Post by foundmylazybum on Feb 17, 2020 15:01:06 GMT -5
I'm doing okay! We had an appointment with my medical oncologist and I loved her. The way she presented my case made me feel a lot more secure, even though I know it's going to be a rough next few months.
Also I'm going to another hospital in two weeks for another opinion so I'm curious about that and what they say.
One final, small feminist note: everyone on my team is a lady. They asked at the new hospital if I preferred a male or female Dr. At first I was all "first available," but I switched to a woman BC...idk, now that's all I want..
The whole situation FORCES you to be acutely bodily aware lol. Maybe too much haha. I would like to be able to practice scanning my body for how it feels without questioning every sensation with fear.
At the beginning of the year I was pretty good at that, but right now I'm on high alert.
Also I'm sitting a lot and it hurts my back. If anyone has tips. I'm taking them!
I have appointment tomorrow with the nurse at the cancer center to go over services there. Things that should have happened last week, but I’ll get over that. I’m trying to hold it together til then. I took myself to the movies today, and discovered I can’t even sit through a preview of a horror movie right now. There were three suspense/horror previews and I almost walked out. And, of course, my anxiety kicked in halfway through the movie and was telling me today *isnt* a holiday and I was supposed to be at work.
I have a appointment with my PCP on Friday morning. It was intending as a backup appointment if I couldn’t get anything with the cancer center. I don’t know what to do with it now. I kinda want to go see her anyway, but I don’t have anything really. I mean, I could find something (I think something is up with my toenail). But I kinda want to check in. But that’s an annual wellness appointment (30 min), not what I have (15 min).
foundmylazybum, good for you! FWIW, I’ve found I like women doctors better in general. My PCP is female, and during my round with neurology, the only ones I liked were females. I actually specifically went to an ER back in 2018, becaus their neuro-ophthalmologist was female, and I hated my previous 3 neuro-opts. It worked, and the ER sent me to see her And when I had to pick a new med onc at my previous practice, I took the younger female. I don’t plan to see her though, but it’s her name on my charts now.
If you don’t mind a bit of unsolicited babbling, this is one area where you need to have a great relationship based on mutual trust. Part of my mental issues right now are likely due to my attachment to my med onc. Like my therapist is going to have a lot to unpack there. It was great going through everything, but was probably too close. Like I’m pretty sure emailing jokes back at forth at 10pm is over a line. But aside from that, he treated me like an equal in every decision, which was good.
I notice I like running when I'm not doing a training plan. We took the dog for a long walk and I jogged quite a bit of it. It felt nice My goal this week is to find a new therapist. I've gone without one for so long and I really need to get a handle on my mental health while work is a little slower.
I just started listening to "UnFu*k Yourself" on my solo walks with the dog. A good friend also just came out with a mindfulness podcast that I'm adding to my list as well.
Some of my most enjoyable runs were ones where I didn’t set a timer or pay attention to my pace or my distance — I just ran and enjoyed it.
I think it goes back to when I was in the military. I always had issues with my PFT and would get anxiety every time I had to do a timed run. Just another wonderful thing I received from our government
Some of my most enjoyable runs were ones where I didn’t set a timer or pay attention to my pace or my distance — I just ran and enjoyed it.
I think it goes back to when I was in the military. I always had issues with my PFT and would get anxiety every time I had to do a timed run. Just another wonderful thing I received from our government ;)
I feel you. I get a lot of fitness test anxiety, and so do many people I know. The AF is about to institute a new system where you can test a month early, but it only counts if you pass. If you fail, it’s considered a “practice test.” I hope this will help a lot of people feel less anxious — I know it will help me!
I think it goes back to when I was in the military. I always had issues with my PFT and would get anxiety every time I had to do a timed run. Just another wonderful thing I received from our government
I feel you. I get a lot of fitness test anxiety, and so do many people I know. The AF is about to institute a new system where you can test a month early, but it only counts if you pass. If you fail, it’s considered a “practice test.” I hope this will help a lot of people feel less anxious — I know it will help me!
