And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
This is not at all flameful. I'd be extremely annoyed to have to bring 4 gifts to one party.
I agree, I don’t want to spend $100 on gifts for one party. I always think of the gift cost as paying for the entrance fee/entertainment, food, cake, etc. for my kid. If I’m expected to buy 4 gifts I would likely skip and just pay the $10-15 entrance fee to take my kid another day. This is all assuming they aren’t close friends. For us, preschool parties were usually not close friends.
If it was a “no gifts” party I would go.
ETA: we have my daughters party a month early every year (the weekend before school gets out). So many people are out of town for the 4th of July every year so her party would likely be a bust if we did it around her actual birthday.
-We are doing a joint party with my two and 3 other kids in their grade. We did it with one other kid last year. The kids are psyched about it. We get to invite the entire 1st grade (50 kids) and other parents are psyched to go to one party instead of 5. We will have one or two huge cakes and each boy will get his own cupcake with a candle to blow out.
-We always say no gifts. With the entire grade invited and people bringing gifts anyway no matter if we say not to, they will get gifts.
-We will have a celebration for just our kids and non school friends on their actual bday.
In your situation, if you have committed to the joint party, I think I'd have a separate small party if you can swing it with family and non center friends where he can celebrate like he wants to.
And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
This is not at all flameful. I'd be extremely annoyed to have to bring 4 gifts to one party.
I will say that even being annoyed is a privileged stance. I'd be priced out of attending and no matter how OP perceives her guests' financial situations, I'm guessing I'm not the only middle class mom on a strict budget.
I would throw the party a month later. My DD's birthday one year waited 3 weeks. Her best friend just turned 8 in January and her party is in April because of scheduling.
Post by ellipses84 on Feb 15, 2019 15:55:16 GMT -5
I wouldn’t address the gift issue at all. Most people will bring gifts for the boys and most 5 year olds would be happy if those gifts were only a cheap toy. As a guest, I’d be happy to not be running to multiple bday parties in the same weekend and would bring gifts for all. I’m assuming the shared bday kids would give each other gifts. I think the bigger issue is if you feel you’ll have to compromise what you want for a shared party, or be annoyed by having to plan it with others.
We’ve done shared cousin parties, with family and friends and even different theme/cakes for each kid. My boys all have their bdays the same week and I’d ideally have a shared party, plus twin friends and another friend have their bday the same week, but DS1 really wants a party and does NOT want to share it with anyone, so I may do it a couple weeks early or late.
Many 4-5 year olds (and their parents, lol) will not have the energy to do two birthday parties on one day. If I were invited to two on one day and one was for three friends and the other was for one friend, I would probably go to the future friend party and decline the one friend party. I would expect attendance at your party to be quite low if you do it on the same day, especially if people get wind that you are doing a separate party because the group one isn’t special enough.
That said, I would totally plan your kids party for a month later. We are doing that for my six year olds party because of scheduling and it is no big deal at all.
If you do a four person party, you really have to do no gifts. Nobody wants to spend $80 to go to one party and that’s what you’re asking if you allow gifts. I would be so embarrassed as the host to do that.
And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
This was my first though. Bringing 4 gifts for 1 party is a lot. If it wasn't a 'no gift' party, I'd get them each something small, all the same thing, like each one of the small nerf guns you can get in the stocking stuffer area of target.
If they want a different venue than the one your ds has his heart set on, I'd use that as an easy out to do your own individual party. But if you say that your ds really only wants to have his party at x place, and they say, ok, let's do the joint party there, then I'd just go with it. If my kid got an invitation to 2 parties in the same day, at different times and different places, I'd be up for them going to both. But if it was at the same place, we'd only go to one.
Post by icedcoffee on Feb 15, 2019 17:50:32 GMT -5
If I went to a 4 kid party I’d probably only spend about $10 per kid (normally I spen 20-25). I don’t think you need to make it no gifts. I think people will just adjust their gift to for their budget.
