Last night I went to a neighbor's holiday party and at the end of the night there were 4 other women there who are in their 40s-50s. ALL of them were traumatized as children after finding out the truth about Santa. They still seem to have issues about being lied to about Santa as children. They were very passionate and vocal about it so much so that I kept expecting them to tell me that they were kidding and just being dramatic. But they were all serious.
I have zero negative memory about finding out about Santa. I remember the fun and magic. If I was upset, it wasn't long lasting.
I don't care about it now, but I was PISSED when I first found out (I was 7). I was confused about why they had lied to me and felt embarrassed, like everyone was in on a joke but me, and everyone was laughing at how dumb I was for believing.
ETA: After reading some others' responses, I think my reaction had a lot to do with really believing, then being told point blank that Santa was not real, rather than slowly doubting and figuring it out for myself.
Post by eponinepontmercy on Dec 6, 2018 14:33:12 GMT -5
I don't remember when I found out, but my mom says I was very upset.
I moved on pretty quickly.
I couldn't have been very surprised, though. Santa had a habit of leaving on the Toys R Us price stickers.
ETA:
When I was younger, my dad's family had a huge Christmas Eve dinner - like, 40ish people. Every year, one of the men dressed up as Santa and gave out gifts that other family members had brought. I was convinced it was one of my great uncles, and called him out one year. Not long after I said it, while I was sitting on his lap, Santa walked in. My mom said my face was priceless and that kept me believing a little longer.
No, I see it as a rite of passage. My mom bought presents for us and tried to make it fun and magical; I can’t fault her for that. I will admit I was pretty smug when I figured out my mom was Santa, like I had solved some huge mystery. I think I would have been bummed if someone had just told me Santa wasn’t real.
Post by redheadbaker on Dec 6, 2018 14:37:30 GMT -5
I would leave Santa a letter along with his milk, eggnog and carrot for Rudolph. Santa would always leave me a note back. One year, I realized that Santa's handwriting looked EXACTLY like my dad's!
Post by katieinthecity on Dec 6, 2018 14:39:57 GMT -5
My Mom still won't admit to us that Santa isn't real. I was the oldest of four and when I asked her about it around age 8 or 9 she told me very matter-of-factly that Santa doesn't bring presents to people who don't believe in him. That ended the discussion and remained her line. He basically just transitioned from magic imaginary sleigh dude to treating each other to Christmas surprises and is referred to in a very tongue-in-cheek manner by all of us. She still writes "From Santa" on some of our gifts, as do we for her. When my Dad was alive they'd give each other a few gifts from "Santa" and "Mrs. Claus". We coordinate to fill her stocking as well. It's sweet and cute and works for our family.
ALTHOUGH the Santa ruse is basically the slippery slope that landed me at atheism. And my Catholic upbringing has been the topic of many a therapy session. So... take from that what you will. Hah.
My parents didn't go to a whole lot of trouble to hide their participation in the Santa process. (Same wrapping paper, saw mom put what later turned out to be Santa presents into the shopping cart.) So I figured it out young-- maybe by 5/6.
I think some of my classmate's parents went to much greater lengths to keep the Santa belief going. "You won't get any presents if you don't believe". Those kids were much more devestated when they figured it out at 10/11.
Maybe those women were harmed because their parents told outright lies well into early adolescence or something?
I remember it as being something like a slow dawning as I noted similarities between Santa's handwriting and my mom's. Nail in the coffin was the year that Santa got me a boom box and my brother got me accessories for it (how did he know??? Ohhhhhhhhh.)
There was not really a big moment around it, and it did not traumatize me at all.
I figured it out because my parents had a family friend come over dressed in a santa suit and knock on the window, in the weeks before Christmas, and ask me if I'd been good. It was kind of jarring to have someone pound on the window at night and then come in and quiz you about your behavior. This happened every year from the time I was very small and I eventually recognized the smell of his tobacco and told my parents I wasn't falling for this horseshit any more. LOL
My Mom broke the news when I was 11 (naive party of one here). I don’t remember being upset. I got to help her do the work for my Sister.
