Post by HeartofCheese on Apr 19, 2018 9:26:38 GMT -5
I have a couple:
1. Talking to my boss tomorrow about why I was passed over for promotion without explanation when the last convo I had with him used the words "at the top of the list," "excellent review," "no issues," and "you've definitely been doing the job."
I don't know if I mentioned it, but we had DS's 3rd hearing test yesterday. They were only able to get him to register 3/4 frequencies they were targeting and his right ear isn't functioning in the range of normal, likely because of fluid build up. Nothing terrible, but it sounds like we'll be getting an ENT referral (the audiologist was going to email the ENT and see how she wanted to proceed). He also is sick, which is probably the cause of the fluid.. but he's always sick. In the last 60 days that I've been keeping a log, he's been well for 4.
My guess is if the ENT sees us, it will be to evaluate him for tubes.
We are also going to push for a referral to an allergist at his 2 year appointment (next month.. time flies!) to see if that could be the cause behind his constant cold/excessive mucusy airways.
k3am, Both of my kids have tubes, and it has been amazing. DS failed a kindergarten hearing test, which is how we got started with the ENT. But kids seem much happier and healthier. And in the scheme of surgery (particularly with respect to what you have gone through with your DD), it's super easy. No IV, just some gas, and they are done in like 5 minutes.
It snowed here last night, we got 6 inches. Some of the other school districts are on a 2 hour delay, but things are normal at ours, which is awesome. Also, we went sledding last night and it was a blast. DD (3) even wanted to go by herself, and I convinced her to drag her sled back up the hill. It was great.
phdmomma, I'm not worried about tubes at all, just the pain and hassle of getting to this point. I am long past the point of using sick time for my kids. I haven't worked a full 40-hour week since... I don't know when. My company/boss have been very generous, I'm just always afraid I'm past the breaking point. This will be at least two more appointments, and the pediatric ENT is not conveniently located, so it's always at least a full half day off work just for an appointment, assuming we can get one that's timed well.
I think I mentioned how I would like to do more in the direction of drug prevention. I asked to help write a grant on opiates/harm reduction. We meet for the first time tomorrow. I am excited that my grant writing skills were recognized, and my work already on this issue is acknowledged.
No if we could get our organization chart a little more streamlined, where we were all not just jumping around from program to program and having to provide several reports which is supper inefficient.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Apr 19, 2018 10:44:37 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, Both of those things sound upsetting and stressful. But you are strong and can get through both. You can't control the outcome of any of this but you can control voicing your position, not backing down until the game is over, and then pushing through and managing the results.
Post by covergirl82 on Apr 19, 2018 11:29:08 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, good luck tomorrow and with the trial. ((((Hugs)))) Do you have anything in writing related to what your boss told you in your last conversation? Even if you don't have something in writing, document the last conversation and tomorrow's conversation. Are you aware of any other situations where women were passed over for a promotion and men were promoted instead? A coworker who used to work for a law firm said that even an established pattern is something to go on. (She told me that one time when I said I wished I had filed an EEO claim related to pregnancy discrimination at my last employer. Nothing in writing, just comments my manager made in a performance review, but there was a pattern of performance actions against other pregnant women who reported to the same manager.)
Good luck gearing up for trial HeartofCheese. IDK if this is at all helpful, but sharing custody feels awful at first and literally it feels like seconds are life and death. I think we are biologically programmed that way. As the kids get bigger it gets easier. And that’s true even when your ex sucks. While we were in the Caymans both girls had a stomach virus. ExH flaked and DD organized my mom to take care of them because she can’t take care of herself, her sick sister and DS. She’s grown up with a real relationship with her Dad - I haven’t sheltered her from his flakiness - and she knows how to handle it. Kids really really are so resilient.
I’m still so motion sick (landsick) that working is really hard. I’m constantly dizzy and mildly nauseous. My vision jumps around when I am sitting because my brain feels like I am moving and I am not. It’s awful.
phdmomma , I'm not worried about tubes at all, just the pain and hassle of getting to this point. I am long past the point of using sick time for my kids. I haven't worked a full 40-hour week since... I don't know when. My company/boss have been very generous, I'm just always afraid I'm past the breaking point. This will be at least two more appointments, and the pediatric ENT is not conveniently located, so it's always at least a full half day off work just for an appointment, assuming we can get one that's timed well.
