Does anyone's kid lie incessently?

[idoinjuly]

My nine year old lies so much.  I can't believe most of what he says.  I don't really know what to do at this point.  Lies range from stupid to serious and it's not just when he is trying to get himself out of trouble.  I am currently thinking about what consequences to give him for a big lie he told us last night.  He is already grounded from a previous offense that includes, but not limited to, lying.

[mrshandy]

Following, because yes my 10 year old lies straight to my face. I will ask him things and know he is lying right to my face. It's so frustrating.

[idoinjuly]

Aug 6, 2020 9:14:16 GMT -5 mrshandy said:

Following, because yes my 10 year old lies straight to my face. I will ask him things and know he is lying right to my face. It's so frustrating.

Does he also have the audacity to act offended when you don't believe him?

[mrshandy]

Aug 6, 2020 9:22:24 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

Aug 6, 2020 9:14:16 GMT -5 mrshandy said:

Following, because yes my 10 year old lies straight to my face. I will ask him things and know he is lying right to my face. It's so frustrating.

Does he also have the audacity to act offended when you don't believe him?

Yes. Then I point out the evidence and he fesses up. 

Like he bought some shit from a youtuber and I had stupidly left my credit card on the account. I had noticed the charge, then researched it and found the confirmation e-mail. Then I asked him about it and he lied multiple times and I had to show him everything. 

According to him, he started lying because we didn't believe him before when he wasn't lying and so he started lying since it doesn't matter whether he is lying or not. We still won't believe. Unfortunately that is somewhat true. Ugh....it's such a vicious cycle.

[circa1978]

Mine is also 9 and I think it's normal. I try not to ask him questions that give him that opportunity. Like, if I asked him he washed his hands, he's going to say yes in hopes I go away. And if he bought something on YouTube I would just end everything he loves without asking, LOL. My default is to assume if something is wrong, either the kid or dog did it. Maybe I'm just mean.

[TR]

lol I'm sure this isn't funny when it's your kid, but we were at our friends' house one time and their 6 or 7 year old daughter came out holding a stuffed fish that USED TO have sequins all over it (like the scales) and she holds it up and says, VERY sternly, "Who did this?!" and we all stared at her. She repeats, "Who. Did. This?!" and her mom goes, "...uhhh...looks like you did." And the kid goes, "Nuh-uh, who did this!?" and kept yelling about it, demanding to know who had ripped the sequins off her fish and we were all cracking up.

[madringal]

My 8 year old struggles with this as well. It has gotten a little better in the past year, but she still does it from time to time. Mostly its to either get out of trouble or she just makes up stories for attention. Like, randomly makes up scenarios that never happened. All harmless in the grand scheme of things, but still lying none the less and it makes us not trust her when she is actually telling the truth which REALLY upsets her.

Because she is just 8 she is really awful at lying. We know right away, and we call her out on it. In our house, we talk a lot about the gifts that God has given us and how we use those gifts. So for her, it is a pretty easy conversation to say, "You are really bad at this because God didn't make you to be a liar."

Again, she does seem to be growing out of it, especially the lying to get out of trouble. That was really bad for a long time, she would really dig in. But we did also medicate her for ADHD back in March and that has overall improved her choice making. She makes less bad choices now, which results in less lying about stuff she has done.

[isabel]

I had a friend who did this. It was like she couldn’t help it. She just lied about stupid shit. She did grow out of it, if that helps at all.

[meganew]

I feel so much better reading this because our soon to be 9 year old is going through this phase, too. It’s mostly really dumb stuff which somehow makes it more frustrating. He’ll also lie and then claim he was playing a prank- that’s not how it works. Lol.

[hocus2]

Aug 6, 2020 9:26:42 GMT -5 mrshandy said:

Aug 6, 2020 9:22:24 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

Yes. Then I point out the evidence and he fesses up. 

Like he bought some shit from a youtuber and I had stupidly left my credit card on the account. I had noticed the charge, then researched it and found the confirmation e-mail. Then I asked him about it and he lied multiple times and I had to show him everything. 

