Requesting change of school counselor?

[pinkly]

My oldest will be entering high school next year. Every student is assigned one of three school counselors by their last name.

I have known my daughter’s assigned counselor for 30 years. Her sister has been my best friend since middle school.

I feel like a bit of a jerk here, but I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with her being her counselor. I’m sure she’s a perfectly good one. The connection just makes me uncomfortable for various reasons.

I’m wondering if it would be completely out of line to request a change of counselor. Or perhaps anyone who IS a school counselor can share how much interaction you truly have with any one student over the course of 4 years.

[sugarbear]

I don't think you can gauge potential interaction. Our counselor sees some kids regularly and some never speak to her outside of class. At my school, requesting a change of counselor in this situation would be perfectly acceptable. I'd just say that you'd rather have someone who doesn't know you.

(I have students who cannot be in my class because either I'm super good friends with their moms or my kids are friends with their kids. We almost always accommodate these requests... though to be fair, they are usually from me.)

[irishbride2]

It’s absolutely fine to ask to change.


That being said, I love that I am close to our school counselor. I feel like it has helped her help DD and I like that I feel comfortable talking to her. But if you aren’t comfortable you aren’t comfortable.

[daisy0721]

I am a school counselor and see no problem asking for a change. I have had parents request counselors for high school. You and your daughter need to be comfortable with the counselor.

[bronxgirl]

I think it’s an entirely appropriate request, given you have a personal relationship with her. Most likely, she will alert her supervisor to the situation and make the request herself.

[pinkly]

Feb 24, 2020 19:55:15 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

It’s absolutely fine to ask to change.


That being said, I love that I am close to our school counselor. I feel like it has helped her help DD and I like that I feel comfortable talking to her. But if you aren’t comfortable you aren’t comfortable.

Oh, I’m not comfortable with her. I’ve known her for far too long.

[samanthamkm]

It's been awhile since high school, but I only saw my counselor to schedule classes and some stuff dealing with college my senior year.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Go ahead and request the change. I don’t think anybody would bat an eye.

[killercupcake]

I’m a high school counselor.

Requests for different counselors happen. I didn’t see it that often at my last school but it happens at my new one sometimes.

Sometimes the long term relationships work in favor of this relationship and sometimes they don’t. I think most admin is understanding of that. They might need to run it by whoever will be her new counselor though. I know we’re careful about this because even though it can be just one kid, it’s a little more work for whoever is getting the student.

[foundmylazybum]

I think its fine to request the change BC of the close personal relationship. Its not uncommon in therapeutic relationships.

[georgeglass]

If you're 100% sure, request it now before they meet or anything. It gets a lot more awkward afterward.

[calmcosmo]

I think it is 100% appropriate.

This concern is why I'm struggling with the idea of bringing my kids to my private college prep high school where I am the only mental health counselor. That dual relationship of being the counselor and trying to navigate real life friendships outside of school is a struggle i see with my colleagues (the Dean, the head of our upper school, etc). I'm not sure I want to deal with it. (which is a shame, I work at a fabulous school!)

[chchchia]

My cousin is my son's guidance counselor and while I was weary at first, I became grateful. If you have known her for too long and there are not so good reasons for not wanting her as a counselor, switch. If there is nothing really, you might like that there is an extra person there to watch out for your child.

[tamarindy]

I feel this is completely school-dependent. At the very large high school I last worked, students didn’t see counselors for personal/mental issues, but just to schedule classes and do college applications. If this is the case for you, and you have a good rapport with this person, I would be hesitant to let that go. With the heavy caseloads it can be hard to get as much attention from them as a student needs, and here you would have a personal connection.

[pooh8402]

This is something that would not have been possible in the small town where I grew up. The vast majority of my teachers or school admin, including every one of the counselors, knew at least one of my parents from when they were growing up or through church, or in my stepmom's case, from work (she used to be a jr high and high school coach and PE teacher in my school district). It worked in my favor since my counselors were easily able to coordinate my needs as a deaf student with my parents. My high school counselor was a huge help in getting my college tuition paid for as a deaf student.

I say if you can make the change, do it. But it will likely be okay if you can't.

[tamarindy]

Feb 25, 2020 16:58:20 GMT -5 liteningme said:

I think some of the responses in here may have misunderstood the OP. To me it appears she is saying that she knows too much about this person (in a bad way) to be comfortable with her as a counselor. Which is different from being longtime close friends. I would request a different counselor.

Well, yes, it's tough to decipher from what she has written.  My response was based on my opinion that IF she has a good rapport with her (and she said she assumes this counselor is good at her job) then she probably should use that to her advantage.  If the "therapeutic" aspect was her concern, I was stating that many schools don't really utilize counselors in this way. 

