Week of March 11th

[starryfish]

Mar 12, 2019 22:20:43 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Mar 12, 2019 20:28:39 GMT -5 starryfish said:

We found out that we might not be able to do the ivf clinical trial after all. Ugh.

We are hoping to do another iui. Hoping to go in tomorrow for clearance to start the iui cycle.

Oh crap, I’m so sorry to hear this. When do you find out more?

When I meet with my doctor in two weeks. Or I will also ask when I go in tomorrow hopefully

[moonriver]

seeyalater52 I’m so sorry. Of course it’s a difficult week for you. I’m glad it sounds like you have a promising clinic to go to. I can’t imagine the emotional toll this has taken on you.

[fairfax]

Mar 12, 2019 22:26:25 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

TW: loss

This is a hard week for me. Friday would have been the due date of my first pregnancy. In 9 months it feels like absolutely nothing has changed except the number of babies we have lost. I’m just as barren and more sad than I could have imagined.

My PCP wrote me a script for Zoloft after I told her how anxious and depressed I am. Then turned around and told me that there is a risk of birth defects but depression is also bad for pregnancy. I havent filled it yet even though I know the birth defects comment is a gross mischaracterization of the available research.

We had a consult tonight with CCRM and if we decide to do another retrieval I’m pretty sure this is the clinic we will choose. The doctor was a lot more innovative and had ideas she wanted to try that she thinks could make a difference. I’m not surprised considering CCRM’s reputation but I was pretty excited. She is not out there by any stretch but her willingness to potentially try some of the less invasive immune related protocols is very appealing to me. She seemed cautiously optimistic we would have success if we stuck with it, but I’m pretty sure I only have the emotional energy for one more retrieval.

I am so so sorry my friend. Those milestones are so tough on their own, and they can really highlight the lack of progress. I’m glad the new dr has some fresh ideas!

[wise_rita]

Mar 12, 2019 22:19:51 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Mar 12, 2019 8:49:30 GMT -5 wise_rita said:

Thank you but save your sympathy for someone else. Everything is a hopeless mess for me so someone else needs the good will more. Vibes to them instead!

I feel you so hard with this, friend. I know you don’t need sympathy but I empathize so much. I’m so sorry.

I have to delay my next/last transfer from this cycle (transfer #5 Jesus Christ) until May also. Knowing no matter what happens we won’t get a baby in 2019 hurts. For me, the transfer will almost certainly be another loss, and I’m scared. This is all bullshit.

Here's to a fruitful 2020 for the both of us!

Fuck you, 2019.

[vmars]

seeyalater52 , I am sorry you are having a hard time. I am glad you found a more optimistic doctor, that makes a huge difference. 

I had my first early morning monitoring today. 15 follicles on the right and 10 on the left. Waiting to hear from my nurse to confirm my dosages. I slept okay but had all the anxiety IVF dreams about messing up my shots Lolol. 

[msmerymac]

seeyalater52 I know at least 2 people dealing with IF who are on zoloft - it's actually supposed to be one of the safest for pregnancy based on long-term studies.

[cherryvalance]

pandora89, you've got a PM.

[lpcats]

seeyalater52 my psychiatrist actually switched me from Cymbalta to Zoloft when I told her we were planning on getting pregnant specifically because it's considered one of the safer drugs for pregnancy.

[seeyalater52]

Thanks, everyone. I have put my masters in epidemiology to good use looking at all the available studies and intellectually I know Zoloft is as gold standard as it gets for pregnancy-safe drugs, but I am having trouble with the emotional hurdle and anxiety around starting (especially since almost no research focuses on impacts on conception, especially among people with infertility/doing IVF.) It doesn't help that my PCP is a scaremongering d-bag who really freaked me out with her commentary.

[EllenGriswold]

Hugs to everyone who is struggling this week - that’s maybe the worst part of this whole process, taking a time period that should be fun and exciting and making it absolutely miserable.
seeyalater52, the milestones are so hard, be kind to yourself. And kudos for being proactive about asking for help with the anxiety. I know that in the past dealing with IF there were times I definitely should have been seeing someone about my mental state and I never did because I was so burned out on doctor visits and meds and working everything into my work schedules and it was awful. Hoping the best for your next clinic if you go that route.

Hopefully the IVF trial is possible for you starryfish.

[ilovecandy]

Hugs seeyalater

Welcome back pandora I remember you

Went to the re today. Depending on what insurance tells me tomorrow I am tentatively scheduled for a mock, hysteroscopy and antral follicle count on Friday to begin all me pretesting.

Gotta get myself to anlab to do day 3 next month plus all the other test (they said this could be delayed depending on want happens for Friday). They want to do a biopsy on my Endo to check for receptiveness and inflammation which would likely require two cycles. I forget the exact name it I called hut they put me on estrogen for two weeks check my lining start the progesterone then after x amount of time (typically 120 hours) they do the biopsy. Depending on how it comes back I may have to do another one with different timing on the progesterone.

