Neighborhood kids

[waverly]

I can see this starting to be a trend now for DS that the neighbor boys are ringing the doorbell for him to play.  I want to be open to it because of lost socialization during the pandemic.  They are entirely outside, and don't go into houses.  They are good about only going to the park and back.

I don't know 2 of the boys parents.  I only knew about the boys maybe a month or two ago.  They met on the bus, and I think those parents started giving more freedom and then the 2 original boys added the other 2 boys, my son and his friend.  Would you walk over to meet them?  Ask the 3rd boy's mom if she knows them?

Also, I would like to shower or work out during that time, but I feel like I have to be on call in case the kids need me.  Sometimes the 8 year old group goes too (2 girls) and my girl is dramatic, runs home and complains to me when people aren't sharing or stuff like that.  My son asked me if I was watching the whole time because I can see half the park from my windows.  I lied and said yes because it was clear he was going to try to hide something from me if I said no.  Then he said he fell off his scooter but was OK. 

I suppose I could maybe try the treadmill, and just tell them come get me in the basement.  I am just envisioning a kid knocking on my bathroom door while I am in the shower announcing someone is hurt because I was showering after work.  It's a bit disconcerting to have them running off right when I get home from work, but I suppose DH is there and he can answer the doorbell while working with the Ring.  Its a thing now because it is warmer here.  It's kind of annoying if it going to be every day, but like I said I am trying to roll with it because it is outside and the pandemic.  Any suggestions? 

[mae0111]

My kids go out every day with the neighborhood kids. It started last May, when things opened back up a bit. I don't really leave if I don't have to, but I would (and have) work out or shower, 100%. I either tell them what I'm doing, or I leave them a note. DH is usually home working, so in an emergency, they can run and get him in the basement. But I can't see them, so I don't supervise all the time. DD1 is 11, dd2 is 8.

I don't know all of the parents. We've had a lot of new families move in, and a couple of the kids are only here 1/2 the time since his dad moved in with his aunt nearby. Kids are lovely, dad seems is a bit odd. The kids don't tend to concentrate on their yard, so I'm not really worried. They're either here or at one other kid's house because she has a trampoline.

[mellym]

We deal with this on a daily basis with our kids and all the neighborhood kids. We let them play outside with everyone and they aren't allowed to go into a house without asking us first. They stick together for the most part running from yard to yard and look out for one another. DH mostly deals with it this spring since he's the one home when they get off the bus. He's often on conference calls in the house and then starting on dinner.

When I'm home, I go about my business as usual or play with DD3. That includes workouts or yoga. They honestly don't bother me too much because they've learned the rules. No one is allowed in our house if it's nice outside - go play outside. There are some complaints and tears that come up (usually our two daughters fighting with each other - so that's normal anyways) and we address it. As soon as I say, "would you like to stay in the house with me then?", they stop crying and run back outside.

Honestly, I'm with you on it being annoying mostly because I miss them and want to spend time with them when I get home...they would rather play with their friends. So, we let them have friend time and then we do family time after dinner.

[sdlaura]

I was just talking about something related to this topic with my sister last week and with my friend who does my lash extensions today. Both of them have a neighborhood little boy that they find annoying, and complained that the kid's parents are nowhere to be found and they're left supervising the other kid for too long. I think because I'm so afraid of being that parent, that we've gone too far the other way, and my kids don't really run around the neighborhood with friends. I think part of it is also that we were never home between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm, even in the summers. But now that we're hopefully still working from home for a while/hybrid forever, and our kids are getting older and starting to stay up a little later (so there are more potential play hours after school/camp), we're probably entering this territory.

[rere]

Mine used to play with neighbors kids, and I always liked to be the default house for play or where to go with an issue. I didn't trust the other parents especially since one mom appeared to always be napping. Do any have a cell that they can call if they need to give a report? Then you really may not get anything done though.

[186momx]

I wish DD had some neighborhood friends but she doesn't. There are some girls down the block from us that are in her grade but these are the same girls who have tormented her since K so she gives them a very wide berth. DD prefers to play in our the backyard. When she is out front it is to run around the block or walk to the dog or is helping do yard work.

waverly, could you walk the block or around the park instead of using the treadmill? I also don't have any problems telling DD she can't go out until X time so that I can do whatever.

