🤷🏻♀️ A picture of a dog equates to putting a note in a kid’s lunch to me.
Do I think you need to have a full-on text convo with a kid? Nah. But lord, everything fucking sucks right now. Sounds like a lot of people could use a pic of a dog texted fo them.
So send it after 3pm.
It is incredibly difficult to get teens off their phones and it’s worse when parents are adding to the problem.
🤷🏻♀️ A picture of a dog equates to putting a note in a kid’s lunch to me.
Do I think you need to have a full-on text convo with a kid? Nah. But lord, everything fucking sucks right now. Sounds like a lot of people could use a pic of a dog texted fo them.
So send it after 3pm.
It is incredibly difficult to get teens off their phones and it’s worse when parents are adding to the problem.
No, I don’t think I would wait until the school day ended to be supportive of my kid who reached out for an emotional boost during a chaotic pandemic year.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 19, 2021 18:26:00 GMT -5
My HS doesn't allow phones in class - they are supposed to be kept in lockers. Please please don't text your children all day long. Since we had admin be tougher on phones, I have less issues with them, but of course kids still try bringing them into class and it usually parents texting them (I know this because they tell me, "But my mom's texting!") For something of an emergency nature, parents can call our front office, a secretary answers, calls my room and tells me to send the kid down to get the phone in the office. It takes less than 5 minutes, truly.
And yes, they do get breaks. They can be on their phones at their locker during passing periods, they can be on them during lunch, and let's be real honest here. Most bathroom breaks, which I don't regulate at all and they can go when they say they need to go, are also used as "phone breaks." They can be without it for a 45 minute class period. I am without mine as well. I personally know students who have gotten fired from local jobs for being caught on their phones one too many times. School is a great environment to learn when it isn't appropriate to be checking texts while not losing a job.
You've got about 10 teachers in this thread alone that have said don't do it yet parents still seem to find a reason/excuse do it - no wonder why teachers have such tough jobs.
How long is the school day that a child old enough to have a cell phone can't wait for their mom to send them a picture of a puppy? Three hours?
The school day itself is 5.5. Kids on buses at 6:15 right now, home by 1:30-2pm depending on bus route. It’s...not great. It’s the longest they can get away with being in school without food.
I do think in ordinary times, phones are dumb and I hate them. I feel for teachers having to deal with dickhead students and their dickhead parents and their dickhead friends all being dickheads on their phones instead of being present in school.
But, given what’s described and no indication it’s happening during class (I assumed a passing period or lunch time) I don’t see an issue with a, “Hang in there,” when a kid reaches out during a shitty pandemic year.
It’s ok if others think that’s unnecessary and no text exchanges should happen. In an ordinary year, I would say the same, and I do say it should not be happening during class, even during shitty pandemic year.
It is incredibly difficult to get teens off their phones and it’s worse when parents are adding to the problem.
No, I don’t think I would wait until the school day ended to be supportive of my kid who reached out for an emotional boost during a chaotic pandemic year.
This isn’t about not showing support. There’s plenty of time to do that after school or before. This is about having my kid respect their teacher and the rules about phones.
If the kid needs “emotional boost” during the school day, I’d inquire more. Talk before school, follow-up after school, provide techniques they can lean on during school. But unless there’s a bigger emotional problem, I’m not handling that while they are at school.
You've got about 10 teachers in this thread alone that have said don't do it yet parents still seem to find a reason/excuse do it - no wonder why teachers have such tough jobs.
Seriously. I'm so tired of "but my precious is different!" It's exhausting in a typical year. Your baby will live without a picture of a puppy from mommy during the school day when I am trying to get them to learn ANYTHING.
Mental health is different. I always let kids in distress text their parent if they need to. All they have to do is ask. But the barrage of stupid texts from parents all day long is annoying to teachers and really distracting to kids.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
No, I don’t think I would wait until the school day ended to be supportive of my kid who reached out for an emotional boost during a chaotic pandemic year.
This isn’t about not showing support. There’s plenty of time to do that after school or before. This is about having my kid respect their teacher and the rules about phones.
If the kid needs “emotional boost” during the school day, I’d inquire more. Talk before school, follow-up after school, provide techniques they can lean on during school. But unless there’s a bigger emotional problem, I’m not handling that while they are at school.
Yes I’m thinking if my kid needed support during the day I would set up a plan with the guidance counselor.
