Open letters

[186momx]

supertrooper1, the thing is he knows I don't like doing what he asked and it isn't that I haven't tried it just repulses me and turns me off. He seems to ask more often after a therapy session. His post therapy session moods either are wanting to strip me naked and get busy or pissed off and goes to bed as soon as he walks in the door and avoids us. He also knows I don't like the porn and says it just something different to watch and doesn't mean anything but then he still watches it. He actually gets up extra early and watches either music videos or porn before work on the tablet. The reason I know is DD stumbled a crossed it one Friday morning.

justcheckingin73, no way I will be able to sit through PTO meetings once tax season hits as I would have to rush straight from work and by then all I want is dinner, my shoes off, and no people. I may push DH to come home right after therapy next month so DD doesn't have to go with and can have normal bedtime.

traveltheworld,
Good luck with the K teacher. Best advice is for your DS to avoid her if possible as it seems that the teachers have very little discipline action available and probably have bigger behavior problems than that going on.
Mom who is still dealing with this in 1st grade

[mae0111]

Dear DD1 -
Great job at basketball last night. I know you didn't totally understand what was happening, but you hustled and tried the whole time. You made me proud.
Love, Mommy

Dear DDs -
I don't know what's happening with you guys, but I can't take it any more. The epic meltdowns multiple times a day, fighting me on everything from wardrobe to hygiene to participation in things that you loved like 5 mins ago, and the constant fighting with each other... I feel like I'm losing my mind. After this morning's antics, I wound up having a complete breakdown in the middle of my yearly physical. My PCP wants to put me on anti-anxiety meds. Please. When I say I can't take it, I mean it.
Signed,
Begging you to give Mommy a break.

[erinshelley21]

I posted this in the Monday thread because I suck today lol.

A couple more now that I have more time.. it's been a day.

Dear Dishwasher,
Get your act together or you're gonna meet the business end of a Louisville Slugger real soon.
Signed, Why can't this damn thing just do what its supposed to do?!

Dear SIL,
I love you and I love that you've found your dream job and able to do your old job that you are obviously good at. However, the fact that your kids are practically living with MIL is really cramping my style. One, I feel burdened if I have to ask her to keep my kids a little extra since she's got yours. Two, one of your kids is sick and now I have to wait and see if DS starts throwing up since he stayed all night there last night (your kids were on night 2 of 3 in a row).
Love your SIL who is getting concerned and sounds kind of petty right now I'm sure.

[librarychica]

Dear WM board,

Would you think I am insane if I swore some days DD1 just looks for something to meltdown over until she loses her mind (and sometimes I do too) so that she can get a ton of comfort? Should I just have her lay on top of me for 15 minutes after school?

Sincerely,
Kid is going to drive me nuts

Dear self,

You know you can't handle a third kid with DD1. You have too bad of a temper. You won't be able to control it with extra hormones. That's why you've been hesitating all these months and part of you knows it. "If she were like her sister ..." but she isn't. Stop crying and sell the baby clothes.

Sincerely,
Tough love

[186momx]

librarychica, I've noticed that my DD really needs 15 minutes of alone time once I pick her up from aftercare. If she gets those 15 minutes of by herself time she follows directions better and the rest of the evening goes much smoother. It is almost like once we get home we go to our separate corners to decompress.

[shakinros]

Dear WPs,

Boy, kindergarten is tough, isn't it? DD has only had about 9 days of school so far and the only thing she's reported is that she loves recess, she hasn't made any new friends, and some boy made fun of her (3 separate times, can't tell from DD's relating of the story if it was the same kid.)

I hope the early road bumps and worry get better for all of us soon!

xoxo
Shakinros

[traveltheworld]

librarychica, I find that DS (5) needs a lot of cuddly time and one on one attention from me when I get home. So now, we've worked out an arrangement whereby I get home, give DD (2) a quick hug and kiss, then DS and I go in my room and lay in bed and read a story or two and just chit chat for 5 - 10 minutes. I feel guilty that I'm ignoring DD, but if I don't do this, DS becomes really difficult for the evening, so it's the better alternative.

Another one:

Dear DH:

Stop buying liners for our kitchen drawers or cleaning supplies. You don't clean!!! And you don't line drawers!!! We now have 8 rolls of liners and you have so far, lined 1 cabinet.

Wife who should is annoyed but won't say anything because she's generally grateful that DH doesn't spend money on anything

[librarychica]

traveltheworld, I might have to work that out somehow. Not really sure how since H isn't usually home and DD2 (2) isn't inclined to just hang by herself, lol. I have actually considered getting DD1 and snuggling at school before walking to DD2's classroom. Maybe just a couple minutes would get her in a good mood .

