I feel this hard. The only way we were remotely able to survive the spring home-learning was bc I was off on maternity leave. My husband was also able to work a reduced schedule to be able to help out while working from home.
In the Fall, we will both be working full time. He may have to be out of the house for some of the time. We aren’t sure on the details yet. I don’t know how I will begin to get all my work done and help DS with hybrid learning and taking care of a baby. My work load has become twice the amount of normal which I need to do in a shorter amount of time because of the constant distractions. Most days I wish they’d just furlough me until this was over. I am completely overwhelmed and burnt out.
Post by browneyedgirl9 on Jul 2, 2020 20:45:26 GMT -5
I saw this on Facebook as well. I totally feel this. My husband and I have been working from home full time during the pandemic, and I am still in the office at least one day a week. Having a 6yo and 2yo home, mixed the the 6yo remote learning has been a nightmare. I feel constant guilt over allowing the 6yo to mainly spend his days on screens. But both my husband and I are so swamp with keeping up with work, it's the only way we are surviving.
Post by keweenawlove on Jul 2, 2020 22:35:15 GMT -5
Starting to feel this way. I thought we were turning a corner when daycare reopened at the beginning of June. We got a call at the end of the day Tuesday that there was a positive test "within the center group". The health department didn't recommend they close but they're closing for 72 hours as a precaution. I was able to get a test of I'm waiting on the result of that now. We figured it would be good for at least one of us to get one...
We'll see if they're able to open on Monday. My hospital is really ramping up and I'm supposed to be covering for two people. Feel like this isn't going to be this first time this happens and has me really worried for wth schools and colleges are going to do in the fall.
I've also been really frustrated at the total lack of empathy for parents of young kids that I have observed from my family/circle. There's a lot of the attitude of "well, you chose to have them." My dad is just kind of like, 'huh' whenever I mention how difficult it's been. He's widowed, lonely, and didn't do much of the "in the trenches" work when we were kids, so I guess he just can't relate? But it seems so obvious to me, like YOU ARE A PARENT (albeit of adults now). Can you possibly imagine doing your professional job with us in tow when we were kids? Of course no. Well... that's exactly what we've been doing for months!! and he just changes the subject. I'm not even asking for anything more than "I hear you, it sounds hard." from him. It hasn't been much better from others.
I am also so freaking frustrated at the ink, time, and attention spilled over reopening plans for bars, restaurants, movie theaters, amusements, hair salons... when we do not have a plan for school for fall. I have a rising kindergartener and I have literally no idea whatsoever what is going to happen when she ages out of daycare and at least theoretically starts kindergarten in September. We haven't had to do remote instruction yet, but I can't imagine how we will fit it into what we were already doing for quarantine life.
Susie, I've been equally exasperated with my dad. Last time we spoke (and we chat on the phone 1x a month) and i mentioned how hard it was to simultaneous work FT and parent a 1yo and 3yo he said to me "man, you complain a lot. you sound like your mother." I almost hung up the phone.
I also have childfree friends who were clearly biting their tongue/disapproving of our choice to send the kids back to daycare this week. I wanted to be like "You try it for a day. ONE DAY."
Also my mental health has pretty much been nonexistent since they opened casinos and restaurants while there is no sign of my daycare ever reopening. Wtf is that noise?
I guess my mom is kind of understanding maybe ish. She tries to understand but she was a stay at home mom until I was 13 and my sister 17, so she doesn’t really understand what it’s like to be a working mom who needs childcare.
And my dad keeps alternating between sending me conspiracy theories and telling me we are going to civil war or war with China and telling me I need to come visit him in South America. Even though we keep telling him, he can’t comprehend reality.
Susie, I've been equally exasperated with my dad. Last time we spoke (and we chat on the phone 1x a month) and i mentioned how hard it was to simultaneous work FT and parent a 1yo and 3yo he said to me "man, you complain a lot. you sound like your mother." I almost hung up the phone.
I also have childfree friends who were clearly biting their tongue/disapproving of our choice to send the kids back to daycare this week. I wanted to be like "You try it for a day. ONE DAY."
Omg. I am just nodding my head in agreement with you and Susie.
PDQ: My sister had twins and is on ML right now and I got an email from my dad bitching me out about how I should be more helpful to her.