My H is still in and he was just telling me about it over his last drill. I really wish this would've been implemented when I was in. I have a weird issue with fitness and failing that I can practically draw a line to from my time in the AF.
This is going to sound so superficial, so I am sorry for muddying up a thread with actual issues with my silly issues.
I have been really frustrated with my hair for the past year. It was in good shape a year ago, then I dyed it and put in some extensions, and I don't know what it was about that process, but my hair has been f'ed ever since. I didn't really lighten my hair when dying, but maybe my hairdresser did when I went from the colored color (ginger) to something that was closer to my natural color, though it did end up being like this ombre look. But I thought she had just used toner to achieve that.
Anyways, regardless of how it happened, the past year has been filled with short, weak hair. It seems to break so much more, and I am already pretty self conscious about it because I have fine, thin hair as is.
All that to say, I have finally decided to stop caring about what other people think and have started to wear a hair topper with a halo extension piece...I am basically covering all my hair, and should probably just be wearing a wig at this point, but I finally feel better about how my head looks. And I don't know why I had such a hangup about it, people ask what I changed, I just say extensions, and that is that. I am hoping that I can get my hair back to a point where I don't hate it, but this is at least helping me feel better in the short term. It probably helps too that I am not dating, because there would be a whole extra set of issues to get over if that were the case. lol
Post by amberlyrose on Feb 17, 2020 19:45:40 GMT -5
jigsy, I have a weird need for my hair to look good and it does affect me when it doesn't. I don't think it's superficial or silly. We all have our things.
Well, my PCP appointment sorted itself out. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist, but it’s not til April. I cannot wait that long. So hopefully my PCP can help until then...
katfco , that's AMAZING. Getting rid of soda is so hard. I've tried several times and not been able to hang on. Good for you!
my biggest worry is that I'll be going along great and then let myself slide backward. I'm great at rationalizing myself right back into old habits before I've even broken them. One positive side effect is that I've started having more smoothies in the morning instead of stopping at Tim Horton's for my usual breakfast sandwich, soda and occasional donut. I've saved money, too.
My goal after this is to start gradually incorporating exercise in. Maybe one win will give me the encouragement I need.
The other thing to realise (me point out) is that success is not a constant upward flow. Success includes some downward slides, so even if you falter at one moment, do not think that it means you aren't doing it well or right. The line graph of success is very wavy both up and down (with a movement toward up).
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 18, 2020 8:21:54 GMT -5
jigsy, it's worth getting a physical checkup for your hair issue too - it can be an issue with hormones or other things. I know with perimenopause my hair has started to thin and it's frustrating. Dyeing was not helping, which is another reason why I'm going natural now. I'm hoping this helps along with some olyplex thingy (not spelled correctly).
This is going to sound so superficial, so I am sorry for muddying up a thread with actual issues with my silly issues.
I have been really frustrated with my hair for the past year. It was in good shape a year ago, then I dyed it and put in some extensions, and I don't know what it was about that process, but my hair has been f'ed ever since. I didn't really lighten my hair when dying, but maybe my hairdresser did when I went from the colored color (ginger) to something that was closer to my natural color, though it did end up being like this ombre look. But I thought she had just used toner to achieve that.
Anyways, regardless of how it happened, the past year has been filled with short, weak hair. It seems to break so much more, and I am already pretty self conscious about it because I have fine, thin hair as is.
