3 year old hair brushing

[keweenawlove]

Hairbrushing has been a nightmare with my daughter lately. We've been trying to gently ease into it but every time I try to brush it out, it leads to her crying hysterically. I haven't been pushing her hair too much as we've transitioned but I want to be able to get her hair done without a battle at some point. I've tried letting her brush mine and trying to get her to brush hers although the latter usually ends up with more tangles.  

(relevant info, DD was adopted from Colombia almost a year ago) We talked to our social worker about it a little bit and she said sometimes when kids have come from cultures where their hair is pulled back tight all the time and they get a break from it, their head remembers the feeling and they don't want to go back. I've been trying to just do loose pony tails and buns so it's not a knotted mess but I want to be able to get the tangles out without hysterical tears. 

Any ideas of things I should be trying? 

[ktw]

Have you tried a more "gentle" brush like a wet brush? We've gotten through the hysterics with our 7 year old with detangling spray, wet brush, and ignoring her, mostly. It doesn't really phase me as I was the same at her age, and while I know it hurts, I know there was also an element of drama in it. But, that doesn't take into account the possible cultural aspect, so it may not be helpful. As she's gotten older, we shift more responsibility to her - as in, if she doesn't brush it well enough to get the tangles out and I have to do it then she has to endure me doing it without all of the complaints.

[meanie]

When my daughters hair gets super tangled I load her up with conditioner and brush/comb it out in the tub - don't brush it again after rinsing, just air dry or whatever you usually do. I have vivid memories of my mom ripping my hair out with a hairbrush as a kid while I screamed, seems like a right of passage in my family

[joy]

My daughter’s hair is so long. I’ve started using conditioner after shampoo to help with combing. I’ve also combed in the bath while she’s still playing. Her phone is also a great distraction for combing.

People say that braids before bed help with less knots in the morning.

It all depends on hair type, but I brush her hair in the morning but don’t expect perfection. I get easy knots out but don’t force nastier tangles.

I feel like you may need an incremental approach. Small goals first. One brush through all her hair then be done. Then some easy knots removed. Then all knots removed. Work your way up to fully brushed hair every day.

[loira]

When my cousin was little, she had so much hair, but it was also super fine and tangled easily. I spent a lot of time with her family and still remember her screaming and throwing a huge fit about hair brushing. The only thing that ever worked for my aunt was to brush it at the table and with a special treat for my cousin to eat. This kept her still and focused on something else because she couldn't cry and eat at the same time. You could try something like that - wouldn't have to be with food, could maybe work with a special toy or something.

[sometimesrunner]

DD's hair is really long and we used to battle when it came time to comb her hair. I started using my shampoo and conditioner on her, and after putting on the conditioner, I twist it on top of her head and use a clip to keep it from getting wet. Then I let her play for a few minutes before washing it out. This makes it ton easier to comb after the bath. I also use a wet brush exclusively now. I have no idea how they get tangles out so easily will relatively little pain, but they do. It's magical.

[keweenawlove]

Thanks for the suggestions and commiserations. We got a wet hair brush about a month ago (I let her pick out her own color). I'll start tying out my conditioner and just keep working on it slowly. Sometimes I can get some tangles out just combing it with my fingers and my conditioner would probably go a long way.

Glad to hear other stories of this being developmentally normal. We're constantly playing the mental game of "is this normal 3 year old or some form of trauma reaction?" My H doesn't "get" hair problems so he's been worried it's a bigger issue so it's always nice to hear this is relatively normal.

[thoseareradishes]

My 3yo has curly hair, so I use adult conditioner and comb through with a wide tooth comb then leave it in until she's done playing in the bath. Then I rinse it out and comb again. In the morning she stands on a stool in front of the mirror while I clip it back (I don't bother combing it since it will puff up). Someone here I think suggested saying ABCs or counting while I work on her hair. It helps a lot, she likes talking and watching herself in the mirror.

[mrsGreeko]

My middle DD was ridiculous about getting her hair brushed until she was way older than 3. We used a LOT of spray on detangler/conditioner and most of the time there were some tangles on the bottom layers that I just couldn’t get out. Keeping it well trimmed helped some. Sleeping with a loose braid done right after bath helped the most because then it barely needed brushing in the morning. She didn’t let me put it up in ponytails or anything for the most part during the day.