[akafred]

Sept 20, 2017 17:20:02 GMT -5 librarychica said:

traveltheworld, I might have to work that out somehow. Not really sure how since H isn't usually home and DD2 (2) isn't inclined to just hang by herself, lol. I have actually considered getting DD1 and snuggling at school before walking to DD2's classroom. Maybe just a couple minutes would get her in a good mood .

I think this is a great idea. Or just sit down on the couch with both kids for 5 or 10 minutes first thing when you get home before you start dinner.

[waverly]

Sept 20, 2017 17:20:02 GMT -5 librarychica said:

traveltheworld, I might have to work that out somehow. Not really sure how since H isn't usually home and DD2 (2) isn't inclined to just hang by herself, lol. I have actually considered getting DD1 and snuggling at school before walking to DD2's classroom. Maybe just a couple minutes would get her in a good mood .

I used to have to have her on my lap pretty much the entire evening when I wasn't cooking- basically while they watched TV. This was from 0-3 probably. 0-6 months was nursing and then it just evolved to sitting on my lap.

[greenmonkey1]

Thank you 2chatter. Off to the Google...

[librarychica]

Sept 20, 2017 18:58:45 GMT -5 akafred said:

Sept 20, 2017 17:20:02 GMT -5 librarychica said:

traveltheworld, I might have to work that out somehow. Not really sure how since H isn't usually home and DD2 (2) isn't inclined to just hang by herself, lol. I have actually considered getting DD1 and snuggling at school before walking to DD2's classroom. Maybe just a couple minutes would get her in a good mood .

I think this is a great idea. Or just sit down on the couch with both kids for 5 or 10 minutes first thing when you get home before you start dinner.

I am going to do it. We have been getting too frustrated with her lately, I think. Time to reconnect.

This is why I love you guys.

[pengy86]

Dear kid,
I'm sorry you had a bad day at daycare but screaming bloody murder and throwing a tantrum as I am picking you up to go home so it seemed like I was kidnapping you was not a good idea. You even had the infant teacher looking to see who was trying to steal a kid. Thanks for the embrassing incident.
Thanks,
Your embrassed mom who was totally not trying to kidnap you and just wants to go home

[mommyatty]

Dear Daughter:

You have got to stop interrupting your little brother when he finally, finally tells me or your dad something about school. For goodness sake, we let you talk and talk. We ask you questions. It's not like we ignore you. When your brother utters the 2-3vsentences he may finally get out, you must let him do it. Sheesh, no wonder the kid barely uttered a word until he was well past his third birthday. He couldn't!

And crying when I tell you to stop interrupting and let him talk? Not earning you any brownie points, kiddo.

Love,
Frustrated Mother of TWO talking to her NOT only child

[mae0111]

2 more...

Dear DH -
Start listening to the words that come out of my mouth. Listen, interpret, and react. If I ask you for help, help me. If both kids are asking for help, and I"m standing over the stove, get off your a$$, put your f$(king phone down, and HELP THEM. Stop treating me like an employee. Actually, scratch that, you've treated your employees better than you're treating me.
Wifey

Dear Friend -
For more than 8 months, I have been your therapist. I've listened to you, I've counseled you, I've given you really good career and personal advice. I've been your biggest cheerleader during your job hunt, and I've encouraged you to know your worth. I've been happy to do it. Yesterday was an awful day for me. Truly the worst I've had in close to a year. I broke down crying in the middle of my freaking physical. My kids have been very needy this week, and you called at dinner time. I could not take a call. I texted you right away, let you know that I couldn't talk, and that I'd had a terrible day. No response. I thought maybe I'd get a "I'm sorry you've had a rough day. Feel Better". But nothing. So I guess I understand where I fall on your list. If I'm not useful, I'm not important. Thanks for making me feel awesome.
Your Therapist.

[Covergirl82]

shakinros, yes, Kindergarten is quite an adjustment. The kids' Kindergarten teacher said to expect up to 6 weeks for kids to adjust. Hang in there!

[traveltheworld]

Sept 20, 2017 22:25:36 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Dear Daughter:

You have got to stop interrupting your little brother when he finally, finally tells me or your dad something about school. For goodness sake, we let you talk and talk. We ask you questions. It's not like we ignore you. When your brother utters the 2-3vsentences he may finally get out, you must let him do it. Sheesh, no wonder the kid barely uttered a word until he was well past his third birthday. He couldn't!

And crying when I tell you to stop interrupting and let him talk? Not earning you any brownie points, kiddo.

