Hitting the pandemic burnout wall

[Susie]

The Conscious Kid shared this tweet yesterday, and oh am I feeling this hard.


The long months of working -- either at paid work or household work -- nonstop, because I no longer have the support of ILs, any babysitters, a housekeeper, or other support networks that I used to rely on.  The irregular openings and closings of school and daycare and the constant need to juggle, and help the kids adapt to the lack of routine.  The cumulative isolation from friends, family, and activities that used to make life full.  My kids, who are at really needy ages to be going through this.  The social media contacts who are still acting fools and posting pics of themselves at gatherings, restaurants, etc.  Shout out to you, relative who is still hosting weekly poker nights!  The approach of the one year mark for all of this.  The news cycle, dominated by the insurrection at the Capitol, the impeachment, and now the vaccine reserve that was supposedly being released by the Trump administration? oh that doesn't exist.  I'm running out of horror.

I was talking to a friend about it last night and she's feeling it too.  Like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.  Not like dire, having self-harming thoughts, but literally there is nothing good on the horizon, and nothing in the future besides more steps on the treadmill.  Neither of us feel like we have any foreseeable path to vaccination and resuming our lives, even though we'd get it immediately if we could.  H asked what I wanted to do for my bday next week, and I was like, my what?  Obviously we will do nothing.

Then there's the parade of friends & family showcasing their vaccine cards on social media.  I'm genuinely happy for many of them, especially the healthcare providers, teachers, and people in other public facing roles.  But I also have SO MANY friends on social media who are posting their pics with basically a lecture proselytizing to those of us who aren't vaccinated about overcoming vaccine hesitancy and I'm getting really irked by what feels in my burnt out state like self-righteousness.  For most of my friends, who travel in similar circles to mine, ignorance isn't the primary reason we aren't vaccinated.  It's limited vaccine supply and resources for distribution.  So IDK who they're preaching to.  I know, I know, keep scrolling, or just stay off social media.  But then we come back around to the isolation, and haven't we made a nice circle.
 
The light I thought I saw in the tunnel in December when vaccines started getting approved, has dimmed and I can't find it anymore.  If anyone relates... how are you coping at this point?  

[tarajane]

Yes!!!! And I found out this week that my DS1s school is moving from hybrid to full time in person in two weeks and I don't know what to do. I'm burnout and I can't handle making a decision.

[jenny1223]

Yeah, I'm def struggling right now. A lot of the OP plus going through a divorce. STBX is basically one of the ones going about socializing as normal with friends and I can count on one hand the number of times I've socialized in person (distanced/masked/outdoors) in the last 10 months. That part is tough because I could really use some in person friend support right now.

I don't have a single thing to look forward to now that the holidays are over. Just getting through each day, one day at a time.

[bcv513]

I am just super lonely. I don’t know if it’s because I’m going through a divorce or what, but I feel very cut off from everyone. I talked on the phone to a coworker for ten minutes today just about our kids and cried when I hung up because it felt so good.

That’s the stuff I miss working from home. The lunches and conversations with my coworkers, talking to people in person, getting outside for a change in scenery

[macmars45]

Yep. I'm here. I'm so tired of doing nothing, seeing nobody and going nowhere. I'm not even talking a vacation.... just physical therapy, talk therapy, seeing friends & family, my kid being in preschool, church activities, seeing my 93 yr old grandma, running errands.

I used to like going for walks but even that is becoming mundane and boring 10 months in. Especially since I drag my 4.75 DS with me and he is less than enthused about it (understandably).

My only little light left is warmer weather in April/May so the mud becomes dirt again and my DS will again be entertained for hours at a time playing in dirt with his construction vehicles. And outside masked visits will again be a thing with people. The vaccine light has dimmed quite a bit.

My coping strategies are ice cream and chocolate. So, I'm super healthy over here.

ETA: and doom scrolling because the news is always horrific isn't helping my outlook on life.