According to him, he started lying because we didn't believe him before when he wasn't lying and so he started lying since it doesn't matter whether he is lying or not. We still won't believe. Unfortunately that is somewhat true. Ugh....it's such a vicious cycle.

   While you can address lying I would actually avoid testing him to see if he's honest. You knew he used your card so you could have simply presented the evidence you had and not asked what happened. 

   This has a few things to consider. 

   childmind.org/article/why-kids-lie/

[rainbowgirl]

My 12 year old son did so I threated him with a polygraph test so he fessed up and I told him that every time he tries to lie, I will take him to get a polygraph test so he stopped lying every since

[game blouses]

My 8 year old tries to lie, but he's so expressive that it's super obvious. I've told him that telling me the truth right away may mean he doesn't get in trouble at all, but lying about it may mean that he gets into more trouble. I've also told him that I can tell every single time he's lying anyway so he shouldn't bother, lol.

[rosiebear]

Aug 6, 2020 10:43:13 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

My 12 year old son did so I threated him with a polygraph test so he fessed up and I told him that every time he tries to lie, I will take him to get a polygraph test so he stopped lying every since

This strategy isn’t going to work for very long, even if it is working now (highly questionable). I mean .... you’re not really going to give him a lie detector test and he’s 12. He’s go to figure that out and now he’ll be able to throw back “Well you lied to ME!”

[smock]

I can already tell I'm going to be in trouble when my 4 year old gets older. She will lie with a completely straight face, and when I call her out, she'll yell "TRICKED YA!" and cackle. 

[rainbowgirl]

Aug 6, 2020 11:59:07 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Aug 6, 2020 10:43:13 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

My 12 year old son did so I threated him with a polygraph test so he fessed up and I told him that every time he tries to lie, I will take him to get a polygraph test so he stopped lying every since

This strategy isn’t going to work for very long, even if it is working now (highly questionable). I mean .... you’re not really going to give him a lie detector test and he’s 12. He’s go to figure that out and now he’ll be able to throw back “Well you lied to ME!”

I do not really care if you do not believe me, I have a phone number that I can contact so I can make an appointment to get a lie detector test so I will be picking up the phone if he tries to lie to me so I am very serious about it

[TR]

Aug 6, 2020 12:28:25 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:59:07 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

This strategy isn’t going to work for very long, even if it is working now (highly questionable). I mean .... you’re not really going to give him a lie detector test and he’s 12. He’s go to figure that out and now he’ll be able to throw back “Well you lied to ME!”

I do not really care if you do not believe me, I have a phone number that I can contact so I can make an appointment to get a lie detector test so I will be picking up the phone if he tries to lie to me so I am very serious about it

I feel like this isn't going to end well at some point lol

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:28:25 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:59:07 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

This strategy isn’t going to work for very long, even if it is working now (highly questionable). I mean .... you’re not really going to give him a lie detector test and he’s 12. He’s go to figure that out and now he’ll be able to throw back “Well you lied to ME!”

I do not really care if you do not believe me, I have a phone number that I can contact so I can make an appointment to get a lie detector test so I will be picking up the phone if he tries to lie to me so I am very serious about it

Sure thing, 2 posts.

[rainbowgirl]

Aug 6, 2020 12:34:32 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:28:25 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

I do not really care if you do not believe me, I have a phone number that I can contact so I can make an appointment to get a lie detector test so I will be picking up the phone if he tries to lie to me so I am very serious about it

Sure thing, 2 posts.

Whatever 

[rosiebear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:28:25 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

Aug 6, 2020 11:59:07 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

This strategy isn’t going to work for very long, even if it is working now (highly questionable). I mean .... you’re not really going to give him a lie detector test and he’s 12. He’s go to figure that out and now he’ll be able to throw back “Well you lied to ME!”

I do not really care if you do not believe me, I have a phone number that I can contact so I can make an appointment to get a lie detector test so I will be picking up the phone if he tries to lie to me so I am very serious about it

Lol

[smock]

[rainbowgirl]

I better get to work now, have a great day girls!

