DD2 is remote this week after a possible COVID close-contact exposure. She tested today, but even if she’s negative, the school won’t let her back for 2 weeks. She’s in break next week, so just one week of zoom school.
DH is out of town until Wednesday. Thursday was supposed to start my solo 24 hours, but with DD2 doing remote school, I can’t go. I really need some time away. Maybe in a few weeks...
Post by mustardseed2007 on Apr 12, 2021 12:35:09 GMT -5
I worked with DS this week on a project where he has to write paragraphs on different kinds of simple machines based on research, create a works cited page, and then build a rube goldberg machine at home and bring it to school.
They allegedly did the written work in school, but when I looked his paragraphs ranged from ok to awful, and that's when I also compare it to other kids work (because everyone's work is on the same google site and so when you log in you can see what everyone else did).
I made him go back in and rewrite and add page numbers to his citations (per the instructions!) and turn all the incomplete sentences into complete sentences and add punctuation. It was kind of a a pain because a) attitude and b) his typing is hunting and pecking. Stuff like this reignites me being worried about him being behind.
He hasn't started on the machine but he does have 2 weeks to get that done.
This weekend I also did the paperwork to do my daughter's college fund. She's 7 and I'm pretty sure we did DS' when he was 2...whoops. We're starting it out with more money so maybe that'll help a little.
That sucks that your solo time has to be rescheduled mae0111 ! Ugh! Could you at least duck out for a little bit of quiet time, even if it's not a full getaway?
Our week is all over the place. Beau's ex "needed" to switch days this week (AKA stay longer with her fiance instead of flying back), so we have his son on opposite days from when we have the girls. I always feel so bad for the three kids when that happens. Now the kids don't get to see each other for a week and a half because of how things fall and they get so bummed. Plus, it just totally throws off all our schedules and routines. I'm also more than a little annoyed because she changes the schedule based on her own travel whims, not something I consider a real reason. If you choose to marry someone who lives half a country away, you're creating that mess of a schedule yourself. According to beau's son he is going back there next month for the wedding. But she hasn't told beau anything about it, so we don't know if that's true or kid translation.
We had a playdate over the weekend with a couple neighborhood families we're close with and it really emphasized to me how little beau's son has in terms of social skills. It felt like he literally didn't know how to play. He just stood on the outskirts watching the other kids or came over to me and asked me what to do every few minutes. I kept trying to get him to go jump into whatever game the other kids were playing, but without me there to give him directions the whole time, he didn't know how to do it. The kids were all outside for like 5 hours straight just doing all kinds of different stuff running around the yard, so there wasn't really any structure to it. It broke my heart that he couldn't navigate the situation. He had no idea how to integrate himself in with other kids or bounce from activity to activity. The other mom and I are close and we agreed that we'll just keep doing these types of playdates to help him build up his confidence and social skills. I've been trying to research a little about how to guide him better.
twinmomma- has anything been figured out with the crazy ex’s custody and relocation? Is she going to attempt to move? I have no idea how that works there. Or here for that matter. I have friends whose divorce decrees and custody agreements specified that you can’t move more than x miles without the consent of the other parent, but I don’t know if that’s standard or not.
mommyatty, Nothing yet. The most she's told beau is "she'll figure it out" when he asked about it. My decree lists the distance/moving thing and beau says his has it in there too. At this point, we think her plan is just to keep flying back and forth for the immediate future. That way she can list her legal address as here, with her mom, but still do what she's been doing. The whole thing is so bizarre. My gut says she's going to try to force beau into doing remote school again next year if it's an option and then make some crazy fly back and forth schedule for beau's son too. Last week she took him with her and had him log into zooms from there. It was a mess.
We had a fun weekend. The kids both enjoyed their Saturday play date and I liked the dad. He’s the drama teacher at our kids’ school. Sunday there was an outdoor birthday party. The kids enjoyed it, and they both got to have their picture taken with a capuchin monkey, which was cute. I met DS’s BFF’s mom. They just moved here. She seems really nice.
I bought a Honda CRV-EX last night. I was looking at LX which they didn't have in stock. The dealer ship sold me the EX at the LX price and I got 0% interest rate and used the Costco Auto program so got another 500 off. Originally I was looking at the Pilot but decided to try the CRV before deciding and I felt 100 times more comfortable parking and driving residential streets in the CRV over the Pilot.