I’ve been traveling all day, so unable to update... No one has really taken the lead beyond passing conversations about this or that. I emailed the other parents and said I’m planning to have a party for DS on this date and at this location. We’re happy to share the party with our good friends, but also understand if you would rather have your own parties. No one has responded as of yet.
DH & I looked at the calendar and the weekends are all pretty busy for like the next 6-8 weeks following this preferred weekend. We can’t go much before the date as there’s spring break, St. Patrick’s Day, and getting it put together in time. I’ll give the other moms a few days before booking the party my kid wants to have.
As far as the gifts, I get all of what you’re saying. Do people ever put gift optional? I know that sounds weird! DS doesn’t need anything and that’s not why we’re having a party, but it’s a really big deal in his mind, of course. A family friend is having a party for her kids tomorrow and put no gifts on the invite and told me yesterday that 2 people have called to ask what her daughter likes. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve been traveling all day, so unable to update... No one has really taken the lead beyond passing conversations about this or that. I emailed the other parents and said I’m planning to have a party for DS on this date and at this location. We’re happy to share the party with our good friends, but also understand if you would rather have your own parties. No one has responded as of yet.
DH & I looked at the calendar and the weekends are all pretty busy for like the next 6-8 weeks following this preferred weekend. We can’t go much before the date as there’s spring break, St. Patrick’s Day, and getting it put together in time. I’ll give the other moms a few days before booking the party my kid wants to have.
As far as the gifts, I get all of what you’re saying. Do people ever put gift optional? I know that sounds weird! DS doesn’t need anything and that’s not why we’re having a party, but it’s a really big deal in his mind, of course. A family friend is having a party for her kids tomorrow and put no gifts on the invite and told me yesterday that 2 people have called to ask what her daughter likes. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you all for the feedback!
Is the date the one you all agreed on for the joint party? That might go down like a lead balloon, especially if they are planning to still do the party for the other three boys.
No. Gift optional is not a thing. Gifts are always optional, and to be frank, I have no clue who brings gifts to my kids' parties (before we went gift free). They'd write thank you notes, but I sure as shit didn't go through the list and figure out who came without one. No gifts means no gifts - it's crappy to bring one in that case.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I’ve been traveling all day, so unable to update... No one has really taken the lead beyond passing conversations about this or that. I emailed the other parents and said I’m planning to have a party for DS on this date and at this location. We’re happy to share the party with our good friends, but also understand if you would rather have your own parties. No one has responded as of yet.
DH & I looked at the calendar and the weekends are all pretty busy for like the next 6-8 weeks following this preferred weekend. We can’t go much before the date as there’s spring break, St. Patrick’s Day, and getting it put together in time. I’ll give the other moms a few days before booking the party my kid wants to have.
As far as the gifts, I get all of what you’re saying. Do people ever put gift optional? I know that sounds weird! DS doesn’t need anything and that’s not why we’re having a party, but it’s a really big deal in his mind, of course. A family friend is having a party for her kids tomorrow and put no gifts on the invite and told me yesterday that 2 people have called to ask what her daughter likes. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you all for the feedback!
Is the date the one you all agreed on for the joint party? That might go down like a lead balloon, especially if they are planning to still do the party for the other three boys.
No. Gift optional is not a thing. Gifts are always optional, and to be frank, I have no clue who brings gifts to my kids' parties (before we went gift free). They'd write thank you notes, but I sure as shit didn't go through the list and figure out who came without one. No gifts means no gifts - it's crappy to bring one in that case.
I think I gave the wrong impression- no one is moving forward with any plans. I sent the email with the hopes that we can set up some firm plans. The party my kid wants to have is the one we’ve been discussing. Other people have suggested things my kid doesn't want to do, but I think everyone would be on board with what I’ve proposed.
You can definitely have a party on St. Patrick’s Day. An 11 am party isn’t competing with bar time, and most parents of preschoolers that I know don’t have wild and crazy plans anyway. You might lose a few for local parades, so maybe time it around the big local event if there is one.
