Holiday plans with family?

[ssmjlm]

I have no idea. It will probably be us, my parents, and FIL. DH and I are not comfortable with how MIL is handling things and BIL acts like it’s NBD. FIL will depend on how much he’s seen BIL and been out.

Christmas will probably be the same.

I give no fucks about excluding people who are being dumb.

[RoxMonster]

We are doing Thanksgiving alone. As it is, we typically would just see my parents but their house is really small and we don't feel comfortable all eating sans masks in the same room. DH and I plan to deliver some Thanksgiving meals to families in need that morning, then watch the parade and make our own meal and festive cocktail at home.

For Christmas, just my parents plan to visit us. We have a big enough house that we can eat in different rooms and then the rest of the time, we will be masked up.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Thanksgiving is usually at the inlaws. It's always us, bil/sil and their 2 kids, sil and bil, and 1 bachelor uncle. And then the rest of the HUGE extended family often stops by even if they don't eat with us. The tentative plan for this year is for them to host outside on their covered patio. We got them a patio heater as a gift, and we can bring a fire pit. We probably won't do a huge meal or stay for the entire day, but if the weather is nice enough, it would be really nice to be able to see everyone.

I have no idea what we will do, if anything, for Christmas. We usually do mass and then feast of the 7 fishes with the inlaws on Christmas eve, then host the inlaws and my family at our house for Christmas day brunch, then get take out with my bff's family for Christmas day dinner. None of that is really doable, and the weather in Dec. is really unlikely to make anything more than a 10 minute outdoor visit feasible.

[krystee]

My parents got a patio heater and have a fire pit, so I’m thinking if nothing else, we can convene the whole family for a quick outside dessert on both holidays.

We are seeing my parents because they’re 60 and in great health and insist that we don’t keep the kids away on their behalf, so we may have dinner with them. It depends on my mom’s job. She is an ER nurse but they’ve basically given her a hazmat suit and she feels safer there than at the grocery store. We try to see her mostly outside, but might make an exception for holidays. But my brother and his wife have very public-facing jobs with fewer protections, so I’d rather not eat inside with them given their exposure. And my other brother has a baby and they are being understandably very cautious and probably don’t want to be by us, since we’re exposed to school and daycare. It all makes me sad, but we have to be careful.

[tacom]

For your specific situation, I would buy heat lamps and schedule dinner for early when it will be warmest. reschedule if it rains.

my extended family is flying to my brother's in LA for an outdoor thanksgiving. driving distance to us, but we arent comfortable with an outdoor gathering of that size yet. especially since masks will be off for eating and drinking. we are meeting up with masks at an open space park to say hello; then we will leave and have our own small dinner at home alone.

We are celebrating Christmas with just my brother and his fiancé two weeks early. We timed the date between other events / travel they have planned. Our priority is to allow for adequate time after higher risk activities for all the adults to get tested and be reasonably confident with the results.

[nicolewi]

I don't know yet about either, but I think we'll probably just have our own little family Thanksgiving dinner at home. We will probably do some kind of Zoom call with my family, and a quick porch visit with DH's parents. That's my best guess. Our numbers are horrible. I still think MIL might try to propose getting together, but it's just a bad idea.

I just shut down every time I try to think about Christmas. Christmas is usually huge for both sides of the family and we usually have a bunch of different events. We usually host Christmas Eve. My brother from Alabama was going to come in with his family this year, which would have been super fun, but I just don't see how that can happen. We do a big dinner & gifts a few days later with DH's family. There's usually also a big party with his dad's side extended family--I'm sure that one just won't happen. It's the immediate family stuff on both sides that I'm worried about. I don't know yet what to do about anything.

PLUS all of my kids have bdays in Dec/Jan. Typically bdays are a big deal in DH's family, so since they were born we've been having big family birthday parties, too. We usually have one mid-Dec for my Dec kids, and one in Jan for my Jan kids. Those won't happen, either, unless there's some kind of massive change between now and January.

[tacokick]

Oct 17, 2020 15:22:02 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Oct 17, 2020 14:58:25 GMT -5 steamboat185 said:

Denver just lowered the legal gathering limit to 5- including your household- so we could have 1 person over. However our entire family is across the country so we will just hang out as a family of 4. Same thing we do everyday.

So...households larger than five can’t all congregate together in their own home?

If your household is five or more you can’t have guests. If it is less than five you can have as many guests as would then equal five. A friend of mine there is excited because now she can say no her her MIL visiting with no guilt.

www.denverpost.com/2020/10/16/denver-covid-mask-order-group-gatherings/

“Households with more than five members can gather together, but can’t invite any guests, McDonald said. Smaller households can gather with others, so long as the total doesn’t exceed five — for example, a family of four could meet with one friend, he said.”

