Where I brain dump all my new mom q's

[shauni27]

Hi all! Sage is 6 days old and we are slowly adjusting to being a family of 3. I won't lie, it's been a bit tough. With my exhaustion and hormones, I second guess EVERYTHING. And since sage is attached to my boob whenever he is awake, it means G is t doing too much with him, just helping me get by.

So I have a few questions that I am hoping y'all can help me with.

S won't fall asleep consistently anywhere but on me. Then when I go to move him he almost always wakes up and just wants to nurse again. How did you transition out of this?

The one thing that has worked is i gently roll him off of me and the. Sleep with him in the bed right next to me, but this increases his risk of sids and so I only do it when desperate. Has anyone else collect like this?

The only places he seems to occasionally sleep is his rock n play. I know they say to keep him in a flat position on his back so this makes me nervous like I am going to either fuck him up or worse, increase his risk of sids again. But he will sleep in this more than anywhere else's (other than in bed with me)

Lastly, when I DO get him to sleep in a different spot (bed, halo, bassinet...) he instantly rolls to his side. Again, increase of sids risk. Does anyone else have a babe who did this?

I am basically just so terrified that something is going to happen. Any experiences you have of how to get baby to sleep in more appropriate and safe situations are greatly appreciated.

[swiftlyirun]

Congratulations again, this whole mom thing is hard! First, trust your gut, you were made to be his mommy for a reason and are so equipped!

On the sleeping- have you tried swaddling? With DD, the MOC swaddles were lifesavers for us! Hugs!!

[awick14]

I let DD sleep on me a lot, I know I'm not supposed to but until she was about 1 month old that's the only way she would sleep. ((Hugs)) it's hard.

I would let him sleep in his rock n play. (Just make sure he is buckled in tight so he can't move/slide down. (If he slides down it could put his neck in a weird angle and it would be harder for him to breathe. This is the same with the car seat. As long as baby is buckled in properly sids is extremely rare. (All babies that have passed away in car seats that I am aware of were not tightly buckled in, so they slide down)

DD rolled on her side from a young age too, I left her as really there's not much you can do unless you keep moving her every time she does it. As soon as she learned to roll over she became a stomach sleeper, so she's been a stomach sleeper since she was ~3-4 months.

At this point I would just do what you can and what makes you the least anxious. (Obviously with some caution) but at this age sometimes you just have to do what you can to survive one day to the next. And don't let anyone make you feel bad for the actions that you take. Having a newborn is so hard.

I would see if you could get your husband (or other family members) to hold him for an hour or so a day (if not longer). When they do this you can sleep/have a shower or whatever you want. Because DH wasn't working after I had DD he would take her and watch tv/play with her after her first wake up of the day. (She woke up, I fed her, he would take her upstairs, and between him and his parents they would take care of her for 2 or so hours and then he would bring her back when she was hungry again.) It was the biggest sanity saver for me. Some days I slept other days I showered, then went back to bed to read/play on my phone.)

I had all the same fears as you, and some days it was so bad I didn't want to get out of bed.

[speyedr]

All 3 of my kids slept/will sleep in a rock n play for the first 3 months. DS is 5 weeks and sleeps there every night. I know they say it's not an appropriate sleep solution but soooo many moms use it for sleep. We have a Graco brand one that lays flatter than the FP ones, but it still keeps him at an incline.

He also loves to sleep on me and wants the boob as soon as he wakes again. I try to put him in his swing with some vibration and music and he'll sleep there during the day for short periods, long enough to make my toddlers lunch or get a few things done. As long as I am awake, I am fine with him sleeping in the swing so I can keep an eye on him.

[awick14]

And like swiftlyirun we tried the swaddle. For us it worked as long as her arms were out. She didn't like her arms in at all.

Shortly after we got home we transitioned into a sleep sack, and that's helped a lot more then the swaddle did.

The swaddle didn't really work for us but I know many people that it worked wonders for.

[shauni27]

I have done swaddles arm free and that helps a bit. but with him swaddled I cannot buckle him in to the rock n play...

Another Q--my milk was flowing the last two days and now it seems to have really slowed down. A lot. Like I am concerned he is hardly getting any. Anyone else deal with this?

[konapoppy]

Not a mom yet (obviously) but two things that might help:
- almost all of my friends have let their babies sleep in rock n plays
- my infant cpr instructor talked about how pacifier use is correlated with a lower risk of sids (sucking helps). Maybe that is an option if you haven't tried it?