[waverly]

Yeah I think my house is the default house or actually the park. My house is the closest to the park, and we have better sidewalks for biking and scootering. DS’s main friend said he can’t play in Friend A’s yard, and I haven’t allowed it either since I don’t know them. So then Friend A played in my yard which was fine, but I did wonder if it is OK with his parents but can’t ask them. I tried the walk-in talkie thing, and it didn’t go over well so maybe a GPS watch for DS might be in his future.

I have done some walking at the park. I’m just feeling my way through how much supervision do they need. DS’s main friend and his sister are pretty self sufficient. It’s just my DD that is more dramatic. I love her but she got her drama from her dad. No one was out today so at least I got a break to vegetate.

We never really had this before either because pre Covid they would have been at aftercare. And without my shortened hours or DH working from home then they wouldn’t have permission to leave the house unless we were there. I expect it’s the same situation with the other 10 year old boys.

[vasc]

Can you get walkie talkies for him to take? You keep one and check in every few minutes? That would work for a “Hey in stepping into the shower, I’ll page you when I get out in ten minutes” message.

[traveltheworld]

Sorry to be high jacking the post. But for those of you whose kids play with the neighbourhood kids unsupervised - how old are the kids? And how far do they go? Like would you feel comfortable letting them all ride their bikes around a 10/20 block radius?

DS is almost 9 and we have at least 6 kids from his grade that leave within a 2 block radius of us. I really want to encourage him to just go play with them, but I don't see many kids jsut playing outside.

[mae0111]

My kids started going out unsupervised last year, at 10 and 7. My 7 year old was always with my 10 year old, unless she was in our yard with other kids if DD1 was grounded.

All the kids I mentioned live on our block, which is basically one .5 mile loop with a cul-de-sac. Not much traffic - mostly Amazon delivery drivers that speed and don’t pay attention. I couldn’t let DD2 out alone because she doesn’t pay attention to cars.

I did let DD1 go further on her bike, to a neighborhood behind ours that can be accessed through our backyard if needed. I gave her boundaries, she broke the rules, and she hasn’t been allowed back there since.

I don’t trust my kids to go 10-20 blocks. But I might if they were different kids. My kids are impulsive and don’t always listen (one ADHD/NVLD diagnosis, the other seems to be heading toward an ADHD diagnosis). It’s hard to let them do more knowing that they don’t pay attention to dangerous things.

[waverly]

DS is 10 and DD is 8. Currently they are allowed a block to the west and south and a block to the west and north. We sat down and discussed the specific blocks because they started playing a racing game around the blocks and I said no you need to stick together not race. Then I said you can’t go east because there is a busy road 2 blocks east of us. DH is more feee range than me so he told them to go without specifying where, so I had to reign it in because I don’t want to wander all over. I tried the walk-in talkie thing but DS didn’t want to carry it so I was eventually thinking maybe the watch that texts. So far, with the tight radius I am ok, but when it expands I need a way to communicate better.

[mommyatty]

I wish we had a tribe of kids for mine to run around with. I think I’m your shoes I would try to catch the other parents outside at some point and just agree that everyone will keep a loose eye on everyone else’s kids. Not babysit, but more “if you see my child being a fool, please feel free to call them on it, and I’ll do the same if I see your child doing something dangerous if you’d like me to.”

[mustardseed2007]

There are a bunch of kids that run around together but mine don't run with them which kind of sucks. It's largely because we are in private school and I work full time so we have never been home prior to this before 6pm and the kids are normally playing between 3:30-5:30 or 6.

It's something I kind of don't like about our neighborhood because really the only thing worse than not having kids around, is having kids around that your kid doesn't know or feel comfortable playing with.

BUUUUT we have playdates every weekend and the kids have friends from school and other activities that come so we're not lacking in friendships it's just not the neighborhood pals that I grew up with.