DH was out of town and wasn't taking my car died texts seriously. He called me twice which is more than normal. 1st phone call was Friday night letting me know about the neighbor's crazy house court deal and the 2nd was Saturday after I went to bed so I didn't answer it but his voicemail was about how great the door install went. Saturday I texted 4 times about the car, DD's meet and he ignored all of them. So I did this whole car thing on my own with DD. It went really well. DH was annoyed I didn't get 4WD and it doesn't have a hitch and I didn't buy a truck. So I'm glad I went without him as I got what should work really well for me and it has more cargo room than what I had. Plus the pretty blue color was cheaper than the gray one I test drove.
H is currently driving me crazy with car stuff. I am encouraging him to lease because I cannot deal with his indecision anymore. I hate going to the dealership. He has input into my car, which part of me wishes he hadn't since he has made so many bad car decisions, but I still like my car.
My car was a good decision. His wasn't because of many reasons, but now any car we get to replace it will not be nearly as nice. It's a mess, but whatever. I think I will just stay out of it and let him rotate through a bunch of leased cars before he buys again.
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 12, 2021 14:09:46 GMT -5
I struggled emotionally this weekend even though it wasn't a bad weekend. Friday night Beau said some insensitive things when I was talking to him about the delays in my divorce. It made me glad that he went riding with his son on Saturday so I had some one on one time with DS. But it also put me in a mood Saturday. I was over it Sunday but then DS was being a pill. He put body wash all over the hall floor to "clean", squirted pizza sauce all over the kitchen, pushed Beau's grandson over a couple times and was just overall defiant. I think it was a little bit of jealously over Beau having his grandson here all weekend.
I'm also torn about watching his grandson so often. His son works and the fiancé is a SAHM. Every weekend they ship their son off to a relative because they have such an active social life and would rather have fun with friends than spend time with their son as a family. I get that he's 2 and I know Beau enjoys spending time with his grandson, but it seems excessive. Or maybe my feelings are wrong because ex-H would never let anyone watch DS overnight and I'm pulling from my own experience. I'm curious what others think.
supertrooper1, Yeah he has, and he likes the car. It's got a complicated backstory, and I am just over him and his car stuff right now. He tends to over complicate everything.
We don't ship our kids off every weekend. That does seem excessive especially at 2 years old. But we do let the kids stay at the grandparents house.
supertrooper1, my mom has a friend who watches her grandkids all the time because her daughter and SIL are so busy or need a nap or just don't want to deal. Dad drops the kids off at 6am goes back home to go back to bed before he starts work at 10. Mom works east coast time and gets off at 1pm but then naps and goes out with friends and doesn't pick the kids up until 7pm. They know it is excessive but they don't know how to fix it without harming the kids. The oldest should be in K this year but mom didn't want to deal with it so they red shirted her. I give the grandma hand me downs because dad drops the kids off in pjs with no clothes so grandma was having to buy clothes and shoes all the time.
Now I feel guilty asking my mom to watch DD on Thursday this week and take her to practice because I know my mom has issues working when DD is there. DD doesn't bug grandma...grandma constantly bugging DD.
Post by librarychica on Apr 12, 2021 15:58:32 GMT -5
supertrooper1, I send my oldest off once a week. She’s 9. Now, 9 is not 2. BUT I think it very much depends on the family. H was raised in a multigenerational household and expected that grandparents would want to be that involved. Ironically, it was my family (I was not nearly so involved with my grandparents) where it turned out to be true. From the time I returned to work when DD1 was ten weeks old my mom took her for a day (it was Tuesday so I went to work, not out), by 1 she was spending Tuesday night weekly (H and I thoroughly enjoyed finding every Tuesday night dinner special), and that lasted until she was 3 when she was no longer enjoying it and I was about to have her sister (she got a little mom-centric for a while there.) the weekly sleepovers were replaced by sporadic sleepovers and then started up again weekly because I needed help with virtual school. Now I am hoping that both girls can spend every other Friday night with them at some point so we actually can have a standing date night. That’s a good balance for grandparents/kids/us in our situation.
Now my good friend’s mom took her daughter every single Saturday morning to Sunday morning for 5+ years and didn’t want to stop! Friend finally said “hey, we’d like her to make some friends where we live and have some family time the 3 of us.” But for many years the arrangement suited everyone.
I think the key is just whether everyone involved has clear expectations and is enjoying whatever the arrangement is.
Post by librarychica on Apr 12, 2021 16:00:09 GMT -5
Also hello, I had a lazy weekend. Monday was a mess. I am just now starting what I should’ve been doing at 9AM because I’ve been putting out fires since 8.
PDQ I asked STBX to add more weekends to the calendar since he’s not scheduling all of his days.
