DD1 is 10 and in the 4th grade. She has an iPad (though she has it taken away more than she can use it). She does not have access to social media, but can text. She doesn’t know how to add any contacts, which means I can closely monitor who she is texting. So far she can text DH and me, her sister, her grandparents, her cousins, and 2 friends.
She’s asking for access to TikTok, because “all the girls at school know all the dances from TikTok”. I’m digging in my heels against any and all social media.
She’s also begging for a Gizmo watch because someone in her class has one. I told her she’s welcome to save her allowance and buy one (they’re $180).
When did you let your kids access social media? A phone? Am I being too strict?
My oldest is only 7/2nd grade, but I anticipate getting her a similar watch in the next year or so. Only so she can contact me when she walks to school or soccer practice, or is at a play date (we live 12 houses from the school so she already sometimes walks on her own - there are lots of other kids going the same way at the same time). Luckily no requests for social media here yet!
Post by erinshelley21 on Jan 31, 2020 6:38:08 GMT -5
A mom that I follow on Instagram just talked about Tik Tok in her stories last week. She removed it from her 10 year olds phone. There isn't any way to monitor what videos show up based on what she said. Videos just scroll through one after another and there's no way of knowing if one contains a penis, sex, profanity, etc until it's already playing.
Tik Tok would be a hard no from me until like 16 or 17 depending on the maturity of my kids.
We let SS1 have social media is high school. He barely uses it.
With your daughter and the issues she has had I would be very worried about letting her in social media. She seems like the kid the mean girls want to bully. It would only get worse on SM.
As for tik tok. I can't say for certain. I've never been on it, but a blanket rule seems like a good idea.
A mom that I follow on Instagram just talked about Tik Tok in her stories last week. She removed it from her 10 year olds phone. There isn't any way to monitor what videos show up based on what she said. Videos just scroll through one after another and there's no way of knowing if one contains a penis, sex, profanity, etc until it's already playing.
Tik Tok would be a hard no from me until like 16 or 17 depending on the maturity of my kids.
Thank you for this. I know nothing about Tik Tok, had no idea you couldn’t filter.
Both of mine were not allowed a phone until 12. (Keep in mind that I kept our landline phone until both had access to a working cell). They didn't really get into social media until a year or so after getting the phone. Right now, they both have Instagram, but don't use it much and use the Snapchat app as more of a texting app than anything. I think 10 is too young, especially if there is an impulse control issue because things can go sideways fast and there is a record of it. I would explain that her behavior does not support her getting these and as she matures and makes better decisions, you can revisit it in a few years.
Social media, nope. Tik Tok, absolutely NO WAY. I feel like that's one of the worst ones right now.
My kids have been begging to get on Facebook Kids Messenger so they can chat with their BFF and I've even put a hard no on that. I'm planning to ban social media as long as possible in my house. And social media is literally in my job description.
This is eye opening for me. Truly. The kids at school have a history of fibbing about silly but very obvious things (“My mom lets me stay up until midnight, go trick or treating until 1am, watch “IT” at age 8, etc.”) but I didn’t think the social media was out of the question. Now seeing reactions to Tik Tok, there’s no way these super conservative Catholic (some even Opus Dei) moms are allowing this.
Good to know.
My gut with a phone was age 12/6th grade to make sure she could reach us when needed. That’s going to be my hard line, I think.
This has been a huge conversation at the gym with our middle school moms. Tik Tok and Snap Chat is a huge no from all of them mainly due to not having any parental controls. Most of the tween girls have or are earning private Instagram account. One mom got her daughter an IG account and they were playing around with it and got solicited for nude pictures from "some teenage boy" in Europe. The mom was like this is why I don't want you to have a social media page and I think they have deleted her account she just turned 13 last week.
DD's friend has a gizmo watch. Hers is limited to 4 numbers that can only be put in by the parent who control the account. It has mom, dad, grammy, and a blank that the mom switches up depending on if she is off with a friend and then the friend's parents get put in just in case.
I'm holding off on getting DD a phone for the longest time possible.
Definitely not. My 13 year old doesn’t have social media and I’m still undecided when I’ll allow any.
But, she does use YouTube to watch some of the TikTok dances. So that’s an option if she wants to learn the dances.
ETA: phones are more complicated. When my oldest started babysitting at 11 a lot of people don’t have house phones so she needed a phone for emergencies. We gave her an old flip phone and it was kind of annoying for a lot of reasons. So eventually she got an old iPhone, but it also had issues because they get so obsolete so fast. Now she has a newer one, which thankfully has screentime so I can control access. I use screentime and Disney Circle to block all social media on her phone and on our wifi for her computer she uses for school. Because kids are sneaky and they will get social media accounts you don’t know about. So I make it as difficult as possible for her. If she has one then she’s done a really really good job of hiding it.
