Where do we go from here; investing, saving, fin. planner?

[littlelemondrop]

We need help moving forward with saving wisely. My H is a saver but it’s getting to a point of lost opportunity, I think. For context, we are 40 and 38 and have 2 kids, ~9 and 4. H is an engineer/manager and I’m a SAHM. Our oldest child is disabled and may go to university/college for free, however she is very likely to face discrimination in higher Ed and the workforce (we plan to finance a business for her, should she go that route). 
Here’s a list of our savings
PDQ - I will delete later

Deleted



Additional info:
My H would store our savings in our mattress if I let him. It’s very psychological for him - things his parents said and also he likes watching the number grow. (We have over a million cc points. 🤷🏼‍♀️) We met with a financial planner 7/8 years ago but it wasn’t helpful. We don’t really budget, but we aren’t big spenders typically. 
We have short term goals of moving to a new city for better schools, purchase a nicer house/remodel, and I want a newer vehicle. He uses those short term goals as reasons to not invest or save even more. Which is somewhat true - we will need some of our savings for buying our next house and car.

So what can I do? Where can I save/invest that will be smart but be respectful his anxiety? Do we need a professional? Are we even saving enough?

[ssmjlm]

I would look into something with Vanguard and get an advisor that give you guys some lower risk options. That is a lot of $$$ in savings and is over the FDIC insured amount.

For some, they would pay off the mortgage, I guess it depends if it's something you want to keep for taxes, if you itemize.

[numbers]

When we reached a similar situation of having a large chunk to invest, we hired a FA.

A good FA will be respectful and take risk appetite into account.

[ohgillian]

I definitely think an advisor who he trusts and feels comfortable with will be key, but you may also need to work this out in couples counseling. Like, is he willing to move forward on any of the purchases that you want, or is he so attached to the numbers growing that you aren't able to spend and live comfortably. I can't tell from your post; this may not be a problem. But it sounds like it might be?

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 22, 2021 11:43:56 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I would look into something with Vanguard and get an advisor that give you guys some lower risk options. That is a lot of $$$ in savings and is over the FDIC insured amount.

For some, they would pay off the mortgage, I guess it depends if it's something you want to keep for taxes, if you itemize.

I’ll look into vanguard, thank you!
I think we are still fdic insured if we are understanding the rules correctly, 250k per co-owner of the account. Is this correct?

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 22, 2021 13:01:40 GMT -5 numbers said:

When we reached a similar situation of having a large chunk to invest, we hired a FA.

A good FA will be respectful and take risk appetite into account.

I agree, I think we need someone outside of ourselves. Thank you.

[goldengirlz]

I think one way to get past the anxiety is to have a frank discussion about the fact that your money isn’t working for you when it’s just sitting in cash. Investing in the stock market is your best hedge against inflation, especially if you have a long investment horizon.

That said, if you ARE planning to buy a house in the short term, then keeping your down payment in cash may well be the smartest move. I’d be hard pressed to say you have too much in cash if you’re planning to spend it in the next year or so.

It’s also hard to answer your last question about whether you’re saving “enough” without knowing your total HHI and financial goals.

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 22, 2021 13:15:00 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

I definitely think an advisor who he trusts and feels comfortable with will be key, but you may also need to work this out in couples counseling. Like, is he willing to move forward on any of the purchases that you want, or is he so attached to the numbers growing that you aren't able to spend and live comfortably. I can't tell from your post; this may not be a problem. But it sounds like it might be?

I have suggested individual counseling before. It comes up when he sort of devolves our financial conversations into ridiculousness. He has a tendency to “move the goalposts” which is super frustrating. And any idea/want I have, be it a vacation, or renovation, or currently our need to move, it becomes this thing where I’m sending us into poverty. It’s really hard sometimes because he just can’t be rational about it. And then when I can finally calm him down and move forward with whatever the idea was, he’s very happy about it. I keep asking what kind of life he wants to have and it’s so hard for him to think about it and verbalize. I made him list out short term and long terms goals the other week but it was painful. He very much has a “we’ll see attitude” about most things but I need at least general goals to work toward. I keep telling him the kids are only getting older and we should enjoy our life (within reason). But maybe your right, this is a couple issue we should address.

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 22, 2021 16:03:46 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

I think one way to get past the anxiety is to have a frank discussion about the fact that your money isn’t working for you when it’s just sitting in cash. Investing in the stock market is your best hedge against inflation, especially if you have a long investment horizon.

That said, if you ARE planning to buy a house in the short term, then keeping your down payment in cash may well be the smartest move. I’d be hard pressed to say you have too much in cash if you’re planning to spend it in the next year or so.

It’s also hard to answer your last question about whether you’re saving “enough” without knowing your total HHI and financial goals.

I’ve tried the blunt discussions, but he gets so irrational. And he knows the money is just sitting there, but he seems a bit paralyzed by it and then comes up with lots of reason why we should leave it. We had a come to Jesus discussion the other week because it’s so exhausting and he’s sort of agreed to let me figure how we invest better. I think my best bet is hiring a FA to go through all the moving parts and get started.
We reported —— for his income this year.

He wants to pay for both kids postsecondary education, help pay for weddings, startup money for our daughter.

