Am I right to be annoyed?

[blondemoment123]

I took DS to speech this week and really didn’t click with the SLP. 2 particular things rubbed me the wrong way:

1. DS bumped into a small table. NBD. Instead the SLP hit the table and said “bad table” while asking DS to mimic it. I stopped her and told her we don’t use the word bad and we certainly don’t hit. She stopped after that.

2. But she also had pictures of animals on printer paper. She threw them up in the air. DS proceeds to take some paperwork from my purse and throw it. I told him we don’t throw books or paper and he stopped but I could tell the SLP wasn’t pleased with me.

My mom usually takes him and she hasn’t mentioned anything like this, but I was put off. I can’t decide if I’m justified or not. WDYT?

[abs]

I wouldn't love any of that either. DD did speech for years and a lot of speech involved play in the early years but not anything like that.

[waverly]

I’m not a fan of the hitting the table. Maybe saying the word bad is some of the sounds he needed to work on. I don’t know what the point of throwing the papers are at all.

[cricketwife]

I don’t think I would have had the same reactions as you, but I wasn’t there and you certainly have a right to be displeased. It sounds like she is not a good fit for you. I have had providers that I do not click with and have not hesitated to change.

[thoseareradishes]

I wouldn't like that either.

Both of E's speech therapists have used toys to engage with her. Her first therapist wasn't a good fit (he used the same boring toys every week and wondered why she was consistently non-compliant after awhile), but her second therapist took a lot of time to build a relationship with her and figure out what she liked doing, then incorporated that into her sessions.

[joy]

Honestly? No, I would not be annoyed by any of that.

[lolalolalola]

Sorry - I would not be annoyed by those things...

[maudefindlay]

Those things would not bother me. You don't use the word bad in any capacity? Just curious why.

[CloudBee]

I mean, swatting at a table after bumping into it and saying "bad table" isn't something I would do, but I don't correct every single thing people do around my child that we don't do in our own home. Separate from that - I've never heard of a family not using the word "bad"? I mean, I've never shaken my finger at DS and told him he was bad, but we DO have conversations about good / bad / positive / negative behaviors. The word "bad" is in a LOT of early readers due to the basic sounds.

The paper thing wouldn't bug me at all. I merely would have said "don't go into my purse and do not throw my papers" after that happened. I get it, I don't want my stuff messed with, either. But he has to learn that there's a time and a place. And it sounds like speech therapy with that therapist is an ok place to be silly. Hopefully today he learned that going into mom's purse and throwing her papers is never ok. What the SLP did doesn't equate to negative behavior in my mind. She has to keep his attention and it sounds like she's doing things non-stop to keep him engaged.

[freshsqueezed]

I don’t know if it’s right to be annoyed or not but the table story is just odd.

[blondemoment123]

Thanks for the perspective. I wasn’t sure I was overreacting. I’ll let it go. DS seems to like her so I don’t want to change therapists if it’s not a big deal.

[icedcoffee]

I agree with CloudBee. Your rules at home doesn’t necessarily need to be the rules everywhere. It’s fairly normal for kids to have different rules in different places. Like we don’t throw paper at home, but at therapy we can do it if they give us permission.

[gastro]

I’m not sure I would have had the same reaction as you but I think it’s more than that. There must be more to it - a feeling you got that she isn’t the right fit for DS or your family. I think no matter what we (as in this board) say you don’t click with her and that’s totally fine. If it’s not too much of a pain I would switch.

[blondemoment123]

Jul 3, 2020 15:17:34 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

I agree with CloudBee. Your rules at home doesn’t necessarily need to be the rules everywhere. It’s fairly normal for kids to have different rules in different places. Like we don’t throw paper at home, but at therapy we can do it if they give us permission.

Fair point.

[lemoncupcake]

The table thing is weird - I probably wouldn’t have spoken up but I would have made a WTF face.

But the paper thing...obviously you can tell your son to not throw your things. Why did you leap to “we never throw books or paper”? Were there books involved? And is throwing paper such a recurring problem that you have a set rule in your house for it?

[wanderingback]

I wouldn’t be annoyed.

What word do you use instead of bad at home?

[blondemoment123]

Jul 3, 2020 16:26:46 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I wouldn’t be annoyed.

What word do you use instead of bad at home?

We use naughty, not bad.

[wanderingback]

Jul 3, 2020 17:16:22 GMT -5 blondemoment123 said:

Jul 3, 2020 16:26:46 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I wouldn’t be annoyed.