Also block Omegle.com and a whole list of other inappropriate sites. I hate electronic parenting.
Post by traveltheworld on Jan 31, 2020 15:30:19 GMT -5
I was surprised by how many of the kids in our neighbourhood school have and use phones. Apparently 1/2 of the kids in Grade 5 already have them; a few had requested to be added on my Instagram (which I find very weird). And even DS, who is 7, have classemates who use Facebook Messenger.
So far, DS has no interest and I think he'll probably stay uninterested. DD, on the other hand, will be a battle.
Post by ilovelucyvv on Jan 31, 2020 15:31:33 GMT -5
My niece, who is 11 with divorced parents, has a phone, has a Facebook page, is posting on TikTok regularly. The Facebook page has both of her parents as her friends and at least her mom has her password. Her little sister who is 8 has a Facebook page too. The phone is paid for by her dad and helps them communicate although she is obviously connecting with her friends as well.
My husband loves TikTok. I have no idea why, but I swear he is watching it for at least 30 min- 1 hour a day. I'm sure there is terrible stuff posted on that app to some degree but the majority of stuff I see him watching is just dumb. He tries to get me to view clips that he thinks are so hilarious.
My oldest is only 6 now and is removed from all of the above. I don't know what I am going to think when she is older.
DD is almost 7 and is counting down the days until she gets a phone. Her cousin is 9 and has a phone with unlimited access, and it is "sooooooo NOT FAIR mom."
We've set a target date for getting a phone in 6th grade, since she'll be walking to/from school, but I have no desire to pay for an expensive device and expensive plan for a child, let alone the social media implications.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Feb 1, 2020 6:58:43 GMT -5
I know two kids in DS' grade who have phones. The kids are 7 and 8. One has divorced parents and the other one (the 7 yo with an iphone) I don't know why she has it. She calls her grandparents as far as I know. No one has social media but I remember that my college age niece got social way before I thought was appropriate, but her mom said that all the kids had it and that was actually true. I think at the time they were using snap chat and vine. Now it's instagram and tik tok. I do not know when we will cave on that.
We will let them get phones in 6th grade. It’s 4 years away so who know social media will be around by then but I doubt we will let them do it until high school.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
DD is in 3rd and so many of her friends already have phones. In some cases I get the reason but in most I don’t. We are waiting until 5th or 6th grade. No social media until she’s paying for the phone herself.
Dd is eight and has had a Samsung watch for a few years. For the first three years she was in school she rode the bus to after school care. One time she almost missed the bus because of her teacher holding them back to clean up and we wanted to be able to check in with her after that. Her new school doesn’t do bussing but it’s convenient to get in touch with her if the pick up plan changes, she goes on a play date with someone we don’t know well, etc. she doesn’t know all the things it can do and thinks I’m always watching it (I’m not because then it sends her my text messages too 😳) so she follows the rules. She doesn’t know the number or how to put in new ones and her contacts include us, her grandparents, and her aunt.
Edited to add that Gizmo wasn’t an option because we have AT&T for home stuff and cell phones and they don’t have a kid phone option. We got the older watch from them for super cheap on clearance. I would prefer a Gizmo type phone to what we have.
My DD has begged for tik tok but I'm a firm no due to the fact that the videos are not filtered. As a compromise, I let her watch tik tok videos on YouTube as that has more filters on it from what I can tell. So far she has been ok with that.
Post by penguingrrl on Feb 3, 2020 19:07:09 GMT -5
My girls are in 7th and 5th. In our town 5th is the start of middle school, so then they get a phone because that’s when I let them stay home alone and we don’t have a landline.
However, we have strict rules. In 5th grade you only get mom, dad, and extended relatives #s, no friends at all. In 6th we allow texting friends and I read everything most nights. I’ve addressed a few things that have come up, but we’ve had no major concerns.
So far we’re a very strong no on social media and plan to remain to for the foreseeable future. Our older one has no interest, so it’s gone well. Our younger one is mad she can’t have Tik Tok but whatever.
H is a software developer and very much not okay with Tik Tok (it’s owned by a Chinese company, which brings with it many significant privacy concerns) and mostly not okay with downloading apps in general (for us, too, not the kids). Luckily the girls phones are set up in such a way that if they want to download an app the approval for it goes through my phone, so they can’t sneak any apps (and we don’t approve them).
penguingrrl how do you get the app downloads to go send notices through your phone?
When we got their phones at the AT&T store they set them up on sub-accounts to my Apple ID. The guy said that’s required for kids under 13 and that on their 18th birthday it will automatically spin off into their own autonomous account. I don’t know exactly how to do it myself, sorry! But I’m very pleased with this system.