So if I understand correctly the group party hasn't actually been planned? in that case I think it's fine to claim the date for yourself and have a party jut for your kid. As pp mentioned, "gift optional" is not a thing. if it's a group party indicate no gifts and if it's individual don't mention gifts at all and presumably people will bring gifts for your son.
I’m surprised at all the mentions of $20 gifts! I live in the middle of Manhattan, and my kid goes to an affluent private school, and I’d still have no shame in bringing a $10 gift (or spending $40 on one joint party, not $80!). Granted my kid is 5, and maybe it gets harder as he’s older, but for now it’s easy to find legos/books/etc in that price range. I’m probably the youngest, brokest mom among our school friends, and I still don’t think my wealthier friends spend more than that for gifts, unless it’s a reeeeally good friend.
DD just turned 5. We went to Disney on her birthday and had cake while we were there, cake at Grandma’s after Disney, showered with presents at Christmas, yet she kept talking about having a party. Her birthday was December 8th so I held the birthday party on January 26. Eleven of the 15 kids I invited came and no one said anything when I mentioned this party was 7 weeks late. It was a blast for all the kids.I did write “DD’s 5th birthday” on the invite so parents didn’t think she was turning 6.
So if I understand correctly the group party hasn't actually been planned? in that case I think it's fine to claim the date for yourself and have a party jut for your kid. As pp mentioned, "gift optional" is not a thing. if it's a group party indicate no gifts and if it's individual don't mention gifts at all and presumably people will bring gifts for your son.
Correct- except we’ve now communicated and I’m hosting a party for just DS in the afternoon at his desired location. One of the other moms will host a party earlier in the day. I’m fine with this as we’ll have full control, DS can get presents, and invite anyone he wants.
Correct- except we’ve now communicated and I’m hosting a party for just DS in the afternoon at his desired location. One of the other moms will host a party earlier in the day. I’m fine with this as we’ll have full control, DS can get presents, and invite anyone he wants.
Is the other party for just one kid or the other 3?
Other party is for twins. 3rd mom hasn’t responded to any of this, so I’m moving ahead with what my kid wants to do.
Bumping this because I’m LIVID!! My child was just invited to a party the other 3 are having...
Why? Is it the same day & at the same place? You planned the party you wanted & I assume you’ve already sent invites out for your son’s party. I think it’s good that they invited your son, feelings would be hurt if they didn’t.
Bumping this because I’m LIVID!! My child was just invited to a party the other 3 are having...
Why? Is it the same day & at the same place? You planned the party you wanted & I assume you’ve already sent invites out for your son’s party. I think it’s good that they invited your son, feelings would be hurt if they didn’t.
They got together to have the SAME damn party we’re planning, just 2 hours earlier. Together. Without my kid. Knowing exactly what I was planning We have not sent invites yet. Was planning to do that tonight 🙄😤
Why? Is it the same day & at the same place? You planned the party you wanted & I assume you’ve already sent invites out for your son’s party. I think it’s good that they invited your son, feelings would be hurt if they didn’t.
They got together to have the SAME damn party we’re planning, just 2 hours earlier. Together. Without my kid. Knowing exactly what I was planning We have not sent invites yet. Was planning to do that tonight 🙄😤
Same party as in the same venue? That is weird to me...but maybe they got the impression you just wanted to do your own thing.
Could it be that they purposely planned the party right before yours to make it convenient for their kids to also attend your son’s party? I know it’s a little weird, but your posts here sounded like you definitely preferred to have a solo party...but you COULD share, as long as they did what you wanted to do. If I got that impression, I wouldn’t ask again if you wanted to do a joint party (Not because I was upset, just because it didn’t seem like you wanted to, and I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured). It sounds like the other 2 moms preferred to have a joint party with no gifts. The kids will think it’s totally awesome to get to go to two parties back to back, and parents will love that they can drop off for 3 hours instead of 1.5.
