Post by definitelyO on Aug 7, 2020 11:02:13 GMT -5
I like your initial plan - we did the same.
When I had DS - DH took off 2 weeks right after the birth, I only had 7 weeks off total. When I went back to work, DH then took 10 more weeks. So DS was home for the first 17 weeks.
This just happened to us + with COVID the situation was very similar.
I took 12 weeks. My H only had 5 days so he went back to work when she was 1 week old. He did come home at lunch but I was fine honestly. Then COVID and the shutdown happened and he's been working from home since she's been 2 weeks old. Honestly, when I was at home, I took care of her most of the time. He would give me a break during lunch or if I needed to shower but I was doing 95% of the work. I am breastfeeding too so she was hooked on my boob all day long (cluster feedings and the only way she would nap). Now that I am back to work, my H is still working from home and taking care of her. I could work from home but I know I wouldn't get anything done as she would want to be with me all the time. I come home during lunch to feed her though. I think your H's plan is good. Give you some help in the beginning and once things settle down a bit, he goes back to work. Once you go back to work, he can stay home. He should ask is coworkers who took this leave how it was perceived. We have a cousin whose job offered the same deal (12 weeks paid). When he asked to take it, they were very reluctant and surprised kind of like "yeah it's one of the benefits we advertise to attract people but we don't expect you to ever use it". It left a sour taste in his mouth and he quit a year later.
He should ask is coworkers who took this leave how it was perceived. We have a cousin whose job offered the same deal (12 weeks paid). When he asked to take it, they were very reluctant and surprised kind of like "yeah it's one of the benefits we advertise to attract people but we don't expect you to ever use it". It left a sour taste in his mouth and he quit a year later.
When he first started one of his teammates was wrapping up his paternity leave- everyone was really cool and supportive of it. He's had an open dialog with his manager about it, he hasnt had any red flags or pushback.
His company is on the top 100 places to work list!
H and I work for the same company, so we had to split the 6 months allowed for leave - I took 16 weeks and H took 10. He took 2ish weeks right at the beginning, and then went back to work. He started the rest of his leave the last week of mine, so we had some more family time together before I went back to work.
Looking back I kind of wish we had staggered a bit at the end so that I could start back at work part time at first for a week or 2.
Just wrapped up our leaves last week. We did- both home for 2.5 weeks with my maternity leave ending at 12 weeks, then he took an additional 10 after that. It worked out well and I love how close they are because of it. It also makes my life easier because he can do anything for her that I can and I didn’t become the “default”. Also made my transition back to work easier because I didn’t have to worry about the transition to daycare at the same time.
Is he 100% sure that he can take 12 weeks after only working there a short time? When are you due? That employer is really going out on a limb to pay someone full pay who has only worked there a short time to be off work for 3 months. If they do that, that's awesome! But that's also extremely, extremely rare so I'd just double
Yep, 100% sure there are no service requirements. We were both shocked. It's a fancy senior level position at a big tech company, so from what I gather they really padded the benefits to attract talent.
But he will not qualify for FMLA which is his job protection, fyi. That doesn't mean he will be fired or anything but that they are not required by law to hold his job.
My question is, is his work from home like a straight 8 hours where he really has to work with very little interruption or far more liberal with time and can stop and start. That makes a difference in my response.
Honestly, that first month, that baby will sleep 20 hours a day, with eating and changing, then sleeping more. The first month will feel like you should be doing something with the baby but they just sleep. As they move into month 2-4 they are far more active and need more attention so I would vote split it up. He takes the first 2 weeks then after you return. He will be in the house for the rest of your leave to help here and there which is nice to have.
Post by liverandonions on Aug 10, 2020 18:08:51 GMT -5
My daughter was born on the second week of his Christmas break (he’s a teacher) so he has that week off and then took off one week after. Then when I went back to work he took his remaining paternity leave which was only two more weeks and then we had family watch her for the 7 weeks before summer break which he was home for. She started daycare at 8 months. I was ready for him to go back to work after those two weeks. With my son I think he took two days.
I’m in Canada so things are a lot different for us in terms of leave, but what I can say is that with DS, H was home for 2 weeks. I had a c-section and a rough recovery. I definitely would have benefitted from him being home an additional week.
My back seized up just after he went back to work and we had to coordinate my dad and his mom coming into help me because I literally couldn’t get out of bed.
I’m expecting again and he’s likely going to take the 5 week parental leave he’s entitled to right at the beginning. DS is in school but March break is right after my due date and I cannot deal with a newborn and a 5 year old immediately after birth.
My answer is heavily influenced by the pandemic and plans to start daycare during the height of flu season
- I would not have him take any more than 3-4 days concurrently. That’s what my H took (and it was eaten up by csection recovery and a longer length of stay for feeding issues). MH resumed working (remotely) the day of my discharge. He then stayed remote for the rest of the week and went back to the office 1 week after discharge. This part was honestly fine. I wouldn’t recommend it under normal circumstances , but these aren’t normal circumstances.
Like Susie, what wasn’t fine was my assumption / plan / urge to handle all night wake ups and all feeds and it was... unhealthy. I also allowed too many out of state (family) visitors who I later realized were coming for vacation and not to help. It was too much - I would have loved to just cocoon with my husband and newborn. I also initially struggled to get my son to medical appts alone when MH was out of the country and I was still recovering from my csection and probably pressed it on how early I thought I could drive. Don’t do those things! It just made everything much harder and there truly was no benefit to anyone.
Is there a possibility he can take partial leave when your leave is up? If he has flexibility, I would aim for 4 hours/ leave a day while utilizing nap time and babywearing to get work done as much as possible to stretch his leave as long as possible which could push off group care needs to feb or even March.
ETA I just read that you’ll have family care with people you will (presumably?) be around once your leave is up anyways, which shifts priorities for me. I’d have him take 1-2 weeks in the beginning and then split.
Post by steamboat185 on Aug 10, 2020 21:37:48 GMT -5
My DH took took about 2 weeks off with each kid and then took more time off later during my leave when we could do more. 2 weeks was enough time to get into a groove a home and feel a bit more comfortable. Since he’s home he can probably help out when the baby has a blow out or pukes all over you pretty easily.
Yep, 100% sure there are no service requirements. We were both shocked. It's a fancy senior level position at a big tech company, so from what I gather they really padded the benefits to attract talent.
But he will not qualify for FMLA which is his job protection, fyi. That doesn't mean he will be fired or anything but that they are not required by law to hold his job.
My question is, is his work from home like a straight 8 hours where he really has to work with very little interruption or far more liberal with time and can stop and start. That makes a difference in my response.
Honestly, that first month, that baby will sleep 20 hours a day, with eating and changing, then sleeping more. The first month will feel like you should be doing something with the baby but they just sleep. As they move into month 2-4 they are far more active and need more attention so I would vote split it up. He takes the first 2 weeks then after you return. He will be in the house for the rest of your leave to help here and there which is nice to have.
Good luck!!!
Extremely liberal with stop and start, aside from meetings or system outages.
Your mom is a saint for handling a newborn, 4 year old and 7 year old as a childcare provider. That's a lot!
She really is- my sister K just found out the Montessori school/daycare her kids go to is officially closing so now my mom has stepped up to watch them so K can work normal hours. She had been trying to work and entertain them during the day, but essentially had to work 3-4 hours after they went to bed
Childcare and working during a pandemic is extra hard.