Post by oneslybookworm on Mar 8, 2017 12:07:41 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I knew going in that this was going to be hard, and I know that she is facing even more difficulties as the days go on. And I know pregnancy isn't any easier in a lot of ways, but right now I'm just so damn exhausted.
Thanks everyone. I knew going in that this was going to be hard, and I know that she is facing even more difficulties as the days go on. And I know pregnancy isn't any easier in a lot of ways, but right now I'm just so damn exhausted.
I will seriously punch anyone who tries to tell you that what you're going through isn't harder than (or at least as hard as) pregnancy. And I'm someone who had very, very difficult pregnancies.
Post by oneslybookworm on Mar 8, 2017 13:26:05 GMT -5
loira, I'll keep you in my corner!!! Yeah, no one has really SAID it outright, but there have been hints here and there. I'm pretty selective in who I complain to. LOL
*cracks knuckles* I'm with loira . Just because your situation is slightly different does not mean it is any easier oneslybookworm . Shame on any who tries to make you think differently. I really admire your strength going through all of this.
Post by Chrysanthemum on Mar 8, 2017 13:56:37 GMT -5
((( oneslybookworm))) You're one tough woman and I hope this is just a bump in the road and nothing more. So happy to hear your daughter continues to do so well thoseareradishes! Continued vibes for your sweet girl. GL tomorrow awkwardpenguin!
C is 9 weeks old this week. Heh's smiling and kinda giggling and playing with us, he's so much fun! He also officially slept through the night for the first time. He's such a good and happy baby! I have just under 4 weeks of maternity leave left. In some ways, I'm ready to go back to work and in other ways I can't imagine being away from I him for so long. I also can't imagine wearing real clothes...there's nothing worse than a shopping spree...because your ass doesn't fit in any real pants. Any advice??
Chrysanthemum dresses. Pants are the enemy. I'm already wearing dresses 3 days a week and I'm only 9 weeks. I'm not sure how much longer my work pants will last.
oneslybookworm, I truly think this is emotionally way harder for you as you are not physically there getting the play by play. We all have a lot of complaints and fears, etc, but we can at least call our doctors and ask. You don't even know where your birth mom is--it is such a mind fuck.
thoseareradishes, So glad E is stable. oneslybookworm, I can't imagine the anxiety. My little sister from sorority did foster to adopt and while they got the baby right away her problem was the final adoption. It took a few court hearings and they kept pushing it back and she finally adopted him at 2.5 years. She said she'd never do it again.....but 3 weeks ago they just got a newborn baby girl and are doing it all over again :-) She says she was a wreck for all 2.5 years but it's the best thing she's ever done so hang in there!
My nurse wrote me today just to check in on us. We were dismissed 4 weeks ago so it's really nice that shes still checking on us. I miss my clinic A LOT!
awkwardpenguin, I'm glad you popped in. I was wondering how you were doing!
Just got home from my 37 w appt. Not dilated, but 50% effaced and baby is low and head down. She thinks I'll still be pregnant for my appt next Wednesday, but said she's not placing any bets on if I'll make it to the induction date of the 23rd.
Post by cherryvalance on Mar 8, 2017 20:08:23 GMT -5
Also, am I broken or is this just PGAIF? (I am okay with either answer, lol). I keep seeing things about birth plans and what one wants to go down during delivery and OMG which doctor will be there, and I just genuinely don't care. Barring a medical emergency for baby boy or me, I pretty much will take anything. Should I care about this more, or be reading/learning more?
Chrysanthemum I wore my maternity jeans for at least 9 months post pregnancy (side panels). I did buy a few pairs of non maternity pants at 12 weeks for cold weather. Otherwise I swear by getting ponte dresses on clearance from Lands End. (A year after birth and I'm still not to pre-preg weight, but I haven't made an honest effort to lose the weight.)
cherryvalance don't borrow worry. If you don't care, you don't care. I had a scheduled c-section but I still had things I cared about (skin to skin while being stitched, nursing as soon as possible). In the end I had to be sedated because I couldn't stop puking. I was a little bummed about it even though I was 1000000xs grateful to just 'have' her! Different strokes for different folks. You'll have plenty other things to focus on
cherryvalance , I told the nurse at the labor and delivery class that my birth plan was to have a healthy baby and be healthy myself. I believe my actual quote was "Get the baby out in one piece". She didn't laugh, though a few of the other couples did. Other than that, that's it. I'm not creating a official birth plan.
Now I do prefer two OBs to the other two in my practice, so when told to pick an induction date, I did inquire as to who was on call then. But I realize that if the baby shows before then it's the luck of the draw and I'm not going to flip out about it. (The one doctor I met once for 10 minutes. The other doctor just did care for. The two I prefer I've seen pretty much every week or every other week since Thanksgiving?)