[lo]

I could have seriously written this about DD2 who is currently 10 weeks. DD1 slept fine from night 1, no swaddle in her bassinet and STTN from like 7-11 weeks (and then not again till past a year lol...)

DD2 straight up refused to sleep in her bassinet and if she did, it was for like 10 mins and she immediately rolled to her side. My dr said I could get a sleep positioner to keep her on her back, but I read up on it and babies have suffocated using them so obviously I didn't get one. She would tolerate being in the rock n play on auto rock for a few hours. I did not and do not buckle her in yet. After a few hours I would bring her in bed with me, which also freaks me out but it was the only place she would sleep. I also read the longer the time a baby spends in your bed the higher the SIDS risk is, so I would hold off as long as I could.

For several weeks I didn't try the bassinet at all and was just using the rock n play, but for the past 2 weeks or so I've been putting her down in her bassinet and she sleeps longer in it. She does not roll to her side anymore because we gave up the swaddle. I got the newborn insert for the Halo bassinet that helps a little. I would say she sleeps an average of 3 hours in it and then I switch her to rock n play, and then around 6/7 she comes in bed with me.

Time seems to have been the only thing that's helped this process. She just wanted that body contact for those first weeks. Congrats and good luck!!

[lo]

Jul 30, 2017 11:21:57 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

I have done swaddles arm free and that helps a bit. but with him swaddled I cannot buckle him in to the rock n play...

Another Q--my milk was flowing the last two days and now it seems to have really slowed down. A lot. Like I am concerned he is hardly getting any. Anyone else deal with this?

Has your pedi brought you in for weight checks? I think we did 2 pretty soon after we got home from hospital. Is baby having enough wet and dirty diapers? Your boobs might be starting to regulate more and be less engorged which might seem like a lower milk supply, but could be perfectly normal.

[G22]

Jul 30, 2017 10:20:19 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

S won't fall asleep consistently anywhere but on me. Then when I go to move him he almost always wakes up and just wants to nurse again. How did you transition out of this? 

The one thing that has worked is i gently roll him off of me and the. Sleep with him in the bed right next to me, but this increases his risk of sids and so I only do it when desperate. Has anyone else collect like this?

I'm no help because this was exactly Z to a Tee. He was such a light sleeper (and still is!), no matter how hard I tried he wouldn't let me transition him anywhere else after falling asleep on me. For the first 5 weeks, the only way I got sleep was to let him sleep on my chest at night. We tried everything; swing, bouncer, bassinet, cosleeper. He hated all of them and refused to sleep in them. I finally started being able to slowly roll him off my chest and he would stay asleep next to me. I never had any intentions of cosleeping, but it was truly the only way I survived the first 6 months. It worked for us. We have a king bed and I would sleep lighter with him next to me so if he even moved slightly I woke up.

Lastly, when I DO get him to sleep in a different spot (bed, halo, bassinet...) he instantly rolls to his side. Again, increase of sids risk. Does anyone else have a babe who did this?

Z also preferred his side/belly to his back. It made me nervous initially, but it truly was the only way he was comfortable sleeping.

I am basically just so terrified that something is going to happen. Any experiences you have of how to get baby to sleep in more appropriate and safe situations are greatly appreciated.

Z coslept with us until 6-7 months. Like I said, I never had any intentions of doing that, but survival mode kicked in. I felt comfortable as time went on and less neurotically nervous. I tried to transition him to his crib a few time before 7 months and he flat out refused to sleep in it and we went back to cosleeping. Also I tried swaddling, he hated it. He always had his hands up by his face in his ultrasound photos and he preferred that out of the womb too.

[grover]

A hated the RnP. We had her in the napper, and then the bassinet part of the pack n play. She also hated swaddles unless her arms were out and by 5 weeks was breaking out of the swaddles. the sleeveless sleepsacks have been a lifesaver.

As far as sleeping, my pedi says side sleeping is fine if baby rolls herself there and is content.

[cactuscookie]

H slept in the RNP until she was...let's just say, way beyond newborn. We never buckled her in, even though DH is generally a safety spazz. She slept swaddled until we sleep trained.

Good luck, and hugs. Newborns are so tough.

[thoseareradishes]

We're still trying to figure out lot of this too; E sometimes likes her swing for sleeping, and other likes one of us has to hold her for a nap. We try sometimes to transition her to the bassinet and it's hit or miss whether she stays asleep. Do you have a swing? It's been a life saver for us, even if she doesn't always want to sleep in it.

