Another aftercare/ home alone question

[waverly]

It looks like the school is switching aftercare providers.  This one allows us to pay for the days used.  The previous one had a rate for 2 days and a rate for 5 days with no savings in between if we wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

DS will be 10 next school year, how many days would you have your 10 and 7 year old home alone?  DH is pushing for this, and we could maybe do aftercare 4 days a week, and then I leave work early 1 day a week to be there either right away or shortly after (anywhere from 0 min-45 min after the bus arrives depending on how they handle the situation).

At what age would you feel comfortable dropping to 3 days a week?  DD would be 8 in January next year. 

Due to extra curriculars being a pain to pick them up from, they will likely continue to go to aftercare 1-2 days a week until middle school for those days.

They have a parent meeting tomorrow, and enrollment will be soon, so just trying to plan accordingly.  It is not my intention to leave work early multiple days a week, so they would have to be able to get off the bus and enter the house by themselves which they can do now. 

I am so used to having childcare and that more childcare is always better mentality that I am having a hard time envisioning less childcare.

We did a part time schedule when DH was working from home and had meetings, but that differed every week so tracking it was difficult.  I prefer a set schedule especially if aftercare is not across the board M-F.  

We leave DS home alone now at age 9, (when I take DD to dance) and he does great with it.  When he is 11 he can take a babysitting class at the Fire Department.  

[sdlaura]

Is there a significant difference in cost between 3/4/5 days? I share your mentality that more childcare is usually better so I have back-ups in case I need to work late or something.

On the days you don't leave early, how long would they be home alone?

[waverly]

sdlaura, I think we are at the point where cost is not really an issue. Yes we can save a little bit of money, but not enough to make it worth it, so that is why I am like well maybe we can do 4 days to appease him, and 1 practice day. It is more DH wanting them to be independent, I think. But of course, I would be the one actually managing it. So we can move to independence but a slow pace that I am comfortable with. If it were up to him they would just be totally on their own at this point, which makes no sense because she just turned 7.

They would get off the bus at 3:45pm, and I would be home by 5pm. The 5pm is pretty much guaranteed unless there is a weather event. I check the traffic every evening and have alternative routes. If it were snowing, my work and boss would be fine with me leaving earlier but it is something I would have to actively manage as opposed to knowing I have until 6 to get there for aftercare.

[sdlaura]

waverly, in that case I'd probably just sign them up for the 5 days but plan on having DS come home on his own a couple (set) days per week. And if it doesn't work out for some reason, you can go back to aftercare everyday and try again in the spring or next year.

For me, I'm looking forward to my kids being independent mainly for the reason you're already using it - so that I can leave a kid home when taking another kid to an activity, or so I can run an errand by myself without taking kids along. But if it doesn't save you much money to have him come home alone after school, and it would add to the mental load for you, I don't know if I'd be doing it just for the sake of building independence if your DS isn't pushing for it.

[mrsGreeko]

I recognize that I’m probably in the minority as far as when we start leaving kids alone for short periods (age 8) and when we start letting them babysit (age 11 after passing Red Cross class). If I had a way to get my 8 and 10 year olds home this year I’d let them come home and stay home alone until I got home (~1 from when school ends to when I get home). I also have a 13 year old who does come home and stay alone, and currently my 8 year old comes home with her on Tuesday and Thursday. It’s complicated, but it has to do with seats available in the car and tutoring schedule. Anyway, even if it was just the 8 and 10 year old I’d be okay with them coming home every day if I could make it work.

Next year all 3 will come home and stay by themselves for an hour. They will be 14, 11, and 9, but probably sometimes the 14 year old will stay at school for activities and it will be only the 11 and 9 year olds.

I’ve kept them in aftercare all these years because I needed the priority access to the summer program. But, I don’t need that any longer so I’m done with after care. My kids hate it and I’m pretty damn fed up with them at this point too (the stupid rules and constantly changing rules are getting to me). My DS got in trouble for having a book with him on Monday. Not like an inappropriate book, just a book that he had just gotten from the book order and was so excited about. Over it. And looking so forward to saving $500/month!

