Post by wilmaflintstone on Aug 1, 2020 15:00:37 GMT -5
My sister and I have vastly different beliefs than our parents and brother. The difference between my situation and yours is that we have an agreement not to discuss it-after one heated debate and my sister leaving early prior to the 2016 election. Can you just make his emails go to your spam folder?
My sister and I have vastly different beliefs than our parents and brother. The difference between my situation and yours is that we have an agreement not to discuss it-after one heated debate and my sister leaving early prior to the 2016 election. Can you just make his emails go to your spam folder?
Pretty much this.
Both my siblings are the other end of the spectrum from me politically. The ONLY way we can communicate is to leave politics out of it. The few times my sister has tried, I’ve hung up on her after asking her not to go there.
Neither have tried emailing me stuff, but will post prolifically on FB. I ignore.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Aug 1, 2020 15:31:56 GMT -5
My father is a right-wing fundamentalist and diehard Republican. I cut contact right after the election. We’re estranged. I don’t associate with people who hold antithetical values system. I don’t care about maintaining any sort of relationship. There’s nothing worth maintaining with beliefs and behaviors espoused by such people. *shrug*
In order to try to respect and accommodate her views, I was pushing myself into a smaller and smaller box. Eventually I realized that I was putting an absurd amount of energy into making myself acceptable for her comfort, and she wasn’t doing a damn thing to reciprocate.
One example: I wouldn’t bring up anything lgbtqia pride related because I knew it made her uncomfortable, but she would openly talk about lgbtqia being sinful and evil and a chosen, Anti-American lifestyle. Spending time with her and the views she would share caused me stress and hurt, and her refusal to change behavior made it clear she didn’t want an actual relationship with me.
My other thing is that the hate she would spew isn’t politics. If she wants to debate free speech with me, cool. But she just wants to argue about denying human rights and I refuse to talk with a brick wall.
My Dad and sister are conservative. It wasn't a problem before Trump. We could respectfully disagree. No more. I actually blocked my sister on facebook because I can't stand all her ridiculous COVID crap. When I call my dad, he tries to tell me something, I usually ignore it. I can tell it comes directly from Fox. Sometimes I don't have it in me to ignore him and I argue with him. Most recently it was about how hospitals are overreporting COVID deaths to get more money. My mom told me all he watches is Fox and OAN. I live far enough away that it's not much of a problem. I just have a lot of trouble reconciling these two reasonably intelligent, loving, generally kind people with what they've become.
My husband is a Republican. I hate it, will always hate it, but when we met 15 years ago the divide between parties did not feel so great. He did not and will not vote for Trump, so it is not extreme, BUT we cannot talk politics in our house. CANNOT do it. He forgets this a lot, but I don't, I tell him I don't want to hear it and he needs to stop talking. We would not survive any other way
I grew up in a Republican-leaning household, and identified as a Republican 10 years ago. As I get older, have more life experiences, I’ve moved more and more to the left. My husband is more or less a right-leaning shit disturber. Meaning he has some conservative ideals, but mostly likes to poke at people to make them question how/why they arrived at their beliefs. It has caused MANY, MANY debates and arguments. We keep having them, as be both agree that discourse is the best path to learning and understanding. My father and I have just agreed not to discuss anything remotely political, like, ever.
My FIL does this to his sons and sometimes me. Always these awful email forwards that are easily debunked on Snopes - or really with just your own eyes and a bit of critical thinking skills - no sources, third hand accounts, outrageous claims. One was circulating the same inaccurate information for 15 years.
I do not know why he has this compulsion to send these emails that ONLY causes frustration and fights (when someone engages). I don’t know why he can’t stop. It never goes well for him.
I consider it very faulty thinking and behavior much like I would with someone with a TBI.
How do you continue to have relationships with people like this? To just sweep it under the rug and act like they don’t have shitty world views? How do you not constantly wonder how they’re treating people they aren’t related or married to that have liberal views?
Like I said, I cut contact with my sister but every time I hear about some white woman being a hateful ass in Iowa, I wonder, is it my sister?
I tried to help her see how she was spreading hate and she either couldn’t understand or didn’t care. She does understand and care that her sister refuses to have a relationship with her though and it causes her pain. At least I’m forcing her to live with a consequence. Better, in my opinion, than letting her think it’s okay to believe such terrible things as long as she doesn’t say them around me.