What word do you use instead of bad at home?

We use naughty, not bad.

Ahh ok got it. So "I had a naughty today because my friend wasn’t at school and I feel sad” is ok?
Interesting though. It seems like naughty doesn’t replace bad for everything though. I have a naughty headache doesn’t seem to quite make sense to me. What caused you all to not use the word bad?

[blondemoment123]

Jul 3, 2020 17:25:26 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Jul 3, 2020 17:16:22 GMT -5 blondemoment123 said:

We use naughty, not bad.

Ahh ok got it. So "I had a naughty today because my friend wasn’t at school and I feel sad” is ok?
Interesting though. It seems like naughty doesn’t replace bad for everything though. I have a naughty headache doesn’t seem to quite make sense to me. What caused you all to not use the word bad?

Sorry, I wasn’t very clear. We’ll use bad in the context you mentioned, (bad headache, etc), but not for behavior. I don’t have a good reason to be honest, we just didn’t use it growing up so I’m continuing it now with my DS.

[lilac05]

Those wouldn’t have bothered me, but it’s not my child. Having a good rapport with a therapist is critical. If you’re going to be upset by little things like that, I don’t think she’s a good fit for you. That doesn’t mean she’s not a fantastic therapist or you’re...anything. This just sounds like it may not be a good fit.

When I was in pediatric practice, there was generally a reason for why I did absolutely everything...including how we walked back to the room and almost every single word that came out of my mouth. A good therapist often just makes it look like they’re “just” playing, but there’s a lot that goes into everything. While I would never call anyone a “bad kid” (not even “naughty kid” because kids can do naughty things, but they’re still not naughty kids), I might say “bad toy” if we’re working on several different goals...especially because it’s kind of silly and gets kids talking and interacting.

A good fit with an SLP would/will feel like you walking into the office thinking, “I’m looking forward to watching the SLP interact with my child. I want to learn what else I can do to help him at home. I’m going to try what she does at home.” instead of picking up on little things and feeling the need to correct her. A good fit would/will have you shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Meh...maybe not what I’d choose to say, but DS loves her and he’s obviously making progress, so...whatever!” I don’t think anyone is in the wrong here, but I would encourage you to think about how much faith you put in this SLP to be able to help your family.

For reference, I once had a family request a different therapist because they didn’t like how I phrased the question when I asked about animals that a child knew. I don’t recall the details, just that my boss and I were both utterly confused at how they took issue with it. However, boss and I both agreed that it would be better to find him a different therapist. It wasn’t going to be a good fit. That only happened once in my career. The kid went to a different therapist and did great, and I continued to have fantastic relationships with everyone else. No one was wrong, it just wasn’t a good fit. It happens...and a good therapist will want you to switch.

[sent]

The first one would bother me and I would have said something. I don't like this type of reaction where you scold an object instead of accepting (or in this case teaching) that you were clumsy and bumped into the object. The object didn't go out of it's way to hurt you so it doesn't need to be disciplined. It feels "old fashioned" to me because I mainly see people from the old country react this exact way.

The second one would only bother me if I had to pick up the papers. If she picked them up after encouraging to make DS to make the mess as part of her therapy, I wouldn't care. Like I'd help her pick them up, but I wouldn't be happy if she caused the mess and then said "ok, bye!" and left the room.

[kershnic]

I think you're overthinking this. I have joked with my own kids in this way - what a mean table, that table should know it's not allowed to hurt my Fiona, etc. I wouldn't do it if my kid was acting badly, but it makes them laugh after an accident and forget that they're hurt. Bad is a good simple word that has it's place. I don't call my kids "bad" or "naughty" or any other descriptors like that - they are good kids who make bad choices sometimes. But I talk about good choices and bad choices aaalllll the time.

As for the papers, would you have cared if she was having him throw balls in the air? Or toys? Throwing her set of papers has no bearing on the fact that getting papers out of your purse and throwing them around is not allowed.

[jennistarr1]

Jul 3, 2020 13:00:26 GMT -5 joy said:

Honestly? No, I would not be annoyed by any of that.

This is how I feel, and would be giving benefit of doubt that these methods have a purpose

[wanderingback]

Jul 3, 2020 21:57:12 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I think you're overthinking this. I have joked with my own kids in this way - what a mean table, that table should know it's not allowed to hurt my Fiona, etc. I wouldn't do it if my kid was acting badly, but it makes them laugh after an accident and forget that they're hurt. Bad is a good simple word that has it's place. I don't call my kids "bad" or "naughty" or any other descriptors like that - they are good kids who make bad choices sometimes. But I talk about good choices and bad choices aaalllll the time.