[cricketwife]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I texted my desperation to a friend earlier today whose reply was, “if I lowered my expectations anymore, I might as well be dead.” Pretty much sums it up. I feel like there’s not even a social network to return to after this. Our parents are aging/dementing/dying. Our friends were more like acquaintances/parent friends that provided a nice social circle, but certainly not anybody we could be like, “wanna hang out?” After 2 years or whenever the heck this ends. It all sucks and is insufferable.

[game blouses]

This is EXACTLY me, down to the birthday next week. I have always struggled with transitions (prob undiagnosed ADHD) and even though this period feels like stretched out sameness, it’s just constant transitions all at once. Don’t go the store. You can go to the store, but you have to wash groceries when you go home. You don’t need to wash groceries. Don’t go to the store.

One of the hardest parts for me is that I’m never alone anymore - EVER. I’m lucky that my kids are in a hybrid school schedule (which unlocks its own issues as we deal with their schedules and schoolwork and I weigh the risks of sending them at all), but DH works from home and is on the phone for 90% of his work day. Every moment of my spare time, I’m trying to catch up on work that I couldn’t do because I was helping my kids with schoolwork. I feel mom guilt for the kids losing valuable swimming and music skills that they were just starting to master. I stay up too late because I’m starving for time to myself, then I’m exhausted the next day. Etc etc.

I’m sorry we’re all going through this, but it is sort of validating to know that I’m not the only one hitting this wall this week.

[abs]

I'm here, too. I really thought by summer we would be heading towards some normalcy but with the very slow rollout on the vaccine I no longer think that. At the moment I am truly feeling defeated and like nothing I do really even matters.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I am also losing respect for my friends who really haven't altered their way of living at all so I'm feeling super isolated. I miss eating out. I miss vacations. I miss watching my kid play sports and seeing her with HER friends.

I'm so angry that we are in this position. So sad. I am coping by building my home gym and re-decorating my house but it's not substitution for *living*. This is just not sustainable. I never wanted to be back in this position and here we are. Isolating because I know it's the right thing to do and feeling all alone.

[simpsongal]

On top of this my work has been awful and non stop. It's just....a lot.

[Susie]

Jan 15, 2021 15:45:09 GMT -5 game blouses said:

I’m sorry we’re all going through this, but it is sort of validating to know that I’m not the only one hitting this wall this week.

100%.

Jan 15, 2021 15:47:08 GMT -5 abs said:

I'm so angry that we are in this position. So sad. I am coping by building my home gym and re-decorating my house but it's not substitution for *living*. This is just not sustainable. I never wanted to be back in this position and here we are. Isolating because I know it's the right thing to do and feeling all alone.

It's funny you mention that.  I had been doing that, but in December, just as I was finishing up my home gym, we had a basement flood due to snow melt, heavy rain, and a power failure that knocked our sump pump out.  I dealt with the emergency, tore up the floor, got it dry, and basically threw in the towel until after the holidays.  Then we decided that we were leaning toward selling and moving from our starter house, instead of adding onto it, so if the right house comes on the market in 2021 we're listing ours.  So working on it isn't even fun anymore.  I have been surprised how much that has affected me. 

[lilac05]

Yep. I’m here.

I have to say that I’m SO thankful for this place. Without it, I don’t know what condition I’d be in right now. I’m an extrovert who needs people, and I’ve barely left my house in 10 months. People can say what they want about social media and “fake relationships” on message boards, but they’ve been key to my mental health this past year.

[icedcoffee]

I feel this so hard. We're lucky to be past the point where we're home with both kids and working. That was horrible. At least we have daycare now, but it's just not enough. We get no break.

Last weekend my parents came to visit us (we all tested beforehand and are aware of the risks). It was so nice. But it was also hard because we knew it was likely the only small break we will get before late spring when hopefully numbers decline. We so desperately need a break.

And yeah, seeing people get the vaccines knowing my chance is literally months away sucks. And a big eff you to people who post them getting it as if I have chosen not to get it.

My H and I also have a handful of ideas we can do safely with COVID, but no babysitter.

And now we're heading into yet another long weekend with nothing to do with the kids. Kill me now.