[mpc]

I do hair in the morning while my girls (2 and 3) are watching TV. Sometimes give them a snack while we're at it.

[ellipses84]

This was always a battle in my house growing up with all girls with long hair. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an issue until age 6 or she can brush her hair herself. Spray in conditioner is a lifesaver. My boys are 4 and 9 and still don’t like other people brushing their hair, and my 4 year old screams and runs away even though I use the spray to fix his crazy bed head and his hair isn’t that long. I would consider cutting her hair to a bob though.

[mbcdefg]

Oct 19, 2020 10:23:13 GMT -5 ktw said:

Have you tried a more "gentle" brush like a wet brush?

I was coming in here to suggest this. My DD (3) doesn’t love getting her hair brushed, but someone gifted her a Disney wet brush and now she wants to use it on herself.

[purplepenguin7]

My daughter has fine curly hair that is always tangled in knots. I started using this detangling spray on her and it’s worked wonders. It can be used on dry or wet hair, and we use it on her dry hair daily. Also my daughter is a little younger so this may not work but we give her something to play with while we brush her hair. Just like a toy animal or something else she likes and it helps distract her from the hair brushing.


www.sheamoisture.com/coconut-and-hibiscus-kids-extra-moisturizing-detangler/764302905028.html?cid%3DsemShopping_KidPRODUCT_GROUP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzIjp5J_B7AIVYfDjBx1OdAGmEAQYASABEgJ3R_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

[noodleoo]

keweenawlove, how long is her hair? I’d probably cut it shorter (should length?) so it hopefully tangles less. I comb my kids hair after baths at night. I use a lot of adult conditioner and a wide tooth comb and the tangles come out pretty easily. Hopefully once she gets used to a new routine that doesn’t hurt, she’ll stop fighting so hard. I wouldn’t judge using TV as a distraction in the short term to help get there. 😉

[acr]

My 3 yo would scream and cry with every hair brushing - so she got it cut into a bob. That (plus consistently using adult shampoo and conditioner) has made a ton of difference.

[mrshandy]

DD is awful with hair brushing and has been for a long time. I use my shampoo and conditioner. I apply detangler after her bath and use the brush below. This is the ONLY brush that won't make her scream. It doesn't get tangles out that great. But smooths it enough. I braid it after shower and most nights. That helps with the overnight tangles.

www.target.com/p/tangle-teezer-the-original-hair-brush-pink-fizz/-/A-51726374

[al dente]

I agree with loading up the conditioner. Also holding the section of hair between the scalp and where you’re brushing so it’s not pulling her head.

I’d also talk to her about it beforehand when she’s calm. Try and find out what about it is freaking her out, and maybe have a reward for getting through hair brushing without crying. Maybe also tell her she can tell you anytime to stop and you will to help give her some control back.

[keweenawlove]

Oct 19, 2020 13:52:04 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

keweenawlove , how long is her hair? I’d probably cut it shorter (should length?) so it hopefully tangles less. I comb my kids hair after baths at night. I use a lot of adult conditioner and a wide tooth comb and the tangles come out pretty easily. Hopefully once she gets used to a new routine that doesn’t hurt, she’ll stop fighting so hard. I wouldn’t judge using TV as a distraction in the short term to help get there. 😉

Long - almost to mid back. I've been putting off getting it cut. First because of COVID and now because I don't see how she'll sit calmly to get it cut! 

[noodleoo]

Oct 20, 2020 8:07:28 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

Oct 19, 2020 13:52:04 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

keweenawlove , how long is her hair? I’d probably cut it shorter (should length?) so it hopefully tangles less. I comb my kids hair after baths at night. I use a lot of adult conditioner and a wide tooth comb and the tangles come out pretty easily. Hopefully once she gets used to a new routine that doesn’t hurt, she’ll stop fighting so hard. I wouldn’t judge using TV as a distraction in the short term to help get there. 😉

Long - almost to mid back. I've been putting off getting it cut. First because of COVID and now because I don't see how she'll sit calmly to get it cut! 

Oof, that's tough! DD1 got her first haircut around 3. We went to Snip Its and they sprayed it down with water and then just cut it in a straight line about shoulder length. We gave her our phone with a show on it to get her to sit still. It took all of 5 mins and cost $20! After that I bought hair scissors and cut it myself. Her hair is pretty straight, so it is easy. It tangles less and is much easier to comb shorter. I'd recommend doing that, I think it would help a lot.