Post by georgeglass on Apr 19, 2021 19:22:26 GMT -5
I work at my daughter's school. I used to think it was sweet/loving when she would check in during the day, until a very kind (and tired) teacher helped me realize that part of the point of school was for my kid to learn how to manage her thoughts/concerns/worries as an independent person and I realized that being that constant touchpoint actually hurt her more than helped her. Of course, there are exceptions, but those are very rare. Now I let my kid process all of the day without me and we are both better for it.
You've got about 10 teachers in this thread alone that have said don't do it yet parents still seem to find a reason/excuse do it - no wonder why teachers have such tough jobs.
I’m not a teacher but this is ridiculous. Don’t we all know how distracting that ping or buzz is especially during a boring activity like work? I do not understand how people don’t get this.
What if 50% of a class is sad that day and needs a dog picture or kind words via text and the entire class is just one child after another checking their phone for the texts from mom and of course texting her back. And then maybe she’ll send another heartening message, and so it continues ...
I don’t know the OP’s set up but I imagined the DD sending it during a passing period or some time that was acceptable. If I got the original message the OP posted I would absolutely send something quick. If she didn’t get it until she could have her phone back at the end of the day, lunch or passing period that’s fine. I would also follow up at home.
If the school has a rule of no phones during the day I would expect I know that as a parent and would respect that. The kid already had her phone so I’m assuming she’s not breaking rules here. If she is then the OP needs to follow up with her kid about not using her phone during the day.
I work at my daughter's school. I used to think it was sweet/loving when she would check in during the day, until a very kind (and tired) teacher helped me realize that part of the point of school was for my kid to learn how to manage her thoughts/concerns/worries as an independent person and I realized that being that constant touchpoint actually hurt her more than helped her. Of course, there are exceptions, but those are very rare. Now I let my kid process all of the day without me and we are both better for it.
This. In middle school, they need to learn that there are resources available to them if they need emotional support. And most middle school teachers I know are pretty darn good at recognizing a kid needs support. DS went to his school counselor once in sixth grade and when she called me to let me know (with his permission), I was so worried. But the counselor explained that the fact that DS came to her on his own, meant he was on the right path toward independence and attempting to care for his needs in a healthy way. It’s a really important life skill.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 19, 2021 20:02:13 GMT -5
I do think this is a good, larger conversation to have as well that has been touched on here already. And when I describe what I see from some parents I am NOT directing that at the OP of this thread or anyone posting here.
I do think not texting/communicating with your kids for the duration of the school day or at least during class also just helps them learn how to be more self-sufficient and advocate on their own behalf in life situations. I have personally seen a student get upset at a paper grade they get back, they ask to go to the bathroom, and miraculously within 3 minutes of them returning to my room, I am getting an angry email from the mom. Hmm, I wonder what they did in the bathroom?! And the student never comes to talk to me themselves. I should probably also mention this happened in a senior level dual-credit class, so it is a college course. I always respond in situations like this by asking the parent to have their student come and discuss with me in person.
The first instinct especially as a senior enrolled in a college course shouldn't be to text Mom and have her yell at the teacher. It should be something the student sets up an appointment with the teacher and comes in to calmly discuss. I don't think phones are totally to blame, but I do think having that immediate line to Mom or Dad or whomever doesn't help. A young person gets angry or upset about something and can have a knee-jerk reaction to just have mom deal with it. If that wasn't an option, they may not be able to talk to Mom or Dad about this for 5 or 6 hours and either calmed down by then or just handled it themselves in the first place.
I do think there is a time and place for parents or guardians to step in in a school situation. But I think those are the exception and not the norm. For your run-of-the-mill unhappy about a grade, confused about what we're doing, etc. situation, students at least in middle school and up should start advocating for themselves to the teacher, and then if nothing improves, then the parents get involved. I can't honestly think of a single time my mom called or emailed any of my HS teachers, and I definitely had times I was unhappy about a grade or the teacher made a mistake or I was lost. And every time, I went in before or after school to talk about it with them.
I do, but DS is a type 1 diabetic and the school nurse is only in our building part time. I will text him because he sometimes doesn't get the alerts that his glucose level is dropping or he will text me to ask how many carb do I think the food is. I will admit once that I texted him when I saw his teacher post that he received a 99% on a project he really struggled with. But I waited until his lunch break.
I don't, but he's 9. I can't see a reason why I'd need to. But as he gets to high school I can absolutely see needing to reach him during the hours of 8-3.