Love,
Frustrated Mother of TWO talking to her NOT only child

mommyatty, my DS is exactly the same!!!!  It drives me nuts.  I had a very firm talk with him last night about how he is not being nice to his sister by not letting her say anything or get any attention from us, ever.  It's not the first time we've had this talk though, so I doubt it'd stick.  I don't know what to do about it.  DS has a LOT of attention from us.  Heck, we spend almost all of our non-work time interacting with our kids, so I don't think he is "acting out" due to a lack of attention.  

If you ever find something that works in terms of successfully getting your DD to share some of the attention with her sibling, please share

[judyblume14]

mae0111, it's such a crappy feeling when friendships become one-sided. I'm sorry your friend isn't being friendly after all you've done for her.

[xctsclrx]

Sept 21, 2017 6:47:36 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

2 more...

Dear DH -
Start listening to the words that come out of my mouth. Listen, interpret, and react. If I ask you for help, help me. If both kids are asking for help, and I"m standing over the stove, get off your a$$, put your f$(king phone down, and HELP THEM. Stop treating me like an employee. Actually, scratch that, you've treated your employees better than you're treating me.
Wifey

Dear Friend -
For more than 8 months, I have been your therapist. I've listened to you, I've counseled you, I've given you really good career and personal advice. I've been your biggest cheerleader during your job hunt, and I've encouraged you to know your worth. I've been happy to do it. Yesterday was an awful day for me. Truly the worst I've had in close to a year. I broke down crying in the middle of my freaking physical. My kids have been very needy this week, and you called at dinner time. I could not take a call. I texted you right away, let you know that I couldn't talk, and that I'd had a terrible day. No response. I thought maybe I'd get a "I'm sorry you've had a rough day. Feel Better". But nothing. So I guess I understand where I fall on your list. If I'm not useful, I'm not important. Thanks for making me feel awesome.
Your Therapist.

I am sorry this feeling sucks majorly. we are here for you as much as we can be. 

[erinshelley21]

@mae011 I hope you're feeling better today. I'm sorry about your friend.

[mae0111]

Thank you all. She texted me back late this morning with a half-hearted, "Sorry, comes with the territory of being a SAHM." Then she immediately launched into her own stuff. I didn't respond.

Bottom line is that I have not found a new support system. My working mom friends don't really want to hear about what I have going on, and they trivialize it. They don't have a good balance, and don't really care to. It's been hard to "break in" with the SAHMs here, because I'm so new. And my one really good SAHW friend is SAH because she's chronically ill and lives over an hour away, so it's difficult to see her as much as I'd like.

DH has not been supportive at all - he's completely engrossed in his new company. That's great, and I've been super supportive of him, but over the past couple of weeks, he's been sniping a bit about me not doing a great job around the house. Last week was the first full week of school (DD2 is 3 days, DD1 is in 2nd grade), and all the after school activities started up. He was out of town the whole time, so there was no reprieve. It was meltdown city here. Every. Stinking. Night. And at the end of the week, he made a comment about how we really need to free up some $$ to get the house cleaner back. Um... THERE'S NO MONEY COMING IN. NO CLEANER. I barely held it together, so sorry I didn't vacuum.

I appreciate you ladies. You're helping me hold on to that little remaining shred of sanity.

[saraml13]

Dear H,
We discussed going up to my parents' cabin this weekend. You are the one who suggested going up on Friday. I know you are on a work trip, coming back late tonight, but I need you to respond to my questions and let me know wtf your plan is. Friday is tomorrow, you do realize. I'm the one who has to work out details with my parents. I'm the one that has to pack up all the stuff for the boys. I'm the one that has to give daycare specific instructions tomorrow morning depending on the scenario (e.g. we'll pick them up right after nap, please have DS2 in a fresh diaper so we can leave straight away.) So don't act like I am asking unreasonable questions when I want to know if you are WFH tomorrow and what time you'd be able to leave.
Signed,
Your Cruise Director

[Covergirl82]

mae0111, hugs to you.

[traveltheworld]

@mae111, creepy internet hug.

Finding good friends as an adult is hard. Having little kids is hard. Having a husband that's starting a business is hard. You are doing a great job.

[katrine05]

@mae111 Hugs. You are doing a great job.

[k3am]

Dear old workplace,

It's kind of fun to watch you implode.

Signed,
Employee who's glad she left

[mommyatty]

Dear Mom of DD's BFF:

You are the most awesome mom I know. Thank you for continually offering to do really nice things for me. Like going through the uniform resale stash for shorts for DD after you found out about the mean boys making fun of DD.

I know you're another working mom, and you have no idea how much I appreciate you. Thank you for being my mom friend.

Hugs,
Grateful Mom Who Kinda Wants To Cry bc You Are So Nice

[akafred]

mae0111, I'm so sorry things are rough right now. You'll get your groove. You are awesome.