]Also for being served ice cream cake on flat white paper plates at above late RSVP cousin's house. The cake was for the wife's birthday, same BEC wife whose particular vegetarian diet I've accommodated for many years when she has appeared at my events. I made a comment and made sure they heard me. They could afford real dishes, I saw the real dishes in the cabinets! And if you're going to be lazy and serve ice cream cake on throwaway dishes just so you don't have to wash the real dishes later, then at least have some disposable bowls around or those little paper plates with the rolled edges I get for my kids parties. Then being semi-scolded by my husband that I should have not said anything.
I’m holding out for the post from the woman who hosted a party, gave her guests ice cream and delicious cake, and got called out by an ingrate who felt the plates were not up to her standards.
Well, it wasn't a party. MIL & FIL surprise visited some other relatives that weekend and went over to the cousin's house, and we were last minute invited over there so my kids could hang out with MIL & FIL for a few hours. I brought my own dinner for DD (stopped by to get Chinese takeout because I had no time to prepare and that was all we could find near them) because I had my hunches that despite being invited right around dinner time, no food would be served for anyone and I was right. They had some crackers and some tiny pieces of bread with red sauce out as "snacks" for like 8 adults. And then his wife came home from work and suddenly it was "wow, it's her birthday, we have an ice cream cake!"
Hence I posted it as a grudge, because I'm still holding one. H's family likes to operate on a non-planning basis which irritates me to no end but this one really rubbed me the wrong way.
Also for being served ice cream cake on flat white paper plates at above late RSVP cousin's house. The cake was for the wife's birthday, same BEC wife whose particular vegetarian diet I've accommodated for many years when she has appeared at my events. I made a comment and made sure they heard me. They could afford real dishes, I saw the real dishes in the cabinets! And if you're going to be lazy and serve ice cream cake on throwaway dishes just so you don't have to wash the real dishes later, then at least have some disposable bowls around or those little paper plates with the rolled edges I get for my kids parties. Then being semi-scolded by my husband that I should have not said anything.
I guess I am still holding a grudge with my sister.
30 years ago, when I was first starting out I had a really crappy salary that got lousy raises with a job I loved. My sister got out of college making twice my salary immediately. Not a problem. Fast forward a few years, she gets married and between her and her new husband, combined their salary was 6x mine. Not a problem, things were still tight for me but I was doing what I liked and was getting the experience I needed.
So I went out and bought a dress. Working in a lab, my uniform was pretty much jeans and t shirts and I had 2 weddings, 2 formalish parties and a show I had tickets to. It was my only dressy dress, and I got a great deal on a really cute one. I wore it to the wedding, told my sister about it and she asked to borrow it for her company's Christmas party. I sent it to her, telling her I needed it back by the end of the month, cleaned. End of the month came by, dress did not arrive. I asked her for it, she told me she liked it and wanted to keep it longer. I tried to make her understand that I could not afford to buy another dress, I needed the dress back and NOW. No dress. So I called my mom and told her what was happening to ask her how I could get my dress back. Next thing I know, my dress finally arrived in the mail (after I had missed one of the events I had as I had nothing to wear and couldn't afford to buy another dress).
Fast forward 30+ years and our lives have flip flopped. I'm sitting very well, and she's divorced after stepping away from a high paying job when her last was born and losing her career. She needs to buy another house to move into so the family house could be sold and the proceeds split. I had the wherewithal to offer her a down payment for her new house, but I could not afford to gift her the money (especially after paying for her lawyer). So I offered, with terms that the loan for the down payment needed to be repaid within a year, and until it was repaid I was to be on the deed to the new house until the loan was repaid - then I'd sign myself off of it. She wanted to know why all the safeguards, so I told her. She had absolutely no concept of how much her selfishness screwed up my life 30 years earlier.
I just don’t get it? You’re mad still today that you had a paper plate and not a real one? Ok 👍🏻
It sounded more like she always goes all out for company, but when they have her over they put in the bare effort? And the fact they were invited for dinnertime and served no food. It sounds like everything is last minute and everyone has to scramble to accommodate them.
I just don’t get it? You’re mad still today that you had a paper plate and not a real one? Ok 👍🏻
I accommodated and put up with this woman's special vegetarian diet when she came to my events over the past 8 years. I held my tongue at her thoughtless host incidents when she & her family held events related to her wedding. Feeding a 4 year old melty Carvel cake from a flat paper plate was the end of my limit.
I mean if I went to a party of someone I knew casually, I typically don't care about minor gaffes like this or even major ones because whatever, I probably won't see them again anytime soon. These people are H's family and should know better.
While we're critiquing, I think anything that's happened in the last, oh I don't know, year? Doesn't count as a grudge. That's just...you're pissed off about it.
I guess I am still holding a grudge with my sister.
She had absolutely no concept of how much her selfishness screwed up my life 30 years earlier.
I was with you up until your last sentence. How did not attending an event screw up your life?