Also, am I broken or is this just PGAIF? (I am okay with either answer, lol). I keep seeing things about birth plans and what one wants to go down during delivery and OMG which doctor will be there, and I just genuinely don't care. Barring a medical emergency for baby boy or me, I pretty much will take anything. Should I care about this more, or be reading/learning more?
My entire birth plan consisted of "give me my baby". Okay, I had an elective c-section, but that was part of it too (although if I hadn't had the loss trauma I wouldn't have bothered to ask for one). I didn't get to do skin to skin in the OR but we did attempt to BF in recovery. Looking back I wish I had been brave enough to have a gentle c-section like boiler717, but all in all I don't have any regrets.
Post by cherryvalance on Mar 9, 2017 5:41:49 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. I feel like my basic thing is, "Do I get this baby? Is he coming home with us? Then I'm good." I mean, I'd prefer not to need surgery, etc, but I haven't even considered so many other things. I feel like it's so up in the air, you know? Plus, I am only 19 weeks, so it's early days.
Thanks, guys. I feel like my basic thing is, "Do I get this baby? Is he coming home with us? Then I'm good." I mean, I'd prefer not to need surgery, etc, but I haven't even considered so many other things. I feel like it's so up in the air, you know? Plus, I am only 19 weeks, so it's early days.
I had hoped for a med free vaginal birth but my birth plan was "what's the safest way to get my baby in my arms." I am glad I had a scheduled c-section.
cherryvalance , I had a c section with my son, and afterwards I spent a long time debating if I wanted to go VBAC for the next. Then IF happened, and miscarriages happened. It totally changed what mattered to me. I have a really crunchy, natural birth friend who was telling me all the cons of c-sections and telling me the doctor she knows who would be a great advocate for a VBAC. I told her that after everything I've been through, I just don't even care anymore how the baby comes out. It seems so small in the grand scheme of things. The things I care about - that there actually IS a baby, born alive and healthy.
ETA I should say I understand the desire for all these other birth plan goals, but for me personally, they don't mean much to me anymore.
cherryvalance , I had no birth plan either. I wanted a healthy baby/healthy mom at the end and that was about it. Other than that, my only plan was to hold off as long as possible on getting the epidural because I was terrified of a giant needle in my spine. lol Which I succeeded in doing but only because I progressed extremely fast at the end and there was no time for it despite me begging for one.
As for who actually delivers my baby, I only care in as much as I want whoever it is that cut me open to tell me directly how things look with respect to the possibility of another pregnancy. My actual OB delivered me the first time, and I never saw her again. The NP did my 6 weeks checkup and couldn't tell me anything about my section or anything. I've changed doctors this time and it's important to me to hear from whoever does it, after everything is over.
Thanks, guys. I feel like my basic thing is, "Do I get this baby? Is he coming home with us? Then I'm good." I mean, I'd prefer not to need surgery, etc, but I haven't even considered so many other things. I feel like it's so up in the air, you know? Plus, I am only 19 weeks, so it's early days.
I'm with you. My H always teases me because I am so controlling and OCD about everything else (though I am getting a lot better!) but with pregnancy I have no birth plan other than healthy baby, healthy mama. I would like to try without an epi but I am totally open to it. If this placenta previa doesn't go away and I need a C-section, so be it. I just want everyone healthy.
Also, am I broken or is this just PGAIF? (I am okay with either answer, lol). I keep seeing things about birth plans and what one wants to go down during delivery and OMG which doctor will be there, and I just genuinely don't care. Barring a medical emergency for baby boy or me, I pretty much will take anything. Should I care about this more, or be reading/learning more?
Honestly, I wish people cared less about birth plans. My birth plan was: healthy mom and healthy baby, and I want an epidural. I think it's fine to have preferences, I know I did, but I've also cared for patients who were heartbroken that their baby's birth didn't follow the plan exactly. I just wish people would have realistic expectations.
shauni27 , our EM has placenta previa as well...I hope to hear soon if it has moved yet. hang in there!
I instantly thought of you, actually! I am really not worried. I will have another ultrasound in 8-9 weeks (yay!) to see if it has moved and if not then we will schedule the C section or another ultrasound.
The only thing that I would be worried about is if it DOESN'T go away (rare) then I might have to go on bed rest (boo!) But whatever it takes!
shauni27 , our EM has placenta previa as well...I hope to hear soon if it has moved yet. hang in there!
I instantly thought of you, actually! I am really not worried. I will have another ultrasound in 8-9 weeks (yay!) to see if it has moved and if not then we will schedule the C section or another ultrasound.
The only thing that I would be worried about is if it DOESN'T go away (rare) then I might have to go on bed rest (boo!) But whatever it takes!
