This is a little specific, but has anyone built or renovated a house to incorporate space for parents?
Some people might call us crazy, but we're strongly considering moving in with my parents. We have a good relationship, and the kind of adult communication where we can set good boundaries without anyone getting emotionally overwrought. I legitimately like being around them, and they want to offer childcare plus a hefty downpayment on a home. We're still talking it out, and there are a lot of questions around how to best set this up from a legal/financial standpoint - I posted about that over on MM - but I do want to start looking and pricing out homes to see how much we can get for our money.
I don't think we'll find anything like what we're looking for, at least not in our market.
I've come across some really nice plans that have kind of a "home within a home" option - bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom, laundry closet, living space - like a little 1BR apartment nestled in the house, and its own separate entrance (key feature!!!).
Has anyone built or remodeled a home to include this? I'd love to hear more about your experience!
No experience here, but friends bought a house with an IL suite and I felt that it made the whole first floor very small and cramped feeling. So I would be cautious about that when you're looking at plans.
No experience here, but friends bought a house with an IL suite and I felt that it made the whole first floor very small and cramped feeling. So I would be cautious about that when you're looking at plans.
Thank you - I wish I could find some already built to visit. The plans I've seen look well laid out, but it's so hard to tell until you're in the space.
I haven't but it's generally called a mother/daughter and it's quite common. A lot of people add on to garage space and convert that area or raise the roof and add a suite.
When I saw multigenerational housing I thought it was about the college students living in assisted living places articles I've seen on Facebook!
Post by gummybear on Sept 27, 2017 14:17:18 GMT -5
I've known several people who have converted basement space (walk out) to living areas for family members. It's like an entirely separate living quarters without compromising the main house.
I haven't but it's generally called a mother/daughter and it's quite common. A lot of people add on to garage space and covert that area or raise the roof and add a suite.
When I saw multigenerational housing I thought it was about the college students living in assisted living places articles I've seen on Facebook!
We need to do something with minimal stairs, so no over-the-garage or loft-type spaces. They're okay now, but starting to have trouble with them, and it ain't going to get any better over the next 20+ years.
I haven't but it's generally called a mother/daughter and it's quite common. A lot of people add on to garage space and convert that area or raise the roof and add a suite.
When I saw multigenerational housing I thought it was about the college students living in assisted living places articles I've seen on Facebook!
Also, thanks for the term - I did some Google searches to see if anything came up, but wondering if it's more regional? Many of the results seemed to be NY/NJ.
Double check the zoning and municipal codes in the jurisdictions you are looking in. Some land use zones don’t allow for it, while others do. Some may also have restrictions on number of people in one unit/house, though those regulations often come in related to “unrelated” people in the same house.
LOL I was just coming to suggest you look for homes for sale on Long Island. But it seems like if you search mother daughter home you can find ones for sale without needing a specific area. Hopefully you can find lots of different layouts.
I grew up in NY and now live in NJ But in Brooklyn they didn't really have these, they just moved Grandma to the basement!
ETA - I know you're not looking to buy, but this should give you a look inside them to see how they're set up. I read my post and it sounds like I'm telling you to move to Long Island!
My mother built her last house with a 1BR apartment where the garage would have been. It joined the main house through a shared laundry room (which had 2 access doors - one that opened to the living room and the other to the back hallway bathroom). Initially, because it was built for my grandmother, the doors just remained unlocked. But when Mom rented that space, she had it set so she could lock the renters out of the main house.
Sounds like you're open to building. We actually considered buying a large enough piece of land at one point to accommodate a second 700ish sf home for MIL.
I wonder if that could be an option. I would do it in a heartbeat if we could afford it, but it's so damn expensive to build here.
Several people in our neighbourhood have multigenerational households. One of the developer floorplans did have an option to make the first floor bedroom into more of a mini-suite with space for a coffeemaker, small fridge, and microwave in between the bedroom and attached bath.
Our neighbors designed their own space for the parents, by tearing down a wall in the first floor bedroom and expanding the space into the formal living and dining room. There's still a large family room off of the eat-in kitchen, so I don't think anyone misses the loss of those spaces.
Post by namasteak on Sept 27, 2017 15:06:09 GMT -5
Idk but that sounds amazing!
We have been with FIL for almost a month and it is going very well. I do not think it would work if we didn't have a good relationship with him and could set up boundaries/expectations.
