there is a risk?

No matter what you choose, I wish you peace with your decision and a speedy recovery. (heart)

[Deleted]

((abcdefu))  I'm sorry my friend.  You don't deserve to go through this. You've been through a lot and I know this is another hurdle.  You're incredibly strong and I know you're thankful that it was discovered early.  If you need an ear to listen, I'm here.  Sending you T&Ps.  

[abcdefu]

Feb 5, 2017 19:18:39 GMT -5 reginaphalange72 said:

turdferguson and thedutchgirl already touched on both the things I wanted to say, so I just wanted to send you some hugs and good thoughts. Whatever you decide, it will be okay. Would it be worth doing the egg retrieval/freezing now just in case and you can always talk with your doctor some more later about the possibility of passing that on? Or is that not something you would want to do at all if there is a risk?

No matter what you choose, I wish you peace with your decision and a speedy recovery. (heart)

Thanks ladies. I think I'm going to make an appointment with the SB clinic and discuss my concerns with regard to getting pregnant. I just need sort all of this out and having all my SB doctors would be the best starting point.

I seriously can't believe this is my life.

[abcdefu]

Thank you @blueyes623 ! I really appreciate that! (heart)