I’m making this its own thread because it’s not really “news” per se and there may be enough to unpack.
I know we all like to joke about our love of comfy pants, working from home and plans falling through. It’s also ironic that there’s finally a cause where slacktivism is the answer!
So I don’t begrudge anyone for thinking hey, maybe this isn’t so bad. But clearly this person is in the privileged minority who DOESN’T have health, financial or job security concerns right now, not to mention a comfortable living situation. And of course a man wrote this article.
I confessed to DH that I felt a little “monkeys paw” about some of this. I commute two hours each way in traffic. And now I’m WFH. After being a working mom for my kids entire lives, I have them around all the time now and I honestly think it’s going to be so hard to go back to a “normal” where I see them so much less again. That being said, I understand this is a scary scary reality in the big picture. But those are my selfish bright spots.
I have been really, really overextended for the past two years. Part of me feels such relief to be forced to step it all back. I feel like it will be really hard to go back to normal now.
Don’t get me wrong, I desperately miss seeing people, I miss the gym, I miss community...but it is so nice to not have so many obligations.
Post by phunluvin82 on Apr 1, 2020 21:29:44 GMT -5
I think we all have to look for the bright spots right now, and I think that’s okay to do. It’s also good to keep things in perspective though, at the same time. I am working from home for a few weeks now, and the transition has been stressful (we were very ‘old school’ as an organization and not really set up for this previously). BUT, I have SO many friends that have been laid off. So when I think about work stress, I try to just focus on being thankful that I still have a paycheck coming in.
Post by Velar Fricative on Apr 1, 2020 21:30:20 GMT -5
The cost is too damn high for me to look at the “good” things about this. It fucking sucks. Maybe if I wasn’t living in US ground zero I might think it’s “nice” but man, some of these lessons I’m learning about what really matters in life could have been taught to me in less deadly ways.
The cost is too damn high for me to look at the “good” things about this. It fucking sucks. Maybe if I wasn’t living in US ground zero I might think it’s “nice” but man, some of these lessons I’m learning about what really matters in life could have been taught to me in less deadly ways.
I agree. I wish I was an appreciate these moments person, but I can’t in the face of this. It’s all too much:
I think it will be interesting to read accounts of this time from people around different parts of the country. I think a lot of people in small-town America are feeling a lot of what the writer is describing, whereas people in hot spots may be having a very different experience. Not just because of the varying degrees of social distancing or isolation that these areas are implementing (or not), but also because of how life was before stay-at-home orders. I live in a city of about 100,000 people and can’t even really imagine what daily life is like in a big city, and therefore how different it is now.
We are healthy. Our incomes haven't been disrupted and probably won't be.
We are miserable. Both trying to work from home from the folding table in our bedroom. Being held accountable despite having jobs that aren't suited to remote work. Sweatpants are comfy but not worth it.
@@@ And our kids are stressed and homeschooling sucks and trying to work with no childcare sucks.
We are grateful to be as fortunate as we are but ain't nothing cozy.
I've definitely had my share of panic attacks and ugly cries, but this week has been different. I think it's the weather being so nice. DH and I stained our deck and for the yard all cleaned up these past four days and just feel accomplished. I also don't feel guilty about taking a nap or doing a puzzle.
I've spent the last 6 or so weeks job hunting and working on my MBA. With unemployment money going up and no one posting jobs right now, a huge burden has been lifted. My MBA will be done in less than four weeks and this last course isn't overly tough.
Our area isn't hard hit (yet) and I do feel fairly comfortable. I understand I'm in a very privileged position and it could change at any moment. Maybe that's why I'm trying to appreciate the "wins" when I find them?
I feel about this article like I feel about a lot of what Brene Brown says. Sure, it does a better job at giving a nod to the fact that "some people" (who are definitely Othered in this article, btw,) have it bad, but those of us in the upper middle class just need to do a meditation, pick up a craft, opt for a new Netflix series, snuggle in with a soft blanket, and "choose happiness." Truly, how many of us does this actually apply to?
@@@@
And, even among those of us who are quite privileged, which of us isn't also worried sick about a family member who works in health care, a potential upcoming layoff, not being able to get one of the 5 foods our kids will eat, a child with a disability for whom e-learning isn't accommodating, an at-risk elderly parent?