And to the point that teenagers shouldn't text outside their break, kids at school don't typically get breaks. I certainly didn't, even during lunch our phones couldn't be out. I alway thought was extremely silly.
What changes in HS? No snark, just curious what couldn’t wait until they were out.
My mom is a retired teacher and last taught 7th/8th grade, the school allowed phones and it was a disaster. There was not much she could do as it was allowed. Nothing to keep them from just playing on the internet or whatever. If there’s a true emergency parents can call the school or school the parents.
I’d be ok with them being allowed out at lunch or whatever.
I'm thinking generally schedule changes. Games canceled, events after school that parents don't generally attend etc. It came up often for me in school where I needed to reach my mother before the school day was over.
As for one poster, I really don't get the "brag" about not speaking to your spouse all day. It gets brought up often here and it's always in a tone that implies you deserve a cookie for it lol. Some days I'm too busy but others I send 15 tiktoks of food I want us to make for dinner.
And on a larger darker note, if my kid's school is being shot up I'd want to talk to my kid and not wait to see some shit on the news.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 19, 2021 21:12:26 GMT -5
I completely understand the school shooting situation. I know as a teacher, I would also want to reach out to my H and loved ones if I am ever in that situation.
Just something to keep in mind - if heaven forbid you are ever in that situation, I would be hesitant unless you are sure your child always keeps their phone on silent. We are taught during our ALICE training to tell parents not to contact their children via text or call during a shooting because if the phone goes off while we are attempting to hide, it could alert the shooter to their location. I hate even typing this out. The whole thing makes me fucking sick. Every year we do our active shooter drill, I fight back tears as we listen to cops try to get into our locked classrooms and I look outside to see my students running outside with hands raised. I do not want to go off on a tangent about guns and shootings, but I did just want to offer up that tip we got from our training.
PLEASE STOP TEXTING STUDENTS DURING THE SCHOOL DAY.
My daughters' high school allows phones. There are different zones in the school and during the school day. They're allowed to text when they're in green zones, whether that's location or time based.
DD1 is a senior and rarely texts but if she does I respond. She's never gotten in trouble for being on her phone when she wasn't supposed to be so I know she only has her phone out when it's okay to do so.
DD2 is a freshman and has had a very challenging year. She's had to deal with an ex "boyfriend" stalking and harassing her at school, and I'm not going to ignore her texts about that issue on the premise of her needing to be able to grow up and handle problems on her own. If she's scared or worried about what he's doing and she lets me know, I'm going to both respond to her immediately and call the school, which I've had to do several times. She texts me about numerous issues but also has never been written up for phone use so I'll assume that she's texting me at appropriate times.
I feel a lot of people in here are being kind of... Naive? Saying that their kid doesn't get in trouble for having there phone which means them texting throughout the day is a-okay. Just because you aren't being contacted about it doesn't mean they aren't getting in trouble. Or maybe they're not getting caught, but then missing instruction being on their phone. As an adult I have such a hard time just replying to a text and then not looking at anything else. Idk I think back to myself in highschool and I did so much shit that I didn't get caught for or parents contacted about, but def didn't help my learning experience and was a pain in the ass for teachers lol.
Post by pizzaandtulips on Apr 20, 2021 0:50:00 GMT -5
The thing is, as a middle school teacher, if I see a kid texting in class (which is not allowed - it is supposed to be off and in their backpack, but surprise, it isn’t), I don’t know if the text is an emotional support dog picture from mom, or a nasty meme made about another student in class that’s being passed around. I don’t know if they are texting mom to ask about sports practice after school, or if they are using it to spread rumors to friends. And quite honestly, it shouldn’t be my responsibility to figure it out. So while yes, it would be nice for some kids to have the nice messages from parents during class, especially during this crappy year, for every “good” text, my kids are sending/receiving multiple inappropriate/unnecessary texts. Don’t put it on teachers to have to distinguish between these and make decisions. Just stop texting and tel your kids to stop using their phones in school. Because even if “it’s against the rules!!!!!!!”, there’s a good chance your kid is still using their phone in class when they aren’t supposed to.
Post by mysteriouswife on Apr 20, 2021 4:35:42 GMT -5
We have DD’s phone on parental controls while in the school building. She is allowed to make out going calls to us and 911 and only text us. I can’t remember if we sent text to our family group chat or not pre-covid. I do know she wouldn’t respond or call. She was terrified her phone would be taken away by a teacher. Nothing can be important enough to text during the day. If it is then call the school and leave a message for when the school feels the child should know.