I understand the urge to be angry, but if you talk to them about it, you may find that they were thinking that they were doing the nice thing.
Why? Is it the same day & at the same place? You planned the party you wanted & I assume you’ve already sent invites out for your son’s party. I think it’s good that they invited your son, feelings would be hurt if they didn’t.
They got together to have the SAME damn party we’re planning, just 2 hours earlier. Together. Without my kid. Knowing exactly what I was planning We have not sent invites yet. Was planning to do that tonight 🙄😤
I'm confused. Are the parties at the same place?
I guess I don't get it. You bailed on their party. Maybe the other three wanted something in particular too. I don't think you can mandate the whole thing, which is kind of what it seems like is happening here. Your kid wanted something, so you bailed. They should get to have the party they want too.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Could it be that they purposely planned the party right before yours to make it convenient for their kids to also attend your son’s party? I know it’s a little weird, but your posts here sounded like you definitely preferred to have a solo party...but you COULD share, as long as they did what you wanted to do. If I got that impression, I wouldn’t ask again if you wanted to do a joint party (Not because I was upset, just because it didn’t seem like you wanted to, and I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured). It sounds like the other 2 moms preferred to have a joint party with no gifts. The kids will think it’s totally awesome to get to go to two parties back to back, and parents will love that they can drop off for 3 hours instead of 1.5.
I understand the urge to be angry, but if you talk to them about it, you may find that they were thinking that they were doing the nice thing.
There’s a 1 hour gap before the end of their party and the start of ours. It’s moot now as I plan to lose the deposit and come up with a different plan.
Oh, this sucks. You emailed them and said your date, plans, and offered to include them as per your last update. So, they responded with silence until an invitation to the other kids group party, which is the same day and two hours earlier?
They got together to have the SAME damn party we’re planning, just 2 hours earlier. Together. Without my kid. Knowing exactly what I was planning We have not sent invites yet. Was planning to do that tonight 🙄😤
I'm confused. Are the parties at the same place?
I guess I don't get it. You bailed on their party. Maybe the other three wanted something in particular too. I don't think you can mandate the whole thing, which is kind of what it seems like is happening here. Your kid wanted something, so you bailed. They should get to have the party they want too.
I never bailed on anything because no one really responded to me when I sent the first message, encouraging a conversation. I was trying everything I knew to do to avoid this situation. I spoke to the one mom in person (other mom NEVER responded to anything) who suggested an out there idea that I knew my son wanted no part of. I talked to my son, he said no that’s not what I want. I told that mom, and from there we agreed to host our own parties. I figured, as she knew exactly what my kid had his heart set on, and her kids are in to sports and other things, she would not plan the exact same party I was planning. She had also given me several reasons why she did not want to have that party. So, I was pretty hurt and angry when I received their invitation today.
Oh, this sucks. You emailed them and said your date, plans, and offered to include them as per your last update. So, they responded with silence until an invitation to the other kids group party, which is the same day and two hours earlier?
DING DING DING!! Yes! ETA: Not quite silence, as I knew she was planning something earlier in the day. Never mentioned the other mom who has never responded to any of this.
I’m not mad they’re having a party. I’m mad they’re having the exact same party that I offered for all of us to have together, without my son as one of the guests of honor.
Why? Is it the same day & at the same place? You planned the party you wanted & I assume you’ve already sent invites out for your son’s party. I think it’s good that they invited your son, feelings would be hurt if they didn’t.
They got together to have the SAME damn party we’re planning, just 2 hours earlier. Together. Without my kid. Knowing exactly what I was planning We have not sent invites yet. Was planning to do that tonight 🙄😤
I get why you’re mad & I would probably be mad too. However, you stated earlier that one of the other moms was already planning a party for the same day so that part shouldn't be a surprise. It totally sucks that they planned the same party at the same place just a few hours earlier. Maybe you can get your deposit back or reschedule & have it applied to a different date.