[steamboat185]

Oct 17, 2020 15:22:02 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Oct 17, 2020 14:58:25 GMT -5 steamboat185 said:

Denver just lowered the legal gathering limit to 5- including your household- so we could have 1 person over. However our entire family is across the country so we will just hang out as a family of 4. Same thing we do everyday.

So...households larger than five can’t all congregate together in their own home?

Your household family is excluded from the restriction you just couldn’t have anyone visit. Anyone who is in a “pod” for school is no longer allowed assuming the host family is a family of 4. It’s weird because you can still have a table of ten at a restaurant, but whatever. The people who weren’t obeying the 10 person limit aren’t going to jump on the 5 person train.

[gastro]

My parents are part of our bubble and live close by so we will do thanksgiving and christmas with them at our house.

We had big plans for Christmas this year including cross country flights for lots of our family but all of that has been cancelled.

[bookqueen15]

We usually host Thanksgiving at our house, but it's been a smaller group in recent years and I plan to keep it small again this year. Just us, my Mom (who already is in our bubble), my MIL and at least one SIL and maybe two. We're in Florida and the weather is always really nice here on Thanksgiving, so I am planning for us to eat outside in the backyard, with masks being worn inside by everyone. But if numbers start increasing a bunch here (which is very possible) then I won't have anyone over except my Mom. Luckily my MIL and SILs are never big on planning ahead, so I can wait until much closer to let them know the final plans.

For Christmas, not sure yet about what do with the ILs. We usually do a large gathering with my extended family in my hometown 4 hours from us but we're not planning to do it this year. We may go up there for a day or so for a socially distant visit to see my Grandma because we can quarantine beforehand and it's on the way to the mountain cabin we decided to rent for 5 days between Christmas and New Years. Due to COVID, we haven't seen her since last December and she's been getting very depressed not seeing anyone.

[redheadbaker]

I invited my parents over for Thanksgiving. We've been to their house twice since the pandemic started, so it doesn't really feel all that diferent.

We're taking a wait-and-see approach to Christmas, though we definitely will not attend the annual Christmas party that my parents' friends host on Christmas Eve.

[sillygoosegirl]

We will spend the holidays with whomever in our 10-person/3-household bubble wants to. Or if they want to spend the holidays with someone else, then I guess we wouldn't see them for 2+ or 4+ weeks. We won't be getting together with anyone outside outside our regular bubble for the holidays.

[humpforfree]

We arent traveling to my parents for thanksgiving like normal. MIL is basically begging us and BILs/SILs to come over for thanksgiving, but I’m still not comfortable with how they are dealing with this. She *thinks* they are being safe, but have friends over (indoors) and meals with others (so... unmasked). I just don’t think she gets it? Plus we can’t know for sure who H’s siblings and families will all have been around (or demand they don’t see anyone..). We are planning on not going. I feel bad and would love for ILs to see the baby, but I’m just not comfortable with it. I’m guessing it’ll be the same for Christmas. I just... feel like I am in some alternate universe where we are still in a pandemic and no one else is here with me.

We are most likely going to travel to my parents for a long weekend after Christmas (which I’m guessing will be a whole thing after not going to ILs). My grandma is 98 and coming from FL, so I really want/need to see her, and she needs to meet the baby. We won’t be going down until she’s been there quarantined for a couple of weeks. My sister and her H both teach in person and will have been done with that for a couple of weeks, so between our family and theirs no one will be doing anything besides groceries, so I think I feel okay with it at that point.

[browneyedgirl9]

We usually do Thanksgiving at my in-laws house. There are 7 adults and 3 kids total. We still plan to attend. We see my in-laws each week as they are helping 1 day a week with childcare/ remote schooling.

[isabel]

My mom has been very careful. She is driving up here and staying for a month in a rental, so she'll be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My MIL has been fairly careful as well and is in our "circle," so I expect she'll be with us as well unless she goes to visit BIL (same state but a long drive away). Aside from that, it will just be our family. We're not flying anywhere like we normally would.

[magpie]

My plan is that we're not doing anything with anyone else for Thanksgiving or Christmas. It makes me really sad.

My family lives across the country and my parents are 75. Even if we could go visit them or they could come to us, I work in an elementary school (that DD also attends) and DS is in daycare, so we are not going near then. If school switches to remote before Christmas, I might consider pulling DS from daycare to isolate for 10 days if they still want to try and visit, not I'm not comfortable with the idea. They want to try and road trip out to us (my dad loves driving and just got a new car), but I don't feel safe about it. My in-laws live in Australia. I feel like we're also not going to see them for years.