Do you have any Halo swaddles? They unzip from the bottom so you can buckle him in to whatever contraption you want to try him in. We buckle E into the swing like that.  (ETA: Legs should never be tightly swaddled anyway, just upper body.)

I'm not sure whether I should mention this or not, but we have a Snuza for night sleeping. It clips to her diaper and alarms if she doesn't breath for something like 20 seconds or something like that. It has helped with anxiety a lot, especially for H (she sleeps on my side of the bed so it's easier for me to hear her breathing).

Hang in there mama, this is so hard!!

[shauni27]

You guys, this is amazing. You have made me feel so much better. I also got a call from the nurses today from delivery and they said to keep doing what I am doing if he is getting some sleep, even if it means cosleeping occasionally or letting him sleep on his side or in the RnP.

lo, I am going to get the insert for the halo basinet, I somehow did not know that existed!! I also just put him in the halo sleepers/swaddlers and will see if this works better than the swaddler that I make for him myself with his blankets.

You have literally all helped me here; I was feeling like everything I was doing was going to hurt the baby and it killed me. I really cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.

Also, lo, he seems to be doing fine with milk. He almost always has a big milky grin when I am done feeding him and he has plenty of dirty diapers. He had gained an ounce and a half at his 5 day appointment and we go back Tuesday to make sure he is still gaining. I think I just got past the first initial engorgement and feel more comfortable.

Last question for now:
Did anyone else's H feel like he coldnt bond with baby at first? Since the baby is literally only happy while feeding or sleeping, the only time H has him is if he is screaming. It makes bonding tough and is straining on our relationship too. We both keep saying "this is temporary" but it is really tough. Suggestions?

[lo]

shauni27, I thought the newborn insert would be the answer to my prayers but when I got it she was like 2 weeks old and still so tiny that it didn't make much of a difference. She did seem to like it more when she was bigger and touching the sides more. I'm still using it and I think she's about 12 pounds and her feet touch the bottom but she likes being scrunched up. She sleeps the best in her car seat but I wouldn't risk it overnight.

Sounds like he's doing great nursing! If the dr says you guys are good I wouldn't worry about it

[scm1011]

I never in a million years thought I'd cosleep, but for the first 4 (!!!) months the only way any of us got sleep is if DH slept in the spare room and DS and I slept snuggled in bed. We literally slept cheek to cheek lol. I was worried for the first week or so, but it quickly became clear that I was never going to roll on him. I slept on my belly, he slept swaddled on his back. It's some of my fondest memories of those early days now and I miss it!

At about 4 months we moved him to the RNP where he slept until 7 months. So I broke all the sleeping rules lol. We sleep trained at 7 months and now he loves his crib, so I didn't create any long lasting bad habits.

As for daddy bonding, since C was such a shit sleeper I started pumping a bottle once a day at about 2 weeks PP, would go to sleep at 8pm and leave C with DH who would put him in bed with me after feeding him a bottle around 10:30/11. It gave DH some one on one bonding time and me a decent chunk of sleep.

Also OMG THE HORMONES. I felt craaaaaazy one week in, and pretty quickly was diagnosed with PPA and medicated. The hormone crash is no joke! Talk to your OB if you're having a tough time, there is no reason to suffer.

[loira]

Shauni, your post is bringing back all the memories of A as a newborn. I was constantly overwhelmed, second guessing my decisions, and terrified of SIDS. I think what you're going through is totally normal, although I will say that, like me, you are probably at higher risk for PPA and PPD. I don't know what your medical support system is like (do you have a nurse who comes by to check on you guys?), but make sure your doctor knows how you're feeling. They should ask at S's appointments, but sometimes they forget, so do make sure you tell them. They will be able to assess and let you know if you're ever at a point where they feel your new-mum feelings have tipped over from normal to PPA or PPD.

A spent a lot of time sleeping on me and on H. She was a good sleeper and would sleep in her bassinet though, so I don't have advice on transitions. Sometimes she would wake up, other times no. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it. I remember boiler717 did have an arms-reach co-sleeper thingy for T that she really liked because it kept him close enough for her to keep her hand on him but in his own little bed. You might want to try something like that. I also remember my doctor telling me there was nothing I could do to prevent A rolling onto her stomach or side, but so long as she got there herself, it was fine to leave her.

