Thank you guys. We had (yet another) talk last night about the importance of being a person of good moral character. He does say that he lies because he is afraid he will get in trouble, but we ALWAYS tell him we can deal with any truth, but lying will get him in more trouble AND he lies about some stupid shit that is unrelated to getting in trouble.
My 12 year old son did so I threated him with a polygraph test so he fessed up and I told him that every time he tries to lie, I will take him to get a polygraph test so he stopped lying every since
No way a 12 yr old believes this. He knows you are full of it. Way to guarantee the lying continues, he knows there isn't a real consequence and that Mom is a liar too.
DS2 (6) lies constantly. Mostly minor things to one-up his brother (DS1: "I touched a squirrel's tail!"... DS2: "I touched 5 squirrels!") or more serious to get out of going places he doesn't want to go like school ("I'm sick", "my foot hurts I can't walk"). It's to the point dh and I completely ignore him when he tells us he's sick and make him do whatever it is anyway. This problem is compounded by the fact he can make himself throw up on command. So even if he's throwing up we don't believe him.
The only thing that seems to work is making being sick a completely boring experience (like he has to lay down in his bed in the dark with no tv) so he doesn't want to pretend to be sick. He changes his tune pretty quickly too if we say something like "oh too bad you're so sick, guess you can't do XYZ fun thin later today". Of course, that doesn't address the underlying propensity for dishonesty.
Punishing him has absolutely no effect, he just doubles down on his lie and gets all dramatic about it. He does seem to hate being not believed when he's actually telling the truth though, so maybe someday the whole "boy who cried wolf" lesson will sink in.
I had a very stern conversation with my child that when you lie, you break people’s trust and once broken it’s hard to rebuild. Even if the lie seems small and meaningless, you become someone people won’t listen to. What you say becomes meaningless. They won’t tell you that they’ve stopped believing you. They won’t give you a chance to fix it. They just won’t want to spend time with you. Even the kind and true things you say won’t have any meaning to them because they know that you can’t be believed.
I’m her mom, I love her and I want to help her be someone who people can believe. we could work to rebuild that truthfulness. But if she didn’t fix it, most people aren’t going to help her change, they will just judge her by her false words.
I also showed the consequences of the lies. not by challenging her or showing why I know she was lying, or punishing her. Instead, I’d flatly say - you’ve been lying so I don’t know if what you just said is true. So I’m going to have to assume it might not be. Don’t bother to try and prove yourself. It doesn’t matter today. Demonstrate you consistently tell the truth over time and you’ll get the benefit of that trust. There is nothing you can do to earn that privilege today. Truth takes time to build and breaks quickly. So be careful before breaking it.
My 12 year old son did so I threated him with a polygraph test so he fessed up and I told him that every time he tries to lie, I will take him to get a polygraph test so he stopped lying every since
No way a 12 yr old believes this. He knows you are full of it. Way to guarantee the lying continues, he knows there isn't a real consequence and that Mom is a liar too.
If that makes you sleep better at night then I am happy for you so enjoy your night! 🤷♂️
No way a 12 yr old believes this. He knows you are full of it. Way to guarantee the lying continues, he knows there isn't a real consequence and that Mom is a liar too.
If that makes you sleep better at night then I am happy for you so enjoy your night! 🤷♂️
psst - sounding like you are lying is just as bad for your credibility. Even if you really are as unhinged as you present here, it doesn't really bolster anything. Let's say your kid knows you are a little psycho and mean it. At some point, your kid will tell this to someone and they will either tell him you are full of shit or just think he is.
Post by cinnamoncox0 on Aug 7, 2020 12:34:57 GMT -5
It might be silly, but when my girls were younger and started to fib, like blame the other for something they did or things like that, I went in on the boy who cried wolf fable and tried to make it clear how quickly someone will discount you when caught in a lie. And once you lose someone’s trust, it’s hard to get it back.
No way a 12 yr old believes this. He knows you are full of it. Way to guarantee the lying continues, he knows there isn't a real consequence and that Mom is a liar too.
If that makes you sleep better at night then I am happy for you so enjoy your night! 🤷♂️
I do sleep well at night thanks, but then again I'm not the one lying to my kids. You should try it sometime.
If that makes you sleep better at night then I am happy for you so enjoy your night! 🤷♂️
psst - sounding like you are lying is just as bad for your credibility. Even if you really are as unhinged as you present here, it doesn't really bolster anything. Let's say your kid knows you are a little psycho and mean it. At some point, your kid will tell this to someone and they will either tell him you are full of shit or just think he is.
I respect your opinion so I hope you have a wonderful day!
So what's the number you call to get a polygraph test for a 12 year old? Is it like the strip mall 3D sonogram places?
I would give you the number but if I do, strangers would know where I live due to the area code and I am honestly not comfortable with that, I am terribly sorry and I hope you will understand!
I already read it, it is okay that that you said my kid is not very bright, I respect your opinion, I hope you have a wonderful day!
No one said your kid isn't very bright, quite the opposite actually.
No, to be fair, I did say it in the context of if a 12 year old believes her, that maybe he is the one who isn’t too bright. But deleted it because I felt too mean.
No one said your kid isn't very bright, quite the opposite actually.
No, to be fair, I did say it in the context of if a 12 year old believes her, that maybe he is the one who isn’t too bright. But deleted it because I felt too mean.
Ahhh gotcha. The messages I have seen are all saying this kid is 12 and too smart for this nonsense.
No, to be fair, I did say it in the context of if a 12 year old believes her, that maybe he is the one who isn’t too bright. But deleted it because I felt too mean.
Ahhh gotcha. The messages I have seen are all saying this kid is 12 and too smart for this nonsense.
Oh, agreed 100%. Hence, if he does believe her (absent her actually having followed through previously, which, LOL), well...
But yes, my just turned 9 year old lies a lot. Nothing super serious but lies nonetheless. Even before this stage we have always had the rule that he would only ever be in real trouble if he lied. AND HE STILL LIES.
I'm going to read that article and also try not to give him the opportunity to lie.
So, yes, there are commercial operators who will run a lie detector test for $200-500 a pop in my area (I googled). So besides the fact that they are unreliable, are you really going to shell out $350 to see if he really did turn in his math homework?