He argued for hours about his overnights. He gets 73. 52 of them are weekends and another 3 weeks of vacation. His argument is now that he’s entitled to take the vacation time w the kids, but that he is not mandated.
He went as far as emailing the mediator to ask these questions. She referred him to his own atty (which doesn’t exist)
I might consult my atty but at this point I can’t beg him to want to be with his own kids.
He really has no idea how bad he looks here.
Also I texted him to ask for a copy of the 2020 taxes in printed form (rather than email since my printer isn’t working) and he responded that I could go fuck myself bc he’s been nothing but nice and now he won’t go out of his way for me anymore.
Tomorrow he gets his stuff and I’m nervous. I’ll be home to let the furniture place deliver some of my stuff but since all of his things are in the garage he has no reason to come in. I will go back to work in the afternoon. My cameras are ready. They are a pain with regard to recording, as the outdoor one doesn’t record more than a few mins at a time unlike the indoor one.
I decided NOT to have my parents come bc my dad will stick around and help him move and he will talk my dad into letting him in. I called the police dept that came out the other day to ask for a copy of the statement which they couldn’t find despite the fact that I have a statement number, and kind of lost it on the phone (I can’t help but cry) so they said I can give them a call for a Domestic Standby if needed.
mae0111 I'm sorry, that's too bad about your solo trip! I hope you can reschedule soon.
supertrooper1 because I work FT, I want my kids around more on weekends - but if I were a SAHM and with my 2-year-old all week, and relatives were excited to have him on weekends and I trusted them, I would be comfortable with them watching him frequently. When my parents are in town for a month at a time 3 times a year, they have my older kids for a sleepover almost every weekend. I think the issue should be between you and your SO - in terms of how often it's comfortable for you to have him. I think since you already have a young son, it makes sense to make sure you have enough time with your son and he doesn't resent the younger kid being around.
We had a pretty quiet day Saturday to recover from our crazy week. I think I did 10 loads of laundry. DS1 had baseball practice and DD had a softball game in the evening. Yesterday morning I took the kids to LegoLand while DH got his second Pfizer shot. LegoLand extended our annual passes that expired during the last year, so it was free, and they were just doing sort of a soft opening for passholders. Not many rides were open, but it was the perfect amount to be there 2.5 hours and then come home for the little boys' naps.
We had a nice (but very busy weekend). I mixed up times for two different things on Saturday. A friend asked DS for a play date and she was nice enough to take him on his own (he’s 4.5, so that doesn’t happen often!) and I was able to keep working through the list of stuff. And then our afternoon play date offered to just have us drop off the kids.. so we took them up on it! And I just.. SAT. For an hour and a half and watched TV. It was glorious. Then DH and I went and hung out and got some adult socialization while the kids played.
I had a spa day. Potentially the best massage I’ve ever had, and my third facial ever. The esthetician took a look at my skin and said she recommended changing from the basic facial I’d scheduled to some fancy one with peels and what not and since I’m on vacation, I said sure. My skin feels amazing.
Now it’s trying to pack and get ready for vacation tomorrow. Woot!
Got home from Orange Beach at 5 yesterday. It should have been 3, but we hit some traffic. I was EXHAUSTED since I didn't sleep at all the night before because of a random text from my aunt at midnight waking me up.
As soon as I pulled into the garage I saw the hail damage. The storm there was wild. At one point we couldn't tell if it was sirens or the wind. I checked my car and felt lucky that it wasn't worse than it was. 5 condos down and on, windshields were busted out of cars. $3000 in damages for me, but all covered.
Needless to say, in exhausted, but I have a new epidemiologist starting next week and spent Monday getting his office ready.
I had my ear surgery yesterday. And omg it hurts. We didn't get home in time to go to the pharmacy and I'm trying to manage with motrin. 1.5 hours until the pharmacy opens. Ugh.
supertrooper1; every weekend seems excessive to me. They need to learn how to take their kid with them from time to time. For the mom it probably doesn't seem to bad because she is SAHM and wants to get out. However, sounds like Dad might not be getting the quality time. Either way it seems like a lot too me. Is it all weekend like Friday through Sunday, or is it Friday night to Saturday morning?
