Non-Covid Questions

[shauni27]

How the FUCK do you get your toddlers to clean up? It is a fight 99.9% of the time. We try taking away all toys that he does not pick up--he cries for 30 seconds and then seems to even forget he had those toys. Try putting him in his crib to think about why he will not do what we are asking, he screams and then says sorry and repeat. Try to make it fun. Try yelling. Bribing. Nothing works and it becomes such a struggle. HELP?

Also, what do you do if your child strongly prefers one parent over another. S is straight up mean to G a lot of the time. He always prefers me which makes sense for a lot of reasons, but how do we try to improve his relationship with his dad??

[scm1011]

Cleaning up is a struggle over here as well. For us, what works best is when C wants to transition to a new activity/toys we don't allow it until the old toys are put away. That's all I've got, ha.

As for the child preference the only thing that solved it for us was having a 2nd kid. Sorry, lol. But the methodology might be applicable in that I simply wasn't available to be his go-to parent a lot of the time so he had to turn to DH. DH took over C's bath and bedtime and they started their own fun routines that had nothing to do with me (DH brings his guitar to bathtime and they sing songs, for bedtime they started a blanket fort building game, etc). Having these connections outside of me improved their relationship a lot and now I can honestly say C doesn't have a parent preference (and it used to STRONGLY be me).

[Deleted]

We sing a clean up song. We call it the clean up game. Some days if she’s really resisting, we tell her we don’t know where things go and ask her to show us. She loves being a helper. But we also have the world’s easiest, sweetest kid so I hesitate to suggest that anything that works for us will work for anyone else.

[scm1011]

My question is on how to get my 3 year old to show any love towards his baby sister (10 months). DS just doesn't like DD. Hates her in his space, has never given her a hug or a kiss. Refuses to sit next to her. Constantly asks if it's time for her to nap. I see so many friends posting pictures of their toddlers loving on their baby siblings and we've never had a moment like that. Not once. Is my kid a sociopath? lolsob.

The only thing that gives me a glimmer of hope that we're not living a 'We Need to Talk About Calvin' life is he gets distressed when she is crying in her crib. He will say "D is crying, go get her!"

[Mrs.flang]

Cleaning is a struggle here too. We try to say we can't do the next fun thing until the toys are cleaned up, and start doing it ourselves to demonstrate. Sometimes that works but sometimes she just sits and watches us, lol. I also try to give choices or make it fun, like I'll pick up the yellow blocks and you can do the green ones! I think just modeling that we keep the house tidy is what will work over time.

DD1 has always preferred her dad and it got worse when DD2 was born. If she doesn't want me, I try to empathize that I realize she really wants daddy instead, but try to not give in to unreasonable demands.

scm1011, we haven't had anything too drastic with our DDs, but DD1 emulates a lot from the Daniel Tiger episodes where he has to interact with his baby sister, so maybe that might help? I also sometimes say to DD1, "gosh DD2 can be so needy sometimes!" or "do you think its fun to have a little sister or is she sometimes annoying?" Just to get her to talk about it and let her know its ok to be frustrated.

[jnibean]

We sing the clean up song. It works about 75% of the time. Otherwise we just very slowly start cleaning and he eventually starts to help.

DS prefers me over H as well, so we've been having H do more of the bedtime routine. He gives DS his bath, helps him brush his teeth (DS loves to brush his teeth-he's an odd duck) and read him his book, and it seems to be helping. Now DS will ask H to play with him instead of defaulting to me.

[macmars45]

shauni27 my DS (4 later this month) strongly prefers my H to me. STRONGLY. And he has for quite some time.... 1.5+ years. We are teaching him to be kind about saying it (in tone & words). It's a process. We do say no sometimes someone you'd rather not hangout with/have help you gets to do it. You don't have to like it, but you need to be kind and deal with it nicely. My feelings aren't hurt because it's developmentally normal and he's gained some great communicating skills that will help him in other situations too. I feel for my poor H though. We build in breaks for him on the weekends or he'd never get one during DS' waking hours.