[waverly]

I think I have mentioned before, I grew up in the country so kids didn't really run around like in my current neighborhood. The houses were too far apart and there were no sidewalks to run, bike, scooter. Our road was not super busy, but it was a 55MPH road not a neighborhood road. I was allowed to walk to other neighbors that were 1/4 to 1/2 mile away, but then we stayed in their yard or their house. It wasn't like a group wandered. We didn't pick this house for that purpose, but we did pick a house in a neighborhood with sidewalks, parks, and lower/ less traffic, so that ended up being the result. All this to say, since I didn't experience it growing up that is part of the reason why I have questions about it. Also, yes this didn't start until the pandemic because normally we wouldn't all be home until 5:30.

[sandandsea]

I let ds (9) ride his bike around our neighborhood alone. The full loop is under a mile. We are a little separated from bigger neighborhoods and live in a very quiet neighborhood without a lot of traffic and he’s pretty street smart and aware. I let him and our 4yo ds play in the front yard together (our house and up to 4 houses down the street) with our front door open so I can hear but not see them. The 4yo can’t go out front alone. I have let them play in the fully fenced in backyard unsupervised since age 3.

We are redoing our landscaping and one of my requirements was a front yard patio so I can sit out there comfortably and watch them play.

[mellym]

We are in a neighborhood and there are 22 kids from 0-12 on our dead end road alone so they typically stay on our road. There's always another neighbor kid outside and when the entire gang is out, we have quite the street party. I have an amazing picture of all of them scooting around the cul de sac circle like a scooter parade. Our oldest two are 6 and 8 and they have free reign as long as they stay on our road and stretch of neighbor's yards. We will let DD1 bike around the first neighborhood block (1 mile) to go to her bestie's house.

[vasc]

We are also in a subdivision. DD is 7.5. Just in the last few weeks (since the weather has warmed up) will I let her walk down the sidewalk roughly ten houses to the neighborhood playground, and usually it’s only when I know another friend will be there.

Over spring break I stayed at home with DS, who was recovering from a stomach bug. I sent DD to meet her friend with the walkie talkie. Friend was also alone while her dad worked from home (also a few houses away from the playground). While they were playing, other families we know were there and I was getting text updates from the parents (ie when DD left the walkie talkie in her jacket pocket and then took off the jacket). For the most part it worked out well. DD and the friend logged about six hours outside together that day.

[k3am]

I do not always supervise the kids that play at our house. If I’m downstairs anyway, I will, but if I need a shower or just want to veg and watch tv upstairs, I totally will.

I have contact info for all the parents and my kids (8, almost 5) bounce from house to house along with the other kids on the street. They are not allowed to go anywhere beyond neighborhood houses without permission, and a parent is always present, even if they’re not supervising. If they want to go to the park, they know they need to ask and get permission from all respective parents. Our days usually end when someone texts all the parents on the street to send the kids home.

I joke that I have my kids, 3 bonus kids, and sometimes I have no kids. I’ve legit had days where both kids disappear at 10am and I don’t see them again until dinner, and others where I’ve got them all and am line manufacturing pbj for lunch.

[ECB]

I would go work out. THe chances that someone gets hurt is pretty slim. I wouldn't restrict myself.

As far as your DD goes and bringing home drama... I'd probably try to start having conversations with her about what is and isn't important, what she needs to work out on her own, etc. I was kind of "tough love" on this stuff with DS. There were issues I simply refused to get involved in because he needed to either figure it out himself or he needed to not even bring it to me (because it wasn't important...). I tried to frame out what was worthy of bringing to me/ what I could help him with, and what he needed to deal with on his own.

[waverly]

Apr 19, 2021 14:08:02 GMT -5 ECB said:

I would go work out. THe chances that someone gets hurt is pretty slim. I wouldn't restrict myself.

As far as your DD goes and bringing home drama... I'd probably try to start having conversations with her about what is and isn't important, what she needs to work out on her own, etc. I was kind of "tough love" on this stuff with DS. There were issues I simply refused to get involved in because he needed to either figure it out himself or he needed to not even bring it to me (because it wasn't important...). I tried to frame out what was worthy of bringing to me/ what I could help him with, and what he needed to deal with on his own.

Maybe we have to do some role play.  I like that she is fiesty, but her go to is just to yell at the kids, and that isn't really proper social skills.  We've also done an anger management workbook before. 

