Open Letters!

[mommyatty]

Dear Family:

I spent the last two days working like a dog cleaning up the playroom. If I come home from work today to chaos, I cannot be held responsible for my actions. 

Signed: Already Planning an Insanity Defense

Dear Kids:

I'm sorry I'm missing your parade today. I'm even more sorry that the employee I came in to shepherd is out sick again. Damn it. 

Love, Guilty Working Mom

Dear Employee:

If your doctor let you know on MONDAY that you needed to do a 6 hour procedure TODAY, why in hell did you email me at 11:00 last night to tell me? What the actual fuck, dude? Did we not just spend most of Friday talking about how our ability to work with you through your illness would depend on good communication? Especially about changes in your schedule and availability?

Gah! Your Second Line Supervisor Who You Are Making Look Like A Chump

[rere]

Dear vacation,

So far you are great. Clear water, nice fireworks show, awesome sleep, now coffee on the balcony and a walk. Keep it up.

Dear Contractor,

Please be done. You don't have that much more to do. I can't take the chaos any more. I just want to enjoy my house in peace.

Signed, if I had the money, I'd stay here until my house was finished.

[erinshelley21]

Dear Keurig,
Either take away the ability to brew a cup of coffee without a cup ready to go or make the drip tray bigger so that it holds an entire cup of coffee.
Signed, the tired mom who had a big mess to clean up this morning even though it was her second cup that made the mess

[2chatter]

mommyatty - I discovered that DH throws anything he doesn't want to put away into the playroom closet. Lego boxes, FIL's baseball cap, Starbucks bags, bags of toys from vacation that he "put away". I'm on the brink of rage every time I think about it. I also threw away two bags of legit trash. So annoyed. It's a giant walk in, so he filled it. I understand now why the kids have all been complaining and swearing it isn't them.

Dear Work,
I have been clear about where a peer fails. I know others have, too. I think I want to offer to take alllll his work if you just get rid of him. It will be more work, but not much more, to do things right and if I keep his staff I can crack the whip - they are BIGTIME slackers compared to their peers on my team. My team has noticed. Please be open to giving me what I want OR resolving the issue?? It's been TWO YEARS of this stupidity.
Signed - you know who

[mustardseed2007]

Dear DH,

OMG. I'm never watching your brother's dog again. I have no idea when or how the dog got a cut behind her ear and receiving a text at midnight from his wife with a picture of the cut and a "do you know what happened, we are taking her to the Emergency Vet" is still all I can think about.

Never. Again. Although probably they won't ask us. And yes we're paying the damn vet bill.

Signed,
Never never never

Dear DD,

I'm sorry you didn't want to go into day care today. Here's hoping you've settled in by now. I think we're all having a rough morning.

Signed,
Your mom who'd rather be at home today with you too

[twinmomma]

Dear DH,
What is with the shitty, antisocial attitude that over takes you when we go to my parents' house? You spent our entire vacation in silence. You sat on the beach with you hat over your face, earphones in, and never once watched the children or interacted with anyone at any of the multiple cookouts we went to. You didn't even speak to me. The only time you engaged with our kids was when you were making them shriek in the house while throwing them onto my mom's nice couch. It's really embarrassing behavior. Can you get your shit together or just stay home? Do you want my extended family to think you're an asshole?
Signed,
Aggravated wife

Dear work,
I'm technically still on vacation today and I'm hours away. If you need me to come in today, tell me now so we can get on the road!
Signed,
Employee who needs an answer

[k3am]

Dear clients, prospects, and work,

Can you please get your shit together and go easy on me for at least the next week? Seriously. I would really appreciate it.

Signed,
The wench you work with.

[mellym]

Dear MIL,

Not okay to only give us 5 minutes notice at 6:30pm on the 4th that you're coming over before showing up in our driveway. We had a long day at the beach and just got home so were in the middle of unpacking and the kids were in the bath. Yes, you can go see them in the bathtub but really, what were you expecting!?

Dear Preschool camp teacher,

How do you not know that you're going on a field trip to the pool today!? You made DD1 really sad and made for a hard drop off. Get your schedule figured out!
Mom who wants to help you organize

[billie]

mustardseed2007 wow, that's crazy! And they think you're responsible? So weird

twinmomma 's H what is wrong with you??

[billie]

Dear SpongeBob play doh kit,

Thanks for entertaining my kid all morning. School vacations are hard for mom!

Dear weather,

It's way too cold! We're supposed to go to the beach in two weeks and I don't want to freeze my butt off. Get it together!