I haven't but it's generally called a mother/daughter and it's quite common. A lot of people add on to garage space and convert that area or raise the roof and add a suite.
When I saw multigenerational housing I thought it was about the college students living in assisted living places articles I've seen on Facebook!
Also, thanks for the term - I did some Google searches to see if anything came up, but wondering if it's more regional? Many of the results seemed to be NY/NJ.
In Dallas we call them "mother in law suites" or if it's separate from the house it's a "back house".
Post by bittybomb on Sept 27, 2017 15:11:34 GMT -5
My inlaws did this with my grandparents in law. They had a split level house with attached garage, and my grandparents in law wanted to sell their house and downsize. They converted (and added on to) the garage to include a living room, bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom, plenty of closets and separate entrance. There was also a fireproof door separating the in law suite from the main house. My grandparents in law paid for the renovation and also kicked in some money monthly to offset the increased fuel/energy water costs and the increase in taxes.
I will say, things got pretty messy and nasty between the siblings once my grandparents in law passed away regarding the money paid to renovate (and add equity to) the one sister's house (my MIL), and things have not resolved in that regard since (2011).
Post by bittybomb on Sept 27, 2017 15:15:24 GMT -5
We are in NY, and yes, mother/daughters are quite common here. Growing up my paternal grandparents and aunt lived in a mother/daughter after my aunt's divorce. Come to think of it, that also caused some problems with the settling of my grandmother's estate with the remaining siblings.
Also, thanks for the term - I did some Google searches to see if anything came up, but wondering if it's more regional? Many of the results seemed to be NY/NJ.
In Dallas we call them "mother in law suites" or if it's separate from the house it's a "back house".
"Mother-in-law" is what I see more here, or guest house if it's separate (though the "guest house" homes tend to be WAY out of our price range, often associated with basically mansions). But the mother-in-law suite definition is SO broad - like, here's an en suite guest bedroom, mother-in-law suite! - where we're looking for more of a space where they essentially have their own small apartment.
I will say, things got pretty messy and nasty between the siblings once my grandparents in law passed away regarding the money paid to renovate (and add equity to) the one sister's house (my MIL), and things have not resolved in that regard since (2011).
Thankfully (?) I'm an only child, so any benefit or cost after they pass is all mine to handle.
This is where I am - I honestly hope it pans out, because I love them, and I'd love to have them that close as my kids are growing up. My H loves them. As long as we have enough space and closed doors to give each other space when needed, I think it's a win/win scenario.
Post by downtoearth on Sept 27, 2017 15:26:06 GMT -5
I live out west, so we have a lot more land then most cities, but I know two families that have lots where there are two houses and then they are connected by a shared 2-3 car garage or a breeze-way type area.
The ones with a breeze-way is actually a "cabin," but it's a brand new beautiful design with three living areas. The west is a 2-bedroom, 2 bathroom area with an office then a breezeway. Then the living quarters in the middle with two family rooms, a dining/kitchen combo, and another bathroom. On the east is another "house" across a breezeway that has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a small family room. They also have a 1-room "cabin" a little way away with a bedroom nd bathroom for guests. The retired parents use the 2-bed area on the west and invite friends/family to use the guest area a lot, but the other family only uses their 3-bed area on the weekends and then for some vacations. It sounds really modern, but the finishes are more mountain-cabin style with slate and rock and a metal roof.
Here's a similar design, but as I said, their house is not modern looking, but has a similar layout.
Sort of like this - only the center area has a kitchen/dining combo and an open family room, but there is a smaller media/family room that is enclosed.
I wonder if you could talk with an architect about your plans and they could give you some ideas of houses to look for that are easier to convert so you can do some house hunting. I think any Ranch home would be easier if you had room out back to expand and you could basically add a 2-bed "apartment" out back that is connected to the full ranch house. When we got rough costs on additions from an architect we were talking with, she said it was almost always significantly cheaper to expand on one floor that pop-the-top additions.
Post by Bernadine on Sept 27, 2017 15:26:33 GMT -5
My parents finished their basement into an in-law suite for my grandmother. Kitchen, breakfast nook, living area, full bathroom, bedroom. I think the key is for everyone to have their own space to retreat to. My grandmother was in one of the upstairs bedrooms while the basement was being finished, and I everyone was much more comfortable once she had her own space.