ETA: we have a landline phone and also place a lot of heavy emphasis on independence (earlier for lots of things than most of their friends) so there’s that too.

[rere]

I started with DS about 2 months away from 11 and DD 8. With DH's work schedule it would be about 7 days a month, sometimes 3 days, sometimes 4, sometimes none. It was around 45 minutes. They did fine. I would definitely keep the after care for a few days, just for backup or to have them have something to do.

[mommyatty]

I think it depends on how well they get along. I would probably let the 10 year old stay home by himself if it’s just a couple of hours, but whether to let him care for a younger sibling really depends on whether he can be trusted to be a good, responsible caretaker vs a tyrant who is going to take advantage of the situation to beat the crap out of his sister without witnesses.

My brother started watching me when I was 6 and he was 13. I basically got the shit beat out of me daily until I was 9, we moved, and his new school let out later than mine did. Then I could escape to a friend’s house before he got home. My mom still thinks he was a great babysitter. The denial is strong in that one.

[waverly]

Aftercare has been up and down for us but this year has been the best year so I don’t love that they are changing. Maybe I’ll base something of this on the quality of the program.

Fighting is hit or miss. They will wrestle occasionally and they do get upset with each other. But they are good when they watch TV which likely is what they would be doing. DD picks a show and DS sits in there with his chrome book issued from school and plays games. This is what I would be monitoring probably the closest if we did experimental/ get ready days. I’ve done behavior charts for getting along too that generally seemed to help. So I have ideas for this. I’ve also heard people paying the babysitter for babysitting and the younger child for getting along which basically boils down to them being paid for getting along.

I could definitely just send DS home. DD would object, and I would still have a pick up so it doesn’t save me anything in terms of making my day easier but if he was home every day it would save me $330 a month.

[186momx]

Our state law says 10. DD is counting down. I won't let her stay home alone all day when she turns 10 which is right as summer starts. The current plan is for her to walk herself to school and home. She will be home 45 minutes in the morning and then 30-40 minutes in the afternoon. When tax season starts I'm guessing my mom will be go back to getting her from school to take her to practice as I don't think it is okay for her to stay home 3+ hours until we get off work. But that is still 2 years away so not really worrying about it. I do know that DD hates before/aftercare because it is too noisy.

[sdlaura]

186momx brought up another good point, which is how your kids feel about aftercare. My kids currently love it, but that could definitely change by the time they're a little older.

[waverly]

They currently like it and have friends there. However they also enjoy riding the bus home and having more time in the evenings.

I know a lot of kids who grew up in the 80’s/90’s had siblings watch them, and it wasn’t the greatest situation. With DH it turned his sister into thinking she was a mother figure and always siding with his brother against him. We only have 2, but if we proceed the dynamics are one of the most important things. Hopefully if we do drop down to a part time schedule at least having them go 2 times a week might be helpful as well when they are older.

I get where DH is coming from but I think it has more to do with him not wanting to pick them up and pay then it has him thinking through the family dynamics that come into play when a child babysits a sibling.

[sunbutter]

This depends on a few things:

1. Your DS does ok alone - is his behavior different with his sister around? My kids (11 and 7) do ok alone for short periods of time but they can hype each other enough that I am not ready to leave them after school for three hours (the time it would be in my situation).

2. Safety situation of getting off the bus and into the house.

3. Confidence that they had a plan in case of emergencies.

[waverly]

Jan 29, 2020 18:53:56 GMT -5 sunbutter said:

This depends on a few things:

1. Your DS does ok alone - is his behavior different with his sister around? My kids (11 and 7) do ok alone for short periods of time but they can hype each other enough that I am not ready to leave them after school for three hours (the time it would be in my situation).