Is there something your H can do with S that's just for them. For my H and DS what started it all was playing LEGOs with DS was 2.5 yrs old. They can play for hours and they both love it. And now that he's older they play kid video games too (Farm simulator is the favorite right now). For me, I read with DS and we play simple board games together (stack up, sorry). And I'm the one that takes him outside to play 9/10. So we each have our things. It helps for us.

ETA: my DS is an only as we are OAD. If I remember correctly it's the same for you?

[Susie]

scm1011, I think all 3 yo's are sociopaths in their special toddler way, ha. I wouldn't worry, although I'm sure it sucks. As the babes grow and gain skills it's a constant adjustment for the big kids. My C has taken the opposite approach from yours, but it's equally extreme. I am trusting it will even out in time. For now C is always up in S's face. She WILL NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE. Touching, kissing, hugging, wrapping arms around. Poor baby has NO personal space from her, especially now when they don't go to separate daycare classrooms Mon-Fri. It's exhausting monitoring it for his safety. She wouldn't mean to hurt him but she could absolutely easily do it accidentally.

[scm1011]

lol Susie, yeah I can see that being incredibly exhausting! Here's hoping once D is more "fun" he'll take a more positive interest in her.

[dcn]

Apr 1, 2020 8:35:15 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

My question is on how to get my 3 year old to show any love towards his baby sister (10 months). DS just doesn't like DD. Hates her in his space, has never given her a hug or a kiss. Refuses to sit next to her. Constantly asks if it's time for her to nap. I see so many friends posting pictures of their toddlers loving on their baby siblings and we've never had a moment like that. Not once. Is my kid a sociopath? lolsob.

The only thing that gives me a glimmer of hope that we're not living a 'We Need to Talk About Calvin' life is he gets distressed when she is crying in her crib. He will say "D is crying, go get her!"

My older son was not interested in his brother for a long time. I don’t have pictures of them together really until ds2 is older. Sometimes I could bribe ds1 with candy so I could get a Christmas picture ha. Once ds2 was walking and talking and could play he definitely was more Interested and now they are great buddies (they are 7 and 4 now) and gang up on me and H lol. I don’t really have advice, but hopefully things will turn around as the baby gets older!

[dcn]

My kids still don’t clean up so I can’t help there ha.

My kids prefer me and always have. We just say it’s Dad’s turn to brush teeth etc and power through the whining and crying.

[shauni27]

Apr 1, 2020 9:39:13 GMT -5 macmars45 said:

shauni27 my DS (4 later this month) strongly prefers my H to me. STRONGLY. And he has for quite some time.... 1.5+ years. We are teaching him to be kind about saying it (in tone & words). It's a process. We do say no sometimes someone you'd rather not hangout with/have help you gets to do it. You don't have to like it, but you need to be kind and deal with it nicely. My feelings aren't hurt because it's developmentally normal and he's gained some great communicating skills that will help him in other situations too. I feel for my poor H though. We build in breaks for him on the weekends or he'd never get one during DS' waking hours.

Is there something your H can do with S that's just for them. For my H and DS what started it all was playing LEGOs with DS was 2.5 yrs old. They can play for hours and they both love it. And now that he's older they play kid video games too (Farm simulator is the favorite right now). For me, I read with DS and we play simple board games together (stack up, sorry). And I'm the one that takes him outside to play 9/10. So we each have our things. It helps for us.

ETA: my DS is an only as we are OAD. If I remember correctly it's the same for you?

yes, OAD. I think that coming up with fun things to do with "just dad" would be a good idea.

[scm1011]

Apr 1, 2020 10:02:40 GMT -5 dcn said:

Apr 1, 2020 8:35:15 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

My question is on how to get my 3 year old to show any love towards his baby sister (10 months). DS just doesn't like DD. Hates her in his space, has never given her a hug or a kiss. Refuses to sit next to her. Constantly asks if it's time for her to nap. I see so many friends posting pictures of their toddlers loving on their baby siblings and we've never had a moment like that. Not once. Is my kid a sociopath? lolsob.

The only thing that gives me a glimmer of hope that we're not living a 'We Need to Talk About Calvin' life is he gets distressed when she is crying in her crib. He will say "D is crying, go get her!"