Is this the "cozy catastrophe" we wanted? No. Are there bright glimmers for many of us? Sure! But we could have had them (work-life balance, time to take care of our health and fitness, a bit more leisure time to read or think or just be) without a global pandemic. What we wanted was a goddamn break. This isn't it.
And, I'll be you $1M GBCN that after weeks turn into months of this, even the most privileged aren't going to see this navel-gazing silver lining any longer.
I have WFH full time since 2014, my H since late 2016 so for us that is pretty normal.
However, I almost had a full on panic attack today at the grocery store because there were too many people and definitely within 6 feet. I've used Kroger pickup for about 2 years but now I can't get a slot so I'm having to strategize how to get food safely and I hate it.
Privileged party of four over here! This quote says it all about DH and I - lol
For one thing, staying at home and doing nothing has been the new American dream for quite some time.
Honestly though, this is the first time ever in my life when a catastrophe like this won’t destroy us. Even last year when the government shut down (just a year ago, folks) we had to borrow money from my parents to bridge the gap. But now we’re both able to work full time from the comfy house we spent forever saving for, and we’re not in any immediate danger of losing our jobs :::knocks on wood::: So this should be our dream, but it is SO FUCKING STRESSFUL.
pdq pdq PDQ
I work for a major utility as a liaison between the company and our unionized work force - the vast majority of whom are critical first responders. My new wake up alarm is either Bill or Ted from the union (not their real names -haha) calling to tell me about whatever new crisis they’ve been dealing with since before the sun came up. This crew restoring a downed line was threatened with a gun by a homeowner for being too close to the house and that crew’s PPE was diverted to NYC and that crew is down to one guy because the rest are quarantined and that manager is still asking for a doctor’s note even though we waived that requirement... My day ends when I finally close the computer and pour a healthy glass of wine.
maybe that’s more of a vent than a comment relevant to the article It’s better than a million alternatives, but still no Gen X slacker dream.
Maybe I just have too much anxiety, but even while I admit this is easy for us compared to a lot of people - we are so so fucking lucky right now - the long term implications, the worry about others (even people I don’t know), the worry about contracting covid even if we do everything right, the mental damage I think this is going to cause everyone by the time it’s over...all of that makes it impossible to really enjoy any of this even if there isn’t much hanging over our heads.
@@@@ I’m the dipshit who loves having her kids home in the summer and misses them when they are at school. I hate getting up in the mornings more than anything. Our income and health insurance aren’t in jeopardy. I SAH and have nothing to do but take care of my kids and make sure they do some sort of learning - I don’t have to balance anything. But this fucking sucks and none of us are going to escape without damage. And it’s really hard to see a bright side when I know that deep in my bones.
I feel about this article like I feel about a lot of what Brene Brown says. Sure, it does a better job at giving a nod to the fact that "some people" (who are definitely Othered in this article, btw,) have it bad, but those of us in the upper middle class just need to do a meditation, pick up a craft, opt for a new Netflix series, snuggle in with a soft blanket, and "choose happiness." Truly, how many of us does this actually apply to? And, even among those of us who are quite privileged, which of us isn't also worried sick about a family member who works in health care, a potential upcoming layoff, @@@ not being able to get one of the 5 foods our kids will eat, a child with a disability for whom e-learning isn't accommodating, @@@ an at-risk elderly parent?
Is this the "cozy catastrophe" we wanted? No. Are there bright glimmers for many of us? Sure! But we could have had them (work-life balance, time to take care of our health and fitness, a bit more leisure time to read or think or just be) without a global pandemic. What we wanted was a goddamn break. This isn't it.
I had so many thoughts jumbled around in my head and you articulated exactly what I wasn’t able to.
First, I’m glad you pointed out how he dismissively talks about the “working classes ... wiped out in a way that removes guilt.” That was ... ick.
And look, I’ll be the first to admit that there were elements that weren’t THAT bad last month. I feel grateful everyday that I have a comfortable home and a doting partner and a job that I can do remotely. I postponed a bunch of trips but I didn’t have any major life milestones that are now on hold.
But the longer this stretches on, and the more regions are affected, the more pain we’re going to feel.
-Once you know people who’ve had this virus, it will forever change how you think about it. This probably isn’t true for most of the country — yet! — but just about everyone I know in NYC right now knows someone who’s been affected by it. There will be other ground zeroes.
-If this is a war (and Trump is indeed a “wartime president”), then the people being drafted are our healthcare workers. And we’re putting them (and their families) in danger.