As for the papers, would you have cared if she was having him throw balls in the air? Or toys? Throwing her set of papers has no bearing on the fact that getting papers out of your purse and throwing them around is not allowed.

I’m clumsy and trip a lot :/ Sometimes I say to myself or out loud if I’m with someone "stupid sidewalk just jumped up and grabbed me!" I’m pretty sure I’ve said that to a child before to make them laugh. I guess everyone has different levels of words that are ok in their household but unless it’s a known curse word I think we should give other people the benefit of the doubt. I definitely talk about good and bad choices with my pediatric patients in an age appropriate way, I never even thought about that being offensive to a parent. If a parent asked me not to say bad I would though.

[wanderingback]

Jul 3, 2020 18:04:51 GMT -5 blondemoment123 said:

Jul 3, 2020 17:25:26 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Ahh ok got it. So "I had a naughty today because my friend wasn’t at school and I feel sad” is ok?
Interesting though. It seems like naughty doesn’t replace bad for everything though. I have a naughty headache doesn’t seem to quite make sense to me. What caused you all to not use the word bad?

Sorry, I wasn’t very clear. We’ll use bad in the context you mentioned, (bad headache, etc), but not for behavior. I don’t have a good reason to be honest, we just didn’t use it growing up so I’m continuing it now with my DS.

Ahh ok got it.
It doesn’t sound like the person was calling your son’s behavior bad, so I’d let it go. I think it was a joke and was likely aimed to get him talking or build rapport. I don’t think they should be expected to know to substitute the word naughty for bad with your child. You can certainly request another person see him though if you don’t think this person is a good fit.

[game blouses]

I’d be more annoyed at the hitting the table back than calling it “bad” (which is also annoying). That’s a hard behavior to unteach. If an adult gave my kid permission to smack something and I didn’t shut it down, he’d be smacking things that irritated him all the time, including his brother, lol. It also teaches him that he can replace unpleasant feelings (pain) with anger, which is not a great lesson for any kid. The better lesson is, like you said, it’s NBD to bonk your head on a table.

I probably wouldn’t have said something the first time, but if it continued then I would have. Mostly that’s just me giving the SLP the benefit of the doubt though.

[blondemoment123]

Thanks for the reality check! I needed to talk it out.

[cherryvalance]

I'm jealous you're having in-person speech. My son is almost aged-out and was only evaluated in February, so all of our sessions are Zoom .

Anyway, I would be annoyed. I know how hard it is to undo behaviors you don't want to see when your kid is already struggling with language, but even more importantly, it doesn't seem like you saw value to these activities. Our SLP always explains the purpose of each activity and includes us in the session ("Let's practice following directions! Mom, this is a good way to expand XYZ" etc). What was the point of throwing papers in the air?

It seems like you might not click with her, and that's totally fine! If there's not a wait list, I'd think about switching. You want your sessions to work for your son, but also you, so you can actually implement these strategies at home.

[sapphireblue]

Jul 4, 2020 1:36:15 GMT -5 game blouses said:

I’d be more annoyed at the hitting the table back than calling it “bad” (which is also annoying). That’s a hard behavior to unteach. If an adult gave my kid permission to smack something and I didn’t shut it down, he’d be smacking things that irritated him all the time, including his brother, lol. It also teaches him that he can replace unpleasant feelings (pain) with anger, which is not a great lesson for any kid. The better lesson is, like you said, it’s NBD to bonk your head on a table.

I probably wouldn’t have said something the first time, but if it continued then I would have. Mostly that’s just me giving the SLP the benefit of the doubt though.

I agree with all of this.

I would have been annoyed at the table thing. Don't encourage my kid to hit stuff!

[goldengirlz]

Jul 3, 2020 15:17:34 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

I agree with CloudBee. Your rules at home doesn’t necessarily need to be the rules everywhere. It’s fairly normal for kids to have different rules in different places. Like we don’t throw paper at home, but at therapy we can do it if they give us permission.

I’m here too. As your DS gets older, it’s going to be unrealistic to police every little thing that adults say in his presence. (And I would consider these examples as the “little things.” For example, the word “naughty” gives me the same, if not more of a reaction compared to the word “bad,” so I think we’re splitting hairs here.)

But I also think that if she rubs you the wrong way, maybe it’s something else and that’s fair too.