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

Get to work doing what? Lowering the basket of lotion into the well?

[rainbowgirl]

Aug 6, 2020 12:54:28 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Get to work doing what? Lowering the basket of lotion into the well?

I am a respiratory therapist but you are funny! Have a great day! 

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

Aug 6, 2020 12:57:43 GMT -5 rainbowgirl said:

Aug 6, 2020 12:54:28 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Get to work doing what? Lowering the basket of lotion into the well?

I am a respiratory therapist but you are funny!

Yes, I'm a national treasure, tbh. I'm glad someone has finally noticed.

[mcsangel2]

::head tilt::

? ? ? ?

[fivechickens]

Wait. Someone is going to give their 12 year old a lie detector test!?


LOL for days.

[ellipses84]

My 9 year old son is a rule follower, and rarely lies. However, he has lied on occasion, particularly when he’s broken a rule and thinks he’ll get in trouble. He’ll also say something he believes...like, My brother broke my toy, and I’ll correct him with a fact, like, no, Dad stepped on it and broke it, and he’ll double down on his original statement. Like he doesn’t believe me and can’t admit he’s wrong, even though he knows I’m not lying. It’s this infuriating game he plays 🙄

My 11 year old nephew lies all the time and will also lie in the face of evidence. He has some impulse control and attention deficit issues, though, and sometimes he seems pretty sincere in his excuses / lies...like I’m sorry, I REALLY thought I did put my plate in the sink and that’s why I told you I did, although I see now it’s clearly still sitting on the table. Other times are blatant lies, usually because he doesn’t want to stop what he was doing to do what he was supposed to or trying to cover up something to not get in trouble.

My 4 year son old lies all the time and I worry for when he’s 9 and smarter about it.

We often tell the kids they won’t be in trouble for telling the truth but if they lie to our faces and get caught, the consequences are more severe.

[picksthemusic]

I believe this is normal behavior for this age. DD is going through it and we've had to have some tough talks about how she needs to be truthful with us so we can trust her. If she wants us to trust her, she can't lie just because she thinks we'll get mad at her or yell or whatever. We said that she will get into much more trouble if she isn't honest with us than if she tells us the truth if she did something wrong.

I will say, DH's fuse is super short for little things (spills/things breaking/kids being kids) so he tends to go from 0-60 in no time, even if she does tell the truth and he doesn't like what happened. So I've had to train him to chill out and let her make mistakes but tell the truth, so there is that.

But overall it's getting better, but she got grounded for quite some time for a big lie she told, and is just now off grounding and enjoying life again. So she's probably hesitant to lie again any time soon.

[fivechickens]

And to answer OP question, DD2 (9) lies a lot and about stupid shit AND she always ALWAYS throws herself under the bus.

She is not good at it and we always catch her in the lie (when she is not telling on herself that is). I am hopeful that she will grow out of it because I do not know how to stop it.

DD1 & DD3 have lied too but not as much as DD2.

[Leeham Rimes]

We’ve gone through this with Xavier and have caught him in both stupid lies and serious lies. We punish him by taking away his electronics, the only way he can talk to friends at this point and it’s definitely is most popular currency.

But we also have talks bc I want to see where his mind is at, and he usually lies to try and avoid trouble, but he also sees that makes no sense. I try to hammer home that it’s better to admit what you did and get in a little trouble than me to catch you in both a wrong thing AND a lie and have double the punishment.

One time I knew I caught him in a lie and instead of just hammering it home and punishing him I told him “look. I know you’re lying. Tell me the truth now and you’ll be in a little trouble. If you make me play this game of truth chicken, you’ll be in tons more trouble” And he admitted it and I didn’t get angry, I told him I was proud of him for fessing up and I gave him a minimal punishment.

Natural consequences are pretty good too bc he and wes were fighting and both have me a version of their story. I told Xavier “how can I believe you when you lie to me so often?” And they both got punished bc I didn’t know who to believe. That hit home for him as well.

I really want him to know that he can come to me, even if he’s in trouble and I’ll be cool, calm and collected bc as he gets older, the lies are more serious.