I'm still finding this pandemic anniversary hard. We can customize DS's year book, so I put in our pictures from the shutdown until now basically, and it is just sad. The memories are important, and we did the best we could to get through it. It's just sad and stressful. We really did lose a lot that year, and we were one of the lucky ones that still had our jobs/ health and eventually went back to school.
Dear waverly, I'm with you. I think the fact that we just celebrated the "second grand opening" of the restaurant isn't helping. It's like groundhog day - we're just starting the whole year over again. It's just exhausting. Signed, Twinmomma
Dear insurance company, I hate you. I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns. Yesterday you finally confirmed that DD2's neuropsych screening would be partially covered. And then today I get an "oops, all 4 reps yesterday were wrong in different ways, none of it is covered at all" phone call. I don't care that you're "conducting training" to make sure they understand your mistakes. You suck. And you made me cry at 8 AM because it shouldn't be this hard to get the testing my kid needs. Signed, Very unhappy customer
Dear WPs, Back at square one for evaluations. I reached out to the pedi today to see about her just doing the basic diagnostic survey. Now that insurance is telling me nothing is covered, it would be $4,000 out of pocket for the private eval. So, I can either have an emergency fund/savings account for the first time since before the divorce, or I can decimate it paying for these medical bills. It sucks. I've been saving so hard to build up an emergency fund so I can stop relying on a credit card for emergency expenses. I finally feel like I have some safety net. And I still owe my parents money because they paid for my divorce lawyer and I want to start paying them back. But then I feel like a bad parent for wanting to have a savings account instead of paying for help for my kid. I cried so much this morning out of sheer frustration. Signed, This sucks
twinmomma, I'm really sorry for all that you're going through. I have cried so many tears over DD1's process. I understand what you're going through. It's really difficult. I'm thinking of you.
twinmomma , since you are in public school I would circle back to them. I saw your previous post that they blew you off. Did that mean they did not evaluate or that they did and didn't find anything? I would request an evaluation in writing, and they have 60 days to complete. Do this ASAP because the end of the school year is looming. I think I remember you saying that maybe a teacher did fill out a survey? If that is the case, and it was a previous teacher, I think I would have a discussion with the current teacher about your concerns as well. She might start to see those as she fills out the survey. There is a parent survey, also I think...
Ultimately, the goal is to get a 504 accommodations from the school, correct? ETA- Drop the written letter off in person and address to the school counselor.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Mar 24, 2021 15:14:23 GMT -5
twinmomma, if they are blowing you off related to getting tested, you could contact an advocate for help. They are kind of common in my school district and help parents at ARD meetings, but I bet they can also help with getting an eval in the first place.
They can be expensive but may cost less than a private eval.
twinmomma, I know there is a special form I had to fill out for DD to force the school into testing her. If the teacher recommends no form but a parent concern has to have a form and it is a whole lot longer process. Have you talked your concerns out with her current teacher?
waverly, DD seems to be struggling with the anniversary too. I also feel like I'm repeating history with another extended tax season.
Dear NAAG $20 per session to stream the gymnastic meet! Are you kidding, I had to tell DD she couldn't stream her friends sessions as it would have cost me 60 bucks. I know times are hard but $20 per session is steep. FYI I don't care that I'm paying $20 to watch my kid because I'm just grateful to get to watch in person and that entry fee is similar to years past. Also you have always given out leotards at this meet which is why the registration cost is so high. This year no leotard and no awards. The $90 entry fee is steep. Covid or not you are one expensive 90 minutes tomorrow night
Dear DH You could show a little interest in DD's gymnastics. Walking out of the room when we are talking about meet logistics on Thursday was just rude all around. Be happy for the kid. Just because gymnastics isn't your thing doesn't mean shit. Annoyed for DD Me
Dear School You are changing the hybrid schedule again. It has changed every week all month and they don't go until next week. So glad DD is staying virtual as yikes I can't deal with the constant changes or 2 page blog posts about said changes. Figure out a plan and stick with it
Post by mustardseed2007 on Mar 24, 2021 17:02:50 GMT -5
Dear Dog,
5pm is not your dinner time. Neither is 4:30pm. Sorry but your wimpers and howls will get you NO WHERE. It's 6pm or you'll wake us up at 5am to eat again.