I ignored it because I was so furious. Do you know what nonsense I have been dealing with for months? With no help from anyone. Oh let me take that back. My MIL/FIL took the kids for one night but said they were too tired for a second night.
I’d happily be on ML right now instead of balancing my kids while trying to stay employed. It’s impossible.
If your dad is so worried why doesn’t he help out? Maybe he is already, but I was assuming he wasn’t and asking you because you are a woman.
And ditto ops. We’re doing better than most but it’s exhausting and unsustainable. I turned down a job I interviewed for 3 times in 2 yrs bc I need flexibility bc of covid. To say I’m feeling resentful of it all is an understatement. And I feel bad for my dcp, but going through this while still paying a lot for daycare, plus home activities, and crazy high groceries was the cherry on the sundae.
Omg. I am just nodding my head in agreement with you and Susie.
.
I ignored it because I was so furious. Do you know what nonsense I have been dealing with for months? With no help from anyone. Oh let me take that back. My MIL/FIL took the kids for one night but said they were too tired for a second night.
I’d happily be on ML right now instead of balancing my kids while trying to stay employed. It’s impossible.
If your dad is so worried why doesn’t he help out? Maybe he is already, but I was assuming he wasn’t and asking you because you are a woman.
He’s not. And that’s exactly why he’s telling me to. He’s literally held my children once each.
Susie, I've been equally exasperated with my dad. Last time we spoke (and we chat on the phone 1x a month) and i mentioned how hard it was to simultaneous work FT and parent a 1yo and 3yo he said to me "man, you complain a lot. you sound like your mother." I almost hung up the phone.
I also have childfree friends who were clearly biting their tongue/disapproving of our choice to send the kids back to daycare this week. I wanted to be like "You try it for a day. ONE DAY."
1) I would have hung up. That is infuriating for a lot of reasons. 2) I have stopped caring about what anyone thinks of sending the girls back to daycare. I generally preemptively just say it is a risk that we are comfortable with and we social distance otherwise, and how good it is for them. Having two toddlers at home is no freaking joke right now.
Susie , I've been equally exasperated with my dad. Last time we spoke (and we chat on the phone 1x a month) and i mentioned how hard it was to simultaneous work FT and parent a 1yo and 3yo he said to me "man, you complain a lot. you sound like your mother." I almost hung up the phone.
I also have childfree friends who were clearly biting their tongue/disapproving of our choice to send the kids back to daycare this week. I wanted to be like "You try it for a day. ONE DAY."
1) I would have hung up. That is infuriating for a lot of reasons. 2) I have stopped caring about what anyone thinks of sending the girls back to daycare. I generally preemptively just say it is a risk that we are comfortable with and we social distance otherwise, and how good it is for them. Having two toddlers at home is no freaking joke right now.
My kids have been at daycare since mid-May. We regret NOTHING. There is not a chance we could do our jobs while watching a 5 year old and a 7 month old, and we were very lucky that our daycare reopened right as my maternity leave ended. I really feel for parents trying to parent/work/teach/play/god knows whatever else at the same time.
Yeah I don’t know how we are going to survive the fall. My husband and I work full time demanding jobs from home. Our county just came out and said we will be doing 1 week in school, then two weeks virtual learning. We have a soon to be Kindergartener (who can’t read at all yet) and a 2nd grader. My husband is in meetings the majority of the day so I have NO idea how I will do my work and basically teach two kids at the same time.
We managed to make it through the spring but that was with only 1 kid having to do online schooling. UGH.
