Updated AGAIN p3: Post Divorce Dating Questions

[cville]

Aug 6, 2020 12:13:39 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:10:21 GMT -5 mofongo said:

SHOW ME A PAIR OF SLACKS!

Listen, hillbilly. It's easy.

For example:

I just call those pants, or maybe dress pants. Because "slacks" makes me feel like a Men's Warehouse commercial.

[Patsy Baloney]

But seriously, I think the whole point of what we’re doing right now is just limiting exposure. Everyone takes risks in different ways. I probably wouldn’t kiss him if he spent the date recounting his recent trip to Lake of the Ozarks, but might give a smooch if he’d been pretty limited in his exposure.

[sugarbear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:10:19 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:42:55 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Honestly, I would NOT hug or kiss and would expect him to respect that. If he isn't concerned about hugging or kissing an essential stranger during a pandemic, he's not the guy for me. If you decide to continue dating, you can have conversations about safety and isolating and when it might be ok to get closer physically. I would want to know him well enough that I could trust he was being honest about what he's doing when you're not together. I know that takes time and basically sucks, but it's kind of like having unprotected sex with a new person - you wouldn't do that until you knew them and their health pretty well, and this is not really any different.

Real answer? I probably wouldn't be dating during the pandemic, especially with your divorce so recent. I understand single people don't necessarily want to stay single forever because of a virus, but in general it's not a bad idea to take some time between your old life ending and worrying about finding a new partner anyway. Adding in the danger of close contact with new people, I don't honestly think it would be worth it. I'd take the time to focus on the freedom of being responsible for 1 adult's needs/schedule/happiness - yourself - for at least a few months first.

Knowing her history over the past few years this marriage has been over for a very long time. 

Times eleventy.

[sugarbear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:01:47 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Aug 5, 2020 22:51:29 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

"I'd like to kiss you, but first I need to know how big your pod is.

T
W
S
S

I mean, if the answer was "fucking HUGE," I'd probably go full steam ahead just to find out.

[TR]

Aug 6, 2020 12:15:04 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

Doggy style.

TR

Always an excellent suggestion.

[sugarbear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:16:18 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:13:39 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Listen, hillbilly. It's easy.

For example:

Hillbilly? Ok, maw maw. I would call those pants, pants is just fine. Who says slacks? 

It doesn't matter, because I'll never know the size of his pod if I wear khakis (that's what those are!) on a first date. Or a 50th date.

[sugarbear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:22:54 GMT -5 TR said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:15:04 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

Doggy style.

TR

Always an excellent suggestion.

Has the CDC suggested this as a way of limiting exposure? Asking for a friend.

[TR]

Aug 6, 2020 12:23:31 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:22:54 GMT -5 TR said:

Always an excellent suggestion.

Has the CDC suggested this as a way of limiting exposure? Asking for a friend.

I mean, not officially, but I feel like it could satisfy the recommendations.

[wildrice]

Aug 6, 2020 12:10:19 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:42:55 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Honestly, I would NOT hug or kiss and would expect him to respect that. If he isn't concerned about hugging or kissing an essential stranger during a pandemic, he's not the guy for me. If you decide to continue dating, you can have conversations about safety and isolating and when it might be ok to get closer physically. I would want to know him well enough that I could trust he was being honest about what he's doing when you're not together. I know that takes time and basically sucks, but it's kind of like having unprotected sex with a new person - you wouldn't do that until you knew them and their health pretty well, and this is not really any different.

Real answer? I probably wouldn't be dating during the pandemic, especially with your divorce so recent. I understand single people don't necessarily want to stay single forever because of a virus, but in general it's not a bad idea to take some time between your old life ending and worrying about finding a new partner anyway. Adding in the danger of close contact with new people, I don't honestly think it would be worth it. I'd take the time to focus on the freedom of being responsible for 1 adult's needs/schedule/happiness - yourself - for at least a few months first.

Knowing her history over the past few years this marriage has been over for a very long time. 

True! But being single is nice because it's a chance to figure out what you like to do/want to do without having to take another person's needs into consideration (other than the kids, obviously). Even if the marriage has been emotionally over, there was still some level of partnership/teamwork happening while living together and parenting together. Being able to separate from that for a while before having to worry about another adult is a nice opportunity to just BE and be selfish.