[steamboat185]

My kids have been home almost constantly since last March. Elementary school was remote until the end of October and then again from Thanksgiving until the 11th. My kid is now home again after 3 days due to a Covid case in her class. My little one is in daycare, but since she’s been back they have closed 4 times due to Covid cases.

We have zero local family so it is just the 4 of us always.

DH’s company has bought two additional companies this year and my role has expanded. We are just so freaking burnt out.

I was really hoping that maybe by June it would be safe to travel and see family as they would be vaccinated, but it sounds like that is less likely to happen as we see the vaccine rollout. And I was hopeful that once Biden is president things would calm down, but now I’m just worried the right wing crazies are going to destroy democracy.

Edit- I’m also just so tired of having to weight every choice is it safe to do x? Is this slight pressure in my head Covid? Do we need to get better masks with the new Covid mutations? Am I going to be fired because I have been my kids only playmate for like a year?

[redpenmama]

I am losing what little hope I had that we will ever even return to a new normal. My kids haven't been in school since March. I manage two kids who hate virtual learning and and try to entertain a preschooler all day, and then I work for 4-5 hours when they go to bed. Sleep for 5 hours, repeat. Every day is the same, and there is no end in sight and nothing to look forward to. I miss my family, which I haven't seen since December 2019, which was also the last time we left our city.

I am just done. I am last in line for a vaccine, so at this pace, I'll be lucky if I get one in 2021. My kids' school district has made no attempt to open schools at any point, so I am truly concerned about them missing next school year too.

We have been working on house projects to occupy some time. Our house is 4 years old, so at this point, these are just projects to fill time rather than necessary ones. I stick to a workout routine because I feel that helps my mood. I hope that being able to get outdoors in the spring will help. But, none of that is enough at this point, so I am right there with you.

[lilac05]

I will say that most of the people I see posting about getting the vaccine and lengthy posts about why people should get it are doing it to normalize getting the vaccine and speak out against naysayers, not to shame those of us who haven’t been able to get it.

They’re directed at the healthcare professionals who are declining it...or the anti-vaxers who are posting nonsense on social media.

Not a single person who I know who has posted it has meant any shame for those who are not yet able to get it or any bragging (though they’re often VERY excited, and understandably so, which can feel like bragging to those of us who are struggling).

[pinkpeony08]

Jan 15, 2021 16:15:59 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I will say that most of the people I see posting about getting the vaccine and lengthy posts about why people should get it are doing it to normalize getting the vaccine and speak out against naysayers, not to shame those of us who haven’t been able to get it.

They’re directed at the healthcare professionals who are declining it...or the anti-vaxers who are posting nonsense on social media.

Not a single person who I know who has posted it has meant any shame for those who are not yet able to get it or any bragging (though they’re often VERY excited, and understandably so, which can feel like bragging to those of us who are struggling).

As a health care provider who just got her second vaccine and posted a photo, I totally agree. We are really trying to encourage people to get the vaccine when they have the opportunity. Show people who know that we didn’t turn into zombies. We want this to end as much as the next person, and it will only be longer if people don’t take the vaccine when they are offered.

I’m working part time in a clinic, not seeing covid patients. Multiple co workers have gotten sick despite many precautions. My husband is working 100% from home and also helping run virtual school while I am at work. We are all burnt out, missing our friends and family. Disappointed in friends who we used to see all the time that haven’t taken the same precautions. Sad to be missing an annual spring vacation with my extended family. Angry with the news today about amount of vaccine available. But also grateful that I am safer at work thanks to the vaccine.

[cricketwife]

I’m wondering where everybody lives that their feeds are full of people who have gotten the vaccine? We are barely into the over 75 group and they all seem to have weeks waits to get their. I mean, I know one person (personally)who’s gotten it and she’s an ER doctor.

[cherry1111]

I was hopeful when the vaccines were approved. I felt like we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. And somehow we have managed screw up effective rollouts. I should have known it would go this way but I was so full of hope.

