HHI -work life balance

[flygirl]

If you have a high income do you feel like you can’t be disconnected from your job?  Do you answer emails a lot on the evenings/weekends and do you get to completely disconnect when you’re on vacation?

We have some roles at my company where I could make more, but they always involve a massive shift in work life balance which I do not want to do. 

[wanderingback]

I completely disconnect. I’m pretty strict about it and became even more strict now that I’m a director. I tell the people I supervise they can call me on my days off if they have clinical questions (and they do sometimes and I don’t mind), but otherwise I do not answer emails, chart, think about strategy, etc on my time off.

I also do a lot of work outside of my actual paid jobs when it comes to advocacy and other things that I don’t get directly paid for, but are good for my career and obviously humanity lol. I have stopped checking my personal email at 8pm pretty much no matter what and I have a system where I skim my personal email to make sure nothing is actually super urgent. Otherwise I star everything and reply to things every 2-3 days.

I recently had a deadline to write an article for an online publication and I made sure to carve out specific time to get it done so it didn’t bleed in to my "free time." I’ve also been saying no to stuff without guilt or an excuse more recently.

I’ve been in this position since covid so haven’t really had a vacation but typically when I go on vacation I 100% don’t check in. I actually did an Airbnb for 4 days recently and put an away message up on my email for a whole week. Heavenly.

I am not about the unnecessary rat race.

[fryjack2]

Depends on the day. I try not to answer emails if I’m not on the clock. I don’t keep a pager one.

My H rarely signs his pager out unless we are out of the country and is working all the dang time despite my attempts to get him to set better parameters for his staff. But sometimes, he is truly needed at 3am and it can’t wait till the morning so I sort of get it.

The phone apps that allow encrypted texting that comply with HIPAA make me so annoyed because it’s one more way for people to reach H and he doesn’t put that in out of office mode either.

[momof2]

There is pretty much no way I could completely disconnect for a week, but I can disconnect for shorter time periods. And my work ebbs and flows. I typically log off by 5 or 6 and don’t check email again until the next morning unless I know I’m supposed to be looking for something. But someone might text me. I think two nights ago, I got a random text at 9:45pm and I spent about 15 minutes handling it. I usually check email once or twice on the weekend, but I only look for emergencies.

Sometimes I work 75 hours a week, but typically I’m more at 50-55. Sometimes I’m at 40. I also have tremendous flexibility to log off to deal with kid stuff, etc when I need to. I have hit the sweet spot of being senior enough that I can tell most folks they just have to wait until I’m available.

I also have built up a ton of credibility so folks know I’m not shirking my duties. So if I’m not busy, I might go get a pedicure at 3pm — doesn’t happen often but it happens. If I told my boss I was doing this, they would be like “great, have a good time.”

That said, I outsource pretty much everything in my life. So weekends are mostly just fun stuff or vegging out.

[adogae]

At earlier times in my career, yes. I spent a few years working 80 hour weeks to build my reputation/portfolio and gain experience. That effort got me promoted repeatedly and was worth it.

At my current job level, most people are answering email at all hours of the day. I've been very clear with my last several bosses that I'll do whatever I need to in order to keep critical projects on track, but I'm not responding to weekend email just to respond. I'm also offline in the late afternoon to be with my kids. I'm pretty efficient, so this usually means a few weekends of work a year. My bosses have been happy, based upon several years of top performance reviews.

[simpsongal]

We're in the $300K+ category b/c DH and I both have work-life balance legal jobs (fed & nonprofit). If we worked at big firms or even other more intense legal jobs we could probably earn well over $500K. But we would work tons more hours (w/limited or no ability to unplug). Life is a tradeoff.

[kadams767]

LOLSOB

I am very rarely able to fully disconnect from my job. I answer emails, texts and phone calls on nights and weekends, and I haven’t had a vacation in I don’t know how many years during which I haven’t done at least some work and checked email at least periodically. My work life balance is terrible. I’m saving the money to take a step back when I want to.

[Deleted]

I just had this exact conversation with my boss when he approached me about a potential new role. I directly told him that there is no more of my life available for sale at any price, so if that was the expectation then i pass. I do feel like once you are at a certain income level, that is the expectation. I already give up more of my personal time than i would like and am not interested in giving more, even for more money.

[ellipses84]

DH and I can’t disconnect and we don’t have HHI 😢 It’s the biggest reason I tell people not to pursue either career, or I’m brutally honest with them about what to expect. For my career, you’re either jr. staff that produces a lot on a deadline driven schedule or you are management that needs to be on call all the time with a huge amount of stress/responsibility/ oversight to make sure deadlines are met. I do turn my out of office on when I’m on a true vacation but I tell people to call or text me for urgent matters, so I don’t have to feel tied to a computer. I’ve even taken conference calls from Disneyland (not a great place, BTW, you can pick somewhere quiet and all the sudden happy music will start blasting out of a speaker 😆). I love what I do and I’m committed for life but if I had to do it over again I’d choose something with better pay and better qualify of life!