I know some family that added a room and accessible bathroom to the first floor to accommodate older parents. It was not completely separate, but the house has a living room and family room, so there was enough space to go around. It lasted a number of years, and now the room/bathroom can be a guest room if needed.
I don't have much to add, but wanted to say that it would be a good idea to include features so that you can eventually rent out the in-law suite...so like a door that you can lock to close it off from the main house. My H rented a basement apartment when he was in med school, and it was a great setup!
What if you just bought houses side by side? Or would that be way too much space for your parents?
My parents and my sister live next door to each other in Houston. They moved there at the same time and built houses in a new development, so they were easily able to find two side by side that fit their needs. Obviously that does not help you with a down payment if they are in their own house, but the distance is good. My sister and parents have lived like this for almost a year now and they all seem happy with the arrangement. My sister has a baby and a 3.5 year old and it's been nice having my parents nearby but not up in their space all the time. I think they see each other daily (or close to it) and my nephew can run over to their house whenever he wants since it's so close, my sister doesn't have to take him over there. If my sister needs someone to take the baby while she's doing something with my nephew, it takes my mom 2 seconds to get over there. She's a SAHM right now but I know my parents help out a lot with the kids and provide babysitting when they go out to do something (infrequently so far since my sister was pregnant and then had a baby so they haven't had a ton of opportunity for going out since they moved, but I know they are looking forward to it!). And my parents love being able to see the kids all the time.
I know a number of people who have done this for various reasons. Most are very happy with the arrangement.
My cousin bought an old Victorian that had been broken down into 2 apartments in the Boston suburbs when her widowed mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's some 20 years ago. Her mom lived in the smaller rear apartment; money from the sale of mom's home helped remodel the unit to be wheelchair accessible. Her mom has long since passed and now her adult son who has mild intellectual disability lives in that unit. The house has been placed into a trust, so the larger unit's income will help provide income when his parents pass.
One of my dear friends just built a huge Toll Bros. McMansion onto which she had an "in-law addition" added for her mom who has dementia. She has a princess bedroom/bath, sitting room (with her old dining room set so she can do puzzles) and uses the living room as her sitting room. They didn't want her cooking, so they did not add a kitchenette. Several of her neighbors have made similar changes to accommodate multiple generations- a few even have an extra kitchen.
My BFF grew up with her Italian grandmother (and uncle) living with her and her parents. Her grandmother had a small kitchen upstairs in her apartment, mom used the main kitchen and my friend had a full commercial kitchen (from her aunt's old restaurant) in the basement.
Another friend has a son on spectrum and is looking to buy a house with an ADU (additional dwelling unit) near Portland OR. The one she liked the best had the unit as a tiny guest house across the backyard.
When my house was trashed in a flood, DH, DS and I moved in with my mom. She sold us the house a couple months later but stayed with us until she retired 6 months later. We had a lot of fun that year. She stayed with me for 4 months last fall when my dad was in rehab- we enjoyed that time as well.
What if you just bought houses side by side? Or would that be way too much space for your parents?
We talked about it - I think too much space, and it would be hard to find a house with 4 bedrooms for us and 1-2 bedrooms for them in the same 'hood, let alone side-by-side. I'm just guessing, but I think we'll see more for our money if we build a larger single home or even the same lot.
I know someone who is in the middle of having one of these built. They seem really really big, or at least the plan he picked is, but it seems pretty cool.
Post by themysteriouswife on Sept 27, 2017 16:59:01 GMT -5
We had this set up a few years ago. My great aunt moved into a nursing home and we took on her "in-law suite." We had a shared three car garage and our own apartment. They built the home so it could be rented later. The electrical, gas, and water had their own meters. We had our on entrance too
My parents built a house to live with my grandma and great-grandma. Basically on the left side of the house is the master suite, office (formerly brother’s bedroom), bathroom, formal living and dining. Then in the middle of the house is the kitchen, breakfast nook and living room—open concept. And a doorway to a back patio. Then on the other side of the kitchen (right “wing” of the house) are two bedrooms and a bathroom and a sitting area in between the bedrooms. So they had their own separate bath and living room basically. When my great-grandma died, my grandma turned that bedroom into a guest/craft room. They do share the common areas of the house, garage, etc. and it works for them.