Signed,

Want to enjoy the last few weeks of mat leave

[mustardseed2007]

billie, It's hard to say exactly what they think. I think they believe it happened when the dog was with us, but apparently this morning DH's brother refused to tell him how much the vet bill was. These are people that normally get upset really easy and don't let stuff go ever, so even if they are acting like they are fine I don't really trust it.

[saraml13]

Dear Mom and Dad,
I was annoyed that you repeatedly ignored my input on eating dinner early when the boys and I were at your cabin this weekend. But I guess it worked out ok, because I'm pretty sure the reason the boys and I escape food poisoning while you, sister, and BIL were all struck down was that I barely got to eat any dinner on Sunday night before DS2 melted down and needed to be put to bed, and DS1 filled up on so many snacks that he didn't eat much dinner.

Signed,
Dodged that bullet

Dear DH,
You were gone 4 days for a bachelor party, and I solo parented (with some help from grandparents) like a champ. You said you missed us, but then within 24 hours of being home you were trying to ship DS2 off to grandparents to get him out of your hair. Can you man up and parent a little?

Signed,
Not impressed.

[traveltheworld]

Dear ILs,

I really appreciated the fact that you took the kids for the afternoon so that I could organize. I really do. But could you not let them nap till 5:30? There were up till 11 last night.

Signed,
Very tired DIL

Dear dear friend of our's,

Your estranged wife is an a**hole. I don't care what happened between the two of you, but the fact that she can't be bothered to interact with her own children is unacceptable. When people show you who they truly are, believe them.

Signed,
Frustrated friend who really wants you to see the light and move on

[saraml13]

Dear pregnant sister,
It's really cute that you think LO is going to be on a schedule and STTN (and stay STTN) at six weeks because you are reading a book.

Signed,
I will try not say "I told you so"

[186momx]

Dear new sitter who we were supposed to start going to on Monday
You are fired and I want my money back. She asked me to pay a spot fee and July tuition 2 weeks ago which I did. Then a week later sent me a text letting me know which vacation days she was taking in July as she gives 2 weeks notice. So DD was to go M/Tu/Th starting the 10th. She is taking vacation the 17/18. I get a text Monday at 3:30 stating she lost her lease and her last day of providing daycare is July 28. DD hasn't even started and she is giving me notice.
I'm not being a bitch for wanting my money back...it is just good business practice especially when DD hasn't started.
Super Stressed WM

Dear DD
I'm really sorry but this summer is going to turn into a cluster fuck. I have you on the wait list for July's gymnastics camp and have you enrolled in Augusts camp. I'm sorry you are going to have a different sitter each day while mommy works but hopefully things become less crazy soon.
PS I promise next summer I will just sign you up for camps.
Mommy

[saraml13]

Apparently I have a lot of letters to write this morning.

Dear Target,
I am trying to give you my money. I keep having trouble logging into my account all of the sudden, and tried resetting my password multiple times. I feel like your website technology is a decade out of date. It's really weird that on the advice of your customer service I was able to log in on my phone, but still can't log in on my desk top computer. And no, getting me logged on via my phone doesn't really solve the problem. I'll checkout the items currently in my cart on my phone, but I really find it easier to browse and shop on the computer. I can tell the support person really just wanted me to complete my purchase and get rid of me when his advice was to wait 24 hours and then try logging in on the computer again.

Signed,
Annoyed customer who spends way too much money with you

[2chatter]

mustardseed2007 - wow. I take it these people don't have kids? If or when they do I would never, ever babysit for them! My humans don't see the doctor for cuts....

[mae0111]

Dear DH's boss -
You're a d!ck. You dropped that bomb that you've rescinded the offer for ownership over the holiday weekend, and you've not tried to reach out to DH to explain yourself. It's not like this is a huge company - there's only 5 people. You can't avoid this forever. DH considered you a friend. That was his mistake.
DH's wife

Dear DH's coworker -
I'm going to try really, really hard not to make a scene at your wedding, but if the Bossman tries to speak to me, I'm going to punch him in the throat.
Congratulations on your marriage!
DH's wife

Dear Former Coworkers -
Sorry you're still stuck in that place. Hopefully your exit strategies come together soon
Signed,
Friend and former coworker.