[starburst604]

Oct 19, 2020 15:19:56 GMT -5 @hiphopanonymous said:

One of my kids and I both have "soft" heads, it hurts to have it combed out unless you hold the hair by the scalp while combing. Like hold it in a pony tail at the nape of the neck when you comb, or in the front hold it in a pony tail by the ear or temple. Ditto loading up on the conditioner. The Suave kids pure and clean spray detangler has been helpful on super fine hair.

I was going to recommend this. Brush down to where the brush stops in a tangle, then grab the hair firmly at that spot and brush out the tangles. DD’s curly hair is always a chore but this helps a lot, along with spraying it with water and detangling spray, and a wet brush. Wide tooth comb just doesn’t work well even though it’s recommended for curls.

I cut her hair myself now since curls are easy. She had one professional cut when she was 3 and I came prepared with a lollipop, which did the trick. She could probably use another pro cut.

[oswin]

We've also had good luck with the Knot Genie brush: www.amazon.com/Knot-Genie-Detangling-Brush-Lovely/dp/B019MYBXQE But my daughter's hair cannot be brushed at all unless it's freshly conditioned and almost soaking wet. Same as every other curly-haired person I know!

[sookiestjames]

Palmer's coconut oil leave in conditioner!

www.palmers.com/coconut-oil-formula-products/120-coconut-oil-strengthening-leave-in-conditioner.html

[keweenawlove]

Oct 20, 2020 8:27:07 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Oct 20, 2020 8:07:28 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

Oof, that's tough! DD1 got her first haircut around 3. We went to Snip Its and they sprayed it down with water and then just cut it in a straight line about shoulder length. We gave her our phone with a show on it to get her to sit still. It took all of 5 mins and cost $20! After that I bought hair scissors and cut it myself. Her hair is pretty straight, so it is easy. It tangles less and is much easier to comb shorter. I'd recommend doing that, I think it would help a lot.

I know I need to just do it. Maybe she'll surprise me. She was terrible with teeth brushing before her first dentist appt and rocked that. 

[jordylee]

Depending on how thick her hair is (and your relationship with your hairdresser), you may want to consider taking her to a legit salon vs a kidsnip / great clips type place. My DD (3.5) has a ton of hair that always looked gross and tangled easily. We did kidsnip twice and they cut it straight across the bottom, which didn’t help with tangles all. Now I take her to the guy who cuts my hair and she gets a haircut like an adult would (layers, removing weight, etc) and we joke that she’s “Becky with the good hair”. Yes it’s more $$, but she only needs to go 2-3 times a year and it’s worth it to not constantly be fighting with her hair.

As for getting the actual haircut, bringing her lovey and letting her have a lollipop worked well. The first time she sat on my lap while getting her hair cut, but after that she’s been fine on her own.

[tiki]

Try a haircut? DD came home from daycare just after her 3rd birthday with a giant mat in her hair, so I finally cut it. It's still "long" and she still fights getting it brushed, but it's amazing how much faster the brushing is & how many fewer bad knots she gets from just removing a couple of inches. It's been such an improvement that I may cut it to shoulder-length before winter gets blustery.

[keweenawlove]

In case anyone was invested in this, I got brave (stupid?) yesterday and cut off some of the length. She actually do okay with the scissors as long as I didn't try to brush it. It's not perfectly straight but honestly who are we trying to impress these days. It's still long enough if it doesn't help, I can take her to a pro.

[redheadk]

Cutting it should help!

Other things that work for us:

Shampoo twice then heavy duty conditioner. Let her play a few minutes then use a wide tooth comb, not a brush. Rinse well.

Pulling just the front back (just the hair on her crown pulled to the side) with a small rubber band or a small side braid in the same spot. Getting the worst of it out of her face helps tremendously in preventing the worst of the tangles.

[SusanBAnthony]

Definitely try brushing it wet in the bath if she'll go for that.

If it gets tangled at night, try a satin pillowcase. My daughter has fine hair that gets matted at night and a satin pillowcase (or ideally a satin bonnet) helps a lot with knots and breakage.