Post by redheadbaker on Aug 1, 2020 19:09:50 GMT -5
Pretty much my entire family, except for one aunt and one cousin, are Tea Party Republicans. My parents went to the Glenn Beck march in Washington. For a while, during Obama's presidency, my mom was forwarding me crazy tin-foil hat emails, until I told her to stop.
We pretty much don't discuss politics. We discussed healthcare when the ACA was before the Supreme Court and that convo basically ended with me nearly in tears (it was very personal for me, as someone with pre-existing conditions, and at the time had no health insurance). During the protests after George Floyd, my mom basically asked me if I was ashamed of my father (a police officer).
Post by Monica Geller on Aug 1, 2020 19:13:54 GMT -5
I just got into it this afternoon with my parents. They started in on something about “the liberals!” I shut it down. I hate it. We haven’t talked about anything “important” in years. I miss being able to be close to them in that way. But it’s how I’ve cut them back in my life.
I donated to Joe Biden as soon as they left. It’s the only thing I can think of to do.
Luckily my parents were always die-hard Dems, although my mom fell into the “blame the ‘illegals’” pit when they retired to Arizona. She came around eventually, or at least said she did when we discussed the issue.
My niece and her husband have been out of my life since he posted a racist meme during the Obama/Romney race. But that was easy for me because we didn’t have much of a relationship before. I feel for all of you whose parents have gone down the Fox hole.
My mom and I had similar political beliefs, but then she married an outspoken racist and Trump lover and making him happy was more important than staying true to what she knows is right and so we don’t have a relationship anymore. I tried the whole “ignore it, don’t discuss it” route but first of all, she couldn’t. And second of all, I’m not interested in half a relationship with someone when I know the other half of them is out there being a straight up asshole.
Pretty much my entire family is Republican, as is H's (to be clear, we are NOT). It's a mind-fuck, for sure. I used to be very close with all of them, but I feel the last 4 years have really shown the divide in our worldview and mindset.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Aug 1, 2020 19:48:18 GMT -5
Not my immediate family of origin luckily. I have one side of my family who is nuts. I basically don't have a relationship with them (and neither do most of their kids- it's my aunts and uncles who are racist Republicans).
My dad loves to email them "liberal" stuff just to role them up (it's his siblings). I mean I guess I admire his attitude- if they can be pushy with their beliefs, why shouldn't he? I would prefer to just Avoid politics and also them.
I miss being able to be close to them in that way. But it’s how I’ve cut them back in my life.
This is basically where I am with my dad. Our conversations are so superficial they’re almost pointless. We can’t talk about politics or covid (which means we can’t talk about the news, anything happening in my state, or anything that might somehow border on such topics), so basically what’s left is me telling him that we’re still working from home with both kids around and not doing anything particularly exciting. He’s off on road trips around the country because he’s a fucking moron, so yeah... we talk only when he calls me, which is about every 6 weeks.
ETA: Actually, we can somewhat civilly discuss those things, but it makes me loathe him, so I avoid the subject because it’s clear after years of trying that this is who he is now.
Post by mockingbird on Aug 1, 2020 20:26:24 GMT -5
Prior to 2016, it was fine. Since the election things went downhill to the point I don't speak to my husbands parents. He still makes arrangements for them to see the kids (well not now, silver lining of covid) but he has made it clear he will back me if they start shilling their crap to the kids.
I can deal with philosophical differences, but if we're talking core decent human values? Nope.
Other than that, he’s a great guy. I cannot figure out why he has drunk the kool-aid.
It’s not that I don’t have any Republicans in my extended family. It’s more that I can’t think of a single one who would vote for the racist, xenophobic, narcissistic, callous, anti-intellectual turd we have in the White House about whom I could say, “Other than that, he’s a great guy.“
Like ... that’s mental leap #1.
Also, how cute and privileged are we that we can suggest simply not engaging (or “make his emails go to your spam folder”) as the cure for the uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner. If only the world were that simple.
ETA: Democrats can absolutely be problematic and racist too. And, yes, there are certain issues where we might say “agree to disagree” but this administration is ... beyond that.
I miss being able to be close to them in that way. But it’s how I’ve cut them back in my life.