No clue if insurance will pay for it, I think they may since it is considered diagnostic maybe? Otherwise I have no idea how much that will cost.

Starting retrieval timeline tentatively in August after all the pretesting and my husband comes back home (he will be gone a couple months for a school).

[seeyalater52]

Mar 13, 2019 17:59:13 GMT -5 ilovecandy said:

Hugs seeyalater

Welcome back pandora I remember you

Went to the re today. Depending on what insurance tells me tomorrow I am tentatively scheduled for a mock, hysteroscopy and antral follicle count on Friday to begin all me pretesting.

Gotta get myself to anlab to do day 3 next month plus all the other test (they said this could be delayed depending on want happens for Friday). They want to do a biopsy on my Endo to check for receptiveness and inflammation which would likely require two cycles. I forget the exact name it I called hut they put me on estrogen for two weeks check my lining start the progesterone then after x amount of time (typically 120 hours) they do the biopsy. Depending on how it comes back I may have to do another one with different timing on the progesterone.

No clue if insurance will pay for it, I think they may since it is considered diagnostic maybe? Otherwise I have no idea how much that will cost.

Starting retrieval timeline tentatively in August after all the pretesting and my husband comes back home (he will be gone a couple months for a school).

The receptivity biopsy is an ERA. A couple of us have done them. Insurance won’t cover the biopsy, which I think is about $850, because it’s considered experimental. However, since you’re doing the second biopsy for inflammation at the same time, that will be covered by insurance so the mock cycle, meds, or actual biopsy procedure should be covered by insurance. It takes a couple of weeks to get results back. The vast majority of people don’t need to do a repeat biopsy anymore. They used to do the repeats as standard, but about a year and a half ago transitioned from giving a static result (receptive, prereceptive, or postreceptive) to giving a customized transfer window based on the initial result. For example “12 hours post receptive,” or “6 hours pre receptive” and they would move your transfer timing to fit that window without needing to do a repeat biopsy.

Good luck, sounds like you’re moving right along!

[ilovecandy]

Mar 13, 2019 20:01:32 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Mar 13, 2019 17:59:13 GMT -5 ilovecandy said:

Hugs seeyalater

Welcome back pandora I remember you

Went to the re today. Depending on what insurance tells me tomorrow I am tentatively scheduled for a mock, hysteroscopy and antral follicle count on Friday to begin all me pretesting.

Gotta get myself to anlab to do day 3 next month plus all the other test (they said this could be delayed depending on want happens for Friday). They want to do a biopsy on my Endo to check for receptiveness and inflammation which would likely require two cycles. I forget the exact name it I called hut they put me on estrogen for two weeks check my lining start the progesterone then after x amount of time (typically 120 hours) they do the biopsy. Depending on how it comes back I may have to do another one with different timing on the progesterone.

No clue if insurance will pay for it, I think they may since it is considered diagnostic maybe? Otherwise I have no idea how much that will cost.

Starting retrieval timeline tentatively in August after all the pretesting and my husband comes back home (he will be gone a couple months for a school).

The receptivity biopsy is an ERA. A couple of us have done them. Insurance won’t cover the biopsy, which I think is about $850, because it’s considered experimental. However, since you’re doing the second biopsy for inflammation at the same time, that will be covered by insurance so the mock cycle, meds, or actual biopsy procedure should be covered by insurance. It takes a couple of weeks to get results back. The vast majority of people don’t need to do a repeat biopsy anymore. They used to do the repeats as standard, but about a year and a half ago transitioned from giving a static result (receptive, prereceptive, or postreceptive) to giving a customized transfer window based on the initial result. For example “12 hours post receptive,” or “6 hours pre receptive” and they would move your transfer timing to fit that window without needing to do a repeat biopsy.

Good luck, sounds like you’re moving right along!

Thanks I had so much to talk about this appointment that specifics are easy to lose it is all in my paperwork anyways.

My clinic does it a second time to verify the timeline given if it isn't correct the first time. Nice to know ballpark on the number too.

[seeyalater52]

Mar 13, 2019 20:24:06 GMT -5 ilovecandy said:

Mar 13, 2019 20:01:32 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

The receptivity biopsy is an ERA. A couple of us have done them. Insurance won’t cover the biopsy, which I think is about $850, because it’s considered experimental. However, since you’re doing the second biopsy for inflammation at the same time, that will be covered by insurance so the mock cycle, meds, or actual biopsy procedure should be covered by insurance. It takes a couple of weeks to get results back. The vast majority of people don’t need to do a repeat biopsy anymore. They used to do the repeats as standard, but about a year and a half ago transitioned from giving a static result (receptive, prereceptive, or postreceptive) to giving a customized transfer window based on the initial result. For example “12 hours post receptive,” or “6 hours pre receptive” and they would move your transfer timing to fit that window without needing to do a repeat biopsy.