[dcn]

We live 1,000 miles from family so we are staying home for Thanksgiving.  My neighbors want to have a big friends-giving but we probably won't go. Most of the husbands are deployed right now so I'm not going to judge - they are each other's bubbles at this point.   I get pretty bad anxiety when I'm around more than a few people at a time, even if I know them, so for my mental health we will just keep it us at home.

Christmas if numbers are looking ok and all are comfortable with it we may drive up to visit.  Ds2 goes to pre-k but I could keep him home for a few days, and ds1 is doing virtual school at home with me.  So the three of us can hunker down for 10-14 days if needed.  My husband could possibly work mostly from home.  He has pretty limited contact with other people at work these days as they are still doing most meetings virtually.  We haven't seen any family since last Christmas, and there's a possibility we may move overseas next year so we'd like to get a visit in if we feel we can do it safely.  

[aspentosh]

We usually see my mom and sister/BIL for thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thanksgiving we are probably going to forgo because BIL is flying again (he's a pilot) and he doesn't want to put anyone at risk.

Christmas, I don't know. This year has been awful and the idea of not being around my family for Christmas may be the thing that really breaks my will.

We're pretty locked down (DD plays with one girl, outside) but if we have to stop that for 14 days before in order to be with family I will do it.

[pinkyp]

H and I both work Thanksgiving so we're off the hook. Usually we attend my brother's large gathering of 20+ people but instead MIL (who's in our bubble) will be watching DD in our home.

Christmas is trickier and I already have major FOMO. My parents always host a huge family party on Xmas eve, like 30+ people, and I told them there's no way we will feel comfortable attending. DD keeps asking how long until she gets to see her cousin from out of state, who will be at the party we'll be missing. I don't even have the heart to break it to her yet.

This all sucks so bad. Fuck you Corona.

[Mrs.flang]

My mom is hosting Tday at her house and they've been watching the kids for us on their normal schedule so we'll go there, even though it still feels risky to congregate all at once.

MIL usually does a second Tday on the following Saturday and I know at least one step-BIL is going to be traveling from an area where he is supposed to be quarantining once he gets here, but I just don't have faith in other people to follow those rules. I haven't thought it through in full, but I guess if they do something outdoors or in the garage it will be doable. ILs have been weird this whole time and I can't really tell if they take it seriously or just mask-wear for appearances. I feel like I'm more high strung than pretty much everyone else I know so it's hard to tell.

DD2s bday is in December and I was hoping we could do something small outdoors with a heat lamp and fire pit but it's stressing me out to even think about it. I hadn't thought about the garage before this thread so that might be something interesting to consider.

Christmas I have no idea, ILs usually have a huge gathering, and my side of family is small so we'll decide as it gets closer.

[moonpie]

We are not getting together with the family. Honestly, it’s going to be really awkward and I hate that we have to have these kinds of conversations.

My parents are coming in from out of state to get together with my sibling. They are coming from a state with a much higher infection rate than we have. Sibling is not taking the precautions we are, so I’m also uncomfortable with that. They still are going on non-socially distant vacations, attending their large church, and their kids’ school is taking zero precautions. No temperature checks or masks or extra hand washing even. It will be too cold here to do outdoor activities.

But I hate that I have to be the bad guy/weird one over this.

[Pilsy]

Oct 19, 2020 8:31:35 GMT -5 moonpie said:

They still are going on non-socially distant vacations, attending their large church, and their kids’ school is taking zero precautions. No temperature checks or masks or extra hand washing even. It will be too cold here to do outdoor activities.

But I hate that I have to be the bad guy/weird one over this.

Wow! That's bold. (Pun intended.) Is this a public elementary school? I honestly did not know any public schools were opting out of masks. 


I don't blame you for how you feel. It sucks, but you're doing the smart thing. Stay strong. 

[pinkalicious]

I have no clue what we are doing. This is the first holiday season without my Dad, and my Mom needs us.
Thanksgiving we usually drive to DH’s aunt and uncle’s house for a large gathering inside (think 30ish people crammed into 1200sq ft, never enough room), and then leave and drive 2hours the opposite direction to my aunt and uncle’s for another large gathering (30+ people in a much larger home). We’ve only seen my MIL from my husband’s family, but we’ve been with my whole family multiple times since my Dad passed in April. While I’d love the excuse to stop going to DH’s family, it’s the only time we see them, so he won’t go for it, and honestly I can’t. We wear our masks, but we go out to eat (indoors) and DS goes to daycare, and I’m hosting open houses and showing homes to clients, (all with precautions), but it would be hypocritical to say we can’t go there, but let’s go to my family. One of my cousins currently has Covid. The rest don’t, which shocks me.
Christmas we host my extended family and MIL. So again 30+ people.
I have a feeling my cousin (Dad’s niece)is going to cancel Christmas Eve. They are being so cautious (as they should, she is in remission from breast cancer, and her mom is high risk), but again, first one without my Dad and not sure how long my Aunt will be around.
No one has really talked about any of it. No matter what, I will be with my Mom and sisters.