[boiler717]

I am so fortunate for my job. I can totally disconnect, but I also will take my laptop on a trip in case there is something urgent (there are a few things where I’m the only knowledge base and it’s much faster and easier for me to fix something in 5 min that would take the team days to figure out). However, day to day I have SO much flexibility. Very much project-based and work when you need to work to get the job done. There are days I only work a very short period of time. To me it is 100% worth the trade-off.
I get a lot of recruiter calls for jobs that are significantly more more but would not have the day to day flexibility. It’s so worth it.

[goldengirlz]

I work a lot but honestly not that much more than I did when I earned a fraction of what I make now.

There are definitely some high-paying industries that are known for their awful work cultures, but across the board, it’s really such a crapshoot. It’s completely contrary to the truism that more money means more work (and vice versa).

That’s what’s so maddening about thinking the American way of working as a meritocracy.

[goldengirl]

Since I own my business and I only have one employee who is still relatively new, i can never truly disconnect. However, I’m so grateful for what I do and the lifestyle it provides as well as how much I actually love it, that I do not mind. Plus I don’t work crazy hours (less than 40/wk) and I’m home most of the time. It’s honestly a dream job.

We went on vacation last month and I wasn’t sure how much cell service we’d have so I had prepared everyone (employee, doctors, study sponsors) for the potential of not getting in touch with me. Turned out our service was good for all but one day. I did sort through emails each day because I’d prefer to keep on top of those vs having the deluge to tackle afterward. I also had some texts with my employee, but I didn’t have to take any phone calls.

MH has to travel every other week but his job is very low stress and he is able to disconnect better than I am. He WFH on the off weeks and is able to sleep late, walk the dogs etc. We are incredibly lucky 🍀

[minzy]

I cannot recall a vacation in the last ten years where my husband didn’t work at least part of it. He checks email a few times over the weekend, and generally stays away from it then, but sometimes things are big, important, and expensive, and he’s apparently often the only one who can address it. I’ve always been pretty understanding about that and I’ve been able to help facilitate his career since I’ve been home for a decade. His comp reflects the demands and he often has a lot of flexibility, but his life is basically work and being at home with us, with a side of running. (He’s an introvert and actually doesn’t seem to mind that.) He’d often have to travel on short notice, and I used to say, “I’ll keep the kids alive and we’ll see you when you get back.”

Things will change if I go back to my old job (which is looking more likely after a second round interview yesterday). I won’t be able to pick up as much of the familial slack. I think I’d like the mental challenge, I know I’d find purpose and fulfillment in the work, and my pay would be an insurance policy against my husband ever being axed at a future merger. (They often seem to clean out the people at the top. We operate as if that could happen, and accordingly, live on a fraction of his comp.)

The quality of life piece is the only part giving me pause on a return to work. I’m looking around at my current life and trying to figure out what I will have to cut to fit in a full time job, and what demands the change will place on my husband. I’m trying to remind myself that we will take it one day at a time, and figure it out, as we always have. Hopefully I’m not back here in six months or a year wondering what the hell I have gotten myself into (but if I am, I’d likely have the option to go back to staying at home).

My husband has never once complained about being the only one working, but he does so much for us and I would like to step up and contribute financially in case he’d ever want to or be forced to step back, especially if my old job (that I loved) lands in my lap, without me looking for it at all. My husband has already scoped out details of the vastly superior health insurance plans we’d have access to, and he drafted the pension buy back paperwork for me, so he’s at least a little excited about the possibility of my going back, haha.

Sorry for the novel, but this is something I’m thinking about a lot this week!

[ohgillian]

Agree with goldengirlz that I don't work more than I did when I earned less than 1/2 of what I earn now. For me, the work hours/balance are a nature of my field. Part of the year you are expected to be available 24/7; part of the year you could take a month long overseas trip and not be very missed.

[raangoli]

MH as worse work/life balance in the past year than I have had. There are times when I definitely needed to be on even after hours to get things done, but for the most part I've made it a priority to stop working at the end of the day. MH will get calls or texts before working hours, sometimes after, and he hates it. The work he does honestly does not demand that. He's had discussions with his management, but it is one coworker in particular who doesn't respect boundaries and frankly, they aren't changing.

[lolalolalola]

My DH makes a lot more than me and doesn’t work any more than I do. He used to work way more in a lower paying job at his prior company. So I agree with pp’s it is really based on company and industry culture. Some people also just feel like they have to work long hours regardless. We both work with people who work 12 hour days even though no one else does...

At my company, once you’re a VP you are expected to always be available and that’s where I see a huge shift. I am happy to stick to middle management and have no desire to move up because at that point the work like balance tips the wrong way.

And of course there are certain industries which are know for high pay and high hours like investment banking, etc.