I have this side hustle as an independent contractor for a firm that already worked 100% remotely pre-COVD. It was getting annoying to take on cases pre-COVID because I felt like I was spreading myself too thin. I figured I'd lay low for a bit and as DS got older, it would get easier to handle more work. I told them this and they were ok with that. Last year when I went to their biennial meeting, I felt a little bit like I didn't belong to the demographic of the company. Most of the other people were at least 10 years older than me, child-free or had older teens/adult children. None of the people in my position had young kids. So when COVID hit, I tried to keep up with their every-other-Friday company meetings but I couldn't get my husband to watch DS during their meeting times so I could attend with my undivided attention. He had his own job to worry about. After the second meeting, I wrote to the owner and said I was really struggling with the lack of childcare. He asked me to set a meeting with him to discuss it and I couldn't even find the time during business hours to do that. After DS finally went back to daycare (over 2 months after I wrote to the owner), I logged into my firm email and found that they had decided to terminate me a few days earlier. I wasn't totally shocked and even felt slightly relieved. However, in his email the president wrote that he understood that I had childcare issues but that "disappearing" was unacceptable. No, I don't think he understood. His child is 18 years old and probably didn't slam at his keyboard all day like my 2 year old did causing me to just retreat and not even use the computer many days. My depression got worse knowing I was failing on so many professional levels besides this side hustle job and I felt like I was failing as a mom at the same time. I only got around to checking the firm's email about once a week and missed his impatience with me via email the previous week for not setting a meeting already.
I'm in a lucky position where I just shrugged my shoulders because I don't need the money from that job. I felt bad for half a second that they had spent time and money training me but as a business owner myself, I've done the same for my employees who left. It's the cost of doing business. But man they suck for not being able to relate being stuck at home with really young kids and literally no choices for childcare.
Post by hbomdiggity on Jul 3, 2020 21:24:39 GMT -5
I can’t describe the mental energy I have spent trying to figure out the fall (rising Kinder). And now that I have seemingly found a solution, H is resisting. WTF? I get it’s not ideal, but none of this is f-ing ideal. (He said he would handle it and he is one to follow through, but he is never hired a single babysitter and completely underestimates what this will require).
Like others, we both have very demanding jobs (that we love) and are on the phone all.day.long. I love my kid and admit that getting to spend more time with him has been great. But the distraction -mental or physical - is taxing.
We've been barely keeping our heads above water since March, with both of us working 100% from home and the kids doing maybe 75% of their kindergarten work. Now it's summer. In two weeks the kids will start day camp and we'll have childcare for 6 weeks, which coincides well with an expectation that we will each return to work in person at least 50% of the time. But after that? We fall off a cliff as far as I can tell. Our schools haven't announced anything and probably won't for weeks, but no one seems to think full-time in-person school is likely. But work has no intention of going back to 100% WFH. And it's a new school year, where the kids are actually supposed to start making up for lost ground and maybe even learning new things. Hire a nanny, for more money than we can afford? Quit my job that I both like and need to pay our bills? Let my 6 year olds home school themselves while home alone? None of the options are good, even without worrying about COVID exposure on top of it all.
Also, that "you signed up for this when you decided to have kids" is such bullshit. No one signed up for this.
Also, I don't think people realize that there's no magical network of schoolaged daycare that every working parent with schoolaged kids can just tap into when schools don't open. Like just because there's high unemployment these programs are just going to be conjured into existence?
When I first read this article, I was like, yep, I can relate. But after reading your posts and having more time to think about it all, I feel so angry. Angry because the majority of the impacts are falling on moms, the usual default parent, and it’s our careers, our mental health and our children that are suffering for it.
I got laid off halfway through quarantine so I know how impossible and it is. I don’t think my company will hire me back because they did it very abruptly along with many other people, which means all the balls I had in the air, including things I was behind on despite working 12 hour days from home and ignoring my family, dropped at once and the aftermath of that was messy for them, which they will blame me for. If they had let me finish our the day or week, most of it would have been taken care of. And this is from a progressive, family-oriented, best employer award winning type company. 5+ years of working my ass off for them down the drain. I know they’d never say it, but I’m sure the fact that I had young children factored into their decision, despite me doing everything I could to make it seem like my family never impacts my work. I make the majority of our income, so that stress was replaced with financial stress and I’m considering career moves I never would have a few months ago which may be best for our family, but will set back my career.
Also, that "you signed up for this when you decided to have kids" is such bullshit. No one signed up for this.
Also, I don't think people realize that there's no magical network of schoolaged daycare that every working parent with schoolaged kids can just tap into when schools don't open. Like just because there's high unemployment these programs are just going to be conjured into existence?
I’ve heard this line. No, we didn’t sign up for a global pandemic that has never happened in ours or our parents’ lifetimes! My friend who is a single mom and waitress didn’t sign up for her husband cheating on her leading to divorce and having her restaurant close, when she made the decision to have kids 10 years ago. Of course she doesn’t have this many months worth of savings and its not like she can just get a job at another restaurant. She’s totally panicking about the extra unemployment running out. I am too.