My older son was not interested in his brother for a long time. I don’t have pictures of them together really until ds2 is older. Sometimes I could bribe ds1 with candy so I could get a Christmas picture ha. Once ds2 was walking and talking and could play he definitely was more Interested and now they are great buddies (they are 7 and 4 now) and gang up on me and H lol. I don’t really have advice, but hopefully things will turn around as the baby gets older!

lol I also bribe with candy to get photos together. I'm glad to hear that they are good buddies now, that gives me hope!

[felicity]

When DS was a toddler I made up a game of who could clean up the fastest and gentlest. If he was resistant, I would start cleaning up and saying "I'm winning! I'm winning!" which always got him moving.

Now clean up occurs before 5 pm screentime, or no iPad/TV.

[thebreakfastclub]

I would make a game of it and also lower expectations. I would not bother with time outs or stressing about compliance. Just not worth it. I think you are expecting too much. A kid still in a crib is not going to think about what he did, he's already forgotten a minute later.

[sdlaura]

We don't really make the toddler clean up as much as we should. When we do, it's an incentive of some sort - like if you want to go for a walk, we need to clean this up first, or if you want to get out this other toy, let's put this one away first. And then just wait - and the other thing doesn't happen till he helps clean up. But at already stressful times like bedtime, it's just so much easier to do it in 3 minutes after he goes to bed.

[brooke77]

My kid is OBSESSED with cleaning, so I don’t have great suggestions. Can you find something he does like doing and encourage it? DS loves dustbusting, dusting, cleaning with a towel and water, etc. He also is crazy obsessive about putting things back in their spots/homes. I don’t bother cleaning until the end of the night and then we sing our clean up song and clean together as a family. He loves it.

My question - Does anyone know if there is any harm in just keeping an IUD in past it’s expiration? Mine is due to be replaced next month and I’m thinking that won’t happen. I have a call into my OBGYN and I’m wondering if they will just switch me to pills until I can get a new IUD.

[loira]

I request that A pick up 3 toys and tell her I'll help with the rest. Usually that's enough to get her started and she'll pick up a bunch more. I think it's like any daunting task, you break it up into smaller elements and it doesn't seem so bad.

A is a total mama's girl, and we are also OAD. It's weird because she does spend most of her days with her papa. But if I'm home she wants me. I don't have any tips, except that pps suggestion for fun stuff to do with just dad seems a good one.

[blondemoment123]

We started Teletherapy for speech yesterday. DS (age 2) was terrified. We used the iPad to FaceTime my grandma and H when he’s OOT so it’s not unfamiliar to him

Any tips?

[noodleoo]

What are you guys feeding your kids for lunch these days? We usually do leftovers from dinner, but since H and I are both home, we don't often have enough for everyone (we used to grab lunch at work). I'd love some kid friendly things that are quick to throw together. So far we've done PBJ, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets but they are getting sick of those (and DD2 doesn't eat sandwiches).

shauni27 , my girls have often had a mommy preference and the thing that has helped is either alone time with dad or having a special thing that he always does with them, like bath time. Or maybe they can go outside and play together just the 2 of them with some new toys (maybe soccer, riding toys, etc). It has an added bonus of giving you some alone time. My kids are actually in a daddy preference phase right now probably because this is first time they've had him home an equal amount as me (I work part time). DD1 is almost 5 and she's gone in phases back and forth many times. Although usually a "daddy" phase is just her not rejecting him as opposed to actually preferring him to me (that was rare until about age 4).

[dcn]

Apr 1, 2020 13:18:43 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

What are you guys feeding your kids for lunch these days? We usually do leftovers from dinner, but since H and I are both home, we don't often have enough for everyone (we used to grab lunch at work). I'd love some kid friendly things that are quick to throw together. So far we've done PBJ, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets but they are getting sick of those (and DD2 doesn't eat sandwiches).

shauni27 , my girls have often had a mommy preference and the thing that has helped is either alone time with dad or having a special thing that he always does with them, like bath time. Or maybe they can go outside and play together just the 2 of them with some new toys (maybe soccer, riding toys, etc). It has an added bonus of giving you some alone time. My kids are actually in a daddy preference phase right now probably because this is first time they've had him home an equal amount as me (I work part time). DD1 is almost 5 and she's gone in phases back and forth many times. Although usually a "daddy" phase is just her not rejecting him as opposed to actually preferring him to me (that was rare until about age 4).