Good luck, sounds like you’re moving right along!

Thanks I had so much to talk about this appointment that specifics are easy to lose it is all in my paperwork anyways.

My clinic does it a second time to verify the timeline given if it isn't correct the first time. Nice to know ballpark on the number too.

I would push back on doing the 2nd biopsy because it’s no longer what the testing company recommends. I suppose there’s no harm if you’re willing to pay OOP, it’s just unnecessary and it costs almost a thousand dollars. Plus it fucking hurts.

[moonriver]

How many days after a trigger shot (ovidrel) do you test? My trigger shot was 9 days ago, so I still have a while, I just don’t want to test too early.

[knx9211]

Mar 14, 2019 0:38:18 GMT -5 moonriver said:

How many days after a trigger shot (ovidrel) do you test? My trigger shot was 9 days ago, so I still have a while, I just don’t want to test too early.

Some people will test their trigger out but that was way too stressful for me. I tested 5dp5dt which was.. 12 days past trigger, right? Oh god I can’t math. Been a minute.

[ilovecandy]

Mar 14, 2019 0:38:18 GMT -5 moonriver said:

How many days after a trigger shot (ovidrel) do you test? My trigger shot was 9 days ago, so I still have a while, I just don’t want to test too early.

I think the general rule was always at least 10 days. I tested out my trigger and it was right around then that it tested out.

[pandora89]

Mar 14, 2019 0:38:18 GMT -5 moonriver said:

How many days after a trigger shot (ovidrel) do you test? My trigger shot was 9 days ago, so I still have a while, I just don’t want to test too early.

It really depends by person, I had my 10,000iu trigger last till 11 days past but the standard is usually 10 days.

[pandora89]

I have been anxiously refreshing my blood work portal in hopes that my new AMH levels have been updated. In the grand scheme of things I know it really doesn’t matter at this point because I know I have a low level but still. I am terrified it had plummeted since last time.

[vmars]

First shots are in the book. It wasn’t bad. DH stayed extremely calm and I was too tired to be nervous. Injection site was a little sore but no bruising.

Also Schrafts pharmacy is awesome. They called me last night and went over all the meds and would have done the shots with me over the phone but I wanted to wait for DH.

[G22]

Mar 14, 2019 8:19:03 GMT -5 vmars said:

First shots are in the book. It wasn’t bad. DH stayed extremely calm and I was too tired to be nervous. Injection site was a little sore but no bruising.

Also Schrafts pharmacy is awesome. They called me last night and went over all the meds and would have done the shots with me over the phone but I wanted to wait for DH.

The first ones are always the worst, so I'm glad it went well!

[pickel]

Mar 13, 2019 13:25:04 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Thanks, everyone. I have put my masters in epidemiology to good use looking at all the available studies and intellectually I know Zoloft is as gold standard as it gets for pregnancy-safe drugs, but I am having trouble with the emotional hurdle and anxiety around starting (especially since almost no research focuses on impacts on conception, especially among people with infertility/doing IVF.) It doesn't help that my PCP is a scaremongering d-bag who really freaked me out with her commentary.

That sucks that your PCP said what they said. I have had nothing but support for Zoloft before and during pregnancy. I say that only because if it were truly a bad idea, I would think more medical professionals would be more cautious. I don’t really follow my PCP’s advice over my OBGYN with regard to my lady parts anyway. Most of their information is a little outdated and my OBGYN is good about staying on top of the latest pregnancy studies.

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I was really struggling last summer and ended up getting on Zoloft. It really did help so much. I weaned off in December for my January transfer and felt comfortable with that decision. I am just taking it day by day and know it’s there if I need it during the pregnancy (had awful antenatal depression last time). I’ve had several friends take it during their pregnancies with no issue.

You’ve been through so much, so many hugs.

[ilovecandy]

Just talked to insurance they require an auth for the hysteroscopy (not surprised) so we will do that with the follicle count and mock next month instead. Which means I will do all my blood work for day 3 plus all the other panels they want done next month too.

So era will be be in May.

This weekend will likely be filled with looking at options for financing online. Plus talking with their financing person hopefully tomorrow. And going to get taxes done today! I am so looking forward to relaxing this weekend I feel like yesterday and today is a very long marathon between work, and appointments.

[moonriver]

Thanks for the info on testing after triggers. I was spotting yesterday and today so I have a feeling it’s a bfn this month so it might not even matter. Gah. And it’s looking like we will probaby have to skip next cycle due to H traveling for work, which means we’re likely looking at a 2020 baby (hopefully).

