My DD’s middle school allows cell phones in school. She will occasionally text when she has forgotten her instrument or asks a question about who is picking her up. Sometime about something stressful like a headache and math text. Today the school went back full-time with both cohorts. She texted that she was a little stressed-out and I was supportive. I sent a cute picture of her dog. During COVID I sometimes send a text of the cat napping in the sun when she was in school. Rare stuff. But something nice.
Do parents do this? Should I stop? Do more?
She is 13 and is awkward and doesn’t communicate much. So, I thought this was a nice connection. What are parents doing around this new ability to communicate during school hours? I have no idea what I am doing.
Post by formerlyak on Apr 19, 2021 12:01:49 GMT -5
Our middle school didn't allow phones to be out on campus at all. If it was, it was taken and a parent had to go pick it up. Even if they are, different teachers may have different rules in their classrooms, so I wouldn't text during school hours. I think it doesn't help kids learn that there is a time and a place to text. I have seen so many young adults on their phones while work in a restaurant or retail and it drives me insane and even ignoring customers because they are distracted by their phones. That's not the time or the place. I think as parents, we can help kids learn that by not texting them at a time that could be considered inappropriate.
Our high school allows them at lunch time only.
But regardless, unless there is an emergency, DS needs to figure out his school day on his own.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Apr 19, 2021 12:02:08 GMT -5
As a substitute and former teacher, I would try to keep texts to emergency only from the time of the first bell until the last bell.
My almost 12 year old doesn't have a phone yet, but he has a gizmo watch, and he's had to get on the bus after I've left for something in the morning a few times (dd gets on the bus about an hour before him). So I've had him text me once he's on the bus so I know he didn't miss it. And if he has a question about pick up, he can text as soon as school is over. We set it to 'quiet time' while he's actually at school so he's not tempted.
I get that you want to be supportive, but unless there are extenuating circumstances, I feel like this is one of the things that leads to learned dependence of teens/young adults on their parents and stunts them growing up and being independent. An occasional text for a specific reason, like hey I forgot my instrument could you drop it off is one thing, but texting daily just to 'chat' or check in during the school hours is not a good idea in my opinion.
Our middle school does not allow them to be used during school. During Covid they let the students keep them but they had to be off. Now they are back to the usual policy where the homeroom teacher collects them at the beginning of the day. I am not a fan of texting during school. I think it is rude when they are supposed to be listening to the teacher. i would be ok at lunch time.
Post by NewGirlNic on Apr 19, 2021 12:03:48 GMT -5
DS doesn't have a phone, but uses Microsoft Teams at school and I use it for work. Once in a while we'll send a quick message to each other, but I keep it brief and tell him to get back to his school work. Today he sent me a message during lunch to say thank you for the piece of chocolate I put in his lunch.
The school has a policy that if kids bring cell phones, they have to be kept in their backpacks until the end of the day. So if he did have a phone, he would be able to text anyway.
As a teacher, yes most parents text their children and it’s a big problem because the kid feels the need to answer their parent over listen to their teacher tell them to put the phone away.
Post by soccermama on Apr 19, 2021 12:06:12 GMT -5
My DD just turned 12 (6th grade), and her school also went back full-time as of last week (with all cohorts). I think she was a little lonely at school before now because none of her friends were in the same cohort with her. She would text me a little more, just quick texts - but now that her friends are there too I haven't heard from her as much, which is fine.
I think sending your DD an occasional cute pic of the pets is definitely okay. Sounds like you are both are just sending the "occasional" text which I would think is fine.
Side note for me - I want my DD to spend less time on her phone & engage more of the "real world" because I think she is spending too much time on her phone (at least she is at home!)
My kid doesn’t have a phone (and she doesn’t go to school in person 🤣) but pre-covid there have been times I have thought - man I’m so glad she doesn’t have a phone so I can text her.
I think we as a society have become so accustomed to getting a response ASAP that I feel like it would be too easy for me to text her mid-day with something unnecessary.