My younger likes snack plates. Cheese, crackers, fruit, beans, etc. That or yogurt or something.

Quesadillas, tomato soup, pancakes and eggs.

[jnibean]

Apr 1, 2020 13:18:43 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

What are you guys feeding your kids for lunch these days? We usually do leftovers from dinner, but since H and I are both home, we don't often have enough for everyone (we used to grab lunch at work). I'd love some kid friendly things that are quick to throw together. So far we've done PBJ, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets but they are getting sick of those (and DD2 doesn't eat sandwiches).

shauni27 , my girls have often had a mommy preference and the thing that has helped is either alone time with dad or having a special thing that he always does with them, like bath time. Or maybe they can go outside and play together just the 2 of them with some new toys (maybe soccer, riding toys, etc). It has an added bonus of giving you some alone time. My kids are actually in a daddy preference phase right now probably because this is first time they've had him home an equal amount as me (I work part time). DD1 is almost 5 and she's gone in phases back and forth many times. Although usually a "daddy" phase is just her not rejecting him as opposed to actually preferring him to me (that was rare until about age 4).

We make pizzas in our air fryer using mini Naan bread, pizza sauce, cheese and mini pepperonis.  5 minutes in the air fryer is enough to melt the cheese and heat it through and DS loves them.  Quesadillas, fish sticks, lunch meat/grilled cheese are others we do often.

[mccallister84]

Apr 1, 2020 12:42:29 GMT -5 blondemoment123 said:

We started Teletherapy for speech yesterday. DS (age 2) was terrified. We used the iPad to FaceTime my grandma and H when he’s OOT so it’s not unfamiliar to him

Any tips?

No advice just commiseration. We had a to do a tele pediatrician appointment and I told my husband it was the most stressful visit of my life. It ended with my oldest daughter smacking herself in the eye when she tried to take the flashlight I was using to show the pediatrician the rash on DD2. DD1 ended up with a huge black eye.

And we also FaceTime with relatives often, but to be fair they are usually running in and out of the camera during that time.

[mbcdefg]

Veterinarian question - anyone know of a telemedicine site where I can send a video tonight? My cat has a really nasty cough and wheeze. I don’t think he’s in major distress otherwise I’d call the emergency vet nearby, but if there’s someone who can look at a video tonight I’d feel better. I’m calling tomorrow for an appointment.

[farmvillelover]

Apr 1, 2020 13:18:43 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

What are you guys feeding your kids for lunch these days? We usually do leftovers from dinner, but since H and I are both home, we don't often have enough for everyone (we used to grab lunch at work). I'd love some kid friendly things that are quick to throw together. So far we've done PBJ, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets but they are getting sick of those (and DD2 doesn't eat sandwiches).

Top ramen with an egg and some frozen peas/carrots or other veggie (today it was a big hit).
Fried rice with egg and frozen veggies mixed in. 
Pizzas they help make (I buy the crust, sauce, cheese and whatever toppings are in the fridge).
Quesadillas with chopped chicken and black beans. 
Avocado toast with everything but the bagel seasoning.

I try to serve their lunch with a cut up piece of fruit and veggie cuts on the side (carrots, celery, radish). And then I bribe them with cheetos puffs and dessert so long as they finish their lunch.

