Oh goodness, I'm so sorry to hear this! And I agree, that was a crappy way for him to communicate this. I didn't realize marriage was just about attraction....
You deserve better. I'm here if you ever want to chat!
Post by sofamonkey on Sept 29, 2020 8:39:39 GMT -5
Huge hugs. I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I agree with PP that yo should continue to pursue individual counseling. His opinion only matters to him, and I hope you don’t let it change how you feel about yourself.
You guys. I’m heartbroken. He still loves me, but he’s not attracted to me anymore. We went to marriage counseling last night, but I don’t think we’ll continue. I can tell he already has one foot out the door.
I don’t even know what to say.
I don't see how this can be the whole story from him. He's just not attracted so oh well, let's just throw the marriage in the trash? There's no one perfect marriage with someone who checks all your boxes 100% of the time. I'm sorry you're going thru this.
Post by icedcoffee on Sept 29, 2020 8:48:34 GMT -5
I also keep coming back in here angry. You are smart, kind, and beautiful. He decided he just doesn't want to try in the middle of a dumpster fire year? FUCK HIM. I hope only good things await you.
Ugh I'm so sorry And yes, he can fuck off. Marriages and attraction have ebbs and flows and he's just done now? During this enormously stressful time? Come on, man.
Right, I mean, I felt we were a little disconnected, but I thought it was a normal ebb and flow.
WHAT? I mean, I don't know his lyfe and all, but that seems like a stupidly rash conclusion for him to come to in this ridiculous year. Like come on, everyone is stressed and would like things to change, but BEING A DICK TO YOUR WIFE is not the way to fix that.
Sure, maybe he is done for whatever reason (which is still dumb on his part), but holy crap, this is not the time for life-altering decisions and dumping something like that on someone you care about in any way.
I’ve very sorry, I hope you both can continue counseling and work it out.
Hs friends wife said the same thing to him and then 6 months after they separated, she said she felt like she made a mistake. Unfortunately for her, he had moved on and had started dating someone else who is great for him.
Oh goodness, I'm so sorry to hear this! And I agree, that was a crappy way for him to communicate this. I didn't realize marriage was just about attraction....
You deserve better. I'm here if you ever want to chat!
THIS. Dating is about attraction. Marriage is about so much more. I also feel like it is a cop out excuse that kind of moves the blame to OP and off of him. "If only you were more attractive then I wouldn't be forced to do this." He's an asshole.
And to reiterate others: YOU ARE PERFECT. He's a selfish asshole.
I am so sorry. I do think attraction can ebb and flow, like said above, and I don't think that should be the only reason to throw the towel in right away, especially during a time full of stress.
I think continue counseling, perhaps things will turn out differently.
If you want to chat or vent, shoot me a PM. Biggest hugs
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Just know that this is all on him and says nothing about you. Hell, if we all threw in the towel just because we weren't attracted to our spouse we'd all be divorced. It ebbs and flows. Any mature adult knows this, I'm sorry that he doesn't. You deserve more.
Post by lilypad1126 on Sept 29, 2020 9:40:44 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. What a stupid thing for him to say. I mean, there are plenty of days I'm not attracted to my H. But I'm not going to divorce for that! I'm so mad on your behalf.
I hope that eventually you are able to come to peace with this and it's the start of so many amazing things for you.
I am so sorry to hear this, and yes, he is an asshole. Lack of attraction was the excuse my exH used to justify his cheating on me, so I know how much those words can sting. Take care of yourself. Like someone else suggested above, if he won't go to couples counseling, then I strongly recommend individual counseling. From what I know of you on here you are a wonderful, kind, and caring person, and your H can go suck it.