They relocated because of his business opportunity, not because she would be stalking me or would orchestrate this in some elaborate vendetta. It is a crazy coincidence but as some readers pointed out, our professional world can be very small.
Right, there are so many instances in the followup that are like, dude, you are the fucking crazy one, not Sylvia.
Also his whole followup about the nepotism thing...oh, I get it, the only reason that you, a man who I am going to presume is white, didn't get to stay at his job is because there is some behind the scenes favoritism that is probably "undeserved".
They relocated because of his business opportunity, not because she would be stalking me or would orchestrate this in some elaborate vendetta. It is a crazy coincidence but as some readers pointed out, our professional world can be very small.
I think he's responding to some of the comments on the blog post.
Post by lolalolalola on Sept 26, 2017 11:38:39 GMT -5
Further from the AAM page: I wrote back and asked if he’d share how Sylvia seemed, as well as what measures they’d proposed. He said: I do not know how it was for Sylvia. I have not seen her since. She seemed fine. She was not gleeful, very matter of fact, saying it was possible to work together and etc. The chair did most of the talking. I found out later that her husband comes from a prominent family here, everyone knows them. Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters. The chair knows them. I just do not understand why she had to get him involved. We could have tried to sort this out between us first, no need to go to the top immediately.
The measures included things like we are never to talk to each other without a third person present, all meetings documented, no discussion about her and the management with my colleagues, not even in watercooler chat, limit our interactions beyond the school, meaning no socialising for me. I do not understand how this could work. It would be very much out of character for me and my colleagues and friends would get suspicious. Although not presented at such, it felt very punitive.
As you said in your initial response, it was unlikely it would somehow work out. It is very difficult to come to terms with it. The Internet craze just added an extra bizzare layer to it.
-------------------------- Oh lord. The 'unattainable' provisions were basically that he isn't allowed to talk to her alone, or talk about her to anyone else.
He sent her 3 unsolicited messages plus she probably saw the AAM site since he mentioned it going viral several times.
Further from the AAM page: I wrote back and asked if he’d share how Sylvia seemed, as well as what measures they’d proposed. He said: I do not know how it was for Sylvia. I have not seen her since. She seemed fine. She was not gleeful, very matter of fact, saying it was possible to work together and etc. The chair did most of the talking. I found out later that her husband comes from a prominent family here, everyone knows them. Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters. The chair knows them. I just do not understand why she had to get him involved. We could have tried to sort this out between us first, no need to go to the top immediately.
The measures included things like we are never to talk to each other without a third person present, all meetings documented, no discussion about her and the management with my colleagues, not even in watercooler chat, limit our interactions beyond the school, meaning no socialising for me. I do not understand how this could work. It would be very much out of character for me and my colleagues and friends would get suspicious. Although not presented at such, it felt very punitive.
As you said in your initial response, it was unlikely it would somehow work out. It is very difficult to come to terms with it. The Internet craze just added an extra bizzare layer to it.
-------------------------- Oh lord. The 'unattainable' provisions were basically that he isn't allowed to talk to her alone, or talk about her to anyone else.
He sent her 3 unsolicited messages plus she probably saw the AAM site since he mentioned it going viral several times.
"I just do not understand why she had to get him involved. We could have tried to sort this out between us first, no need to go to the top immediately. "
"I also dropped a short message to the HR, without providing full details. Next morning (Sunday!) I got a call from the chair of our board of overseers," asking me to meet him as soon as possible. "
DUDE you contacted Fricken HR after you stalked her via email! HR did their job and brought up a potential issue with the Chair!
Post by 5kcandlesinthewind on Sept 26, 2017 11:47:57 GMT -5
Those provisions seemed perfectly reasonable and professional, and they covered his ass as well as Sylvia's. They may have been "unattainable" long term, but suck it up and keep the job in the meantime while you look for something else. That he is too pigheaded and dense to realize that quitting in a huff would likely impact his prospects elsewhere in such a small community is unsurprising. His current/now-former partner should send Sylvia a thank you card for helping her get that asshole out of her life.
