Week of 2/20

[oneslybookworm]

Ugh, hugs shauni27! Hopefully he starts feeling better soon!!

[knx9211]

Oh no, shauni27! I hope he’s better soon

[Mushe]

My doctor has my NIPT results, and hasn’t called yet. I’m dying here!

[grover]

Scheduled a consult with the RE to talk about treatments for TTC#2. Now I want the next month and a half to fly by since we've already been trying on our own since May.

[konapoppy]

Mushe I hope you are getting some sleep!

[donthasslethehoff]

Mushe, how did I miss that you were pregnant?!?!?!?!?! Did you guys decide to do IVF again or was this a complete surprise?! I am so happy for you.

[shauni27]

ah, Mushe!!! I realize I just texted you at like 5 am your time but I AM DYING HERE! I hope the RE called you!

S seems to be feeling better. Last night he had some of my red Thai curried chicken and broccoli, a pouch, some macaroni and cheese and his bottles. He slept like shit as usual, was awake from 2:45-4:30 when I finally gave in and held him while I slept upright in the glider. Son of a bitch I am getting sick of that.

[janegold]

Oh no shauni27, poor S, and poor you - that must have been scary! I'm glad he seems to be feeling a bit better already; I hope his sleep improves soon too, for your sake. It's so tough when they fight you on taking the medicine (especially as they get stronger!).

[Mushe]

Feb 22, 2018 8:32:18 GMT -5 donthasslethehoff said:

Mushe , how did I miss that you were pregnant?!?!?!?!?! Did you guys decide to do IVF again or was this a complete surprise?! I am so happy for you.

Thank you!  We did stop treatments, but I kept taking lots of  fish oil and some CoQ10, and timing when I thought I was ovulating.  😄 With our diagnosis, they harp on just waiting for a good egg, so I figured if it happened, it happened.  

[Mushe]

Oh lord, shauni27, that’s a long time. It is so rough when we can’t tell WTF they want or need to be happy and sleep/eat/be happy.

[mpc]

I had my ultrasound yesterday. There is one tiny baby with a heartbeat. I should feel comforted now but I don't really. I feel even more like a ball of nerves than I did before.

It was measuring about 10 days smaller than my LMP date says (measured 6w3d). I figured I ovulated about a week late, but those extra 3 days really threw me for a loop. We had sex on a wednesday. This suggests ovulation was sunday. I guess that's possible? Then I tested and got BFP on a thursday, which would've been 11dpo. I guess it's all possible, but I am so nervous that it was small because something is wrong. One of my previous losses was after seeing a heartbeat and I can't get it out of my head.

I haven't been taking as much progesterone as my doctor prescribed because my insurance wouldn't cover it and I was trying to make it last longer. I finally got a letter (in the mail!) yesterday saying they would cover it. I showed up at the pharmacy when they opened and asked them to fill it and the guy told me it'd be an hour before he got to me. I lost it. I started crying, I was like nobody else is here! it's just me! I need this! it was not pretty. I think all this pent up stress just came pouring out.

I saw my OB today. She doesn't want to order another ultrasound for me, but she said when I come back in 4 weeks we could do a quick peek inside to check for a heartbeat. I'm not thrilled about waiting that long, but we have a vacation in the middle of that so maybe that will be distracting.

Y'all my zen is gone. I need to find it again.

[Mushe]

Oh mpc, I am so sorry. I had a similar experience with this one, that I really can’t figure out when I ovulated and could be pregnant, but so far, so good. I am PISSED at your OB, though. Come back in 4 weeks?!? Can you press that issue?

[thoseareradishes]

((Hugs mpc))

[loira]

Huge hugs mpc!

Sending good vibes for a good result, Mushe!

spearmintleaf, it's so hard to know, isn't it? Funny you mention this because I just finished reading that book you (I think it was you?) recommended: One and Only.

[Mushe]

spearmintleaf, I feel for you as you and your H make this decision. It’s so super hard, especially knowing already what it’s like to put yourself through IVF and loss. I hope you are able to find peace with whatever decision you make. ❤️

[loira]

Feb 22, 2018 15:48:12 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Feb 22, 2018 14:59:24 GMT -5 loira said:

Huge hugs mpc !

Sending good vibes for a good result, Mushe !

spearmintleaf , it's so hard to know, isn't it? Funny you mention this because I just finished reading that book you (I think it was you?) recommended: One and Only.