We had that as well. Audiologist would say there was fluid come back when there is no fluid (um there was never not any fluid) and he was sick a lot. Our pediatric ENT was an interesting character- she wasn't that far away but there was always a 1.5 hour wait. So we learned to go first thing in the morning, but some mornings she had surgery.
She may have been the best in surgery, but her bedside manner and running late all the time and flakiness had me move him over to a closer ENT who was much more practical. He does kids too and did a round in pediatrics, but is not necessarily a pediatric ENT. I am still glad we stayed with her for the surgeries, but moving to him was such a relief. I am kind of rambling, but I think my point is I totally understand all of the appointments and time away from work. I have basically gotten used to never working a full week almost ever. Luckily my boss is OK with this, and I am in a much more laid back industry.
The PT and OT appointments worked out pretty well and that was one appointment a week for 9 months, so much so that I think I am pretty close to asking him to leave early 2 days a week to get the kids off the bus. We shall see if I do since I have been talking about it for years now....
The ENT we saw for DS's adenoids was named Dr. Butt. I was not amused when DH told her she was in the wrong specialty field. I was expecting death daggers, but she laughed and said he was legitimately the only person who'd ever actually said it out loud in front of her.
DH is basically an untrained puppy. He's cute and most people seem to like him, but you never know when he's going to do something he shouldn't.
k3am, DD1 was sick all the time. We found out she had a severe dairy allergy and she always had ear infections so she had tubes placed at 7 months old. She continued to be sick all the time. Pushed to see an allergist when she turned 1 and found out she is allergic to almost everything and has asthma. The combination makes it really hard for her to stay healthy and we are still working on the right path medication wise for her. I would encourage you to push for the allergy consult. We had no idea that she could be allergic to our dogs and there is pet dander everywhere that affects how she breathes and just brings her immune system down.
Tax season is over!!! We are back to working Monday-Thursday 8-3 closed on Fridays. It really hasn't sunk in yet probably since I can barely keep my eyes open at my desk. The quiet is nice, minus the clients on extension calling asking "are they done yet".
Made my to do list up just now. Broke it down by room and will start next week working on one room at a time. Some of it is just seasonal stuff, switching clothes around, cleaning the patio, and other stuff is just deep cleaning the house that hasn't been done since December. I also made up my mile long grocery list that doesn't have as single processed food on it which is going to shock DH and DD as they both have gotten used to eating junk.
mellym , I had a random food allergy one year that kept causing me to break out in really severe hives. The doctor I went to suggested not doing an allergy test. His logic was that I was likely slightly allergic to several things, but it was so mild that I never had any effect from it. Never figured out what it was.
I am thinking there's a good possibility of allergies, but I'm hoping it's not to something that he loves. Like if the boy is allergic to bread ingredients, he - and we- are going to be miserable.
Post by covergirl82 on Apr 20, 2018 7:06:41 GMT -5
I talked with my dad this morning and got an update on my aunt who has cancer. He said it is worse now and "not looking good." She lives about 45 minutes away, but next Thursday is coming to have a treatment done at hospital right down the street from where I work, so I'm going to go visit her for a little while when she has breaks during the treatment. My dad and mom and another aunt and uncle will be there too.
covergirl82,I'm sorry but it's really nice that you will get to spend some time with her next week.
k3am, How did your morning birthday party work out? We are starting to plan DD1's and I'm thinking of doing it in the morning since it's starting to get nice outside and people will have the rest of the day to themselves. I'm afraid we won't get many yes replies if we choose a Saturday afternoon at the start of summer.
My update is that DH thinks he has finally turned the corner after his vasectomy. Now he wants to know when he can get back to the basement project. IDK, we have something every weekend for the foreseeable future and he is going out with the guys all of Saturday. I would like to know when I get a break or can work on one of my projects too. I'm excited about the basement getting done but it's just not at the top of my list when it means I have to solo parent all the time for three kids 5 and under.