All that to say, I have finally decided to stop caring about what other people think and have started to wear a hair topper with a halo extension piece...I am basically covering all my hair, and should probably just be wearing a wig at this point, but I finally feel better about how my head looks. And I don't know why I had such a hangup about it, people ask what I changed, I just say extensions, and that is that. I am hoping that I can get my hair back to a point where I don't hate it, but this is at least helping me feel better in the short term. It probably helps too that I am not dating, because there would be a whole extra set of issues to get over if that were the case. lol
No shame in fake hair. It’s a lifestyle for a lot of people (I have extensions for volume and I feel so much better about myself). I’m sure you’ve tried collagen protein, but if you haven’t I’ll throw it out there. I stopped losing so much hair after about 45 days or so of adding it to my coffee.
jigsy, hair loss is not a silly issue. Especially for women, so much of how we see ourselves is our hair (which runs counter to the theme of this thread, but it is what it is). Losing hair is traumatic. For the past few years, my hair has been thinning and just being a general bitch, and it sucked. I never found a good solution, but it was getting quite noticeable. Of course, then I lost it all, but it’s coming back thicker than it was before hand. I suspect that’s temporary, but it gives me hope that my follicles aren’t dead, which was what I was thinking a year or so ago. Hair loss sucks, no matter how much.
Right now I have mine died purple, professionalism/east cost govt office be damned. It makes me feel like the cropped look is intentional, plus I run around with Punk Rock Girl (Dead Milkmen) stuck in my head.
I finally admitted to myself that I need to go back to physical therapy, this time because my hip flexors are acting up. I've done so much physical therapy in the past few years that I didn't want to go back again, but I need it. My doctor is pretty great. She ordered hip x-rays too, which were normal, thankfully.
Because I was still on my period when I went to see her, my pap got postponed. I ended up crying because this appointment was already 3 weeks after it was supposed to be (I scheduled it months ago, then got a call a couple days before cancelling sure to a schedule conflict). Really, I cried because last year I tested positive for high risk strainS of HPV (more than one, WTF) and I just want to know where things stand now. I was trying to explain it to her and she didn't know about the previous one being rescheduled and was great about getting a new appointment on the books ASAP and telling me how to get appointments with her quickly.
The only thing I'm not happy about is that I saw she reactivated my old diagnosis of anxiety. I'm going to try to approach it from a calm/curious place when I see her Thursday. I realized that where my responses have been coming from are as lot of "small t" traumas, including poor treatment at doctors' offices in the past (like blaming everything on anxiety).
I’ve been poked by 12 needles today. My PCP wanted me to have a pneumonia shot. I had my port flushed. Then had to have blood drawn (which the port nurse couldn’t do bc it was from a different doctor. So annoying.. she was there just to make me bleed!). And then I went for free acupuncture at the cancer center. And I have a therapist now, but not til 3/17.
Side note, it’s so annoying to find therapy. Because, when you are having depression and anxiety issues, the last thing you want to do is play phone tag for 3 days... *sigh*
Aaaand - 4 days before I see the psychiatrist, looks like the root of my issues is my thyroid. TSH > 47, T4 < 0.25. And I guess my take away is I have one of those doctors dismissing women stories, bc my radiation doctors told me it was far too early to be a problem. Will take at least 6 months, and more like 18 months.
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 24, 2020 8:14:18 GMT -5
Ugh, doctor's who don't listen... rubytue. I hope you bring this back to the radiation doctors.
We put together my new treadmill last night and I'm so excited to use it. I am, unfortunately, out tonight and tomorrow, but I'll be on it on Weds even though I should be unpacking a lot. It will make me feel better.
Post by wanderingback on Feb 24, 2020 8:47:43 GMT -5
I've been staying up late for no good reason, ugh. The past week every night I said I was going to go to bed at 10. Yet I'm awake until 12 or 1230 instead. I've been productive and I don't feel too tired, but I know my body should get more sleep. I need to get back to holding myself accountable for bedtime!
it's eating disorder awareness week and I want to share some articles on FB but people are such assholes I'm not sure I should for my own mental health. But I will share on IG.
it's eating disorder awareness week and I want to share some articles on FB but people are such assholes I'm not sure I should for my own mental health. But I will share on IG.
If you do post on FB I'd be really interested to read it.