[keweenawlove]

No clue. We had discussed spreading out weekend visits with our parents (they're 5-6 hours away so it would be driving trips). At the rate things our going in Wisconsin though, it will likely just be the 3 of us. It kills me because we skipped a big Thanksgiving and Christmas last year because everyone in the adoption circles recommended against it so we were ready for a big one this year but I don't trust some of my extended family and I'm guessing they're still planning a big Christmas event.

Also, I'm subject the the Chicago travel order and if I travel to a hot zone state, I have to take an extra 2 weeks of PTO to quarantine before I can go back to work. My family's all in Michigan and they're not currently on the list but at the rate things our going, it'll be on the list before the holidays.

[moonpie]

Oct 19, 2020 8:47:42 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

Oct 19, 2020 8:31:35 GMT -5 moonpie said:

They still are going on non-socially distant vacations, attending their large church, and their kids’ school is taking zero precautions. No temperature checks or masks or extra hand washing even. It will be too cold here to do outdoor activities.

But I hate that I have to be the bad guy/weird one over this.

Wow! That's bold. (Pun intended.) Is this a public elementary school? I honestly did not know any public schools were opting out of masks. 


I don't blame you for how you feel. It sucks, but you're doing the smart thing. Stay strong. 

Thanks! I never imagined I’d be dealing with peer pressure in my 30s! It’s much harder to keep saying no than I would have thought.

It’s a private religious school. Our DD’s public school is taking precautions that are more stringent than the state guidelines. So their approach seems wild to me (and irresponsible).

[kdubs923]

Who knows. Both sides of the family are local, so we usually split both days (meal with one side of the family, dessert with the other side of the family). I think my side of the family will skip or scale back in a big way. My aunt & uncle that always host are being very cautious (which is good!) but DH is a first responder and my kids are in school/daycare, so our exposure is higher than what they're comfortable with. If they do have something small, we won't attend. I'm guessing my aunt would put together a care package of food she has cooked and have us come pick it up.

My ILs have been a bit more relaxed. I mean, they're being cautious and not going out. But when it comes to immediate family, they've weighed the risks and feel OK with seeing their kids/grandkids. They're in their 80's and feel like they rather be able to spend the last of their holidays together vs living longer in isolation. I think they'll do something for Thanksgiving, but try to be outside (in New England, in November) or have the visit times staggered, so only one son/family is visiting at a time so we can spread out in one room and wear masks.

Locally, our numbers had been decent, but are swinging up, so the numbers a month from now and two months from now might change the answers.

DH is working a 24 on Christmas, so I wouldn't be sad if everything was just cancelled and me and the kids have a pajama/Christmas movie day together.

[gt7301b]

This year would be our year to do Thanksgiving with my extended family, but instead we are going to meet the ILs at the beach for a week. Everyone will get tested before we go and we plan to get grocery delivery and takeout and just hangout on the deck/ beach and still plan to spend a lot of time outside.

[redredwine]

Normally we switch off/on between H's family (here) and my family (out of state, a few hour plane ride away)
WE were supposed to fly to my sisters for Thanksgiving and then host everyone for Christmas, but we've switched it up this year. 

We're doing a super easy Thanksgiving - likely just ordering some kind of takeout and keeping it just our immediate family of 3. 
Christmas, we're flying to see my family. They live in a warm climate, so we spend lots of time outdoors there. We're staying at our own place for a few days and then will stay with my parents a few days. 
I know traveling is not ideal, but family is our priority, especially with my older parents. 

[Susie]

Thanksgiving is my family's biggest holiday of the year, usually 20-30 people make it. It's cancelled for 2020, which I think is the only possible right answer. We will probably see my dad, who we've seen throughout, and maybe my brother & SIL, but no more than that this year.

[osulori]

Our usual Thanksgiving event with J's extended family plus his aunt and uncle's church friends is cancelled-and even if it wasn't we wouldn't be going. Dinner with my parents, sister, BIL, niece and nephew will likely happen as usual but we've seen them throughout. Sister, BIL, and their kids are going to St. Louis for Christmas to spend time with his mom and sisters (assuming things haven't gotten significantly worse-this will be the first Christmas since BILs dad passed away) so we will probably do our usual Christmas stuff with my parents. FIL is having one knee replaced middle of next month and the other mid December so IF we do anything with him it'll be small and low key.

Again, this all assuming things haven't gotten significantly worse here.