I think DD1's new allergy meds are making a difference and I'm thrilled. She told me yesterday that she's not blowing her nose as much in school and it's been really good. In the height of allergy season.
mellym, it worked out really well! We only had a few kids who declined. No complaints about the time from any of the parents, mostly people (at least said they) were happy about it.
We did it on a Sunday, since Saturday mornings are tend to be class day (DD's ballet is Saturday morning, and I know most of her friends have something - dance/gym/swim/whatever) so we figured we'd get less attendees. We are not religious and none of our close friends are, so Sunday wasn't an issue for us.
I've mentioned that my former company was forced by the DOL to pay a settlement to ~350 women and people of color for underpaying them vs their white male counterparts. I was on the list to receive a check. According to UPS, it is supposed to arrive today.
I just got an alert from UPS. THEY LOST IT. "Sorted Incorrectly" is how they described it... THEY LOST IT. WTF???
2chatter, I do have a rough amount. One friend is still technically on the payroll - she was laid off and is still receiving severance - and she said that an amount hit her bank account through direct deposit. But that number seemed low. Decent estimate, but low. Works out to be about 10% of my salary upon my departure.
I'm expecting 2 checks: one for back pay, and one for interest on the back pay. So I'm wondering if she only received the back pay, and that the interest will come separately.
The best part of all of this is that the company has made a TON of money promoting equality of women in the board room through an award winning guerrilla marketing tactic that probably everyone on this board knows about. I had to work on that stupid campaign, rolling my eyes so hard that they almost fell out. I've seen it mentioned in People Magazine, on Jeopardy, EVERYWHERE. And the whole time, they were underpaying women and actively working to drive out women in middle management and executive positions. The whole thing is just gross.
HeartofCheese , did you speak to your boss? How did it go?
No good news, just that he didn't think he made any clear indications that I should expect a promotion (which I totally disagree with) and he felt the people who got them deserved them. I'll be writing an email to another higher up noting that the two of us who were passed over were moms and that numerous opportunities were handed to these guys instead of us when we had 1-2 years of additional experience and seniority. And that in spite of having to make opportunities for ourselves, we still managed to fill the expectations of the position.
So. No good news. No progress. No more money. Which is really all I want. GIVE ME THE MONEY!
HeartofCheese, I'm sorry that your boss is trying to snake out of this. He screwed up, and he screwed you. Good for you for pursuing it with another higher up. Are there any women that are higher than your boss in your division that might help you out? It would be great to find one as a mentor. That was always difficult for me at my old company - there were very few women executives, and the ones that did exist were just... awful people. I had to rely on peers, but we were all in the same boat. I hope it's not the same for you.
Good luck to you. I hope it works out and you get what you deserve!!!
Post by erinshelley21 on Apr 20, 2018 13:29:24 GMT -5
I have not heard anything from the company with the 2 jobs I applied for on Monday. I'm trying not to think about it too much since it may been too soon? I don't know.
DH overheard my aunt talking while he was helping her move last weekend about listing her farmhouse soon and that she's going to include all of the ground. He is now interested again. So, I called a lender that specializes in farms and even with a high guess of what she would list it for, we could get a loan for that amount. It's on the very, very high end of what they would loan in terms of our debt to income ratio, but it is possible. Who knows. We still have a few weeks before we can make any decisions because of the school vote. Plus she will probably drag her feet actually listing it.
I just got a text from my dad's wife with a very condescending tone, telling me she moved him and I can't take him out of the facility again because "every time" he has adjustment issues. I've taken him out exactly once, after asking multiple nurses and employees if it would be ok and they all said it would be fine and he would enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, just have him back in a couple hours (which I did). It also came across like she was giving me permission to visit him, and very martyrish about being his sole caregiver. I had no ill will toward her at all, but I am really bothered by the tone of the text. This is the woman who didn't tell me when she moved him into a home, and I heard about it weeks later from my uncle (after calling for several weeks of no answer). I'll get over it, but I hate it when it seems like everything I do is wrong, even when I thought I did something good.
I tried MM LaFleur. I got a good jacket, a button down shirt with buttons that don’t gape (!!!!), and maybe the best dress that’s ever been on my body. Ridiculously expensive, but I really need some nice new work clothes. I’m overdue. I asked for a second bento and am hoping for more awesome dresses.