I met my current H 8.5 months after I split from my XH, so I'm not saying it has to be a super long time even But with a pandemic going on, I also think there is no rush and may be some benefits from taking some time to yourself.

Just my 2 cents. More than anything I just want sugarbear to be safe and happy - she deserves it!

[jigsy]

Yeah...I am on the no dating train during the pandemic. I have no interest in building a relationship over skype/facetime only to find out that we are incompatible when we are finally able to meet IRL. I have been on waaaaaaay too many dates where I thought we had great chemistry pre-meeting, and then something just didn't click in real life.

However, as wildrice said, if you must, I wouldn't do any physical contact. I mean, I haven't even touched my BFF, and I know exactly what she has been doing.

And wear what feels good. You will be your best self if you aren't futzing over your clothes.

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

You people are philistines. Such a look is casual, yet classic.

GOOD ENOUGH TO BAG JFK, JR. 🥀

[TR]

Aug 6, 2020 12:49:20 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

You people are philistines. Such a look is casual, yet classic.

GOOD ENOUGH TO BAG JFK, JR. 🥀

Ok, but was that their first date? I'm down with a nice pair of pants with a crisp button down tucked in, it can be very chic. I just don't know if it's a first date kind of outfit. Because you could also end up looking like you work at Radio Shack.

[formerlyak]

Aug 6, 2020 12:45:38 GMT -5 jigsy said:

Yeah...I am on the no dating train during the pandemic. I have no interest in building a relationship over skype/facetime only to find out that we are incompatible when we are finally able to meet IRL. I have been on waaaaaaay too many dates where I thought we had great chemistry pre-meeting, and then something just didn't click in real life.

However, as wildrice said, if you must, I wouldn't do any physical contact. I mean, I haven't even touched my BFF, and I know exactly what she has been doing.

And wear what feels good. You will be your best self if you aren't futzing over your clothes.

OMG when I was dating there was this guy who I had great phone chemistry with but when we met for our first date, it was clear he lied about his height. He said he was 5'8" which is about my brother's height. I am 5'2" and wore 2 inch heals on the date and felt like I was towering over him. He was not the same height as my brother. So I became skeptical of everything he said on the date - if he'd lie about his height, what else would he lie about (my ex lied a lot).

Also, he was way awkward in person. He stumbled over his words. Then would get real silent. Then would not stop talking. At the end when the check came, it sat there for a while and I finally grabbed it. He said, "Oh wait. I think I am supposed to pay for the first date, right? Is that how it works? And then I let you pay next time." I mean, I was always fully prepared to pay my half on a first date, but the way he handled it was just ... weird.

[Nonny]

Aug 6, 2020 12:23:31 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:22:54 GMT -5 TR said:

Always an excellent suggestion.

Has the CDC suggested this as a way of limiting exposure? Asking for a friend.

The Canadian CDC up in BC suggested glory holes. And Canada does seem to have it together better than the US right now... So...

www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/prevention-risks/covid-19-and-sex

[jigsy]

formerlyak, seriously. I have had a few people who lied, and thats just a no go. I had one guy who didn't lie about his height, I was fine with it, but literally every other sentence from him was something about his height. Plus he didn't laugh at my jokes, and I am hilarious, so blah.

Then there are the perfectly lovely people who, while on paper everything was great, it was just clear that this wasn't ever going to go anywhere.

Dating can be exciting...but it is also taxing. I would not do it during a pandemic with everything else going on.

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:52:05 GMT -5 TR said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:49:20 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

You people are philistines. Such a look is casual, yet classic.

GOOD ENOUGH TO BAG JFK, JR. 🥀

Ok, but was that their first date? I'm down with a nice pair of pants with a crisp button down tucked in, it can be very chic. I just don't know if it's a first date kind of outfit. Because you could also end up looking like you work at Radio Shack.

FINE.
But this was on their honeymoon, so one could speculate that she wore something she knew he would like.

