Week of July 8 updates

[msmerymac]

What's new and exciting this week for you? Or how are you doing?

[msmerymac]

I had a blood draw this morning to see if my HCG is back to negative. We'll deal with next steps after that, which I *think* is waiting for my next real period, which will be in August, to do additional tests/genetic panels. I want to check to see if they found anything genetically after my D&E as well.

Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing. More people know this time because I gave my co-pastor permission to tell people at church, and my dad and his GF know, and some other people. Everyone at church is all, "How are you FEEEEELING?" I'm like, "Okay, I guess." I mean, I feel fine physically, but I think they want me to say, "Oh, yeah, much better," so they can feel good about asking and move on with their day. When actually, even though I've been dealing with infertility for 5 years, this third loss really changes everything. It's not just, "bad luck, it didn't attach right," or "bad luck, we used an unknown genetic specimen, so there was probably something wrong with it." Now, it's not the embryo, it's really just me. It means not just crossing our fingers and transferring the way we always have. It means a bigger issue and a different transfer protocol, and a high likelihood of additional losses, and even potentially using a surrogate in the future. And it's just a lot. It seems like everything we do to try to get closer to having a baby shows us that the chances of it happening are slimmer and slimmer.

So yeah, not feeling positive. I have RESOLVE tomorrow night, though, which is good.

[moonriver]

msmerymac I hope you get some answers. I get what you’re saying about people asking how you’re doing. A few months ago I went over to a friends house. She and I started TTC no2 at the same time, and at the time of my visit she had already had her baby and he was like 3 months old. So it was a really difficult thing for me to face. Anyways eventually she asked me how I was doing and I wanted to be like Dorinda, “not well, bitch” The feelings don’t just go away because time goes on.

Oh, and I’m in the TWW. Will probably test on July 18.

[megstoo]

I'm just frustrated. Transfer was supposed to be planned for this week however my clinic screwed up. I needed to take provera to force a cycle and they wanted to me to wait a week later than I wanted. I went on their timeline, and 16 days after last provera pill a cycle never started. Got ahold of nurse and they agreed to let me do progesterone/prometrium for 10 days to force a cycle (worked for me in the past where provera never did). After being on it for 2 days I started spotting which turned into similar to a CD1. It's been that way for 4 days now. We also leave for vacation tomorrow and I'm so darn tired of spotting/bleeding.

DH and I had planned vacation around the expected transfer and he couldn't change it, I felt bad so we're at least going away for a few days instead of him sitting at home.

msmerymac, hope you get answers soon.

[msmerymac]

There's a podcast called, "Terrible, Thanks for Asking," which is kind of how I want to respond to everyone. 

Got the blood results back, and HCG is back down to 4, so it's negative. The OTHER office might have the genetic results from the D&E, so I will follow up with them, and get the slip for the genetic blood test, which I need to get at Quest.

[joenali]

I’m so thankful it’s summer break. DH and I went in a little city adventure on Saturday and went shopping with my mom yesterday. Everything was 50% off that I bought. Banana Republic and Anthropologie has some cute stuff on sale.

I had a good monitoring appointment yesterday. I’m going to try hard not to think negative thoughts. My nurse said everything looks good, so good it is! I have another appointment on the 10th. I’m also getting really tired and uncomfortable. I might try to swim today, but I’ll see how I feel later. The couch is looking like my friend. I started watching The Good Place and I may need some binge watching.

msmerymac I hope you get some answers. I wish I could wave a magic wand for everyone and make it all better.

moonriver Keep yourself busy! It’s so hard to not constantly think about things. I remember thinking of names, how we would tell people, when I’d go on maternity leave. Try not to do that... if you can.

megstoo So frustrating! How did they mess up? Scheduling? Meds? Both? My period was about 11 days late this cycle, I was on the progesterone mini pill. I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to start.

[VacayVaca]

Jul 8, 2019 8:35:35 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

I had a blood draw this morning to see if my HCG is back to negative. We'll deal with next steps after that, which I *think* is waiting for my next real period, which will be in August, to do additional tests/genetic panels. I want to check to see if they found anything genetically after my D&E as well.

Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing. More people know this time because I gave my co-pastor permission to tell people at church, and my dad and his GF know, and some other people. Everyone at church is all, "How are you FEEEEELING?" I'm like, "Okay, I guess." I mean, I feel fine physically, but I think they want me to say, "Oh, yeah, much better," so they can feel good about asking and move on with their day. When actually, even though I've been dealing with infertility for 5 years, this third loss really changes everything. It's not just, "bad luck, it didn't attach right," or "bad luck, we used an unknown genetic specimen, so there was probably something wrong with it." Now, it's not the embryo, it's really just me. It means not just crossing our fingers and transferring the way we always have. It means a bigger issue and a different transfer protocol, and a high likelihood of additional losses, and even potentially using a surrogate in the future. And it's just a lot. It seems like everything we do to try to get closer to having a baby shows us that the chances of it happening are slimmer and slimmer.

So yeah, not feeling positive. I have RESOLVE tomorrow night, though, which is good.

