In terms of life decisions, I think overall we made the best ones we could. I may have just minored in English rather than doing 2 majors because I graduated with too many credits and spent more money for really no reason. I wanted to have the option to teach either, and now I don't even teach. I don't know what I would have done otherwise that semester though, maybe just did 4 months of working and odd job and then moved sooner with DH and worked there sooner so we both would have been able to save more money. I didn't love it in NYC, but I think living there was a good learning experience for me. It really opened up my eyes to different cultures. Maybe gone to counseling there?
I would have also lived with different roommates or lived alone in college. The roommate situation got dramatic. I did like the school/ vibe though.
I wish we didn't put offer in on 2 houses and dealing with the offers falling apart. I wish DS didn't have his medical issues but that was beyond our control. Going back couldn't have changed or stopped it.
Dh has some jobs that he regretted taking for sure.
I wish I had done more/taken a more active role in our first dog got sick. It started as a cough that just never got better. Vet did xrays, didn't come up with much, and suggested we take him to a specialist vet ($$$) in a town 45min away. I had just started a new job, and H was stressed to the max at his. I didn't see how we would be able to take a day and get him to an appointment. So we switched vets. New vet office was right by H's work, and the dog could hang with H before/after. A bunch of options were brought up to me, (new xrays, different bloodwork, etc) and I didn't realize that H was saying no to these things. Over a few months the dog just got worse and worse, and the vet had no answers. He ended up with internal bleeding, and that was the end. In the back of my mind I wonder if he got into something/ate something that was causing an obstruction or a partial obstruction (even though his appetite and all was fine up until the last week). He was only 6, and we got him right after getting married. I also wish I had done an autopsy - but it wasn't something I was thinking about when we had to go to the e-vet to have him put down. I feel like knowing what happened would make me feel better... but maybe not.
I kick myself for not calling my Granddad on his last birthday. He hadn't been doing great, but my mom wasn't the best at communicating his issues/that we were truly near the end. He had lots of company and visitors on his birthday (and it was a weekend, so we could have gone. I just didn't feel like traveling the 4 hrs - ugh). I told myself I'd call him the day after, and I got busy and forgot. He passed away 2 days after his birthday. I don't beat myself up too much over this one, just a "man I wish" kind of thing.
The final one was last summer. My troubled niece was pregnant with her 3rd kid by a 3rd guy, and she hadn't stuck around for her first two kids. Niece was on drugs while pregnant, and CPS was involved. Child was temp placed with my oldest sister, while my niece ran off to live with some other guy and his sister. Ultimate plan was for H and I to adopt said child. I felt like CPS/my sister weren't doing enough (CPS didn't seem to... care? about niece's prior history with her kids nor that she had untreated/self medicated bi-polar disorder), but I didn't know what could have been done. Niece signed her kid over to be adopted by this random guy's sister that she just met. We're 95% sure cash changed hands, but can't prove it. Apparently it didn't matter anyways, as niece's signature is all that mattered. We looked into getting a lawyer, but it was too late. I didn't know it then, but we should have gotten a lawyer as soon as great-nephew was placed with my sister. That would have allowed us to bring my niece's issues in front of a judge and attempt to term her parental rights before she signed away her kid. Now the kid has a completely different name, and zero contact with any of his bio family and half-siblings. I'm still.... working through processing this one. Ugh.
Post by yourmother on Apr 22, 2021 16:44:55 GMT -5
I was tired of hearing my grandmother ask me, "When are you going to have children? I'm going to die before you have a baby." She said it often and one day I snapped at her that she could see my baby from Heaven if she wasn't here on Earth.
Years later after waiting to TTC and then dealing with more years of IF, I finally got pregnant. That year is when her health really deteriorated and I wasn't able to see her until she was on her deathbed. My mom did tell me that earlier when my grandmother was semi-conscious, she shared the secret of my baby's sex and my mom said my grandmother smiled. I tear up thinking about that. She died when I was 5 months pregnant.
I think about this a lot. I shouldn't have snapped at her.
The last time I spent with my grandma. I didn't know it would be the last time.
There are many more moments. They all involve love or happiness. But if I could alter outcomes, I would want every moment of my life back. I would change nearly everything.
Oh, there are a few but none that haunt me like this one...
My mom was scheduled for a hip replacement, she had them replaced 15 years prior but needed them redone. She was not a healthy woman and had some serious health issues in her life and was not thrilled about going into hospital.
She called me the night before telling me how scared she was and nervous about the procedure. I basically told her to knock it off, she'd be fine, and stop worrying about it. I told her she had it done previously and she was ok. I basically ignored all her fears told her I'd see her in 2 days.
Well, that was my last conversation with her. She died hours after surgery. She bled to death from complications from DIC.
I am haunted by this, even 10 years later, the guilt and sadness overwhelms me. (sobbing as I type this)
I regret being so closed off to everyone until about the age of 27. Ruined many relationships and one in particular that I really messed up. I wish I could go back in time and relive a weekend I had with him. Not so that things would be different now, just would have said and done things differently.
I was 21 in my first post-college job. The territory manager I worked with invited me to the holiday party he threw for customers at a country club. I wore my nicest suit with a red sparkly top and black pumps. I was so proud about how great I looked--balancing a festive look with professional attire.
The party was a hit and I built some great in-person relations with contacts who I'd only ever spoken to on the phone. I left the party on a high about how great it went.
Then, monday morning, he called me into the conference room and berated me that I should have been on the dance floor more, and I quote "wasted the opportunity to wear a hot dress and use my assets."
I went back to my desk and cried silent tears. I would give alllllll the money in my bank account to go back in time and lobby a big, strong "FUCK YOU" at him.