From what the OB told me and what our EM has passed along, you only really go on bedrest if bleeding becomes an issue. Right now, she's on a "don't do a ton of strenuous stuff and no sex" type of rest, but otherwise...she's pretty much living life normally.
I'm feeling really hormonal and need to vent. This might get long.
We kept our pregnancy very quiet for a long time. We didn't tell our parents until we were 10 weeks. My sister and BFF knew from the day I found out (my BFF was with me when I did the transfer as H couldn't go), and then right after we told our parents I told a handful (like 4) VERY close girlfriends who all knew we were doing IVF. These are girls who were right there for me during my loss and who I see regularly or speak to on a weekly basis. BFFs for 20+ years.
We did not tell our extended family, despite being pretty close to them. We were feeling vulnerable and scared of a loss and my family has a thing about communication and I know if we told them, they would want to talk about it constantly, and I was too scared to do that. It had nothing to do with not loving them or wanting them to know, I just wanted to keep it close to my heart because I felt vulnerable.
We finally told our family last week with our good ultrasound results. We were just about 20 weeks. I first called my closest cousin (K), who did help us financially during IVF, to tell her first. We are pretty close, though not BFF status, and I wanted her to know before the rest of the family. I told her no one knew yet, just my sister. It was a white lie--I assumed (obviously incorrectly) that my parents knew. There is no point in telling anyone that a couple of close friends knew, that would just cause unnecessary hurt.
SO, when we told family, my aunt (B), mother of said cousin, and my closest aunt for sure--she helped raise me--literally did not acknowledge it. We had dinner with them for my birthday that night and she did not once say a single thing about the pregnancy, which is weird. As I said, we are an open family that over-communicates. We talk about everything. I thought it was weird so I asked my mom about it and she told me that aunt B was hurt that I "lied" to her. She had asked me multiple times over the last few months what our pregnancy steps were and when we would do IVF again. I told her when she asked that we would make a decision in the spring. So she told my mother that she was upset we didn't tell her sooner essentially.
Today, I got a text from K asking why all of our friends knew and the family was the last to know. She asked why I lied when I told her only my sister knew. I explained we told our parents and my sister and my BFF right away and everyone else found out when the family did. She responded with "why did you tell us last?"
Other than internet strangers and our healthcare providers and my boss (people that I do not really "count" as I had to tell them/I don't actually KNOW you guys) no one else knew. But somehow my family thinks everyone knew and is really upset.
I am crying in my cubicle. This is supposed to be the most exciting time of my life. This took four years, 30K and a tragic loss. Instead of just being happy for us they are mad that we didn't tell them ASAP. This is MY life, MY prerogative. I love my family and want them to be involved and wish them all wonderful things. Why are they acting this way?
oh shauni27, I'm so sorry. That's tough. You are so excited to share the news when YOU are ready and they get all selfish. Not fair.
You did what was right and comfortable for you and H. You did nothing wrong.
My dad made a comment last pregnancy that he "forgave me" for not telling him right away. Um...excuse me? I don't owe you a damn thing. I try to look at is as they are excited and they just wanted to celebrate with you.
People asking why you lied?!?! I'm getting ragey over here. Shame on them for not being an adult about this. I am always amazed at how hard others find it to put themselves in someone elses shoes. Hugs.
Post by oneslybookworm on Mar 9, 2017 12:02:24 GMT -5
UGH, huge hugs shauni27. If your family is giving you grief, then that's shame on them, not you.
HOnestly, and this is me being an UBER bitch, but I'd straight up call or text every day with my latest symptom. "Well, I have a lot of cervical mucus flowing right now...sort of slippery and clear. I'll be sure to update if anything changes today." But...I'm an angry individual like that.
UGH, huge hugs shauni27 . If your family is giving you grief, then that's shame on them, not you.
HOnestly, and this is me being an UBER bitch, but I'd straight up call or text every day with my latest symptom. "Well, I have a lot of cervical mucus flowing right now...sort of slippery and clear. I'll be sure to update if anything changes today." But...I'm an angry individual like that.
omg YES haha. They are being passive aggressive, I can play that game too!
Maybe I will keep that in my back pocket. I drafted an email that I am sending to ALL family members on that side of the family, to kind of call them out. I sent it to my sister and BFF first so they can review and then I will send out. If they all say they want me to be more open I might send those texts, haha. Or maybe a group email!
Shauni's pregnancy update, week 20, day 4: gerren and I tried sex today. IT was tough. Lots of cervical mucus and I was unable to poop again. I ate XYZ and took a prenatal. Went to bed at 10 pm.
OMG, I'm so angry for you shauni27! How DARE they make this about them! After everything you've been through of course you felt vulnerable. I'm sorry your family is being so selfish. You owed them nothing. I hope the email makes them feel shameful about their behavior.