[countthestars]

My H is the higher earner and he does not have much work life balance. He is thinking about work around the clock. We own the business now so that adds even more stress, but it was like this for years prior to the transition to ownership. He is in sales.

[steamboat185]

My husband makes about 2.5 times as much as I do and works in finance so the work life balance varies with where we are in the quarter/year. I will say since he has been home during Covid it is better. He can take certain calls while walking the dogs when he has a break between meetings he will do some errands. Things he couldn’t really do when he was in an office building with people popping into his office, but he is also always on his email and frequently takes calls on the weekend.

I make low 6 figures and haven’t moved onto a new roll because I’m happy with my work life balance especially since Covid trying for a different role just to make a little more doesn’t seem worth the effort (and very privileged.)

[woowoo]

I can disconnect when I need to/want to. I generally don't completely disconnect unless I'm on vacation, and I usually try to stay away from work phone/email at least one full day on the weekends. My boss leaves me alone on weekends unless I email him first. Same with vacation.

My bigger challenge is that I manage a fairly large team of sales people and I take my role as the "clearer of their path" pretty seriously. I feel tremendous guilt when I lose an opportunity to support them in some way while I'm out, but I'm learning to manage that guilt more.

[k3am]

When I switched to this job (6 years ago) I was very clear about my expectations on hours. I don't mind occasionally having to work weekends to put out a fire or answering calls or emails after hours or on weekends, but if I'm doing it consistently, it means we're not staffed appropriately. I have the added luxury that 90% of my portfolio is east coast, and I manage it from the west coast. So they are (mostly) very accomodating about the fact that my work day doesn't start until 8am, and by the time I shut down in the evening, my clients have mostly been checked out for a couple hours already. And the jokes about bankers hours are mostly true, but especially true at this company. I have a mandatory annual one week consecutive vacation (used to be two, so I told my boss I will still be doing two) where we are expected to check out entirely - not out of the goodness of my company's heart, but as internal control, and they take it very seriously. My biggest issue is that if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. So when I come back from vacation, everything has just piled up to absurd levels.

DH switched jobs a couple years ago, and it was great. He took the Company's commuter bus to/from work, and everyone respected the bus. Turning down a meeting because you have to catch the bus was totally acceptable and everyone knew the bus had a strict "no phone call" policy, so it was a force stop at the end of the day, and he used the hour commute to wind down anything he'd been working on during the day. Covid has ruined that entirely, and he's still checking emails and workchat all.the.time.

[hbomdiggity]

My work life balance is much better in house than when I was at the firm. I was even at 80% billables and I basically work just as much now as full time employee. And I actually make more.

With the stress of billables I was always logging back in at night from home and took one real vacation in 10 years. Now, work mostly ebbs and flows and while this week I’ve had to log back in after dinner multiple nights to finish some stuff, it’s more the exception than the rule. I do monitor emails on vacay and take calls as needed because I don’t have much for backup.

[mambo123]

Day to day we have balance. I really love to travel and drag my husband along. Outside of the holidays neither one of us can really take over a work week without getting a side eye. Which sucks as I would like to take 2 weeks or so in September to Europe etc. The buck stops with both of us and we just can’t pull it off.

[dr.girlfriend]

I don't have a C-suite income but it's a really good income.

COVID has really messed with my work/life balance in both great and awful ways. We switched some aspects of our care (but maybe only 20%) to telehealth, but the app only runs on iPhones, and we do not have work phones so I have to use my personal phone. I do find myself checking at all hours partly because my schedule is so unpredictable now, so I check it at night for the next day and then find emails that need answering, etc.

That said, I now work from home several days a week. Without the commute I definitely get more sleep and have started exercising regularly, and have lost 35 pounds. And for better or worse, the kid has been all-virtual and the husband hasn't left the house in 13 months (vaccinated today!) so the pressure around leaving work on time to pick him up from aftercare is gone.

I'm really hoping some of this will endure in a culture-shift. When I got a work from home day 12 years ago I had to take it all the way to HR, and I was one of the first people to even hazard the idea. My boss is a childless bachelor who regularly stays at work until 7 or 8 pm, and even though the rest of us have gotten better about setting limits there was still an aura of guilt around leaving even 15 minutes early. Now I think we're all used to just saying, "Sorry, got to duck out of this meeting for a minute, have to take a picture of my son's math quiz" or whatever and there's not judgment because everyone's in the same boat. Hoping a lot of meetings will stay virtual, etc., and I can continue to work from home 2 - 3 days a week.

The vacation thing was tricky -- previously I could cash out unused vacation, and that in combination with my brother-in-law's terminal illness and not wanting to be on a trip if something happened to him resulted in us not really taking any vacations for five years.  2020 was supposed to be our year of travel, lol.  Now my vacation is use-it-or-lose-it and I think I basically lost all my vacation for the last two fiscal years because I never got around to taking it.  I've definitely blocked two weeks this year even if I just hang around the house.