-Yeah, it’s cute that all the guys we know desperately need a haircut right now ... it’s less cute when you need “elective” medical care that isn’t so elective when you’re in pain and can’t find a doctor/dentist/optometrist who will see you
-We’re going to hasten the demise of brick and mortar. And not everyone can be re-skilled quickly enough for the digital future. Not to mention those cute downtowns aren’t so cute with boarded up storefronts
It may be cozy now, but I’m too worried about what the future will bring to enjoy it.
I think it will be interesting to read accounts of this time from people around different parts of the country. I think a lot of people in small-town America are feeling a lot of what the writer is describing, whereas people in hot spots may be having a very different experience. Not just because of the varying degrees of social distancing or isolation that these areas are implementing (or not), but also because of how life was before stay-at-home orders. I live in a city of about 100,000 people and can’t even really imagine what daily life is like in a big city, and therefore how different it is now.
This has been my observation so far. Possible TW: 9/11: Honestly, right now, it reminds me a lot of what I observed after 9/11 in how people are responding. I lived and went to a state school in the Midwest. When 9/11 happened, people absolutely grieved, but it quickly turned into pro-American “we will overcome,” “come together to fight the enemy” rallies. The true devastation was at least two degrees removed for the vast majority of people I knew. When I studied abroad that Spring with a lot of students from the east coast, I quickly learned that their associations with 9/11 were much (understandably) much different. It was almost like we had experienced two different things. I’m seeing the same thing happening now. My friends who live in hot spots are experiencing this on an entirely different level right now than my friends for whom life just doesn’t look a whole lot different. And it WILL eventually hit everywhere, but the impact will vary significantly based on location. There will be people who 5 years from now, remember this time as one where they dropped coffee off on a friend’s porch to make them smile, or countless zoom dates with friends, while they friend to make the best of a tragic situation. There will be others who remember this as the most incredibly stressful, awful time in their life. And there will be some who lost someone incredibly close to them.
But those who don’t (yet) live in an area that is a hot spot will never truly be able to understand what it’s like. And maybe if all of those people just stay home and follow the rules, we won’t see nearly as many hot spots.
Also, many of my friends who were singing the “enjoy the blessings” tune 2-3 weeks ago have now hit a major wall and reality is finally starting to sink in.
I'm surprised people think this isn't going to hit everywhere. Sure, in less dense areas, there may be less of an issue of overburdening hospitals, but it isn't as if viruses stay in areas with denser populations. We are still in the beginning stages of this. By the time it is over, it will have hit everywhere. Plus, we aren't going to be able to do this until we have a vaccine or treatment. I think our best hope is to slow the curve, right? Not to stay in our homes until it is gone. I just don't see how that is feasible.
Are people making the most of this by knitting and watching Netflix and making a sourdough starter? Yes. Can it seem cozy and fun for a few days? OK, sure. But literally everyone I know is stressed in some way.
Service industry workers are getting killed financially. A lot do white collar workers are also suffering - I know plenty of people facing pay cuts and furloughs. People who live alone are lonely. People who have non-emergent but still important medical needs are not getting care. People are terrified of getting this virus. Nearly everyone will know someone who gets this, and most people are going to wind up knowing people who die. @parents are stressed. Kids miss their friends. Poor kids are lacking the social safety net of school. Kids with special needs, regardless of means, are missing out on important developmental services like speech therapy.
I could go on and on. Yes, find joy where you can. Absolutely. Every day I make sure to take stock of some good things that happened to me. No matter how rough the day, I can find something good that happened. I cling to that so I don’t fall into a pit of anxiety and despair. And honestly, we have it easy compared to most people - we live in a single family home with a decent amount of space, our neighborhood is safe and walkable, we are both working from home with only a slight pay cut for my husband, @our kid is easygoing and we are managing to handle childcare while still working by trading off during the day, we have plenty of food, we have all the necessities plus plenty of comforts to keep us occupied. I still have trouble sleeping at night. I’m still always anxious and exhausted. So if I feel like that being in such a good position, I can only imagine how much more terrifying this is for people who are more vulnerable.
This guy gets paid to write articles that people click on to read.
Do you really think that this guy would get a lot of attention for his article if he titled it, "Yeah, this sucks?"
Instead of writing about how much this sucks, he wrote a bunch of stuff that got some of you guys pissed off. And one of you went on to share it with this board. So, he did the thing that he gets paid to do.
