Post by wanderingback on Feb 11, 2020 17:26:35 GMT -5
I do not think you should be upset about this. No I don't think you should say something to your your sister or your mom to get M to invite your family. It's his master's graduation party, not a wedding. You said it had slipped your mom's mind that it was the same weekend of easter, so if easter is a a huge celebration to your family you should discuss with your mom about a way to celebrate in a different way. Mistakes happen and things come up.
I agree with the majority that your sister's boyfriend's masters graduation that is happening 3 or even more hours away is not an occasion that it's a given for your family to be invited to. Are your parents actually attending the graduation? Is it possible that they're all going to the graduation, then having a small celebration after? I would not want to take my kids to something like that (or even attend myself, graduations are the worst IMO! I didn't even want to go to my own!). I don't think it's fair to be upset for J's mom to not realize the party is over Orthodox Easter, especially if your sister didn't say anything about it when she was told the date. I get that your family celebrates then, but the way you worded it, it sounds like you celebrate Orthodox Easter with your family out of convenience so that you can celebrate Easter with your h's family. And it sounds like your mom didn't realize the conflict and it's too late to do anything about that now anyway. So I guess all that I would recommend you do is find out exactly what your family's plans are for that weekend, and then decide if it's worth it for you to try to see them that weekend too for Orthodox Easter (although personally, if they are traveling to Philly I wouldn't expect them to rush back and host you) or if you want to make other plans with them for a different weekend, or just skip Orthodox Easter this year.
No my fathers family is orthodox. We always celebrated orthodox Easter when I was growing up.
Maybe it’s because I’m tired and always busy and mostly anti-social, but i welcome the opportunity to not be invited to a party, especially one I have to travel to get to.
This is not M’s fault. This is your mom’s and sister’s fault for not realizing it was Easter weekend. If you have anyone to be annoyed at, it would be them.
Do you know the details of the party? Is it a small sit down dinner or is it an open house? How do you know you are not invited? did somebody specifically tell you? Because I really doubt the invitations have gone out for a party that is on April 18. What makes you think your invitation isn’t still in the mail?
Do you know the details of the party? Is it a small sit down dinner or is it an open house? How do you know you are not invited? did somebody specifically tell you? Because I really doubt the invitations have gone out for a party that is on April 18. What makes you think your invitation isn’t still in the mail?
My parents were visiting this past weekend. They told us we couldn’t come for Easter that weekend because they were attending a celebration for j’s graduation.
This is not M’s fault. This is your mom’s and sister’s fault for not realizing it was Easter weekend. If you have anyone to be annoyed at, it would be them.
Oh I know it’s not her fault. She specially asked my mom if that date worked before she planned a get together.
I wouldn’t expect to get invited to a graduation especially if there is a ceremony before with limited tickets, and they are doing the party afterwards. Not sure if that is the case but we only got 8 tickets and went out to eat when my husband graduated, so my sister was not invited to that.
If I always got together with my family for Easter I might be upset they are not available for Easter. However we have gotten to the point of liking our little holidays together. So I agree plan a fun event or day just for your immediate family.
This is not M’s fault. This is your mom’s and sister’s fault for not realizing it was Easter weekend. If you have anyone to be annoyed at, it would be them.
This....these are 2 separate issues. You cleared your weekend for your family’s Easter. Unfortunately your mom got dates screwed up. As far as the 2nd issue-not getting invited to the grad party, I’m sure they just didn’t think you’d want to drive 3 hrs for it. I’ve been with my H for nearly 25 yr, married for 15 and if I were graduating, I probably wouldn’t invite my Hs siblings who live 2-3 hrs away because I wouldn’t want to have them drive for that-is rather they come for something for H or our kid.
Post by minniemouse on Feb 11, 2020 19:18:01 GMT -5
I get it. I would be hurt if my family forgot about a tradition and agreed to go somewhere else on that date. Easter is always tough in general since the date is so different year to year, I feel like I always have to look it up! Especially since our kids school does spring break the week after Easter, so the week changes each year- but that’s not relevant to this thread. Just that I can see why your mom didn’t realize it. Anyway, I would not be upset about not getting invited to the party - just that the tradition can’t happen this year.