I don't even text my husband when he's at work. He's away from home for a reason. Allowing people to be mentally present in their environment is a fantastic way to support them.
A note in the lunchbox is seen when a child is on a break, not when a teacher is trying their damnedest to hold everyone's attention. These things are not the same.
Oh huh
Me and MH text each other every day.
(We don't hound each other, we both know we may not respond if we're in a work related task)
I did not read the whole thread, so I may be coming in way late on this, but I only text my kids during the school day if I need to change after school plans. I have shared custody with their Dad, so they take one bus if they are going to his house and another if they are coming to mine, so if there is a change with that, or if they are getting picked up instead of the bus, I will text them. But not for anything else. Non-emergency communication can wait until they are done school for the day.
Is this a girl vs boy thing too? I’m not texting my kids during the school day anyway (it’s not allowed, plus I’m a big believer in letting kids figure stuff out on their own so they can become functional teens/adults) but also DS1 would be MORTIFIED if I texted him gifs or dog photos during the day lol. Even though no one would see it but him. He lives in a constant state of mortification these days
I understand the POV of "we're in a pandemic" and yes, it's affecting our kids in various ways and some kids may need extra support.
But we have to make sure we're finding a balance here too as we "go back to normal". My son is THRILLED to be back in person 2 days a week. But when the news came out that they can go back 4 days, he's all "I don't know - i like to sleep in those days, I don't know if I want to go back 4 days".... I'm like "Um, dude.... what do you think next year is going to be like?".
With their schedule and work load, school has been a CAKE WALK this year. He's going to a new school next year that will be anything but a cake walk and I'm nervous!! He's so unprepared, and having him whine about 4 days of EASY school.... oh boy. We have some work to do!
So - I need to make sure I balance being there for him and supporting him through a shitty year with making sure he's ready for next year so he's not totally blindsided.
Is this a girl vs boy thing too? I’m not texting my kids during the school day anyway (it’s not allowed, plus I’m a big believer in letting kids figure stuff out on their own so they can become functional teens/adults) but also DS1 would be MORTIFIED if I texted him gifs or dog photos during the day lol. Even though no one would see it but him. He lives in a constant state of mortification these days
I think our boys are close in age and your posts about him make me laugh so hard lately. I send ds memes daily (when he’s in his room ignoring us, not during school hours), and say things like, “Look! I speak teen!” I get many an eye roll and am convinced eye rolls mean I’m doing my job as a mom.
With a lot of these examples of when texting is necessary, I think, “somehow we managed in the 80s without getting a text from mom.” By middle school, honestly, we need to start giving our kids the tools to manage themselves. After school activity change? An email during passing is less disruptive than a text. The ex-boyfriend stalker issue the school should 100% be involved. I was heavily bullied in middle school because I was an easy target as I was new and still finding my group. My parents made the school aware of the issue and put me in self defense classes to give me the confidence in my ability to defend myself should one of the bullies act on her threats. Only one did and I used the non-violent but loud and firm response when the girl shoved me down and I stood my ground. That pissed her off and she walked away. The sense of strength I felt from that was one I carried with me for a long time. It was a gift. I’m not sure about the diabetes issue, but at some point he will have to manage it himself. Maybe find ways to start working on that; partner with the school nurse of there is one? DS has asthma and while we were getting it under control it was a bit scary. We partnered with the school nurse who suggested he let a few trusted friends know where his inhaler was in his backpack and tell them what the warning signs of his attacks were so they could alert a teacher if something seemed off and then run to get his inhaler from his backpack.
There is a great book by a former Dean of freshman at Stanford where she shared stories about freshman who arrived on campus and it was clear they never learned to do things for themselves because they were so dependent on mom and dad. It’s a good read and a great illustration of why making them learn to manage their own things during the school day is so important.
Is this a girl vs boy thing too? I’m not texting my kids during the school day anyway (it’s not allowed, plus I’m a big believer in letting kids figure stuff out on their own so they can become functional teens/adults) but also DS1 would be MORTIFIED if I texted him gifs or dog photos during the day lol. Even though no one would see it but him. He lives in a constant state of mortification these days
Totally unrelated to phone use, but my 14 year old boy lives in a constant of mortification. I do not know how he gets through the day! Once in while I make his lunch, he requests that the sandwich not be cut in half in case somebody sees it and thinks 'his mommy is making his lunch'. He had spin class outside last night and wore his hood up in case a friend in passing car happened to glance over. LOL It must be exhausting.