2. Safety situation of getting off the bus and into the house.

3. Confidence that they had a plan in case of emergencies.

Some of this may change maturity wise next school year. Right now they are good together if screen time is involved. If they lose screen time as a privilege I would be hesitant.

They have to cross the street to get to my house. It is not a busy road and there is a stop sign but obviously would be better if it was in my side of the street. They can do this but they would need to continue to demonstrate crossing safely as opposed to competing with each other.

DS would be OK in an emergency DD would not. We do have a checklist of readiness from the state which I ran through for DS, and he did well. So what I should do is also run it through for DD, and that can be more of my qualifier for her.

[hocus2]

No to a 10 and 7 year old home alone together. While I know 11 is the minimum age the red cross offers for sitting I think there is an assumption that there is a larger age difference at play (and sibling dynamics are a factor too). I use teen sitters from time to time but they are all 5+ years older.

A 10 year old on their own -- probably OK pending review of your local regulations about this and the number of hours we're talking about. I have our 10 year old in afterschool but she'll come home from school next year when she's almost 11 and afterschool is pretty rare in 6th around here. I usually work from home but I could be out for an hour to while she's home next year depending on what is going on. She'd be perfectly safe now but I think additional maturity in terms of doing her homework and chores is still needed.

[waverly]

Yeah I think I am just going to keep on doing the 5 days and not say anything to DH. If he mentions it, I will tell him we will re-evaluate when she is 8 (mid next school year) and/ or when DS is 11 (21-22 school year). I'll only consider pulling them with a babysitter if they really dislike the aftercare. Right now they like it, and it has helped them to maintain friendships since playdates are well not rare, but not frequent either.

[mrspez07]

We have this system with our aftercare program. It’s nice for things like doctors appointments.
DS1 is 10 and in 5th grade, DS2 is 7 and in 2nd.
Last spring we started allowing DS1 to walk home 1-2 days a week, when it was light out until we got home. This year we do 3-4 days of walking home. Most of his time at aftercare is days he has his cello, so he doesn’t have to walk the mile home with it. Part of our decision on age was making sure he had the stamina to walk the mile home and cross a pretty busy 2-lane road on his own. I think if we lived really close to school, we might have done it a bit sooner. He goes to middle school next year, which is closer and no streets so he’ll be walking home daily then.
DS2 is pushing to do some time at home on his own, but we haven’t done any after-school -walk-together kind of times, and won’t at a minimum until mid next year. Again, because of the awareness of the busy street and the distance solo. I’m also hesitant to have them be home together without supervision. They are ok together most of the time, but when they aren’t, (cringe).

[campermom]

My 10 year old stays home alone often and is mature, confident and knows the answers to emergency scenarios. My 8 year old is too fearful to stay home. She’s not ready.

They had a day off school but we had to work and we Let my son stay home but paid for daycare for her. She cried and fussed but we reminded her how much they fight even when they are right in front of us, how she cried when she had to walk home from the bus without him bc she was scared, and other reasons. Deep down she knew she wasn’t ready.

It’s going to be a while before I let her stay home alone. Every child is different.

[waverly]

Jan 31, 2020 5:48:06 GMT -5 campermom said:

My 10 year old stays home alone often and is mature, confident and knows the answers to emergency scenarios. My 8 year old is too fearful to stay home. She’s not ready.

They had a day off school but we had to work and we Let my son stay home but paid for daycare for her. She cried and fussed but we reminded her how much they fight even when they are right in front of us, how she cried when she had to walk home from the bus without him bc she was scared, and other reasons. Deep down she knew she wasn’t ready.

It’s going to be a while before I let her stay home alone. Every child is different.

Good point that he can stay home without her. Even if she gets upset that’s OK. It’s still fair because they get to do things at a certain age.

I was thrown off because my sister wouldn’t do it but that is because her youngest has depression or a mood disorder- not sure as it’s not entirely diagnosed. But sibling dynamics didn’t cause it, but could have made it worse because they fight terribly.