Post by jennistarr1 on Feb 11, 2020 22:49:36 GMT -5
My husband and I have really close families and there are somethings we don't invite both sides too. When my husband got his ph.d, he invited my parents, not my sister
so no, I would offer congrats and a card or gift regardless.
With the holiday, that's more disappointing to me but I would let it go too
Why dont you just tell your sister that you want to go?
Because I am unsure of all the details. My mom made it sound like a family celebration but it could also be something they want to have with just their parents.
Why dont you just tell your sister that you want to go?
Because I am unsure of all the details. My mom made it sound like a family celebration but it could also be something they want to have with just their parents.
I mean I think you can just ask your sister. I guess I don't get why this has to be complicated
Because I am unsure of all the details. My mom made it sound like a family celebration but it could also be something they want to have with just their parents.
I mean I think you can just ask your sister. I guess I don't get why this has to be complicated
inviting yourself to a party that you know nothing about (the details) isn’t ok!!
I mean I think you can just ask your sister. I guess I don't get why this has to be complicated
inviting yourself to a party that you know nothing about (the details) isn’t ok!!
I didn't say to invite herself. I think you can just call and say "Hey I heard so and so is having a party" and see what she says. The party is in April right? Maybe her parents know about it because the hosts asked them if the date was okay, but they haven't sent out invites to everyone else yet. I mean I just don't get not talking to your family about concerns you have.
i think it's ok to feel whatever about it - feelings are feelings.
i agree with whoever said that they are two separate things.
#1 is that you aren't invited to what sounds like a dinner with the parents. this is not something i would be upset about. i would not invite my SIL's family to something like this and we see them fairly often.
#2 is accidentally booking it on a traditional family weekend. i would be annoyed at this, but traditions evolve.
I don't understand the logistics of everything you've laid out, but i really don't think this would make me so upset. but again, that doesn't make you "wrong" to feel whatever you're feeling.
inviting yourself to a party that you know nothing about (the details) isn’t ok!!
I didn't say to invite herself. I think you can just call and say "Hey I heard so and so is having a party" and see what she says. The party is in April right? Maybe her parents know about it because the hosts asked them if the date was okay, but they haven't sent out invites to everyone else yet. I mean I just don't get not talking to your family about concerns you have.
you said “tell your sister you want to go”. That, to me, is trying to invite yourself. The sister isn’t the host, i get that. But it’s putting her sister in an awkward position of now being expected to ask if Her family can all be invited.
I didn't say to invite herself. I think you can just call and say "Hey I heard so and so is having a party" and see what she says. The party is in April right? Maybe her parents know about it because the hosts asked them if the date was okay, but they haven't sent out invites to everyone else yet. I mean I just don't get not talking to your family about concerns you have.
you said “tell your sister you want to go”. That, to me, is trying to invite yourself. The sister isn’t the host, i get that. But it’s putting her sister in an awkward position of now being expected to ask if Her family can all be invited.
Okay, yes. Sorry I was more thinking of my response to her response which just said to talk to her sister. I guess I don't understand not talking to my sister about my feelings about this. She doesn't even know if she is not really invited yet.
you said “tell your sister you want to go”. That, to me, is trying to invite yourself. The sister isn’t the host, i get that. But it’s putting her sister in an awkward position of now being expected to ask if Her family can all be invited.
Okay, yes. Sorry I was more thinking of my response to her response which just said to talk to her sister. I guess I don't understand not talking to my sister about my feelings about this. She doesn't even know if she is not really invited yet.
I agree. I wouldn't hesitate to ask my sister what the deal is.
I would not expect my siblings IL's to know my schedule and that I celebrate Easter at a different day then Easter typically. I, especially, wouldn't expect the parents of a sibling's boyfriend that I haven't really interacted with to know these things. If you want to be upset, look at your mother as she should know but maybe she didn't have a calendar and since Orthodox Easter isn't typically printed on calendars she may not have realized. I also enjoy not traveling to family (we don't live anywhere close to anyone) so I would look at it as a win! Celebrate a different day if you want.