Dear WPs, Last time we tried to do this, I requested a sped eval through the public school. They met all the meeting requirements within the timeline that's legally required. But at the meeting XH was useless and wouldn't provide any feedback at all. Literally sat next to me silent the whole time and hung me out to dry. Wouldn't corroborate anything I was saying. The teacher said that she was ahead academically so it was not impacting her in any way. And at the end of the meeting they basically said that there's nothing they can do because it wasn't an academic issue so they wouldn't be moving forward with the evaluations or anything.
At this point I think I need to get an outside diagnosis so that then I can push the school for 504 accommodations and OT. I am gun shy about having the school do the diagnosis because of our experience last time around. I do think this year's teacher will provide better feedback on the surveys if I can get the pediatrician to do those. She notices the focus and attention issues, but it still has no real academic impact so I don't know how that will help or hurt us in getting her help.
Dear Dentist, Thank you for telling the kids that they were doing a bad job brushing their teeth, now at least they will actually listen and let me help them. Signed, I agree
Dear DH, I am more than happy to hand nighttime routine and teeth brushing over to you. Good luck. But the fact that you kept chastising me about how to pick up the house and load the dishwasher makes me want to rage at you. I pick up all of the slack for all of this when you travel. It seriously doesn't matter how I load the dishwasher as long as it works. Signed, There is a pandemic, this is not important
Dear WPs, Last time we tried to do this, I requested a sped eval through the public school. They met all the meeting requirements within the timeline that's legally required. But at the meeting XH was useless and wouldn't provide any feedback at all. Literally sat next to me silent the whole time and hung me out to dry. Wouldn't corroborate anything I was saying. The teacher said that she was ahead academically so it was not impacting her in any way. And at the end of the meeting they basically said that there's nothing they can do because it wasn't an academic issue so they wouldn't be moving forward with the evaluations or anything.
At this point I think I need to get an outside diagnosis so that then I can push the school for 504 accommodations and OT. I am gun shy about having the school do the diagnosis because of our experience last time around. I do think this year's teacher will provide better feedback on the surveys if I can get the pediatrician to do those. She notices the focus and attention issues, but it still has no real academic impact so I don't know how that will help or hurt us in getting her help.
I’m a lurker on this board but also a teacher and a parent trying to get my own child evaluated for an IEP. Maybe you already know all of this, so feel free to ignore! I just attended an initial 504 meeting to determine eligibility last week so it’s fresh in my head. The student had to show that it was impacting her ability to function in two or more every day activities as part of the requirements (school counted as one). The IEP will require evidence that my child’s learning is impacted by his medical diagnosis. IME the teacher isn’t going to (or shouldn’t) make any recommendations about a specific diagnosis and can only speak to what they observe in the classroom and refer you to your doctor.
Thanks lexus! I was trying to get the school to do the evaluation, but they wouldn't because she's not struggling in a strictly academic way. For example, she can read and write well above grade level and is very solid in math. But, last week she basically didn't complete any of her independent work for math because she couldn't stay focused on it. To me, that means it's impacting her. But her mastery of the concepts says it doesn't. It's a frustrating place to be. It feels like the school wants her to be actively failing classes before they consider anything.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Mar 25, 2021 7:20:32 GMT -5
twinmomma, they are using the wrong standard. The standard is not if she is making good grades, it is, as you say, impacting her LEARNING. There are twice exceptional kids who very often don't struggle in grades at school but still have a learning disability.
twinmomma, they are using the wrong standard. The standard is not if she is making good grades, it is, as you say, impacting her LEARNING. There are twice exceptional kids who very often don't struggle in grades at school but still have a learning disability.
This has been a huge issue for us as well. DD1 is testing 99th percentile in some things, but extremely low (7th percentile) in others. That 7th percentile isn’t causing an issue yet, so school says she’s fine. But that’s the drawback to private school. They are required to do literally nothing to accommodate her.
mustardseed2007 makes a great point here. It would be great to try and shift the focus to learning rather than grades. That’s exactly what I’ve tried to do, but like I said, they don’t have to help us. And I’m certain that, because of all the issues we had last year, they will do absolutely nothing and hope we leave.
Keep pushing... I know it’s exhausting but keep pushing.
twinmomma, my DD had the same issues as yours - she is pretty smart and was able to mask her executive functioning struggles very well until 4th grade. Then the multi-step projects came and she struggled hard. It started affecting her grades. The weird part was that she would ace all of the tests, but her grades weren't high A's or A's because she would forget to turn in homework or wouldn't do the projects. We thought she was bored because the material was easy and actually had her tested for the gifted program. She almost qualified except she didn't have high A's in her classes. If your DD's current teacher would be more responsive to filling out the Vanderbilt survey, you might have an easier path to diagnosis. What really helped us was that DD had 3 teachers in 4th grade who agreed she was struggling in the parent/teacher conference. And I would like to echo mustardseed2007. Twice exceptional kids are more common than you think. These kids are really smart and use that to find great ways to compensate for their issues. That's why it took me a few years and a great pedi to figure out what the issue was.