Of course she should ask for a change if she wants to.

[pinkly]

Feb 25, 2020 16:58:20 GMT -5 liteningme said:

I think some of the responses in here may have misunderstood the OP. To me it appears she is saying that she knows too much about this person (in a bad way) to be comfortable with her as a counselor. Which is different from being longtime close friends. I would request a different counselor.

This would be correct. I was trying to be “nice” about it, I guess. I mean, I’ve known her since she was 10. I know a person at 40 is way different than a person at 10. But I do have more recent experience with her to make me uneasy. She’s just a bit... judgmental and has a certain lack of self-awareness that makes me uncomfortable with my kids having an advisory relationship with her.

[pooh8402]

Yea from the OP, I don't get that impression at all. It just sounded like a long term relationship.

[calmcosmo]

Feb 25, 2020 13:34:18 GMT -5 tamarindy said:

I feel this is completely school-dependent. At the very large high school I last worked, students didn’t see counselors for personal/mental issues, but just to schedule classes and do college applications. If this is the case for you, and you have a good rapport with this person, I would be hesitant to let that go. With the heavy caseloads it can be hard to get as much attention from them as a student needs, and here you would have a personal connection.

No offense, but that sounds like a disconnected teacher’s opinion. I have worked in three states in big and small schools and we always do all kinds of counseling. Many teachers assume we just fix schedules and do college applications all day. Many teachers don’t try to learn what we actually do all day. All school counselors have at least a masters degree in counseling. We go into this field to help kids with their social emotional development. The scheduling and college applications have zero to do with what we were trained to do. It is an auxiliary duty that most of us resent and it is incredibly frustrating when other educators think that’s our role in a school.

[tamarindy]

Feb 25, 2020 20:38:22 GMT -5 calmcosmo said:

Feb 25, 2020 13:34:18 GMT -5 tamarindy said:

I feel this is completely school-dependent. At the very large high school I last worked, students didn’t see counselors for personal/mental issues, but just to schedule classes and do college applications. If this is the case for you, and you have a good rapport with this person, I would be hesitant to let that go. With the heavy caseloads it can be hard to get as much attention from them as a student needs, and here you would have a personal connection.

No offense, but that sounds like a disconnected teacher’s opinion. I have worked in three states in big and small schools and we always do all kinds of counseling. Many teachers assume we just fix schedules and do college applications all day. Many teachers don’t try to learn what we actually do all day. All school counselors have at least a masters degree in counseling. We go into this field to help kids with their social emotional development. The scheduling and college applications have zero to do with what we were trained to do. It is an auxiliary duty that most of us resent and it is incredibly frustrating when other educators think that’s our role in a school.

No offense taken, but I assure you I was not and am not a “disconnected” teacher (whatever that means). This is why I said it is school-dependent. My previous HS enrolled 4300 students and we had a separate office for counseling and mediation, so students truly did not see their assigned counselor for emotional development. At this school, scheduling and college advisement were not auxiliary duties. Based solely on size, it was each person’s full time job. I never said that no HS counselors ever engage in actual counseling, I said that at many large schools, they don’t have this relationship. Even knowing my students tells me this, not being “disconnected.”

[tamarindy]

Feb 25, 2020 18:32:23 GMT -5 pinkly said:

Feb 25, 2020 16:58:20 GMT -5 liteningme said:

I think some of the responses in here may have misunderstood the OP. To me it appears she is saying that she knows too much about this person (in a bad way) to be comfortable with her as a counselor. Which is different from being longtime close friends. I would request a different counselor.

This would be correct. I was trying to be “nice” about it, I guess. I mean, I’ve known her since she was 10. I know a person at 40 is way different than a person at 10. But I do have more recent experience with her to make me uneasy. She’s just a bit... judgmental and has a certain lack of self-awareness that makes me uncomfortable with my kids having an advisory relationship with her.

I would email the head of the guidance department and ask for a reassignment in anticipation of the next school year then.  

[pinkly]

Feb 25, 2020 21:08:35 GMT -5 tamarindy said:

Feb 25, 2020 18:32:23 GMT -5 pinkly said:

This would be correct. I was trying to be “nice” about it, I guess. I mean, I’ve known her since she was 10. I know a person at 40 is way different than a person at 10. But I do have more recent experience with her to make me uneasy. She’s just a bit... judgmental and has a certain lack of self-awareness that makes me uncomfortable with my kids having an advisory relationship with her.

I would email the head of the guidance department and ask for a reassignment in anticipation of the next school year then.  

I kind of think she might actually be that person. It’s hard to tell from the website.