There’s virtually no school age daycares in my city. Before/after care is through the schools, and the only other option is summer camps, most of which are closed or full due to low capacity mandates, and not available when school is supposed to be in session.
DH likes to expound to everyone that the current economy is 100% dependent on double income families. None of our parents or anyone over the age of 50 grew up in quite the same circumstances. From an economic standpoint, we are privileged and both have good jobs (I am currently on maternity leave). When September rolls around and I am supposed to start back at work I too have no idea WTF we will be doing to manage this shit show.
DH can WFH full time, but often has back to back meetings, important uninterruptible presentations he is leading himself, and now manages a team in the UK so his work day starts at 8 and goes to 6. DD (5) will be in school ‘sometimes’ between 9-4. Our daycare for DS (1) is beside both of our offices 20 minutes away. I doubt we will drive him in if we are both WFH. I will be doing 50/50 in office/on site and WFH. I’m sure it’s all manageable and it will work out somehow but DH has very limited options to flex his time so I’m pretty fucking sure it will be me who will be tying myself into pretzels and working 16 hour days to make this happen.
All the grandparents who are local and generally helpful are off the table. My Stepmom is helping out my Stepsister right now and can’t be in two places at once (Stepsister has 3 kids and owns her own business and cannot WFH and BIL is a linesman so WFH is impossible so I can’t fault anyone there). My Mom is a virologist who went from working 4-6 shifts per month to 60 hour weeks. Both my Dad and Stepdad are still working and are busier than they have ever been in their lives since the dealership furloughed so many employees (they work together. Yes it is weird). MIL and FIL both have poor health and FIL is spiralling into a deep depression/early dementia so they need our help (lol!)
I don’t sleep anymore, so maybe that will give me the time to manage all of this.
Also every time I’ve complained about how challenging my 3 year old can be my mom responds with some shit along the lines of “I know, I’ve been there and it’s so hard. You just have to keep him properly entertained with blah blah ideas I can’t do while I work” to which I get so angry and end up screaming that no she hasn’t parented during a pandemic and she can’t even fathom how stressful this has been but she should at least try. It’s infuriating.
I've also been really frustrated at the total lack of empathy for parents of young kids that I have observed from my family/circle. There's a lot of the attitude of "well, you chose to have them." My dad is just kind of like, 'huh' whenever I mention how difficult it's been. He's widowed, lonely, and didn't do much of the "in the trenches" work when we were kids, so I guess he just can't relate? But it seems so obvious to me, like YOU ARE A PARENT (albeit of adults now). Can you possibly imagine doing your professional job with us in tow when we were kids? Of course no. Well... that's exactly what we've been doing for months!! and he just changes the subject. I'm not even asking for anything more than "I hear you, it sounds hard." from him. It hasn't been much better from others.
I am also so freaking frustrated at the ink, time, and attention spilled over reopening plans for bars, restaurants, movie theaters, amusements, hair salons... when we do not have a plan for school for fall. I have a rising kindergartener and I have literally no idea whatsoever what is going to happen when she ages out of daycare and at least theoretically starts kindergarten in September. We haven't had to do remote instruction yet, but I can't imagine how we will fit it into what we were already doing for quarantine life.
The fact that schools reopening is not the top priority in this country makes me so mad. Yesterday we took the kids to ride bikes and scooters in a nearby beach community where all the beaches and public recreation sites have been closed, but people were spilling out of sidewalk cafes and bars. My mental health and my children's mental health is suffering and I feel like I would have to take a leave from work for anything to get better at this point.
I've also been really frustrated at the total lack of empathy for parents of young kids that I have observed from my family/circle. There's a lot of the attitude of "well, you chose to have them." My dad is just kind of like, 'huh' whenever I mention how difficult it's been. He's widowed, lonely, and didn't do much of the "in the trenches" work when we were kids, so I guess he just can't relate? But it seems so obvious to me, like YOU ARE A PARENT (albeit of adults now). Can you possibly imagine doing your professional job with us in tow when we were kids? Of course no. Well... that's exactly what we've been doing for months!! and he just changes the subject. I'm not even asking for anything more than "I hear you, it sounds hard." from him. It hasn't been much better from others.