It wasn't the inability to attend the event, but the fact that I still hold a grudge today. I hate that I cannot get past this and assume that she'd be as selfish today as she was 30 years ago. I don't like the fact that I didn't feel like I could loan her money without making sure I'd get it back. I guess it's more lack of trust.
I was with you up until your last sentence. How did not attending an event screw up your life?
The fact that I still held a grudge today. I hate that I cannot get past this and assume that she'd be as selfish today as she was 30 years ago. I don't like the fact that I didn't feel like I could loan her money without making sure I'd get it back. I guess it's more lack of trust.
I just don’t get it? You’re mad still today that you had a paper plate and not a real one? Ok 👍🏻
I’ll just throw in here that my screen name is what MIL called me because I used a real plate instead of paper one time. Like, was this het up about it.
The kid in second grade who made fun of my laugh- I was self conscious about it for years.
ex-BIL for trying to file for full custody when divorcing my sister, because his petty ass wanted her to have to pay child support to get her back for filing for it after he moved in with his mistress (which even his parents told her to do bc he wasn’t paying shit).
H’s cousin for her rude as fuck wedding. It was fall in a barn, cold, damp, and windy and they had the barn doors open making it a wind tunnel so the pictures would look better. “Cocktail” hour (quotes bc it was a dry wedding) was two hours bc pictures, which guests didn’t know and we all kept thinking they’d be back any minute after the first hour, in which all the refreshments were depleted and the venue couldn’t keep up with coffee demand since everyone was freezing. People were ransacking their cars to find blankets for H’s wheelchair-bound great aunt who was visibly shaking, which is what I think of every year when she posts an anniversary post about their “perfect day”.
H’s aunt who gave me a deadline to give my MIL a grandchild. She didn’t know we’d been TTC unsuccessfully (bc none-of-her-business), and after the sheer shock of her comment wore off I wanted to stab her.
I just don’t get it? You’re mad still today that you had a paper plate and not a real one? Ok 👍🏻
I’ll just throw in here that my screen name is what MIL called me because I used a real plate instead of paper one time. Like, was this het up about it.
Grudge #1: My MIL deciding that I was a terrible wife for her son after we'd been married SEVEN YEARS and suggesting that "it's not too late" for him to leave me. We still haven't figured out what precipitated her strange declaration. It caused us to not speak to her or DH's sister for six months, couple's counseling for us (which was actually a good thing) and just to end the bullshit, I capitulated and apologized to her for telling her that she had no right to ever meddle in our marriage (that was a mistake). We weren't in trouble in our marriage but it did help.) It's been five years and I still hold it against her.
Grudge #2: My mom asked me if her Daisy troop (she lead my sister's troop) could use the professional quality artists markers that my aunt, a professional artist, bought for me for my birthday. I said no. She called me selfish and a mean big sister so I relented. When I got them back, they were ruined. She never apologized and never replaced them. This happened 35 years ago. I'm still pissed.
On wedding things, I went to one "black tie optional" wedding (which, first of all, every day is black tie optional) that was held at the bride's parent's house South of Broad in Charleston and her mom didn't want anyone going inside and ruining her brand new hardwood floors. So we stood out in their garden on gravel pathways for the entire pre-ceremony cocktail hour and ceremony. In high heels. So I was constantly sinking down. And then we had to walk blocks to the reception that was also outdoors (in November), wait for the tent to open, and didn't have assigned seats so you can bet your ass I beelined for a table as soon as the tent opened, lol.
I could probably list 20+ but most are about people I am no longer in contact with so I don't know that they count as a grudge anymore, they are just annoying memories of people I'll never have a chance to hold anything against IRL. But I have some current ones with people I still love and am close with.
My BFF for not coming to my first wedding. She went through a breakup earlier in the year and her excuse for not coming was "I can't afford it and I don't want to leave my dog". Even though she could have driven (8 hour drive, and we are midwesterners so that's not a barrier in general) and I offered to have her stay at my house, so it really wouldn't have cost her much. She also continued shopping and doing all kinds of other frivolous things that cost money so I was always hurt that she couldn't prioritize being there for me over all that other stuff. I stood up in her wedding a few years later and while I was honored to and had a great time, it always felt so uneven that I spent and did so much to support her when she didn't do it for me.
My sister, who flew in for my 2nd (very small) wedding the morning of and flew out the next day. The short timeframe was fine (we were on a short timeframe too) but it meant she was stressed and crabby the whole time and acted like a jerk when we popped back at the hotel afterward before dinner. She also cried at dinner about something totally unrelated. I wished she just didn't bother coming because she made things stressful instead of enjoyable. I mean, I appreciated the effort to come out and support us, but I don't know why she didn't do a better job of setting herself up to actually enjoy being there. She is in general a very inflexible person who it feels like we always have to accommodate to avoid getting her upset, and this one felt like my limit since I wanted to have a very easy, casual, no drama day.