This is basically where I am with my dad. Our conversations are so superficial they’re almost pointless. We can’t talk about politics or covid (which means we can’t talk about the news, anything happening in my state, or anything that might somehow border on such topics), so basically what’s left is me telling him that we’re still working from home with both kids around and not doing anything particularly exciting. He’s off on road trips around the country because he’s a fucking moron, so yeah... we talk only when he calls me, which is about every 6 weeks.
ETA: Actually, we can somewhat civilly discuss those things, but it makes me loathe him, so I avoid the subject because it’s clear after years of trying that this is who he is now.
Yep! Just superficial conversation about the kids and what we’re doing. Even talking about my job as a teacher is fraught with tension.
My parents have caused rifts with me and with my sisters due to their positions. My one sister will engage and argue with them til she’s in tears. I can’t do that anymore. But at least my sisters and I commiserate together.
My family has an unspoken agreement not to discuss politics. My brother is a hard core trumper and after a couple heated arguments we just stopped.
My nephew is at the age where he likes to stir shit. Last time the family was together I was talking to said brother an he said down in between us and says “I think now is a good time to talk about how we feel about Trump.”
Yes. My dad has paranoid schizophrenia and an addiction to Rush Limbaugh. He rarely talks about stuff going on in the present or wants to hear about my life, so when he calls it’s mostly rambling about politics or conspiracies. There is no talking sense to him. I’m one of three family members he still speaks to, so I can’t just not take his calls or tell him to shove it. I have no advice, but lots of commiseration.
Post by wanderlustmom on Aug 1, 2020 20:58:54 GMT -5
I’m lucky that even living in a red state and growing up in a Republican family, almost everyone I love and spend time with is Democrat/Liberal and passionately doesn’t like Trump.
However, my dad and brother are Republicans (I am fine with that) but they voted for Trump and will again. They don’t try to push it on me (they’ve teased me as obvious liberal all my life, they call me a bleeding heart liberal and I’m okay with it because it feels like they respect me.) I am disappointed these last four years haven’t changed them but they will at least discuss Trumps issues.
3 of my 4 high school best friends also voted for Trump. It’s tough. They don’t try to convince me and they know where I stand. But I’m sad. I brought up Black Lives Matter and they got quiet. So I love them but I will never understand that choice. I don’t feel that way about people who support Republicans, I feel that way about Trump supporters.
Putting people in cages with grotesque conditions at the border is not politics. Murder of Trans people in our country is not politics. LGBTQIA rights and visibility is not politics. Murder of Black people in our country and the refusal to hold their murderers accountable is not politics. Anti-semitism and xenophobia is not politics.
A lot of the shit that you’re ignoring in your family’s views is not politics. It’s denial of human rights.
By continuing relationships with them, you are saying that your relationship with this person is more important than someone else’s right to live with life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, all that jazz. You’re just shrugging off someone’s rights so you can have strained conversations on holidays.
Come on. We’re still saying this here? People have been kicked off the board for this. People have left the board for this. Silence is violence.
I’m lucky that even living in a red state and growing up in a Republican family, almost everyone I love and spend time with is Democrat/Liberal and passionately doesn’t like Trump.
However, my dad and brother are Republicans (I am fine with that) but they voted for Trump and will again. They don’t try to push it on me (they’ve teased me as obvious liberal all my life, they call me a bleeding heart liberal and I’m okay with it because it feels like they respect me.) I am disappointed these last four years haven’t changed them but they will at least discuss Trumps issues.
3 of my 4 high school best friends also voted for Trump. It’s tough. They don’t try to convince me and they know where I stand. But I’m sad. I brought up Black Lives Matter and they got quiet. So I love them but I will never understand that choice. I don’t feel that way about people who support Republicans, I feel that way about Trump supporters.
Nah.
Susan Collins is a Republican and has openly “worried” about Trump’s terrible actions. Guess how much she’s done to actually stop him.
How did Republicans act during impeachment? Why is Trump still in office?
Fuck Republicans that aren’t actively voting and speaking out against this administration and the current state of the GOP. Fuck that they can look at their party and still claim it as part of their identity. They don’t have to be a Dem but they can’t still claim the gop and be cool with me.
Right? What's "fine" with being a republican? Oh, they say they're a fiscal conservative? All that seems to mean is 'no skittles for poor people' because the GOP is so far from being the party of fiscal conservatism or small government. It's all just a nice, tidy bow to cover for their racism.