[judyblume14]

Dear H,
You're being a real trooper handling your crazy mutated poison ivy weird shit all over you. I know you're uncomfortable and in pain, and you're really sucking it up. Thanks! I'm trying to be extra nice to you Also, thanks for hanging inside with the baby yesterday so I could get in some QT with our big girl.
Love,
Your sleep deprived wife who will NOT talk about being tired for a while, since I noticed you writhe and toss and turn in pain all night for the past few nights

DD2,
You absolutely made my day yesterday when you tried pureed butternut squash for the first time and after your second bite kept ripping my spoon out of my hand and stuffing it in your mouth. You are so cute I can't even stand it.
Love,
Mommy who hopes this leads to a life of non-picky eating

DD1,
Thanks for humoring me on my "run" yesterday and having fun in the stroller. I had a blast playing in the pool with you, too. Sometimes, you just seem so grown up! Especially now that you've transitioned to calling us "Mom" and "Dad" instead of "Mommy" and "Daddy." Sigh.
However, other times, you act such a baby it drives me fucking nuts. NO. No you can't have cupcakes for breakfast. You know this. You needn't throw a tantrum over it. No, you can't take all of your stuffed animals to daycare. Please don't turn into a wet noodle and collapse on the floor over this in the morning when we're already running 45 minutes because of the dozen other ridiculous things you've decided to cry over today.
Love,
Your Frustrated "Mom"

PS- your new phrase "I'm frustrated because you're yelling at me" breaks my heart. I don't like yelling at you. I also don't like you acting like a lunatic.

[186momx]

Dear DD
I'm telling everyone how mellow and easy you are to watch in hopes of enticing a couple different high school girls to watch you. Auntie T calling and telling me you have done nothing but back talk, whine, and throw tantrums today isn't making me happy. I told her to remind you that good behavior = riding lesson.
Frustrated
Mom

Dear Sis
You want to teach high school. Figure out how to motivate and get your 6 year old niece to follow your directions as it has to be easier than getting 16 years to listen and turn in stuff.
Your big sis

[xctsclrx]

Dear coworkers,

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. You turning in crappy work makes my job 10 times longer and harder. I am not high enough in the food chain to send back crappy work and have you try again. My boss is barely high enough in that food chain. He isn't comfortable doing it yet. We are working on it. Be prepared

Signed,

frustrated employee who is the boss at one job and a grunt at the other.

[frozenpeas]

Dear Daycare,

I've got to admit, I'm not really digging these themed art sessions you're doing. I silently questioned the wisdom of Michelangelo day, when you taped paper on the underside of the table and had a bunch of 3 yr olds lie down and paint over their heads. But, I cleaned the paint out of DD2's eyebrows & the corner of her mouth without complaint.

I still am not sure which artist you were emulating last week when the kids were encouraged to soak puffballs in paint and throw them in the general direction of a canvas. But I bit my tongue about DD2's classmates' terrible aim while scrubbing paint splotches from random parts of her body/clothes.

Seriously, though--Jackson Pollock? I cannot imagine what kind of walking disaster will come home to me tonight. Why not drop this "art awareness" charade and just let the kids roll around in a trough of paint each day?

Signed,
I wish just one of our bath towels could remain its original color

[billie]

mustardseed2007 they sound exhausting
saraml13 's sister lol
186momx what a terrible situation!

[erinshelley21]

Dear MIL,
The solution to my 3yo's attitude is not him spending the night with you. He stayed all night with you 2 nights the week before last and I honestly think that's part of why he's been such a freaking 3 year old for 2 weeks. And if both of my children cry when I come pick them up I will probably cry every night, and not just the occasional night like I do now. I love you, but sometimes I wish you would think before you said things.
Love, your DIL who appreciates your generosity but also thinks you're part of the problem

[kbw]

Dear first trimester,

Please let the exhaustion ease up as we keep going. I have so much to do and can't just keep living on the couch exhausted.

Signed,

One tired lady

[frozenpeas]

kbw - I think I missed that you are expecting. Congratulations!

[ilovelucyvv]

Jul 5, 2017 20:41:33 GMT -5 frozenpeas said:

kbw - I think I missed that you are expecting. Congratulations!

Ditto. Congrats kbw!

[erinshelley21]

Congrats kbw!

[akafred]

Congrats kbw! Hope you get some energy soon .

[vasc]

Jul 5, 2017 7:49:36 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Dear Family:

I spent the last two days working like a dog cleaning up the playroom. If I come home from work today to chaos, I cannot be held responsible for my actions. 

Signed: Already Planning an Insanity Defense

Dear Kids:

I'm sorry I'm missing your parade today. I'm even more sorry that the employee I came in to shepherd is out sick again. Damn it. 

Love, Guilty Working Mom

Dear Employee:

If your doctor let you know on MONDAY that you needed to do a 6 hour procedure TODAY, why in hell did you email me at 11:00 last night to tell me? What the actual fuck, dude? Did we not just spend most of Friday talking about how our ability to work with you through your illness would depend on good communication? Especially about changes in your schedule and availability?

Gah! Your Second Line Supervisor Who You Are Making Look Like A Chump

Well....playroom update?