You described it perfectly.  People want you to say you're doing well because they don't want to hear all the hard stuff that comes with not being ok.  And it's ok to not feel okay.  

Hopefully the genetic testing/blood work comes back with some kind of clue for you to what's going on.  It feels a lot harder not knowing what's wrong or how to work around it.

[joenali]

Need some advice. I have a 15 year old step son. We told him a long time ago that we are trying to have a baby. Well, obviously nothing came if it and he never inquired anymore about it.

He will be with us during the egg retrieval and we have not mentioned IVF to him at all. Our logic was if nothing happens he wouldn’t even know. I don’t have a clue if that’s the way to approach or not. Obviously we need to tell him as I’ll be having minor surgery. I don’t know how I would have felt if my mom was trying to have another baby while I was in high school. Probably horrified! Lol! He is with us every other weekend and Wednesday evenings. But will be with us for two weeks starting this Friday.

I’m sure he won’t even skip a beat with his teenager mind and go right back to playing his video games and I’m probably overthinking something that will be a straightforward conversation.

[moonriver]

joenali thanks. I’m trying not to get my hopes up at all. I realized that if this month did work, I’d be due on or around my birthday, but that’s as far as I’m willing to think/dream about it. I’ve got a few appointments and things this week and next, so I’m hoping to stay busy.

[achi]

msmerymac I'm sorry, having people constantly up in your face about it is really hard. I'm glad your HCG is down to negative levels. I was really grateful when I didn't have to keep going blood tests.

moonriver good luck! The waiting is so hard.


I've finished my CD 3-7 round of femara. Thankfully I didn't have any side effects at all. I did take it right before bed since the pharmacist recommended that and my OB didn't care what time I took it as long as it was within the same 1 hour timeframe. We're supposed to BD EOD from CD10-CD22, which feels like a lot. Progesterone check on CD 21.

[achi]

Jul 8, 2019 10:27:53 GMT -5 joenali said:

Need some advice. I have a 15 year old step son. We told him a long time ago that we are trying to have a baby. Well, obviously nothing came if it and he never inquired anymore about it.

He will be with us during the egg retrieval and we have not mentioned IVF to him at all. Our logic was if nothing happens he wouldn’t even know. I don’t have a clue if that’s the way to approach or not. Obviously we need to tell him as I’ll be having minor surgery. I don’t know how I would have felt if my mom was trying to have another baby while I was in high school. Probably horrified! Lol! He is with us every other weekend and Wednesday evenings. But will be with us for two weeks starting this Friday.

I’m sure he won’t even skip a beat with his teenager mind and go right back to playing his video games and I’m probably overthinking something that will be a straightforward conversation.

Can you just tell him you're having a (relatively) routine procedure done, it's nothing that he needs to stress over but that you'll probably not feel amazing the next day and may be in bed most of the day? I'm in the camp that you probably don't need to tell him exactly what you're doing, but that it's not anything he needs to be scared about.

[msmerymac]

joenali, I bet if you or your H just mention you're having minor surgery on X day he won't even inquire further.

[joenali]

Jul 8, 2019 12:44:58 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

joenali, I bet if you or your H just mention you're having minor surgery on X day he won't even inquire further.

I bet you are right!

[achi]

Jul 8, 2019 12:44:58 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

joenali , I bet if you or your H just mention you're having minor surgery on X day he won't even inquire further.

This is probably the best/safest bet to avoid further questioning.

[joenali]

Jul 8, 2019 13:44:07 GMT -5 achi said:

Jul 8, 2019 12:44:58 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

joenali , I bet if you or your H just mention you're having minor surgery on X day he won't even inquire further.

This is probably the best/safest bet to avoid further questioning.

I agree. Thank you!

[joenali]

Jul 8, 2019 13:53:52 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jul 8, 2019 13:44:07 GMT -5 achi said:

This is probably the best/safest bet to avoid further questioning.

I agree. Thank you!

I talked with DH and we are just going to tell him I’m going to have a minor procedure to make sure I’m healthy. and that I will be sore and tired most of the day but otherwise fine. Keeping it simple!

[pinkpeony08]

Jul 8, 2019 10:03:05 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

There's a podcast called, "Terrible, Thanks for Asking," which is kind of how I want to respond to everyone. 

Got the blood results back, and HCG is back down to 4, so it's negative. The OTHER office might have the genetic results from the D&E, so I will follow up with them, and get the slip for the genetic blood test, which I need to get at Quest.

I love this podcast! I hope you can get some answers. Waiting is hard.

My reproductive immunology appointment is next week. Finally, after 6 months of waiting. I’m a bit nervous about it because it’s sort of the last stop for any answers as to why my body won’t cooperate.

[starryfish]

Had another monitoring apt today. Go back again tomorrow. Looks like ER is Friday. It’s really weird Bc I don’t know how many follicles I have Bc it’s a blind clinical trial. Blessing in disguise I guess Bc I can’t fret over if it’s good or not. Just koko.