Further from the AAM page: I wrote back and asked if he’d share how Sylvia seemed, as well as what measures they’d proposed. He said: I do not know how it was for Sylvia. I have not seen her since. She seemed fine. She was not gleeful, very matter of fact, saying it was possible to work together and etc. The chair did most of the talking. I found out later that her husband comes from a prominent family here, everyone knows them. Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters. The chair knows them. I just do not understand why she had to get him involved. We could have tried to sort this out between us first, no need to go to the top immediately.
The measures included things like we are never to talk to each other without a third person present, all meetings documented, no discussion about her and the management with my colleagues, not even in watercooler chat, limit our interactions beyond the school, meaning no socialising for me. I do not understand how this could work. It would be very much out of character for me and my colleagues and friends would get suspicious. Although not presented at such, it felt very punitive.
As you said in your initial response, it was unlikely it would somehow work out. It is very difficult to come to terms with it. The Internet craze just added an extra bizzare layer to it.
-------------------------- Oh lord. The 'unattainable' provisions were basically that he isn't allowed to talk to her alone, or talk about her to anyone else.
He sent her 3 unsolicited messages plus she probably saw the AAM site since he mentioned it going viral several times.
Re: the bolded: BECAUSE YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELF TO BE A CRAZY ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE. Sylvia wants her job on notice that you are the problem, for the next time you do, indeed, do something assholish. Which you will, because you are an asshole and haven't learned a damn thing. Sylvia was not born yesterday.
I bet he'd already talked shit about her to colleagues (and or they'd already read the viral post) so cat was outta the bag and there was no way it wasn't going to be gossip for as long as he worked there. Andplusalso there is no way this dude could have kept his mouth shut going forward. Glad he is out of her hair.
and we got confirmation that the letter writer is actually a he, right?
I bet he'd already talked shit about her to colleagues (and or they'd already read the viral post) so cat was outta the bag and there was no way it wasn't going to be gossip for as long as he worked there. Andplusalso there is no way this dude could have kept his mouth shut going forward. Glad he is out of her hair.
and we got confirmation that the letter writer is actually a he, right?
AAM refers to him using male pronouns (he said, etc), so yes, I assume so.
Further from the AAM page: I found out later that her husband comes from a prominent family here, everyone knows them. Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters. The chair knows them.
I like how he's continuing to imply that she's not actually qualified and why keep her over him?
Post by rupertpenny on Sept 26, 2017 19:02:32 GMT -5
I have now constructed an elaborate backstory for him in my head. He sounds like the typical mediocre white dude who comes to Asia and becomes convinced he is hot shit. Now he's going to have to go home and just be another pathetic loser sleeping in mom's basement.
His current girlfriend is definitely better of without him, but for her sake I hope she got him to buy her a house or send her sister through college or something before all this happened.
Further from the AAM page: I wrote back and asked if he’d share how Sylvia seemed, as well as what measures they’d proposed. He said: I do not know how it was for Sylvia. I have not seen her since. She seemed fine. She was not gleeful, very matter of fact, saying it was possible to work together and etc. The chair did most of the talking. I found out later that her husband comes from a prominent family here, everyone knows them. Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters. The chair knows them. I just do not understand why she had to get him involved. We could have tried to sort this out between us first, no need to go to the top immediately.
The measures included things like we are never to talk to each other without a third person present, all meetings documented, no discussion about her and the management with my colleagues, not even in watercooler chat, limit our interactions beyond the school, meaning no socialising for me. I do not understand how this could work. It would be very much out of character for me and my colleagues and friends would get suspicious. Although not presented at such, it felt very punitive.
As you said in your initial response, it was unlikely it would somehow work out. It is very difficult to come to terms with it. The Internet craze just added an extra bizzare layer to it.
So it's impossible for him to have a social life while still limiting interactions with Sylvia? She sounds like an awesome person if he expects her to be at every social gathering!