I was considering reading it again to strengthen my resolve.

DH and I are tossing around the idea of doing an IUI with the leftover sperm. We have 6 vials. The chances of it working are low, but it would close the loop. Like the roll of a dice, I guess.

The funny thing about that book is I feel like it really doesn't tap into the emotional aspect. I read it and it did resonate with me, but I wasn't necessarily wondering whether I should have another. I was looking for justification for having 1, and it does provide it in terms of studies and debunking the myth of the lonely only. So it helped me pat myself on the back, but I don't know that it would necessarily convince me NOT to have a 2nd if that's what my heart was telling me.

[mpc]

Feb 22, 2018 13:47:11 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Oh mpc , I am so sorry. I had a similar experience with this one, that I really can’t figure out when I ovulated and could be pregnant, but so far, so good. I am PISSED at your OB, though. Come back in 4 weeks?!? Can you press that issue?

We leave on our vacation exactly 2 weeks from today, and once I'm back I really just have to wait over the weekend til my appointment, so it's a question of if it's possible or worth it to try to be seen before my vacation. She said I could call if my anxiety got really bad... I don't know. This is when I think maybe I should've gone back to the RE after all. Really though it would be healthiest for me to find a way not to obsess and stress for the next month. Heh, easier said than done...

You should've seen her face when I told her we were going to an island in the Caribbean. lol! Eyes as big as saucers. CDC still says no zika in Guadeloupe so I think we are good. 

[awkwardpenguin]

spearmintleaf, I've been lurking here a lot and have been dealing with a lot of the same feelings as we approach being done with babies for real, even though we have two. DS is about to turn one, and I just have so many feelings about him growing up and being done with the baby stage of life. I thought when he arrived my family would feel complete, but it doesn't, and I wasn't prepared for the feelings of grief it has brought up.

There are a million reasons for us to be done, but they're all logical reasons, not heart reasons. We've also batted around just transferring our one remaining embryo and seeing what will be, but I don't really want to open myself up to the possibility to just end up grieving IF all over again if it doesn't work. It's such a hard place to be.

[Mushe]

Feb 22, 2018 16:12:46 GMT -5 mpc said:

Feb 22, 2018 13:47:11 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Oh mpc , I am so sorry. I had a similar experience with this one, that I really can’t figure out when I ovulated and could be pregnant, but so far, so good. I am PISSED at your OB, though. Come back in 4 weeks?!? Can you press that issue?

We leave on our vacation exactly 2 weeks from today, and once I'm back I really just have to wait over the weekend til my appointment, so it's a question of if it's possible or worth it to try to be seen before my vacation. She said I could call if my anxiety got really bad... I don't know. This is when I think maybe I should've gone back to the RE after all. Really though it would be healthiest for me to find a way not to obsess and stress for the next month. Heh, easier said than done...

You should've seen her face when I told her we were going to an island in the Caribbean. lol! Eyes as big as saucers. CDC still says no zika in Guadeloupe so I think we are good. 

Oh man! I hope that the vacation is a good break. I always go back to my mantra, to not borrow trouble, worrying about things you cannot change. You’re doing what you can by taking progesterone, and the rest is up to the universe.

[oneslybookworm]

spearmintleaf, I totally feel you on the wanting a second but logic says no. We are also most likely OAD and it sucks that it feels like the choice is taken away. Even though there are options to have a second, all the cons make then not really options at all, and it feels like it’s a decision made FOR us, not made BY us. It sucks.

[oneslybookworm]

My father passed away last night. On one hand I’m so relieved that he’s not suffering anymore, but on the other it just sucks that my dad is gone.

Also, J has his hip surgery today, so that’ll be interesting.

[pandora89]

Oh ((oneslybookworm)), I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.

[mpc]

I'm sorry oneslybookworm. *Hugs*

[shauni27]

oneslybookworm, I am so, so sorry. Sending you so much love and support right now and as long as needed.

[thoseareradishes]

I'm so sorry oneslybookworm. I hope J's surgery goes well.

[konapoppy]

I so sorry for your loss oneslybookworm. Sending good thoughts for the surgery.

[kellikans]

Hugs oneslybookworm.

[Mushe]

(((oneslybookworm))), I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. 💔

[grover]

I am so sorry for your loss oneslybookworm.

[loira]

I'm so sorry, oneslybookworm. Sending good vibes that everything goes smoothly for J's surgery.