I'm really really sorry. When this was happening with my mom I so desperately did not want to know...ah, let me not go there
My really roundabout estimate is 2 weeks, the hospice provided a pamphlet that gave some guidelines and markers but I barely could read that as it was happening but in hindsight it's accurate
how does knowing the timeline help you/DH? (that keeps sounding bad no matter how I type it)...are you trying to time a visit?
No you do not sound like an asshole. Don't cancel your plans, just don't...life goes on.
Hospice doesn't usually officially opine on time line. It will be in their notes, partly because you have to chart evidence of decline to get paid.
But, without being there, from my experience in both family (mom, mil, gramma) and hospice internship, I'd say it's imminent. Ftr I was within hours for my gramma and a couple days for mil, but I had pts that lasted way beyond what was expected.
It sounds like everyone has had time to prepare to whatever degree they can handle. So probably at this point reinforcing just not forcing food or fluid (like you don't with an infant. Same concept. The body knows what it needs) and supporting whatever help people need.
First, I just want to say how sorry I am to hear this. My gram took a similar path nearing the end of her life. The hospice nurses were truly amazing people who made an unbelievably hard situation easier and more than what they did for my mom and her brothers, what they did for my Gram was incredible. I think for my Gram it was about a week between losing her speech and then eating that she passed. She also waited until my uncle, her youngest, was not with her. I truly believe she held on until he left knowing just how hard it would have been for him.
Post by followyourarrow on May 18, 2017 15:59:36 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I've seen it be 2-3 days up to 2 weeks. It just depends on the person. I'd continue with your plans. It's not wrong or being a jerk to keep on keeping on and I'd be surprised if your relatives would want that.
Based on personal experience with both my grandmother and my mother: Grandma lasted 8 days without food or fluids (she was almost 94 and her poor old body just shut down); Mom lasted seven days.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by chickadee77 on May 18, 2017 16:42:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry.
No experience with this particular condition, but my FIL lasted six weeks with in-home hospice care and no food. I think he may have gotten IV fluids, though.
Post by sparkythelawyer on May 18, 2017 17:36:57 GMT -5
I remember the hospice nurse coming to see Mom around that time and saying "It won't be today." She wasn't eating or drinking at that point. It ended up being "today," while my Dad ran to the bathroom, my Aunt was putting away a load of towels, and my sister and I were at the grocery store. There is no rhyme or reason to it. They go when they're ready to go.
I'm so sorry, friend. He sounds like he is a great person who has lived a heck of a life.
Post by RoxMonster on May 18, 2017 18:12:25 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry.
My FIL died three years ago from a glioblastoma. We got the call on a Sunday night that he would pass within 24 hours so we rushed up the next day. He was also not eating/drinking, not really awake, etc. He ended up passing away in the early morning hours of Wed. So it was about three days since we received the call, but he had not been eating/drinking since maybe....Saturday morning or Friday night?
I'm so very sorry. My Aunt Dolly was like this for what seems like 2ish weeks, rallied, they sent her home (Her son and DIL had already gotten rid of her cats and sold almost all of her stuff )and then maybe a week later she passed. i would not cancel your plans, honestly. I agree with PP that said it seems like he would not want that from what you have posted here (wanting to say goodbye before this stage, etc.) I will keep your fam in my thoughts.