My mom will take the kids overnight about once or twice a month for a night at a time. Which used to feel like a lot, but that was we didn't have any family near by for the first 4 years.
supertrooper1, Every weekend seems like a lot. I could see maybe once a month you take him for an overnight. My ex in laws used to take the girls that frequently all the time because they live down the street. But, like someone else said, I work full time so I want the weekend time with my kids since I don't get as much during the week. So my in laws likely would have taken the girls more, but I didn't want them to.
supertrooper1- It seems like Beau has been insensitive more and more often lately. And that’s not okay. I know he’s gone through a lot, but I would recommend taking a moment to take a breath and ask if he’s the kind of person you are hoping DS grows up to be. And the answer to whether it’s excessive for a two year old to be farmed out every weekend is yes. It’s excessive. But whether it is or not, objectively, subjectively it is to you and it’s affecting your son. You absolutely have a right to set a limit. It’s not like you’ve gotten involved with a man with a small child of his own. You didn’t sign up for shared custody of this guy’s grandchild, but that’s basically what you have, it sounds like.
And campermom- can his assholery ever end? Good God. Absolutely do the domestic standby, and tell him that you have cameras recording both in and outside of the house.
I think every weekend is a lot. I’m not working much now and I still think it’s a lot. Of course, I’m coming from the other end of the spectrum where neither set of grandparents are willing to take the kids overnight at all. My parents will help out occasionally for a few hours (usually one, almost never both) and my MIL would prefer nothing.
Unrelated: I got up early and was able to schedule a vaccine for tomorrow. Yay!! And then an hour later the news broke about J&J... and I checked... of course I was scheduled to get that one.
campermom - I missed your update. I’m sorry this is still happening. You need to ask him for nothing, beg him for nothing, schedule your life with your kids like he does not exist. Don’t beg him to take the kids. If you need time, take it and schedule a sitter. I know it’s $$$ but prioritize it. I plan to do that when DH gets back on the road.
I think you made the right decision about your parents. I wouldn’t let my parents be there in a situation like that. Too volatile. The police presence is the way to go.
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 13, 2021 10:25:27 GMT -5
mommyatty, you're absolutely correct and I've been thinking a lot lately about his attitude. I don't know if I missed the signs early on or if his comments have gotten worse lately. In the last month was the one year anniversary of the loss of his son, this last weekend would have been his wedding anniversary and he's burned out at his job. I can't figure out if he's just been going through a tough time and he's not thinking before he thinks or if I'm just making excuses for bad behavior. In the back of my mind I'm always worried that I've found another narcissist or if I'm just still triggered by the trauma from my narcissist marriage.
supertrooper1, Navigating recovery from a narcissist marriage is so tough. I spend a lot of time with my therapist reviewing interactions with beau and whether it's "normal" or not. She spends a lot of time reassuring me and helping me talk through how I'm viewing things through the lens of how exH treated me vs. what beau does. She has given me a lot of good strategies for being able to evaluate on my own. I don't remember, do you see a therapist?
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 13, 2021 10:40:14 GMT -5
And you're all right, whether every weekend is excessive or not, it is affecting DS, so I need to set boundaries and suggest that if we're going to watch his grandson, it's on weekends that DS is with his dad.
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 13, 2021 10:42:15 GMT -5
twinmomma, I haven't seen my therapist since November. We were talking about those differences and then out of the blue she went into a pornography rant that wasn't helpful. I haven't decided if I'm going to go back to her or see someone else.
Post by sandandsea on Apr 13, 2021 11:54:33 GMT -5
We had soccer for both boys this weekend and Dh took ds1 to the track on Saturday so I had a play date for ds2. I got our vaccines scheduled, researched travel options, finished our taxes, and paid DS1 $10 to do all the laundry including folding and putting away.
Post by erinshelley21 on Apr 13, 2021 13:19:56 GMT -5
Yesterday was a real Monday for sure. I went into the office (hour drive one way) and about an hour after I got there I got a headache that was on the verge of becoming a migraine. I took the edge off with excedrin, food, and the ice pack from my lunch, but the relief only lasted about an hour. I left as soon as I could since I was sure I was going to puke and drove home with the ice pack on my head. Thankfully it went away right around the time the kids got home so I could enjoy DD's school program.
SOS: DH and I got into it last night. He has been frustrated with my parenting lately since it seems like the kids and I are always having a rough day. This brought on by him calling me right at the exact moment DD was kicking my seat while waiting to drop her off yesterday and I asked not so nicely to quit for the 4th time. We got it worked out for now. This isn't the first time he's brought it up, but he really doesn't understand what it's like to be the solo parent almost every morning. Even today when he took the kids to school, it was me making breakfasts, getting shoes on DD (she can do it, she just jacks around), clothes out for DS, making sure teeth are brushed. He slept until 15 minutes before we left and pooped for 5 of it. Cut me some freaking slack dude.