My first was a c-section after 27 hours of labor. Nothing to be done about that. I am very much at peace with it, though it was not the kind of birth experience I expected or wanted. So going into my second, I was clear all along that I wanted a second c-section, that it would be scheduled, that I would go in clear headed and well rested so that I could actually enjoy my baby's first moments of life. I was a zombie after DS1 and barely remember it.
I went into labor at 11pm the night before my scheduled c-section. Went in. They refused to do the c-section right away and wouldn't give me an epidural. I still don't understand why. As a result, I labored all night until 5am the next morning when my doctor came in to do the c-section (zero progress, no chance of a VBAC). I was an exhausted mess from lack of sleep and being in pain all night. I think I remember even less about DS2's birth. The whole thing was honestly really traumatic. DS2 turns 4 in a couple of weeks and it still makes me tear up to think about it. The whole thing just fucking sucks and I'm mad at myself for not being more insistent that they give the fucking epidural.
I want to really hold all of you who answered in the light. I don’t want to like or quote anything but thank you all for sharing your experiences ❤️❤️❤️
My grandma was in the hospital only 30 minutes from my house and it had been a few days and I hadn’t visited her. WTF is wrong with me? I finally went and she was sleeping. She looked great and I knew she needed rest, so I didn’t wake her up and figured I’d come back the next day. She died the next day. She and I were kindred spirits, and it kills me that I didn’t get to talk to her. I just want to go back and wake her up and sit and laugh and tease her about her crush on Derek Hough on Dancing With the Stars. I was able to go in to her room and hold her hand and talk to her before they took her body away, but it is not the same.
My dad had terminal cancer. He asked me to take him to Hallmark to buy a birthday card for my mom. My birthday is about 2 weeks after my mom’s birthday. While we were there, I thought to myself “should I suggest he pick out a card for me while we’re here?” and I didn’t say anything. He passed away 4 days before my birthday. I would love to have that moment back and I would speak up!!
Post by foundmylazybum on Apr 22, 2021 23:35:27 GMT -5
Also, on a lighter note, we are looking for a vacation cabin and we recently put in an offer for one but we kind of messed up the offer process and missed out.
Now there is nothing as nice.
This is a champagne problem but I'd love to have that moment back so we could have gotten that freaking cabin dammit! 🥴
I wish i had immediately broken up with the man who raped me in college, instead of pushing it out of my mind and years later actually marrying him. Life would have been a great deal different.
However, if we hadn't stayed together i don't know if i would have been on the same life path to meet my fiance, who is just the best.
I wish I had put more effort into friendships I let slide because I was ashamed of myself for putting on a lot of weight and not getting a job after uni. My father had just died and I had a hard time processing. Instead of opening myself up to friends I shut them out and ultimately lost some people I still wish would be around now, 21 years later.
I also have a lot of issues around the last few months of my mother's life. Her dementia seemed to get so much worse so quickly and I just couldn't cope, so I basically abandoned her and focused on my pregnancy. I had DD 5 weeks early due to HELLP syndrome and only visited my mother twice in the last 2 months of her life.
Right out of undergrad, I moved to a small town to coach women's rowing at the college. It was a DI program and the athletics department was the only thing going on in town. The basketball team was huge and had made it to the tournament many years running. I graduated from college at 21, and was one of the youngest coaches in the department.
The sports info director's office door was adjacent to mine and within months, he began sexually harassing me. It began slowly at first, just off hand remarks, but over the course of four years, ramped up to back / should rubs, disgusting leers and gestures, and one time, groping me at the copy machine. I had asked some people for help, but he'd been there for decades and was well known. No one believed it was as bad as I told them it was. His wife's best friend was the AD's admin assistant and I knew if I went to the AD, his wife would find out. At -- eventually -- 25, I couldn't fathom bringing that conflict into a marriage or losing my job. I thought it would be either / or.
I kept a list of every incident hidden in my desk. It was two notebook pages, back and front, one incident per line.
One day, I finally lost it and ran, screaming and crying hysterically, into the AD's office. I did not stop for the admin assistant, just barged in holding my list. I let everything go as quickly as I could get the words out. My male counterpart had followed me in, and told the AD that he had seen quite a few of these incidents and had been trying to protect me.
When I finished, I calmed down and asked the AD to help me. He asked me to wait until the end of basketball season because his hands were full, and he needed the SID to be able to focus.
I left his office a mess.
The next day, the list was gone from my desk.
I quit as soon as the season was over and have never coached since.
The team named a boat after me, the following year (athletes did, not the AD), and when I went back to christen the boat and give a speech, the SID and AD were in the front row.
I regret not saying anything that weekend. I regret not suing the university.
I read this thread yesterday but couldn't bring myself to post until today... this really does still haunt me 😞
A few years ago one of my cats started acting strange. Her appetite was great, but she started losing weight and was always hungry (to the point she actually swiped an entire chicken breast off my husband's dinner plate that he was actively eating from... it wasn't just hanging out unattended). She stopped using the litter boxes and had soft, runny poops. The vet did blood work but couldn't find anything wrong.
She still seemed to have a good quality of life, but I wish I had fought harder for her. Money was tight, but I wish I made sacrifices to get her to a specialist. And I really wish I had been able to let her go before I found her dying on the bedroom floor that morning. She passed in my arms on the way to the vet.
I still don't know what was wrong, and I will always carry the pain of failing her. She was such a sweet soul. 😢
Post by basilosaurus on Apr 24, 2021 12:05:12 GMT -5
I know I was very young, so intellectually I don't feel guilty, but I didn't many years crying over this. My mom came into my bed one morning to tell me she was going to due. I turned my back to her so she wouldn't see me cry. That was probably quite painful for her even if she would have totally understood my reaction.