NCEP - Divorced and making progress - THANKS!!

[bowies]

Congrats on finalizing it! I am also amazed at how well you have handled it all. Your kids are so lucky to have you.

Dating as an adult is definitely a new ballgame, but I think you’ll do fine if you approach it with the same grace. You’ll probably meet men who are also starting over in some sense, and are unsure of themselves/awkward too. I found that it was pretty easy to pick out who was sincere about it all and who was looking at me for entertainment/emotional support. At least our maturity is good for something!

[arch01]

Jul 23, 2019 12:53:29 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Jul 23, 2019 12:34:05 GMT -5 arch01 said:

You're doing a great job. That's shitty of him to flat out say you failed at being his person, and I don't know that I would've been able to stop myself from telling him he failed at being my person, too.

Handling divorce with grace is hard-especially with all of the layers. Be kind to yourself as you move into the dating world; my divorce was amicable, he doesn't know I have proof of him cheating. It's hard to be a bit vulnerable and open to the idea of dating after so many years. I will say though, I have had a couple of instances where I really had my eyes open to what I had been missing over the past several years-which is nice. heyjude , thanks for the podcast rec-I need to listen!

I told him that he failed at being my person. He said nothing to me. We have had this saying in our relationship and with some friends about how everyone has a "person" who is their own person and able to take them as they are and love them no matter what b/c of respect and trust, but also be honest with you if you need a reality check. It can be your spouse or friend or both, but being someone's "person" to us is important. He did fail at being "my person." It probably wasn't graceful to tell him that, but it was honest and just came out.

Ahhh ok, I misread. I totally agree with you on needing a person, mine now is a close friend.

[aurora]

Jul 23, 2019 12:53:29 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Jul 23, 2019 12:34:05 GMT -5 arch01 said:

You're doing a great job. That's shitty of him to flat out say you failed at being his person, and I don't know that I would've been able to stop myself from telling him he failed at being my person, too.

Handling divorce with grace is hard-especially with all of the layers. Be kind to yourself as you move into the dating world; my divorce was amicable, he doesn't know I have proof of him cheating. It's hard to be a bit vulnerable and open to the idea of dating after so many years. I will say though, I have had a couple of instances where I really had my eyes open to what I had been missing over the past several years-which is nice. heyjude , thanks for the podcast rec-I need to listen!

I told him that he failed at being my person. He said nothing to me. We have had this saying in our relationship and with some friends about how everyone has a "person" who is their own person and able to take them as they are and love them no matter what b/c of respect and trust, but also be honest with you if you need a reality check. It can be your spouse or friend or both, but being someone's "person" to us is important. He did fail at being "my person." It probably wasn't graceful to tell him that, but it was honest and just came out.

I feel like cheating in one's spouse is textbook failure to be that person. I think you're in the clear here.

I hope things continue to improve for you.

[cville]

I'm glad you're moving forward. ❤

[jd15]

I’m so happy to see your update. I hope there are amazing things ahead for you.

[Gato]

Congratulations on your new life, even though something had to end to bring about this new beginning.

If you want middle-aged dating advice, head on over to the What Would Virginia Woolf Do? group on Facebook. It is a huge board, and that topic comes up almost daily.

[Michelle]

I am in awe of how you are processing and working through this. I am glad for you that you have reached this step so you can move forward. Kudos for refraining from the snark in front of the kids. It is so hard but they will respect you more and be grateful to you in the future when they are adults.

[klingklang77]

Congrats on it being finalized! My divorce was finalized two weeks ago. It didn’t happen as quickly as yours did, though. It took over 2 1/2 years. No kids here, so no advice to give with regards to that. I didn’t see him in court because he lives in another country, so there were no final words or anything like that. It was a really nasty divorce with a defamation lawsuit thrown into the mix. I also have some no contact clause in the agreement, which is not total no contact with regards to the agreement. He really took everything to extremes for no reason at all. He just went crazy and he was the one that left. 

But you seem to be handling it well. A lot more graceful than I did. 

About three months after the separation I met a wonderful man on Tinder, of all places. We are still together 2 years later. It really does get better.