[al dente]

shauni27 ugh my kid is being sooo mean to my H lately, and he’s home now so it’s constant. I just listened to a podcast about it ha. She said to have your spouse acknowledge your kids feelings, but still continue and be consistent and I guess eventually the kid should come around. Or at least stop fighting it. My issue is getting my husband on board because he just kinda shuts down over it.
Anyway! And for cleaning I have to very specifically tell her what to do, and do it with her. I try to have her clean up between activities to create the habit, but it is so freaking hard I am not good at it. I don’t punish over cleaning up though. If she’s being defiant over not wanting to clean I’ll do a 1-2-3 count, but a lot of times I feel like she just loses focus so its just constant reminders of what I need her to do. If that makes sense?

noodleoo we’ve been doing a lot of roll ups lately. My baby doesn’t like sandwiches, but loves the same stuff rolled up in a tortilla. Also quesadillas, yogurt with mix ins, waffles with peanut butter... man I feel like I had so much stuff I was thinking of and now forget.

[rebneen]

blondemoment123 our first Zoom session with DS' class was a DISASTER. He has social communication delays. I wrote to his speech therapist that I thought he was totally overwhelmed and this wasn't going to work. Then the next session was almost perfect! If you can make sure to have him regularly using video chat in between I think it will help. There is a lot they do in person to break the ice that they can't easily do remotely, but remote sessions are WAY better than nothing.

My DS showed 0 interest in baby sister when she was an infant-1. He wasn't mad, but he'd ask me to put her down so I could do stuff with him. Since she turned 18 mos or so he really is attached. He wants her to play what he plays, he goofs around with her, etc. He's still an ass and takes any.damn.toy she wants, but that seems like his aforementioned social communication and not always understanding cooperative play.

shauni27 I don't recommend following how I solved your issue, but the divorce is just an extreme way of getting away regularly for significant amounts of time A decent spouse can accommodate that. Another thing is to redirect DS to your H and have your H do whatever he needs so that he is reminded of that secure attachment.

[shauni27]

Apr 2, 2020 3:29:49 GMT -5 al dente said:

shauni27 ugh my kid is being sooo mean to my H lately, and he’s home now so it’s constant. I just listened to a podcast about it ha. She said to have your spouse acknowledge your kids feelings, but still continue and be consistent and I guess eventually the kid should come around. Or at least stop fighting it. My issue is getting my husband on board because he just kinda shuts down over it.
Anyway! And for cleaning I have to very specifically tell her what to do, and do it with her. I try to have her clean up between activities to create the habit, but it is so freaking hard I am not good at it. I don’t punish over cleaning up though. If she’s being defiant over not wanting to clean I’ll do a 1-2-3 count, but a lot of times I feel like she just loses focus so its just constant reminders of what I need her to do. If that makes sense?

noodleoo we’ve been doing a lot of roll ups lately. My baby doesn’t like sandwiches, but loves the same stuff rolled up in a tortilla. Also quesadillas, yogurt with mix ins, waffles with peanut butter... man I feel like I had so much stuff I was thinking of and now forget.

YES, this. Which is REALLY fucking frustrating. You are the adult, you can control your emotions. He is 2. Fucking find a way to understand where he is coming from, it made a 100% difference in how I communicate, play and spend time with my child, but H just shuts down, too.

[blondemoment123]

Apr 2, 2020 6:36:43 GMT -5 rebneen said:

blondemoment123 our first Zoom session with DS' class was a DISASTER. He has social communication delays. I wrote to his speech therapist that I thought he was totally overwhelmed and this wasn't going to work. Then the next session was almost perfect! If you can make sure to have him regularly using video chat in between I think it will help. There is a lot they do in person to break the ice that they can't easily do remotely, but remote sessions are WAY better than nothing.

My DS showed 0 interest in baby sister when she was an infant-1. He wasn't mad, but he'd ask me to put her down so I could do stuff with him. Since she turned 18 mos or so he really is attached. He wants her to play what he plays, he goofs around with her, etc. He's still an ass and takes any.damn.toy she wants, but that seems like his aforementioned social communication and not always understanding cooperative play.

shauni27 I don't recommend following how I solved your issue, but the divorce is just an extreme way of getting away regularly for significant amounts of time A decent spouse can accommodate that. Another thing is to redirect DS to your H and have your H do whatever he needs so that he is reminded of that secure attachment.

He’s been seeing the same speech therapist for months, so he knows who she is.

We’re trying again this afternoon, but keeping him at my moms house for the session to see if that relaxes him at all.