[VacayVaca]

Jul 8, 2019 20:24:08 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Had another monitoring apt today. Go back again tomorrow. Looks like ER is Friday. It’s really weird Bc I don’t know how many follicles I have Bc it’s a blind clinical trial. Blessing in disguise I guess Bc I can’t fret over if it’s good or not. Just koko.

I understand blind trials, but I still find it wild that you don't know how anything is going throughout this cycle.  Will you eventually be told how many follicles there were or how the cycle progressed?

Best of luck for the retrieval!!! I'm sure it's a mind-fuck to not know anything about the progression, but great job keeping calm about it.  Fingers crossed for lots of good eggs on Friday!

[achi]

Does anyone have crazy dreams when they're on femara? Like legit crazy?

Last night (ironically my first night after finishing my 5 days) I dreamt that I was wandering aimlessly around the maternity floor of our hospital but it was completely empty - no staff, no women or babies, no one. I kept walking up and down the halls until I finally found one woman in a room alone. She didn't know where she was so I went to try to find someone. I eventually found all the laboring women and nurses/doctors on a totally different floor and they thought I was a random crazy person trying to break into the ward and snatch up babies. I had to try to convince them I was not crazy and not going to steal a baby. It was not a nice dream.

[starryfish]

Jul 9, 2019 15:23:57 GMT -5 VacayVaca said:

Jul 8, 2019 20:24:08 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Had another monitoring apt today. Go back again tomorrow. Looks like ER is Friday. It’s really weird Bc I don’t know how many follicles I have Bc it’s a blind clinical trial. Blessing in disguise I guess Bc I can’t fret over if it’s good or not. Just koko.

I understand blind trials, but I still find it wild that you don't know how anything is going throughout this cycle.  Will you eventually be told how many follicles there were or how the cycle progressed?

Best of luck for the retrieval!!! I'm sure it's a mind-fuck to not know anything about the progression, but great job keeping calm about it.  Fingers crossed for lots of good eggs on Friday!

I asked the more relaxed nurse today and have 14 mature follicles so far. Smaller ones too. All I need is one good embryo

Thanks :-)


The med they are using is legit making me crazy. Like anxiety and super crazy. I at least know that my thoughts and feelings aren’t rational, I can’t stop them. Sigh. Only a few more days

[joenali]

Jul 9, 2019 18:06:37 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Jul 9, 2019 15:23:57 GMT -5 VacayVaca said:

I understand blind trials, but I still find it wild that you don't know how anything is going throughout this cycle.  Will you eventually be told how many follicles there were or how the cycle progressed?

Best of luck for the retrieval!!! I'm sure it's a mind-fuck to not know anything about the progression, but great job keeping calm about it.  Fingers crossed for lots of good eggs on Friday!

I asked the more relaxed nurse today and have 14 mature follicles so far. Smaller ones too. All I need is one good embryo

Thanks :-)


The med they are using is legit making me crazy. Like anxiety and super crazy. I at least know that my thoughts and feelings aren’t rational, I can’t stop them. Sigh. Only a few more days

I’ve been having a lot of anxiety during this cycle too. Mostly at night. Just thinking and overthinking the worst possible scenario.

And 14 is a great number! Good luck these next couple of days!

[joenali]

Second monitoring appointment this morning. I’m
getting uncomfortable and I’m so, so tired. The last round I did I was in school teaching and was certainly tired, but I feel much more tired this time around. I am still doing my lupron shots which is a big difference from last time. Maybe that’s why. I’m hoping that the cyst on my left ovary hasn’t grown, but it got up to 72 mm last time, I’m guessing it will grow based on prior experience. Ughhh I hate this. Hate it.

[VacayVaca]

Jul 10, 2019 10:09:20 GMT -5 joenali said:

Second monitoring appointment this morning. I’m
getting uncomfortable and I’m so, so tired. The last round I did I was in school teaching and was certainly tired, but I feel much more tired this time around. I am still doing my lupron shots which is a big difference from last time. Maybe that’s why. I’m hoping that the cyst on my left ovary hasn’t grown, but it got up to 72 mm last time, I’m guessing it will grow based on prior experience. Ughhh I hate this. Hate it.

Since you're not teaching this cycle, I bet your mind has more time to wander and you're spending more time considering the whole thing.  Plus you have more history and all the fears and anxiety that comes with it.  It's not easy any way you slice it.  

Best of luck at your appointment today.  Fingers crossed the cyst is behaving and there are lots of growing follicles!

[achi]

Good luck today joenali!

[joenali]

I have 10 measurable follicles on the right . And 17 measurable follicles on the left. One or two are measuring about 10 mm so they may not be ripe enough come my retrieval. Also on the left I have about 13 that most likely will not get big enough. I know that the count does not ensure an equal amount of eggs, but I’m very proud of my geriatric ovaries! I may have one more monitoring appointment. I’ll find out more this afternoon.

[achi]

Ohhhh joenali that's a great update!

[starryfish]

joenali awesome news!!!

[joenali]

Looks like I’ll have one more monitoring appointment tomorrow and two more days of meds. I’m thinking retrieval will be on Sunday or Monday.

[joenali]

Trigger tonight! Egg retrieval on Saturday!