Our middle schools require phones to be off and put away unless a teacher says otherwise. Part of the reason is that parents would text their kids incessantly in the past.
DD doesn't have a phone yet but most her peers do and yes they text their parents throughout the day. I do plan on getting one for DD before summer because I want her to be able to get ahold of me if she needs me at some of the camps she is doing. I do not however want her texting me just because. School will be the same.
Post by tarzanswife on Apr 19, 2021 12:11:43 GMT -5
I only text him if the pickup place or person has changed. That is it. He did have to go into lockdown once this year so far and he did text me to let me know he was OK. The teachers instructed the kids to take their phones out text their parents. I really try to leave him alone as he is not supposed to have his phone out at all during school hours.
I have no input on middle school but I was talking to another teacher today about kids and cell phones in our district. I was always shocked at the number of calls my kids (elementary school!) would get during the school day and it was almost always grandma. Where in the world does Grandma think her 6-10 year old grandchild is at 9:30am on a Tuesday in October?
Post by litebright on Apr 19, 2021 12:26:24 GMT -5
My 13YO 7th grader doesn't have a phone. If I need to reach her during the school day (she starts four days a week in-person this week), then I email her at her school email address. I can only think of twice that I've done that, TBH -- on her first day back in-person because she didn't know her bus number, and another time that she wanted to know some summer camp dates to share them with a friend.
She is on her Chromebook at school a lot anyway and checking email often for class/info from teachers, so I know she'll see it, but it's still in the "flow" of what she's doing regularly and avoids all the issues and rules around cell phone use during the school day.
Post by definitelyO on Apr 19, 2021 12:26:43 GMT -5
DS's middle school didn't allow phones except before/after school. So I would only text if it involved pick up - or he forgot something. HS - he has some down time and will text on occasion - but again, I only text if I'm running late to pick him up or someone else is getting him and we didn't talk about it in the morning.
My kids don’t have phones but this is a big no from me as a former school admin. It is a recipe for disaster in so many ways — distracting from learning, misunderstandings based on kid perspective in the moment, emotional reliance on parents, etc. He can go the office and ask to call me if he really needs me. Otherwise, his teachers are perfectly capable of caring for him during school hours. I wouldn’t care if he texted from the bus or extra curriculars.
Pre-Covid, we did not allow phones in class. They have to stay in their lockers. That said, we all have Macbooks, so parents who had Iphones were able to message their kids all day anyway.
I once did an audit during a 90 minute class, of all the ways the kids were distracted from their work -- music, peer questions, messaging were the biggest distractors. Messaging was BY FAR the biggest and the perpetrators were almost always parents.
So... I'd prefer that outside of an emergency, parents do NOT text their kids.
As a former teacher this is a huge problem. 25 kids with phones and everyone texting. Of course they are rules against having phones on, but that doesn't matter. It is the biggest issues in so many schools. Do you know how many times I've said, " Put your phone away!" and the response is "I'm talking to my mother, father, grandma, grandpa, etc..."
If there truly is an emergency and you needed your child the school could have you through to her in 5 min.
Phones are not allowed out at all at school. DS1 (14) texts when school us over but that’s it. Personally even if it was allowed I wouldn’t text him during the school day. He needs to figure out school on his own. Like, if he forgets something that’s on him. I’m not bringing it! Lol
Only if he texts me, and he’s done that only at lunch.
ETA: They aren't allowed to use phones during the day - only at lunch because they are seated at individual desks and it's not easy to talk to one another, so they can have their phones.
I've been VERY CLEAR with him that his phone is not to come out during class with him, ever. To what other parents have said -if he does take it out and loses it.... oh well, too bad, so sad.
I only text during school hours if she texts me. Then I know she's at lunch or in a class period they let he take her phone out in (so maybe a sub is there an they made it study hall). In regular class the phone is supposed to be turned off.
I might next before class when she's waiting for get in or afterschool when she is heading home.