I am also so freaking frustrated at the ink, time, and attention spilled over reopening plans for bars, restaurants, movie theaters, amusements, hair salons... when we do not have a plan for school for fall. I have a rising kindergartener and I have literally no idea whatsoever what is going to happen when she ages out of daycare and at least theoretically starts kindergarten in September. We haven't had to do remote instruction yet, but I can't imagine how we will fit it into what we were already doing for quarantine life.
The fact that schools reopening is not the top priority in this country makes me so mad. Yesterday we took the kids to ride bikes and scooters in a nearby beach community where all the beaches and public recreation sites have been closed, but people were spilling out of sidewalk cafes and bars. My mental health and my children's mental health is suffering and I feel like I would have to take a leave from work for anything to get better at this point.
“Open the schools, close the bars” Is what I believe. But I also know this would never fly in our country, very unfortunately.
Post by hbomdiggity on Jul 4, 2020 12:40:51 GMT -5
My H’s employer has offered extra vacation or covid leave to help parents.
Sounds great, but I’d sure as heck do anything in my power not to have to use it since you might as well place your name at the top of the potential layoff list. (I do not believe it was a coincidence that my H was laid off shortly after mentioning taking state funded parental leave after the birth of our kid, but didn’t take after his boss’s reaction).
sent my substitute job for a school district terminated me via email due to my inability to work my required days per school year. School was canceled for the last 3 months of year as far as subbing was concerned, therefore it was impossible for me to get said days of work to meet the requirement. So, uh I'm pretty sure the district shot themselves in the foot when come September (or whenever they return in person), they will have a severe shortage of substitutes due in part to their own stupidity. Also, I'm sorry the side hustle boss wasn't more understanding. I'm glad it was a relief for you in the end.
Also every time I’ve complained about how challenging my 3 year old can be my mom responds with some shit along the lines of “I know, I’ve been there and it’s so hard. You just have to keep him properly entertained with blah blah ideas I can’t do while I work” to which I get so angry and end up screaming that no she hasn’t parented during a pandemic and she can’t even fathom how stressful this has been but she should at least try. It’s infuriating.
Omg THIS. My mom is retired and has no kids at home and whines to me about how it’s all hard for her and refuses to even listen to why it’s hard for us. Even my dad who is literally in and out of the hospital very ill calls me to check in on us but my mom whines to us and then complains to me and my siblings about how we aren’t checking on her enough. WE ALL ARE DROWNING TRYING TO WORK WITH KIDS AT HOME.
My DH got a new job and starts next week and we have no choice but to send our kids back cause I am in meetings all day and DH will have a brand new job. I am not okay with sending them back yet but it’s literally that or our jobs. Working parents are just so screwed on a next level by this.
I feel all of this so hard, there is absolutely Nothing in place to actually get the world up and running. About one-third of the workforce are parents. So... we just leave our young kids at home? Or what? Opening up to tourism, and with bars and restaurants and shopping open without a school plan Is unconscionable.
And our retired parents are bored and having a hard time... okay, I’m sorry you are bored, but I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. I have a new job, H works FT in a demanding job and we are drowning trying to keep two kids healthy and mentally well at this point in isolation. (Over quarantine we have also lost my MIL, and then a family pet and my parents’ dog within a couple of weeks after, it has been really hard on the kids as they are grieving on top of everything else with no break, support from friends, or distractions. Let alone my H and supporting my FIL. I simply cannot take on “boredom” of others right now.)
I’ve even been hearing from my mom about my brother (no kids) being so stressed about work that she is really worried about it all. I don’t even touch that.
Post by goldengirlz on Jul 6, 2020 11:11:54 GMT -5
Leaving aside the issue of schools, how many people ACTUALLY feel like this additional time with our kids is additional quality time anyway?
I mean, I was supposed to take DD to Disney World for five days and then a girls trip to the Minecraft museum in Seattle. Now I drag her around the neighborhood on walks that neither of us is really enjoying while I either have to play endless games of “Guess that Pokémon” or hear about how boring I am.
But yeah, so glad we had this pandemic thing so we can enjoy all this extra togetherness.