[boiler717]

The side roll will stop after a bit, it's a newborn reflex. T would only sleep on flat surfaces -- never the RnP, swing, or car seat. He did like the boppy lounger. I highly recommend a zip-up swaddle, white noise machine, and trying different pacis. Watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVDs.
As for cosleeping and SIDS, I think it's important to remember that the SIDS recommendations are not a required check list. Not everything will work for every person. Maximize SIDS risk reduction by keeping the temp at 68, having the baby in appropriate clothing, and offering a paci or nursing to sleep. BFIng also reduces the risk. If you do bedshare, reduce risk by keeping it to just you in the bed, no pillows, no blankets above the waist, no swaddles. Don't drink or use narcotics. You are in survival mode and do what works for you guys with what are available options.
As for your husband, I highly recommend that dads do diaper changes and baths. I didn't change diapers until my husband went back to work (maybe 1 a day), and I didn't give him a bath until 5m old. It was 100% my husband. Even overnight, my husband would change diapers and do any soothing needed and I would only nurse. Once his cord falls off you guys can take baths together. Has your DH tried baby wearing? Mine really liked that and T was super happy that way.
Unsolicited advice, I would try to keep in mind that one of the best things you can do for your son is to allow his father to feel capable and confident. I am not saying you are NOT doing this at all, I just know it's a super easy trap for moms to fall into. Your H will not be able to soothe the baby the way you do, but give them space and time to find their rhythm. We had a rule to not offer advice in the moment unless we asked if we could give it. I would generally wait until later and say "one thing that has helped me in the past is to try xyz" so he could have it as an idea for next time.
Good luck and keep asking for help. You are doing a great job.

[loira]

Jul 30, 2017 19:01:11 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

The side roll will stop after a bit, it's a newborn reflex. T would only sleep on flat surfaces -- never the RnP, swing, or car seat. He did like the boppy lounger. I highly recommend a zip-up swaddle, white noise machine, and trying different pacis. Watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVDs.
As for cosleeping and SIDS, I think it's important to remember that the SIDS recommendations are not a required check list. Not everything will work for every person. Maximize SIDS risk reduction by keeping the temp at 68, having the baby in appropriate clothing, and offering a paci or nursing to sleep. BFIng also reduces the risk. If you do bedshare, reduce risk by keeping it to just you in the bed, no pillows, no blankets above the waist, no swaddles. Don't drink or use narcotics. You are in survival mode and do what works for you guys with what are available options.

I wish I had known that pacifier use has about the same benefit in reducing SIDS risk as BFing (and that's breastfeeding, not just breast milk). I drove myself crazy agonizing over breastfeeding, I carried so much guilt in not being able to nurse, and I pumped for so long, thinking that breast milk, while definitely good for baby, was some sort of magic SIDS/illness prevention elixir. All this to say that I hope nursing is working out for you, shauni27, if it's what you want to do. But if not, you will reduce the risk anyway by following the other recommendations. So basically what Boiler said, but I wanted to touch on the BFing thing because it massively contributed to my anxiety and it really needn't have.

I also second her recommendation to give your H space to develop his own routine with your son. Baths and diaper changes are a great idea. Let him become the "expert" on a few things - especially cutting newborn nails because that shit is scary and then you don't have to do it.

[grover]

shauni27, H fell in love with our daughter right away (he couldn't believe it, because he's a self proclaimed "not a baby guy"), but was frustrated and thought she hated him for a while. It was because on his work days M-F, he would get home right at her fussy period. I also "made" him feed a bedtime (we did both pumped bm and formula) bottle as well as he "helped" me with baths (we do 1-2 baths per week right now), and I basically just hold a washrag above her eyes while he does the majority of bath time.

Oh, and if he feels overwhelmed like he can't do something as well as you, it's okay to give him a break and then try again in a few days/weeks. H was so upset that he couldn't get her to fall asleep as quickly or as easily as I could earlier on (I could put down drowsy but awake or transfer her sleeping, but he couldn't get the hang of either with her), and because it did upset him, he'd come up while we did bedtime routine but I'd finish on my own. He tried again this past week, and was happily surprised he could get her down for bed now.

[boiler717]

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about this!
It can be overwhelming to have so much advice. Read/listen to it, but you know your baby best. What works great for one person may not work for you. Trust your gut but also give yourself some grace. You guys have only know each other a week and are still figuring out things!
Also with the DH stuff. If S can smell you, he's probably going to want you. You've been his safe space for 10 months already! If they can go to another place in the house it may help, or sometimes having your H bring along a shirt you've worn can help, too.