My other sister and my parents for moving to Texas. It really shattered what I thought our family was and what it would be when they decided to move a plane ride away and didn't take into consideration at all whether or not we'd want to live in the place they chose. I had always wanted to move to a new part of the country but never wanted to have to fly to see my family, so I had stayed within a few hour drive and actually did intend to move back to our home city once my H was done with his PhD. So it really hurt that they did not prioritize proximity to me the same way I did to them. This one has started really bothering me again in the last few months because here we are now in a pandemic, where it is impossible to see each other for months or years because of their choice.
My SIL for not attending my wedding. We had a destination wedding, family only. She's my husband's only sibling. We included family in our plans from the get go (and is the reason we did not elope - they all wanted to come). She very much had the means and time to attend (she was not working and her family was and is still living off my BIL's stock options from a former high level job). It was literally that she could not be bothered to attend. (We understood if BIL and my nephews could not attend.) I felt bad for my ILs who are wonderful people because they were embarrassed she wasn't there when all my siblings, spouses, and kids were there. I was also super upset for DH. It's how she is, but it's been over 10 years and I won't forgive her.
Mother of friend from high school who told someone else's mother that the reason another friend and I got along so well was because we were both from "broken homes." My parents were divorced, but my other friend's parents were just having a rough patch, and 30+ years later are STILL MARRIED. Meanwhile, this woman was and still is in some completely dysfunctional marriage. She always looked down on my family like we were trash (when she had no idea of what my parents were like before my Dad's gambling problem forced us to move back to their hometown - she just thought she was hot shit for living in my tiny hometown and seem surprised about things like the brand of my doll I had since birth because it was some "good" brand - she was shallow, what can I say?). She was bitch to me at her daugther's/my friend's wedding (where I was a bridesmaid0. But then I got a litte revenge when we were at another wedding and I had just lost a lot of weight (she was into appearances) and just graduated from law school. She made some comment about how good I looked and how well I was doing. Yes, bitch, I was the same way while we were growing up - smart and motivated. My friend/her daughter utimately had two kids, got divorced, remarried some dude who was in federal prision for a few years, and now has a kid with her new husband. I don't wish ill will on my friend and she seems very happy, but there's that petty part of me that loves that that his adult woman was terrible to me from the ages of 12 to 24 now has grandkids who are from a "broken home." Life comes at you fast, especially when you like to judge everyone around you.
People who are attention whores that are all about themselves and don’t have the ability to be supportive.
Medical professionals and strangers that made stupid and rude comments during my high risk pregnancy. Like the lady that praised my small size in the elevator of the women’s hospital while I was going to triage for growth restriction. Or the medical assistant that asked me if I was sure about my medical condition because she didn't understand medical terminology on my chart in front of other patients.
Post by sapphireblue on Sept 14, 2020 19:26:47 GMT -5
I have so many! It's hard to pick one or a few.
I'll focus on my SO's mother. I'm still pissed at her for waiting for my SO to leave the room and then cutting my toddler's hair. She should never have done it, but the worst part is she totally butchered his hair and it looked AWFUL.
For the time she called my SO at like 10 pm on a weeknight to tell him the dog had gotten out and demanded he come and help find her. She lives 55 miles away and we had a toddler and a newborn at that point. He got there and the dog was lying on the lawn.
The many times my toddler called "Mama" and she talked over me to answer (they call her a name that does not sound remotely close to Mama).
Recently when she didn't like a boundary we had set for our son so to manipulate the situation she began involving our children in something they had been unaware of. She raised her hand and said "Who wants to vote on this?" and the kids got all excited. That is when I snapped and told her this wasn't a democracy and only two votes counted, mine and SO's.
I’ll just throw in here that my screen name is what MIL called me because I used a real plate instead of paper one time. Like, was this het up about it.
OMG. Care to share the story?
Really not much to share. We were in a vacation house together (lord help me with THAT whole situation) but the point is she wasn’t the one responsible for doing dishes or anything like that. I was getting DS a snack, pulled a saucer out of the cabinet to put it on and she started yelling “Didn’t you bring paper plates?!?! Why do you have to be so fancy about everything?!? You ritzy heifer!”
My second grade math teacher who yelled out to my teacher (the entire second grade shared one large room) if I had ever cheated in her class before. I can still remember the humiliation. Also, I kept telling her I was confused and she would tell me to sit down and figure it out. At the time I was being screened for learning disabilities. I am still bitter.
I am pretty sure I will always hate LBW. And I am so mad at myself when I have dreams where I end up comforting HER. WHY?
Oh and the pilot who was was not paying attention during flight pre-check (talking about how much they just wanted to get home) and blew off the co-pilot when he tried to alert him that the number did not look right. I mean, I know they died too, but there was so much human error it makes my blood boil.
I am pretty sure I will always hate LBW. And I am so mad at myself when I have dreams where I end up comforting HER. WHY?
.
There is an interesting theory on dream analysis that YOU are every person in your dreams. You are every person, from every perspective, doing everything.
It truly blows my mind. And answers many questions about what I am wrestling in real life.