[megstoo]

I ended up having my WTF call with the RE. Of course he can't tell me why the FET failed and I understand to a point. I know IVF isn't a guarantee but at a 60% success rate I was hoping. I'm sort of glad it wasn't my RE I had the call with. This RE was very abrupt and pretty much said yeah nature sucks, and your age isn't helping (I'm 38) nothing extra can be done. I asked about things like a wash, glue, intralipids, lap and he pretty much discouraged any of it.

DH and I had a heart to heart talk (I didn't realize how much he was hurting too) and since we only have 2 embroyo's left we're going to transfer both and hope it takes. If neither take we'll do another round of IVF.

What no one warned me about though is the period after a failed FET. If the cramping and spotting is any indication so far I'm going to be so miserable. (sorry tmi).

[ilovecandy]

Mar 14, 2019 15:10:53 GMT -5 megstoo said:

I ended up having my WTF call with the RE. Of course he can't tell me why the FET failed and I understand to a point. I know IVF isn't a guarantee but at a 60% success rate I was hoping. I'm sort of glad it wasn't my RE I had the call with. This RE was very abrupt and pretty much said yeah nature sucks, and your age isn't helping (I'm 38) nothing extra can be done. I asked about things like a wash, glue, intralipids, lap and he pretty much discouraged any of it.

DH and I had a heart to heart talk (I didn't realize how much he was hurting too) and since we only have 2 embroyo's left we're going to transfer both and hope it takes. If neither take we'll do another round of IVF.

What no one warned me about though is the period after a failed FET. If the cramping and spotting is any indication so far I'm going to be so miserable. (sorry tmi).

Hugs. I think there period after varies. I have Endo so my periods are typically never great and whenever I have anything done it is way way worse. Some people it doesn't vary.

Do you have Endo? Or do you suspect? My re said the same thing yesterday about lap before ivf or transfers that it doesn't really help. That laps are really only for the pain.

[fairfax]

Mar 14, 2019 15:10:53 GMT -5 megstoo said:

I ended up having my WTF call with the RE. Of course he can't tell me why the FET failed and I understand to a point. I know IVF isn't a guarantee but at a 60% success rate I was hoping. I'm sort of glad it wasn't my RE I had the call with. This RE was very abrupt and pretty much said yeah nature sucks, and your age isn't helping (I'm 38) nothing extra can be done. I asked about things like a wash, glue, intralipids, lap and he pretty much discouraged any of it.

DH and I had a heart to heart talk (I didn't realize how much he was hurting too) and since we only have 2 embroyo's left we're going to transfer both and hope it takes. If neither take we'll do another round of IVF.

What no one warned me about though is the period after a failed FET. If the cramping and spotting is any indication so far I'm going to be so miserable. (sorry tmi).

I’m sorry. I hope the next transfer is it for you!

[red]

seeyalater52- I have definitely been at many lows throughout our almost 9 year IF journey. My PCP put me on Lexapro once because I could not stop crying in my annual checkup. Unfortunately, it caused some severe dizziness that caused me to fall down the stairs, so I took myself off of it. I did start seeing a therapist for the first time in my life instead though. I only went for a few months, but it did help because my H and I are very private about our IF journey and it gave me someone outside our bubble to talk to. Know that there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling.

[vmars]

I wish I could bring my essential oil diffuser to work. My head is bothering me and Tylenol isn’t cutting it. The peppermint essential oil is helping though.

[megstoo]

Mar 14, 2019 16:41:30 GMT -5 ilovecandy said:

Mar 14, 2019 15:10:53 GMT -5 megstoo said:

I ended up having my WTF call with the RE. Of course he can't tell me why the FET failed and I understand to a point. I know IVF isn't a guarantee but at a 60% success rate I was hoping. I'm sort of glad it wasn't my RE I had the call with. This RE was very abrupt and pretty much said yeah nature sucks, and your age isn't helping (I'm 38) nothing extra can be done. I asked about things like a wash, glue, intralipids, lap and he pretty much discouraged any of it.

DH and I had a heart to heart talk (I didn't realize how much he was hurting too) and since we only have 2 embroyo's left we're going to transfer both and hope it takes. If neither take we'll do another round of IVF.

What no one warned me about though is the period after a failed FET. If the cramping and spotting is any indication so far I'm going to be so miserable. (sorry tmi).

Hugs. I think there period after varies. I have Endo so my periods are typically never great and whenever I have anything done it is way way worse. Some people it doesn't vary.

Do you have Endo? Or do you suspect? My re said the same thing yesterday about lap before ivf or transfers that it doesn't really help. That laps are really only for the pain.

I don't have endo but do have PCOS.  Normally periods aren't a big deal for me (if they ever come on their own) but ones that come after taking provera to force one or stopping meds seem the worst.  Today started CD1 so monitoring on Monday and prepping for final FET.