I think it's fine to casually ask your sister about it. Asking is not inviting yourself. Also it's your sister not a BF or acquaintance or something. I am probably in the minority here but I think that likely they didn't even consider the weekend that this falls on or the fact that you may be in town. They probably just didn't think about it. All the parties we ever host as a family is just like a open house situation and not a designated guest list. Who ever wants to come and the time works for them they are always welcome.
I wouldn't expect to be invited to a celebration like that especially since you live out of town and don't know the in-laws well. It wouldn't faze me and I would be happy to not have to go but everyone's different about those types of events! The fact that it falls on orthodox Easter would be annoying but it's one year and it's hard to coordinate so many people's schedules. I would make nice plans with just your little family and still celebrate.
I wouldn’t use the word “wrong” but I think you are overreacting. You’re kind of making this about you.
Think about it this way-your adult son is graduating. You want to hold a small celebration. You extend the invitation to his girlfriends parents. They say yes.
Did you say she’s met you once and you live far away and you have small kids? She is supposed to know you would want to come, but also they you (who she has met once) regularly spend orthodox easter with your parents. Who have said yes to the party. ETA: I just saw your “due to the fact that I spend Easter with my husband’s family and my son has ?? testing......
Girlfriend. The party thrower has met you once! Your schedule does not matter! This is her son’s graduation. You have tunnel vision going on here.
You say your sister and parents didn’t mention inviting you....bc it is rude to invite people to a party you are not throwing.
Do you know the details of the party? Is it a small sit down dinner or is it an open house? How do you know you are not invited? did somebody specifically tell you? Because I really doubt the invitations have gone out for a party that is on April 18. What makes you think your invitation isn’t still in the mail?
My parents were visiting this past weekend. They told us we couldn’t come for Easter that weekend because they were attending a celebration for j’s graduation.
This is what would upset me (your mom). Is the celebration the entire weekend? Why can’t you celebrate Easter that same weekend and see them, even if they leave for a few hours for a party? I think it was an oversight on your mom’s part in scheduling, but agree with others that the other parents probably just figured you weren’t in town. I would ask my sister about it (not fishing for an invite, more about when you will or will not be able to visit and celebrate Easter). I don’t live near my parents but they live near my sister’s in laws and do lots of family activities together. Sometimes each of them doesn’t invite each other which can be awkward, but sometimes you just want things to include close family. Also I’ve gotten a lot of last minute invitations when people have found out I’m in town.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Feb 16, 2020 11:59:33 GMT -5
I'd guess they didn't think you'd want to come and didn't want you to feel obligated. I'd let your sister know you're planning to be in town anyway for Easter and ask her to find out how the host would feel about you being there.
It makes sense to asks about Easter but not the grad party if that makes sense. Something like are we still planning to celebrate that weekend or a different weekend for Easter? If the party is Sat there is no reason why you can’t do Easter Sunday morning maybe. Or another weekend entirely. It doesn’t have to be these 2 specific weekends that if always was before.
It makes sense to asks about Easter but not the grad party if that makes sense. Something like are we still planning to celebrate that weekend or a different weekend for Easter? If the party is Sat there is no reason why you can’t do Easter Sunday morning maybe. Or another weekend entirely. It doesn’t have to be these 2 specific weekends that if always was before.
This. If the OP wants to say to her family "We'd like to still come to town. Is it possible to find a time to celebrate? WHat time/s do you expect you'll have free?". If from that, her sister says "Oh- let me see if you can come to the grad party since you'll be in town", great.
But the OP should NOT ask her sister to ask the hostess if her family can be invited! The hostess has her reasons for inviting who she invited. Was it just that the OP lives far away? Maybe. Or maybe she's taking everyone out to eat and can't afford to add OP and her family.
I really don't feel anyone should as the hostess to invite more people!