The cost is too damn high for me to look at the “good” things about this. It fucking sucks. Maybe if I wasn’t living in US ground zero I might think it’s “nice” but man, some of these lessons I’m learning about what really matters in life could have been taught to me in less deadly ways.
I agree with you. I am in Northern NJ and its bad here. I know a number of people who have tested positive. I want to go back to work and see my students. They are scared and there is nobody there to comfort them.
This guy gets paid to write articles that people click on to read.
Do you really think that this guy would get a lot of attention for his article if he titled it, "Yeah, this sucks?"
Instead of writing about how much this sucks, he wrote a bunch of stuff that got some of you guys pissed off. And one of you went on to share it with this board. So, he did the thing that he gets paid to do.
I mean, OK? But it’s also worth talking about why it’s irresponsible for publications to publish this kind of thing. Also this guy is not alone in this view, so it’s worth talking about the problems with it.
This guy gets paid to write articles that people click on to read.
Do you really think that this guy would get a lot of attention for his article if he titled it, "Yeah, this sucks?"
Instead of writing about how much this sucks, he wrote a bunch of stuff that got some of you guys pissed off. And one of you went on to share it with this board. So, he did the thing that he gets paid to do.
I started keeping a gratitude journal when this first started, to keep me grounded and stop my anxiety from spiraling.
This article is... Very different from that.
Yes. Absolutely. Every day I post on social media about some of the good things of our day. But I’m doing it in a broader context, and I’m open about my struggles with this. And I’m trying to reach out to people multiple times per week to check on them.
I do not want to encourage people to panic and freak out. I want everyone to celebrate any and every victory they have each day. But you can do it without being a smug asshole.
I get ragey when I read about people who are “just loving all of this time with family” or have suddenly found time to pick up a new craft or whatever.
We are working our asses off. A lot of work that we had previously outsourced (childcare, education, house cleaning) now fall on us. We are in the fortunate position that we both have our jobs and are both still getting paid, and we aren’t spending as much, but we damn sure aren’t “sitting around doing nothing”, nor are we baking our own bread, painting the house, or taking up knitting. My work hours have increased. H is now trying to teach his students while also teaching our son. We are adjusting, and doing okay, but COZY is not a word I would use to describe our life.
Look, it's certainly nice that I don't have to get up at 5am anymore to start my day. It's nice that I have more time throughout the day to chat with my H (although, let's be real, mostly I'm annoyed that he's interrupting my work). None of those things make this "cozy" or "ok" for me. Or anyone, really. Do I wish I had time to binge a show on Netflix? YES! But I'm still working ALL.DAY.LONG, just from home. I expect most people who are still lucky enough to have a job are working just as hard, or even harder, at it as well. I mean, I start my day a little later than I would if I was in the office, but I'm working past 6 most nights to compensate for that. And it's not easy to work from home. I don't mean due to distractions, I mean b/c it's not my office where everything is at my fingertips. I'm struggling to find things electronically that if I could be at work, I could put my hands on in 3 seconds.
Beyond the obvious of needing money, I work outside of my house for a reason. I'm not cut out to sit at home literally all day. And I'm trying to figure out this WFH thing while simultaneously figuring out how to social distance and not go to the store every time i have an itch for something specific. So that whole aspect is new and annoying and anxiety producing, too. And I cannot imagine how much worse it would be if I had lost my job or if I worked on the front lines of this.
PDQ. The last time I wasn't going into the office everyday for work was 6 years ago when I got fired. It was awful and traumatic. One of the most awful periods of my life. And my H, now, is all "oh isn't this great, it's like when you didn't have to work 6 years ago and we could spend all our time together" and it takes everything in me not to hit him with a frying pan. No, it's not great. This reminds me a little of that time and I'm having awful anxiety about what if my company needs to cut jobs and they decide to cut mine? So no, this is not a "cozy" time and I really just want things to be normal again. And i'm terrified that they never will be.
We are currently healthy and safe, and for that I am grateful. When people are dying in our country by the thousands, no, there is no cozy. As I said, we are safe and have plenty of choices to stay distanced. But each day we run out of another food I get more terrified to leave the house. I have constant anxiety about my job as well. The clock is ticking and I am expecting to be laid off at months end. So no, the constant hum of stress in my body doesn't feel like a soft blanket.