Post by traveltheworld on Mar 25, 2021 11:05:58 GMT -5
twinmomma, have you tried looking to get the evaluation done at a university's ed/psyh faculty? When we looked around, that turned out to be a cheaper option than a purely private psychologist. And make sure you get a psychologist that's experienced in testing for 2E. We had a few different assessments done over the years and it wasn't until we found one that specialized in testing ADHD in gifted kids that we finally got the "correct" diagnosis.
And I sympathize with the struggle to get the school to do it - our experience has been that the school will absolutely do nothing unless/until the child is being disruptive. And even though we have an IEP, the accommodations/help we've gotten from the school is subpar at best. I've resigned myself to the fact that we just have to try and help DS as much as we can ourselves.
twinmomma, at my last IEP meeting. The district psych mentioned twice exceptional and said that it was being more and more common to see really bright students struggle in another aspect but they don't normally catch it because teachers only see the bright kid who aces tests, The team actually asked me about how DD following multi step directions and asked me about baby milestones. The psych also perked up when I said DD did gymnastics and as on team.
twinmomma- we are doing private evaluation for the second time. First time DS was in kindergarten and he was really too young since his issues aren’t terribly serious, although she did diagnose his tic issues and give us awesome input on how to help him. Now he’s in first grade and we may be looking at ADD or ADHD. Or he might be a 6year old boy who is just hard headed and rambunctious.
But what I really wanted to tell you was the private psychologist charges per hour. The first thing she starts with are the questionnaires. So if you have those done by your pediatrician or your school, it might save you some time which saves money.
Post by erinshelley21 on Mar 25, 2021 16:53:23 GMT -5
twinmomma were you able to get anywhere with the pedi? Unless that route is also not covered by insurance, I would go that way with it. My family dr never made me fill out a survey or anything, but listened to my reasons for thinking I had ADD and looked at family history. Our pedi has it on her radar for DS based on his tics, family history, and other behaviors that we've noticed. DS's grades are nearly perfect and I was in the top 10% of my class (not sure how much weight that carries when the class size was 100ish kids, but still lol), so grades aren't a direct reflection. A good pediatrician or family doctor will help you navigate this.
Same deal here with my kiddo - there are no academic impacts to her ADHD at this point as she just skates on through her assignments (when she does them). We had an experienced and sympathetic teacher in 2nd grade who recognized how distracted DD was and filled out a Connors scale for us. We have a 504 plan at present. She doesn’t qualify for an IEP.
Good point shakinros. Most kids with ADHD have a 504 not an IEP. 504 being just accommodations in the classroom such as repeating instructions, verbal and written instructions, seat placement, extra time in tests, fidget chairs etc.
Thank you all SO MUCH for the advice and support and ideas. I really appreciate it. I am definitely shooting for more 504 accomodations, if anything. Honestly, I just really want to get the diagnosis so that we can pursue private OT. There's a place nearby that's covered by my insurance and I think it would be a good starting place. Then we'd have more to bring back to the school to try and implement with a 504.
BUT, I have the best news ever! After the mess of dealing with multiple people at insurance to get the private testing covered, all the misinformation, bad customer service, etc. I let my HR person at work know what was going on and what a mess it was. She's amazing and we're really close. She was pissed and escalated it to our company rep, who then escalated it to their management. And I got an email last night that the insurance company will be covering all the private testing for just a copay, no deductible or out of pocket expenses, as it was clearly their fault and their people screwed up in quoting me everything. They have the recorded calls, including one with the doctor's office on the line too, where I was told everything would be covered so they're going to honor that. I can't believe it! Since when does an insurance company actually make it right?!
Post by erinshelley21 on Mar 26, 2021 7:01:43 GMT -5
twinmomma that is AWESOME news! Reaching out to HR and the broker for your health plan was going to be my next recommendation. My mom works for a broker that specializes in group benefits and each month she goes to each of her assigned clients (she's the service rep and not the actual agent) and answers questions from policyholders about medical claims and coverage. Helping you navigate this is part of their job.