[mpc]

everybody has good advice, so I don't want to overwhelm. I just wanted to ask, when he falls asleep on you, how long do you wait before trying to transfer him? I would experiment with holding/rocking him longer before moving him. DD would pass out for 10 or 15 minutes, but then have a mini-wakening, then settle down into a sleep where I could move her. It keeps changing though, so we're all just guessing and figuring it out as we go! You are doing great.

DD is 3.5 months now and we went out and bought a RnP yesterday. lol. She's been sleeping well in the crib, but she has a cold now and is so congested. I was hoping the incline would help her sleep.

[shauni27]

Hey all. I wanted to thank you so much. Because of your advice and suggestions I was able to transfer baby sage after each feeding last night successfully to the RnP and Get a few hours sleep. I also have my sister here now and I am taking advantage of her nannying experience so I can nap a bit more and take care of myself.

H and I talked and I am hopeful things will get better if we try some of the suggestions y'all gave. Thank you.

I called the midwives today to talk about PPD and PPA and I think that will help too.

All in all, while exhausted and still a bit overwhelmed, I feel so much better after all of your advice, suggestions and support. Knowing I am not alone in this and that many of you had similar experiences really helps. You guys are truly the best.

[cactuscookie]

Jul 31, 2017 10:52:39 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

All in all, while exhausted and still a bit overwhelmed, I feel so much better after all of your advice, suggestions and support. Knowing I am not alone in this and that many of you had similar experiences really helps. You guys are truly the best.

I seriously remember googling "1-day old baby [whatever]" and then 2-day and 3-day and 4-day, etc. I googled EVERYTHING, because I had no freaking clue what I was doing.

It sounds like you've got nursing down at least, so that's one big hurdle out of the day. Unfortunately, sleep issues can be really hard on everyone.

[mpc]

Jul 31, 2017 11:50:42 GMT -5 @daylily said:

Jul 31, 2017 11:28:22 GMT -5 cactuscookie said:

I seriously remember googling "1-day old baby [whatever]" and then 2-day and 3-day and 4-day, etc. I googled EVERYTHING, because I had no freaking clue what I was doing.

It sounds like you've got nursing down at least, so that's one big hurdle out of the day. Unfortunately, sleep issues can be really hard on everyone.

I distinctly remember typing "newborn baby when--" and the first search result that came up was "...does it get better" which is exactly what I was also googling. Lol. 

it's so true 

[thoseareradishes]

shauni27, don't forget to eat! Often when I'm starting to lose it, I realize I'm hungry. Breastfeeding takes a lot out of you. In the beginning I had to eat every time I pumped; I still eat almost every time I pump now.

[loira]

All this talk of pumping is making me hungry for these amazing chocolate chip oatmeal cookies I used to snarf at 4am.

[mrsgoontz]

shauni27 I have no advice b/c i'm not a mom yet but hugs. I think you are just a total rock star and are doing great.

I admit reading this I was slightly freaking out because I didnt know these things to even consider . Then the googling comments made me feel better, I feel so clueless. Birthing the baby is not scary to me, it's keeping him alive and knowing what to do if something happens or doesn't go as planned. 

[janegold]

Congrats Shauni, I'm so so happy for you!

Some of the best and most reassuring advice I got in those early days was not to stress out about where or how they're sleeping. They're way too young still - for months yet - to form bad habits. Some days I would just carry him around in the K'tan every time he got tired. Some days we took long walks when it was time to sleep.
Tons and tons and tons of people use the RnP. Sounds like the insert for the Bassinest may be good. A lot of my friends also swore by the Dock a Tot in those early days.

Also, it took me a while to accept that he just wanted to nurse all the time. And I think I often mistook tiredness for hunger in the first few weeks too.

Basically, whatever makes your life easier for the next few months is perfect.

[shauni27]

Jul 31, 2017 16:24:22 GMT -5 mrsgoontz said:

shauni27 I have no advice b/c i'm not a mom yet but hugs. I think you are just a total rock star and are doing great.

I admit reading this I was slightly freaking out because I didnt know these things to even consider . Then the googling comments made me feel better, I feel so clueless. Birthing the baby is not scary to me, it's keeping him alive and knowing what to do if something happens or doesn't go as planned. 

I hadn't thought of any of this stuff, I wont lie. I knew we would be up a lot but I had no idea how much. I just assumed he would sleep in his bassinet when I put him down.