Please Help - Need Advice

[drjeep]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't been as active on here as I would like, but life has been pretty crazy recently. I could really use your advice on what to do. I lost my dad last night, and while it is devastatingly painful for him to be gone, I am glad that he is at peace and no longer suffering. I am an only child and have been a devoted daddy's girl my entire life, so my heart is breaking having to go through this. As an only child everything is up to me to handle because my mom is not in a current state where she can make all these decisions. So I am basically spending the rest of this week working with the funeral home to get everything in order and ready for the service and burial that will happen on Sunday.

Here's where I need your advice: I am in no condition to go back to school on Monday (we are on Fall Break this week)....like think of the deepest darkest place you can imagine, and that's where I am right now. I also have a lot of things I have to take care of next week for my dad like meeting with his attorney to get his will probated, figuring out the court documents I need to fill out and submit regarding his guardianship stuff, social security office stuff, getting his military marker installed with his headstone, the list goes on and on and on.....When I spoke to the person at my school district last Friday she told me that I could take my time coming back to school and to focus on taking care of things and myself, and I know she truly meant that. She told me I have plenty of sick days that I can use. However, I don't know if that was meant for after my dad had passed or while he was still alive and receiving comfort care measures. I have a LOT of sick days saved up that I will be using, but I don't know what amount of time I should ask for to be out. I am so overwhelmed with everything I have to do right now that I'm not thinking straight. I'm going to call my district tomorrow to talk to her, but I need to know what to say. What would you do if you were me? How much time would you ask for off work? What amount of time do you think would look bad if I asked for it? I am not a regular classroom teacher, so they wouldn't need to get a sub for my position.

Thanks so much for reading all of this. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, but I probably am!

[sdlaura]

I’m so sorry about your Dad!

I think a lot depends on your employer/district’s specific policies. Could you request a certain amount of time and also a date when you’ll reevaluate whether you’ll need more? It’s possible that if you set a long period of time, you could decide at some pint that it would be better to get back into a routine/be busy again. And if you remain in a dark place then it probably goes into some sort of short term disability with a doctor’s note?

Again, I’m so sorry. I’m sure PPs who have lost parents can weigh in more on the specifics of the amount of time they wanted off from work.

[mae0111]

I’m so, so sorry to hear about your dad.

I would take as much time as you can. Please try to be kind to yourself. The whole world is crazy anyway, and your world has been completely upended.

I don’t have any other advice. But I will pray for you and your mom.

[waverly]

My co-workers husband died of cancer. She took FMLA prior and an additional 3-4 weeks after. I think the time is dependent on a lot of factors, but maybe that will help. I’m sorry for your loss.

[mommyatty]

I’m so sorry! I would ask for 2 weeks for now. If, as you’re getting close to the end of the 2 weeks, you need more time, then you can ask for it. You have a lot on your plate, and your mom will need a lot of support. I think my company gives 1 week automatic bereavement leave for the death of a parent. Then you can take PTO after that.

[campermom]

I’m so sorry! Usually school districts offer bereavement time but it’s not a lot. You might want to reach out to your direct supervisor first. They may be more flexible in what type of leave they will allow you to take.


If you tell HR they may be forced to enforce a 3 day only bereavement leave. Whereas your direct supervisor may say “ok take 3 sick and then 3 bereavement which don’t count against you.”

Know what I mean?

I’m so sorry. I wish leave wasn’t a concern right now.

[erbear]

Take the time you need. You have suffered a major loss and I’m so sorry

[xctsclrx]

When my FIL passed away my H took off a week for the funeral and then went back too soon and had to take another week off just to grieve.

You can't grieve while dealing with logistics. After the funeral take time off for that process.

[supertrooper1]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I would take as much time as you need. I know it seems overwhelming right now, but there are things that can wait, like the headstone.

[drjeep]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for all the advice and for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it more than you know! Our district doesn't have "bereavement" leave, but we can use our sick days to "mourn the loss of an immediate family member." I called my district this morning to talk with the person in charge of this, and it turns out she is taking Fall Break off as well and won't be back in the office until Monday. So I plan to take a sick day on Monday and call her to try to set up a plan. I think I'm going to do what a majority of you said and start with 2 weeks (maybe 3) and then see how I feel and go from there. Our family private service is on Sunday afternoon so I'm sure my emotions will still be pretty raw on Monday when I talk to her. Thanks so much for the condolences and kind words as well. You all are amazing!

[shakinros]

No additional advice but I’m so sorry for your loss!

[sandandsea]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your plan sounds good and you can always adjust it later as needed.