[imojoebunny]

I think it might be more helpful for your husband to take a class on the fundamentals of investing, over a financial planner. I am guessing that he is a smart person, who is not trusting of other's expertise, and is paralyzed because it is an area he doesn't yet understand. It sounds like he has the savings part down, but not the investing.

EdX has a number of courses, some free, some for a reasonable fee. Here are a couple, I don't know how good they are, but there are a number to choose from. I have taken several classes through edX and they have been good, but I have an MBA in Finance, so I am taking science classes because that is what I do not understand.

www.edx.org/course/personal-finance-part-1-investing-in-yourself?index=product&queryID=aa9957c869cf3cc65a87aad10ae94ed7&position=2

www.edx.org/professional-certificate/iux-personal-finance?index=product&queryID=3c9a61584d26acb5d1e260c6b12db49c&position=1

[minzy]

I think I’d try to get him to move at least some of that cash into the stock market (depending on how soon you want to move). You’re otherwise likely actually losing money to inflation. Has he looked at it that way? Maybe do it in sizable chunks over time - a certain amount every two weeks, month, or quarter even. I’d spread it out over time for dollar cost averaging purposes, to make him more comfortable, and to actually get it working for you.

[minzy]

Also I don’t know if this is on your radar or wholly applicable but maybe you should consider an ABLE account or special needs trust for your DD1 if you haven’t already?
www.specialneedsalliance.org/blog/able-accounts-and-snts-how-to-choose/

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 22, 2021 19:37:27 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

I think it might be more helpful for your husband to take a class on the fundamentals of investing, over a financial planner. I am guessing that he is a smart person, who is not trusting of other's expertise, and is paralyzed because it is an area he doesn't yet understand. It sounds like he has the savings part down, but not the investing.

EdX has a number of courses, some free, some for a reasonable fee. Here are a couple, I don't know how good they are, but there are a number to choose from. I have taken several classes through edX and they have been good, but I have an MBA in Finance, so I am taking science classes because that is what I do not understand.

www.edx.org/course/personal-finance-part-1-investing-in-yourself?index=product&queryID=aa9957c869cf3cc65a87aad10ae94ed7&position=2

www.edx.org/professional-certificate/iux-personal-finance?index=product&queryID=3c9a61584d26acb5d1e260c6b12db49c&position=1

Thank you for sharing! This is a great idea.

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 23, 2021 5:12:53 GMT -5 minzy said:

I think I’d try to get him to move at least some of that cash into the stock market (depending on how soon you want to move). You’re otherwise likely actually losing money to inflation. Has he looked at it that way? Maybe do it in sizable chunks over time - a certain amount every two weeks, month, or quarter even. I’d spread it out over time for dollar cost averaging purposes, to make him more comfortable, and to actually get it working for you.

We have stocks but he’s very wary of investing himself. We lost 20k a few years ago after a company we invested in went bankrupt. Totally agree we are losing money in our current situation though.

[littlelemondrop]

Mar 23, 2021 5:19:42 GMT -5 minzy said:

Also I don’t know if this is on your radar or wholly applicable but maybe you should consider an ABLE account or special needs trust for your DD1 if you haven’t already?
www.specialneedsalliance.org/blog/able-accounts-and-snts-how-to-choose/

Thank you for this! We looked into in when she was a toddler but decided (for a reason neither of us can remember) it wasn’t right for her. I think we should look into it again though.

[ohgillian]

Mar 23, 2021 7:52:04 GMT -5 littlelemondrop said:

Mar 23, 2021 5:12:53 GMT -5 minzy said:

I think I’d try to get him to move at least some of that cash into the stock market (depending on how soon you want to move). You’re otherwise likely actually losing money to inflation. Has he looked at it that way? Maybe do it in sizable chunks over time - a certain amount every two weeks, month, or quarter even. I’d spread it out over time for dollar cost averaging purposes, to make him more comfortable, and to actually get it working for you.

We have stocks but he’s very wary of investing himself. We lost 20k a few years ago after a company we invested in went bankrupt. Totally agree we are losing money in our current situation though.

I know people are tired of hearing about Vanguard, but Vanguard is specifically a fund-based approach. I'm not saying you won't lose money, but fund investing should buffer you more from these individual situations like this. I didn't really grasp this at first, but Vanguard has a different approach than just being a general brokerage. 


about.vanguard.com/what-sets-vanguard-apart/principles-for-investing-success/

[lolalolalola]

If he is hesitant to invest it, can you at least pay off the mortgage? Guaranteed return, you still have lots of cash left over, plus the ability to save whatever your mortgage payment is while you work on him.

[Poppy]

Would he be open to reading a book?

I can personally recommend this one as I have actually read it. I feel like the armageddon hook in the title may actually capture his interest.

www.amazon.com/Investors-Manifesto-Prosperity-Armageddon-Everything/dp/1118073762/

It lays out a very clear argument for how to achieve financial security long term by protecting against inflation and investing with the goal not of getting rich but of "winning the game" by having enough to live comfortably for life.

I do think imjoebunny might be on to something that his confidence with investing is really low, so learning more about long term investing (as opposed to what many people think of when they think of investing, which is more akin to day trading), might put him at ease.

[ohgillian]

I finally realized that this thread title is why I have Evita songs stuck in my head yesterday and today. LOL

www.justsomelyrics.com/178985/evita-where-do-we-go-from-here-lyrics.html