I actually got my first dose yesterday (a mixture of Texas coming up with their own 1b groupings and pure luck that I was scrolling Facebook when my county opened the wait list and was one of the first to register) and I was relieved and excited to get it. Then that night my daughter’s daycare emailed that they were closing today due to a Covid case (somehow the first in the center in 10 months) and the reality is even when H and I are fully vaccinated we can’t just go back to normal life because we have 2 kids who won’t be vaccinated for who knows how long.

[tacom]

re: vaccines - what lilac05 said. I have posted publicly after receiving both doses because I think people need to see vaccination (especially in pregnancy) normalized. Not because I want to shame people who have no access to the vaccine, but because in some communities healthcare workers have been declining at alarming rates, and there are organized anti-vaccination groups that are incredibly talented at spreading misinformation. I cannot tell you how many healthcare workers I've encountered personally parroting vaccine-related conspiracy theories about fertility -- all stemming from a single blog post that went viral. Those same groups use higher figures of healthcare worker declination to increase concerns in already-hesitant groups, not acknowledging that a sizable portion of "healthcare workers" in the US (and especially the groups who are declining vaccination) have been historically underpaid, poorly treated and may have very valid concerns for mistrust of the healthcare/gov't systems. If we don't get ahead of these issues, it won't matter when our individual turn arrives if the ultimate goal is to achieve herd immunity/return to normalcy. Especially since we have little people in our homes who won't be eligible for vaccination for quite some time.

I can empathize with everything else here though. Zero childcare, days at work are insanity, days at home with my toddler are physically draining, I haven't seen my mom or grandmother since 2019, I miss my friends, and I'm due in 3 months. I expected cases to be lower in the spring (to allow us to safely hire a sitter for my toddler while I'm recovering physically from birth) but now even that is questionable with the new variants and slower roll out. I'm trying to recruit distant family members (college age) at this point to fly out, quarantine in an airbnb, then join our family as an employee for the spring/early summer. No idea if this will work out.

[Susie]

Jan 15, 2021 16:42:01 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

I’m wondering where everybody lives that their feeds are full of people who have gotten the vaccine? We are barely into the over 75 group and they all seem to have weeks waits to get their. I mean, I know one person (personally)who’s gotten it and she’s an ER doctor.

For me it's less about where I live, and more about the fact that I was a bio major in college, which means I have a lot of college friends who went on to become anesthesiologists, ob/gyns, pediatricians, plastic surgeons, cardiologists, infectious disease specialists, dentists, orthodontists, nurse practitioners, nurse anesthetists, and other professions with prioritized access.  I also have a brother and SIL who are nurses.

[erbear]

Yup. I feel this. For me, it’s a combination of not being able to see my friends (I’m a teacher. I love my colleagues. No more lunches. No more happy hour. No more coffee run. It’s sucked all the fun out of that part of my job) and really missing vacations and travel. I’m stuck in this house. I haven’t seen my family for more than a year. My kids miss their grandparents. I’m never alone, ever. Every day is the same. I should be close to a vaccine but somehow I’m not because PA is SO SLOW with this rollout. I’m annoyed as hell when I see friends’ vaccine photos, then I feel like such an asshole because I’m not really mad at them, I’m mad at this whole stupid year.

[erbear]

Jan 15, 2021 16:42:01 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

I’m wondering where everybody lives that their feeds are full of people who have gotten the vaccine? We are barely into the over 75 group and they all seem to have weeks waits to get their. I mean, I know one person (personally)who’s gotten it and she’s an ER doctor.

For me, it’s Facebook. I have a giant number of doctor and nurse friends, I guess, because at least 50 of them are vaccinated, as are my parents. I don’t know anyone here who has gotten it yet outside of medical peeps.

[steamboat185]

Oh and yes to the never being alone. My kids don’t go to bed until almost 10 now (we try for earlier, but they always seem to be awake) I try to be asleep by 10:30 meaning I never have time to just be quiet.

[lilac05]

One thing I’m trying to keep in mind about the long wait for a vaccine...I keep trying to tell myself that as more and more people are vaccinated, we should see numbers getting lower and lower. Also, we don’t know yet if the vaccine prevents asymptomatic virus, but that’s partially because we haven’t fully studied that.