Ugh, doctor's who don't listen... rubytue . I hope you bring this back to the radiation doctors.
I did. I debated about it, bc he is leaving his position at the end of the week. But thought he should know so he can later think of me when his next patient asks how long it take. Saying something like “typically it’s at least 6 months, but I’ve seen it as soon as 11 weeks.” He wrote back that “that certainly is surprising.”
The good news is I am feeling a bit better. H is so confused that I’m “happy” about hearing another diagnosis, especially a lifelong, chronic one. Yet, something about having a label to it does make me feel justified. Sadly, I think my thinking is somewhat around the stigma of mental health issues, and I feel so conflicted about it. But yes, finding out it’s a hormone issues causing depression is making me feel a bit more hopeful.
I'm going to taper off the Lexapro. It's been very helpful, but with my talk therapy, I think I'm at a good place to stop. I am so tired of feeling...dull. I cant train properly with this lack of caring, and I really want to do another half ironman this year. Also I really miss wanting sex.
The reddit tells me it's going to basically be hell, but there is no good time.
I also saw today there's another admin job where I interviewed last year. New principal, new hiring crew...I'll probably apply. I thought I had resigned myself to staying in the classroom, but man, I still want to do this job.
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 25, 2020 2:17:42 GMT -5
taratru, good luck with the taper. I encourage my clients to do so when they have good skills for dealing with their feelings and are fully engaged with their lives. I hope it works well for you! And good luck with the job!
Post by cattledogkisses on Feb 25, 2020 10:46:01 GMT -5
I'm getting really irritated with my doctor's office. I've been having the symptoms I usually have when my Hashi's flares up, so I asked if I could come in for blood work to check on my TSH. It took over a week and me calling to bug them to get someone to call me back and schedule the lab work. And now it's been another week since I was in and no one has told me the results. Last time I had labwork done it took almost three weeks and multiple calls and messages from me to get anyone to call me back.
I've been going to the same practice for 14 years and had always been happy with the care, but in the last year or so they seem to be dropping the ball on everything (I've had issues getting prescriptions renewed/sent in too), and I don't know why.
I just want to know my lab results, so if my TSH is high, we can increase my meds so I can start feeling better.
Many people in my office are sick (one coworker recently had the flu, our freelancer was in on Friday and again today and is hacking up a lung every 5 minutes, then will disappear into the bathroom to hack longer when it appears he is about to pass out...). I'm currently immuno-compromised. I've been dealing with a combination of barricading myself in a conference room (Friday), working from home (yesterday), and bathing myself in hand sanitizer. I'll ask my doctor how concerned I need to be when I see him on Thursday, at which point it might be too late, but damn, I am so angry with people who treat this so casually (looking at you, freelancer).
An endocrinologist told my client she needs to start eating 800 calories to lose some weight. He didn't even do a full assessment on her and he declined to run any labs I requested. I feel hopeless sometimes when it comes to the medical community and weight bias.
An endocrinologist told my client she needs to start eating 800 calories to lose some weight. He didn't even do a full assessment on her and he declined to run any labs I requested. I feel hopeless sometimes when it comes to the medical community and weight bias.
800 CALORIES??!! what in the ACTUAL fuck. That person should not be practicing.
Many people in my office are sick (one coworker recently had the flu, our freelancer was in on Friday and again today and is hacking up a lung every 5 minutes, then will disappear into the bathroom to hack longer when it appears he is about to pass out...). I'm currently immuno-compromised. I've been dealing with a combination of barricading myself in a conference room (Friday), working from home (yesterday), and bathing myself in hand sanitizer. I'll ask my doctor how concerned I need to be when I see him on Thursday, at which point it might be too late, but damn, I am so angry with people who treat this so casually (looking at you, freelancer).
Omg yes. Stay home! I’m particularly frustrated at work because we have very generous sick time and a flexible work from home policy. There is NO reason to bring your germs to the office, especially during cold and flu season. I’m so ready for winter to be over.