Some examples:  DS wouldn't share the swing with DD.  We discussed it at home and resolved that they would each spend 5 minutes on the swing and then switch.

DS and the other kids called her a baby.  I don't like the name calling and ganging up.  When I went to talk to DS, him and the friends said DD threatened them with her fists.  The issue was fighting over who was "it".  Yes it is an issue because the boys are faster and the other girl refuses to be it.  However, I don't feel like when she is 8, that I need to walk down to the park to resolve an "IT" issue.  I am not sure how to resolve that because these issues will persist.  So I feel like I need to say either play with them or don't.  

But really, I do want her to play with them because they are outside and it is good for them to be active and social and outside.  So maybe I need to work with her on social skills?  But also, the other girl is being a pain, so maybe I just tell DD that if the other person refuses to be it, then she can refuse to be it as well (and do the swings instead).  

[twinmomma]

waverly, I deal with that kind of issue between just my two girls and beau's son a lot, nevermind outside kids. If they're playing a game and can't decide who is it, I straight up tell them it sounds like you need to not play that game anymore or figure it out yourselves. Yelling at each other is not an option and that means you don't get to play anymore. Hard stop. Usually then someone cries because I told them they can't play, everyone is dramatic for a few minutes, and then they all move on to a new game. If she's running back home for stuff like who is it, to me that kind of amounts to tattling and I'd tell her that if she can't work it out then she can't go play. Maybe after a couple times of feeling left out she'd figure out how to deal with it herself?

[ECB]

Apr 20, 2021 9:46:13 GMT -5 waverly said:

Apr 19, 2021 14:08:02 GMT -5 ECB said:

I would go work out. THe chances that someone gets hurt is pretty slim. I wouldn't restrict myself.

As far as your DD goes and bringing home drama... I'd probably try to start having conversations with her about what is and isn't important, what she needs to work out on her own, etc. I was kind of "tough love" on this stuff with DS. There were issues I simply refused to get involved in because he needed to either figure it out himself or he needed to not even bring it to me (because it wasn't important...). I tried to frame out what was worthy of bringing to me/ what I could help him with, and what he needed to deal with on his own.

Maybe we have to do some role play.  I like that she is fiesty, but her go to is just to yell at the kids, and that isn't really proper social skills.  We've also done an anger management workbook before. 

Some examples:  DS wouldn't share the swing with DD.  We discussed it at home and resolved that they would each spend 5 minutes on the swing and then switch.

DS and the other kids called her a baby.  I don't like the name calling and ganging up.  When I went to talk to DS, him and the friends said DD threatened them with her fists.  The issue was fighting over who was "it".  Yes it is an issue because the boys are faster and the other girl refuses to be it.  However, I don't feel like when she is 8, that I need to walk down to the park to resolve an "IT" issue.  I am not sure how to resolve that because these issues will persist.  So I feel like I need to say either play with them or don't.  

But really, I do want her to play with them because they are outside and it is good for them to be active and social and outside.  So maybe I need to work with her on social skills?  But also, the other girl is being a pain, so maybe I just tell DD that if the other person refuses to be it, then she can refuse to be it as well (and do the swings instead).  

We have a wide range of kids that all play together so I see all levels of these issues.  DS, at 12, is one of the older kids - so it's easier to tell him "figure it out".

BUT that being said, you're right too - she's 8.  You shouldn't need to go and work this out for them.  

I TOTALLY feel the desire to just be like "don't play with them", but you can reframe it too - "Honey, you have a choice.  You can figure out how to work a situation out, you can walk away from that situation to give yourself a break, OR you can also simply not play with those kids at all".  And then talk to her (more) about what SHE can do that doesn't involve not playing with the kids at all.  

I'm definitely starting to talk more to DS about peer pressure too.  There have been incidents where he would say "but they made me do it", and I'm like "they can't  MAKE you do it" - but I realize it's peer pressure.  So I have to address that too.  If he's going to give in to peer pressure- and I get it!  I really do! - he has to realize that there will be consequences for that.  Sometimes directly with his friends, and sometimes with us.  It's a harder path, but he needs to "figure it out" with that too - what is he willing to give in to and what is important enough to really say "no".