My Brother would probably say that he was traumatized. I think he found out through friends and his relationship with my parents was never great anyway.
Post by meshaliuknits on Dec 6, 2018 14:42:37 GMT -5
I walked into the living room while my parents were putting out all the santa stuff when I was 5ish. My mama told me not to tell my sisters & sent me back to bed. I wasn't upset or even really surprised. My parents doing it made way more sense to me.
My dad used to always carry a bunch of quarters. The Tooth Fairy had brought me a dollar bill when I lost a tooth at my mom's house but oddly brought me four quarters when I lost one at my dad's. It wasn't a giant leap to Santa from there.
I almost wonder if the younger you find out, the less traumatizing it is because you grow up and you're like, "Oh, that's kid stuff to believe in Santa!" I had to have been like 6 based on the timing of the Tooth Fairy. Maybe not figuring it out until 9 or 10 would make it feel a lot more like your parents actively lied to you? IDK.
Not a Santa “issue” per se, but I was fairly young when I found out (just turned 6), so I was sad and hurt. I made him a gift and left it under the tree and he didn’t take it.
As an adult, I was groped and harassed by a Santa...that was probably more traumatic.
Post by irishbride2 on Dec 6, 2018 14:47:32 GMT -5
I still get gifts from santa. So I have no clue what you are talking about.
I mean, I don't get it. DD (8) just found out the elf isn't real and she immediately was like "ohhh..... that makes sense. Can I help move the elf for DS?" She also knows the tooth fairy isn't real (I told her that one selfishly because I fucking hate being the tooth fairy). She had a similar reaction but also wanted to make sure she would still get money.
I imagine Santa will be similar. I plan to hold out forever on Santa lol
My mother in particular caused so many of my issues but Santa's not even the list. I started to figure it out on my own and just asked on Christmas when I was about 8 or 9. My mom saw no reason to keep lying to me and asked that I just keep it going for my sister. I do feel bad that I innocently ruined Santa for my sister the next year, though. We always told each other about a gift we knew the other was getting and I unknowingly told her about one of her Santa presents that year. Both of us cried but we've gotten over it.
My parents didn't go to a whole lot of trouble to hide their participation in the Santa process. (Same wrapping paper, saw mom put what later turned out to be Santa presents into the shopping cart.) So I figured it out young-- maybe by 5/6.
I think some of my classmate's parents went to much greater lengths to keep the Santa belief going. "You won't get any presents if you don't believe". Those kids were much more devestated when they figured it out at 10/11.
Maybe those women were harmed because their parents told outright lies well into early adolescence or something?
From what they said, they found out around 7-9 years old.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
I have a distinct memory of finding out and then being ok at the moment. But then later on silently crying to myself. Kind of silly, but this memory of being so sad has made me reluctant to go down the Santa road with the kids. I don't want to disappoint them. But H wants to do it so I've gone along. It's getting harder though. DD asked me the other day point blank whether Santa was real and I didn't really know what to say so I deflected.
I figured it out because Santa didn't bring me anything that I asked for on my list. Or he brought me a different version and I was pissed. So I asked my mom and she said that he wasn't real.
I really really wanted a Barbie and the Rockers Tour Bus. I cut out pictures of it and brought that to Santa. I didn't get the tour bus and got some small thing related to it instead. There were a couple other gifts that were the same thing.
I figured it out the Christmas before I turned 7. But because I was the youngest, I didn't want to disappoint my parents or my older sister (or lose out on Santa gifts) so I kept on pretending to believe. Never have we discussed in my family that Santa isn't real but obviously everyone knows. My H and I even keep up some of the pretense and do stockings for each other, although we do have conversations like "Santa wants to know if there's anything in particular you want in your stocking", etc.