[flex]

The last date I went on (before the pandemic) the guy asked me if I liked to be tickled. JUST MET THE DUDE! When I told him that was a pretty personal question to be asked on a first date, he insisted on an answer. Jeez.

Bye Frickin Felicia!!

[winecat]

Aug 6, 2020 12:23:31 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:22:54 GMT -5 TR said:

Always an excellent suggestion.

Has the CDC suggested this as a way of limiting exposure? Asking for a friend.

Doggie style, outdoor with masks is probably pretty low risk.  lol

[followyourarrow]

Aug 6, 2020 12:23:31 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:22:54 GMT -5 TR said:

Always an excellent suggestion.

Has the CDC suggested this as a way of limiting exposure? Asking for a friend.

They have!  Glory holes are even suggested.  www.huffpost.com/entry/new-york-city-health-guidelines-sex-kinky-coronavirus_n_5ee13442c5b6495f42efb63c

[followyourarrow]

The first date was a brief hug at the end and we had talked some about how we had limited our exposure and risk. After that we had a conversation and were more comfortable so there was a kiss on the 2nd date. Just be smart and have an open conversation about it.

[jezebel]

I still haven’t been on my first post-divorce date. It’s been 5 years. Lol

But I still wouldn’t wear yoga pants or slacks.

[wanderingback]

Have fun!
Depending on where you live I personally think and hand shake and/or quick hug are fine. Should def in general have conversation about how comfortable you’re feeling with everything going on if you’re going to be spending more time together.

Post divorce dating was fun for me so I hope you have a good time.

As far as clothes def wear what you’re comfortable with. I personally wear dresses a lot so that’s what I’d wear.

[gibbinator]

Haha, I was going to mention the glory holes thing but I see you all beat me to it!

I hope you have a nice date

[rosiebear]

Still dying at “slacks.” Might I suggest a nice pantsuit, or perhaps a housecoat?

[RoxMonster]

LOL to the slacks discussion

For clothes, if it was going to be in the 60s, I would probably wear a maxi dress, jean jacket, and sandals or jeans, flats, and a cute top/cardigan. But yes, definitely wear what you most feel comfortable in.

In terms of physical contact, I personally would not be comfortable hugging or kissing, but I think you need to determine what you are comfortable with. I would be very open about it. Like, if it was me, when we first meet, I'd say, "So nice to meet you. Hey I'm not hugging or hand shaking anyone right now with all this going on. Hope you're cool keeping a bit of distance for now." Or maybe even bring that up prior to going on the date. If I decided to go on subsequent dates, then I might have a more in-depth conversation about his exposure level, etc. and what I feel comfortable with.

Have fun!

[mysteriouswife]

Who knew the term slacks would get someone roasted?

I change my answer! Black pants or jeans like the link I posted after my use of the word slacks!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[mysteriouswife]

Aug 6, 2020 14:09:13 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Still dying at “slacks.” Might I suggest a nice pantsuit, or perhaps a housecoat?

Who was the poster (name is slipping ATM) who ordered some old lady lingerie? She was insufferable had a horrible MIL.

[TR]

Aug 6, 2020 14:14:31 GMT -5 mysteriouswife said:

Aug 6, 2020 14:09:13 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Still dying at “slacks.” Might I suggest a nice pantsuit, or perhaps a housecoat?

Who was the poster (name is slipping ATM) who ordered some old lady lingerie? She was insufferable had a horrible MIL.

I'm a little afraid to ask...what is old lady lingerie?

[sugarbear]

Aug 6, 2020 14:14:31 GMT -5 mysteriouswife said:

Aug 6, 2020 14:09:13 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Still dying at “slacks.” Might I suggest a nice pantsuit, or perhaps a housecoat?

Who was the poster (name is slipping ATM) who ordered some old lady lingerie? She was insufferable had a horrible MIL.

SueSue!

[amandakisser]

Aug 6, 2020 14:14:31 GMT -5 mysteriouswife said:

Aug 6, 2020 14:09:13 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Still dying at “slacks.” Might I suggest a nice pantsuit, or perhaps a housecoat?

Who was the poster (name is slipping ATM) who ordered some old lady lingerie? She was insufferable had a horrible MIL.

SueSue?