During the wait, we will also continue to learn about best practices for treatment and that should improve, too.

I’m trying to hold on to some of those things.

[kate1482]

I’m having a hard time seeing how different things are in other parts of the country. I’m jealous people have the option for hybrid or in person school. We have been virtual since March unless you are in private school. My parents who are 77 are not eligible to be vaccinated yet. Just venting. I just want to see my parents. Maybe flameful but I keep going back and forth if it was worth not seeing my (local) parents for the last year. Neither one is particularly heathy and my mom is so down not being able to see the grandkids in person. They seem so old now.

ETA- I’m not dealing with it well but I did buy a peloton and if it ever shows up hopefully working out again will help a little.

[keweenawlove]

I'm nodding along with what a lot of you've said and I'm not sure I have any helpful comments.

RE people who are vaccinated, I'm one of those people who posted one about getting it. I was on the fence about doing it but decided to do it in case it sways anyone on the fence about getting it. Not sure if this makes it any better for people who haven't had it but I'm not really changing anything based on having it for the foreseeable future (H and DD are a ways off getting it). Still struggling with the long winter ahead and limited outlets outside of our house to entertain DD....

[humpforfree]

Yes. Today I am so so tired. I literally scheduled this week to be off school on Friday (homeschooling first and K) and to just let the kids run loose at the playground, drive thru for lunch, and then nothing at nap so I could sleep too. Everything was a bust- unmasked/non-distancing people showed up at the playground so we had to leave, our lunch order was wrong (found out when we got home with it 20 minutes later- can’t just go back) and then also the bag busted all the food all over the garage floor. The nap just wasn’t enough. I’m like... withering away from no breaks. I’m literally in the car for 45m while one kid is at dance and it’s the highlight of my week, while at the same time making me extremely anxious that she is in there.

[maudefindlay]

It doesn't help that it is dark so early. DH just walked into the room a few minutes ago and said "It's only 7?" Nothing to do, stuck inside because of the cold and wet outside.....yep we are all burned out. I do look forward to spring as warmer weather and it staying lighter later does improve our quality of life.

[wanderingback]

Jan 15, 2021 17:17:25 GMT -5 melmaria said:

tacom , if you’re willing, can you share what made you feel comfortable taking the Covid vaccine pregnant?

Logically and rationally, I can talk myself into it. But some emotional part of me is still afraid. (And I am normally the most pro-vax person EVER. Like have gotten into tense fights with family members defending the safety of the HPV vaccine.)

If it'd be helpful and you want to PM me, I can send you a pdf I'm using to talk with pregnant patients about getting the covid vaccine. I'm not pregnant, but the vast majority of my friends who are healthcare workers and are pregnant have gotten vaccinated. I'll hopefully start ttc right around when I get my 2nd dose. For me personally, it's a risk vs benefit thing. Pregnant people who get covid have worse outcomes and I don't want to die, so that made it an easy decision for me to think about pregnancy and getting vaccinated since I get to work on the subway and then am around patients all day. 

But overall I understand vaccine hesitancy and talk to people about it every day without judgment, but just sharing info, so not diminishing your thinking. How many weeks pregnant are you if you don't mind sharing?

[jordylee]

I am hitting the wall big time. I am a healthcare worker who has received both doses, which was SO exciting. But literally nothing has changed for us. Still don’t see our family, still don’t go anywhere, playground still closed, etc etc. The only change we’ve made is that DH used to be the person to go to the store if needed (because we always assumed I would get covid at some point and I wanted to spread it to as few people as possible). Now I am the person who goes to the store since I’ve been vaccinated. That’s it. It’s going to be a good whole before DH will be eligible and who knows how long for kids. I’m just so mentally exhausted.

In good news though, I saw that the county my grandpa lives in is starting to vaccinate people 80+ years old next week. I called as soon as they opened the phone lines and got him an appointment for Wednesday. When I called to tell him, he literally cried.