So I’m sick now with whatever everyone else had. Fever, chills, body aches, trouble breathing without hacking.
DH stayed in bed from 2pm Friday until dinner Saturday, ate, went back to bed. I did all the things while taking care of sick DD1 and well (but needy) DD2. I told him to stay in bed, don’t worry, don’t get up, just get well.
My fever kicked in around 4pm yesterday. Both kids were home all day, sick but feeling ok, so fighting and driving each other crazy. I asked DH to stop work around 430 and help me. That meant about a 25% reduction in my workload while he watched TV and yelled at everyone. Dishes in sink, clean dishes in dishwasher, crap everywhere, which I got to deal with this morning.
The best part... I’m shivering on the couch and he tells me that he has to go pick something up from his brother tomorrow (meaning today). He has to drive a 40 minutes each way to get something THAT HE DOES NOT NEED, BUT VERY MUCH WANTS. And when I glared at him, he said, “Oh. Well, I guess I could take the kids to school. If you need me to. I guess.”
Then he texts me (while I’m driving the kids to school) that the contractor wants to start ripping out our kitchen on Thursday. Kitchen is not packed up because I spent all weekend taking care of kids and doing sick laundry by myself. Oh, and he’s gone all day tomorrow and all day Thursday for work.
I’m grumpy and pissed that I don’t get any help when I need it.
mae0111, it sounds like he needs a wake up call. I am not sure what would work. I would usually just blow, and it wouldn't be pretty, but maybe not the best route. He needs to get that he will do these things, or they won't get done and life won't be pleasant.
I’m a nope to all that. I would reschedule the contractor myself. I could wait for him to pack up the kitchen also but not sure that would happen and I’m not doing it while feverish. Unfortunately I also blow up and don’t think it’s the best communication method no advice there.
This happens every time I get sick. I’m so tired of having the same conversation over and over again. He told me to rest when he saw me cleaning up the kitchen and I exploded. I asked him how I could rest? Tons of sick laundry still left to do, dishes with food caked on in the sink, clean dishes in the dishwasher since yesterday afternoon... if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done!
DH booked an appointment for pick up time, so I will have to haul myself back to school. I’m so over it.
And he absolutely thinks I’m the a$$hole in all this. Believe me.
mae0111, check in to a hotel and just don't tell him which one. Tell him all kid and house are on him for the next 4 days good luck.
Obviously you probably can't do this, but it is nice to dream.
Honestly though, just stop. Take care of yourself. he offered to take the kids to school so not sure why you did. yes you might need to pick them up. Don't make dinner, don't do laundry, don't clean up and don't pack. Just don't do it.
PB and J or the equivalent for dinner once in awhile never hurt anyone, and your H can pick up the slack or he can go to work without clothes.
Might be a good time to start teaching DDs how to do laundry so she can help or at least be walked through it.
Your husband is being a jerk. But, it kind of sounds like you might also be being the martyr. I get it, I do it too sometimes. Let the kitchen stay messy for a day, it will be okay.
mrsGreeko - you’re right, I’m being a martyr. It just sucks how much I’m taken for granted. DH went out of his way to thank me for letting him rest and taking such good care of him. He said he hadn’t been this sick in years. He needed nothing this weekend - I made his meals, brought it to him on a tray, took care of everything. So now that it’s my turn, I get an eye roll and an “I guess” when I need help.
I need to get better at ignoring the eye roll and just accepting/demanding the help when needed.
I'm sorry mae0111, I really hope you are napping right now. Forget the kitchen and laundry and everything else. Call the contractor and tell them the entire house has the flu. I bet they will ask to reschedule if they don't tell them you need it reschedule. This week there are no sports, no piano, nothing extra and make sure the girls know it is because daddy isn't home helping and mom is sick. I would also remind them how nice and helpful you were when they were sick over the weekend. Then have a giant kitchen packing party over the weekend and everyone helps.
My SOS is I swear DH can't tell time. I asked him to start the water at 6:05 and put in the box of pasta when it was boiling as it should have been done when DD and I walked in the door at 6:30 or just about. We walked in at 6;35 and the water was just starting to boil. I said screw the pasta and did the microwave rice to go with the ham that was done in the crock pot as DD and I had only 30 minutes before we needed to leave again. Then DH was moaning that he can't do anything right. Ugh He has been unloading the dishwasher if I send a text and ask.
mae0111 , obviously expecting him to get it to work isn't working. Tell him what you want/need and see where you go from there. For some reason women in general hate doing this. We seem to spend our lives anticipating other people's needs, so we're shocked/angry/annoyed when people don't anticipate ours. And instead of asking for/demanding help, we just let it boil over.
It's easy for him to not realize he's being an asshole in the matter when he didn't understand (perhaps deliberately didn't understand) that you implied or assumed he would help out. He "didn't know." There's no denying it if you've said "I'm sick, I need you to XYZ."
Tell YH you can make Thursday work, but if he's not available to pack up the kitchen, he needs to hire someone to do it while you rest in the bedroom. My guess is he'll reschedule it, but you at least "tried" to accomodate it.
It's my favorite tactic when DH is being oblivious - the Japanese no. I honestly don't know if that's a real phrase, and hopefully it's not offensive, but they taught it during a negotiating seminar - if someone is trying to convince you to do something that's not agreeable to you, you don't tell them no, you list the conditions in which you'd be okay with it, and then they either say no themselves or you have a compromise you can live with. This came in handy when DH wanted to go on a boy's trip just a few days after I had DS - he went, but he also paid for my sister's flight up out of his fun money stash so she could help with the kids. We were both happy in the end.
That’s a great tactic k3am. I often employ something similar at work. I don’t tell someone no even though I think that will be the answer. I tell them to go to the desk that would handle it, and they can tell them no or I tell them the director needs to approve it.
I’m not so great at this in my personal life because I can’t refer them to someone else. But my default is no a lot and sometimes we get to that negotiation stage where we start listing how it can work which is better than just saying no.
But with my kids I am more yes I have to do this because of DH’s work schedule which is a problem. I went to girls night Sat night and had to deal with 5 eye rolls. But I ignored him and DH moved date night to Fri night and he had a great time hanging with DD while I was out and DS was at a birthday party. So yes ignore the eye rolls times infinity! He sees his friends way more than I do and I’m always in call for week mornings and week nights. He can deal with it.
ugh, I'm so sorry mae0111. Try to let yourself rest and do the bare minimum. Leave him a list of things that need to be done on the kitchen counter and let the dishes pile up. He'll figure it out or it'll still be there when you're feeling better. And when you're feeling better, sit him down for a major discussion on expectations for the future.