Etiquette questions

[waverly]

Would you consider it rude if I made plans to attend an event and then invited you after I had tickets? We used to have a tradition of doing a minor league baseball game in DH’s birthday. My friend wants to do a game so I could invite them but it might be rude since it is like you can tag along rather than including them in planning from the beginning. We are going either way because it’s his birthday present. Just debating whether to invite them or if it rude.

DD was bragging about a birthday party for the dog. I should have talked to her about bragging. But really there was no party - it was all in her head. All we did was take the dog to the dog park. I tried to explain, and they got it but said their daughter would love to go to the dog park- oops. Etiquette on bragging about non existent events lol?

[mommyatty]

We’ve done this. Said that we were going to a game and then said we would tell them where our seats were if they wanted to try to coordinate with us. So not an invitation so much as “we are doing this thing you said you’d like to do, and we are happy to see you at the same time.” I don’t think it’s rude.

[mustardseed2007]

I've made a big deal with my son about not bragging or talking about things he's invited to lately because with COVID there have been a few things that not everyone in his class was invited to. Also, his best friend is a former student at our school as well, so sometimes she has birthday or holiday parties and invites her closest friends from the school but not the whole class. It's resulted in some actual hurt feelings.

Now on fictitious events...I mean, I guess I'd use it as a learning opportunity but you can't get too worked up about that. I wouldn't actually take someone else's kid to a dog park because you never know what dogs are there and what their temperament is.

Are you going to give or sell some of your tickets to the event to your friends? Or do they need to get their own tickets? And is it assigned seating?

[waverly]

They would get their own tickets. She never answered my text, so I guess that is a no/ didn’t go over well.

As far as the dog park I definitely never thought her kid would even want to go until she said something. The mom would be there too but really it’s not that exciting unless you’ve never been and I agree you never know what dogs will be there. I’ll talk to DD again about not mentioning events that people aren’t invited to. Luckily she is starting to get some self awareness. I just think if someone mentions party then people think it is an actual party rather than a made up thing.

[twinmomma]

waverly, I'd guess most parents understand that "parties" that are reported on by children are not necessarily a real thing. My kids have been "invited" to many parties over the years that the parents know nothing about and are just pure recess speculation. One year a kid handed out Christmas Eve party invitations at school and the mom never even knew. It was hilarious! A few of us were comparing notes and ended up emailing the teacher, who reached out to the mom of the inviter. It wasn't real! LOL I wouldn't worry too much about it. I take all those invites with a grain of salt when my kids bring them up and tell them that I won't make plans until I hear from the grown up directly.

[waverly]

I forgot about that. There were always pretend parties in pre-k and K.

[ECB]

My take on the game - if you knew you wanted these people to come with you, I would have reached out before hand and just said that we're planning on going to a game on X date - would they be interested in going too? And then offer to buy the tickets so that you can all sit together and they can pay you back. 

What you did isn't rude, but I wouldn't feel as much like I was going "with" you if we were just going to find tickets somewhere near you.  But - if you bought the tickets and then thought "oh, we should see if Mary wants to go", that's perfectly fine too.  

In the end, I'd much rather be thought of and invited than not invited over a possible "rudeness" that I'd have to buy my tickets/ seats separate.  

If you were worried about it becoming a "we'd love to go, but we'd rather go on Y date" thing, then I would just say "Oh- that won't work - this is for DHs birthday and we're set on going on X date.  If that doesn't work for you, totally understand.  We'll have to find another time to all go together.".  

[waverly]

ECB , thanks. I am not great at coordinating with other people, and we have become very much do a lot on our own as a family unit, I suppose.

I might have coordinated more, but with Covid limits I wasn't sure if they would fill up quickly, and how that all works. Things with timed entries have been completely sold out here lately.  So for his birthday, I just wanted to get it booked, but if they want to do another date also, we are open to it.  Sometimes we go 2-3 times in a summer. 

[ECB]

May 10, 2021 9:08:52 GMT -5 waverly said:

ECB , thanks. I am not great at coordinating with other people, and we have become very much do a lot on our own as a family unit, I suppose.

I might have coordinated more, but with Covid limits I wasn't sure if they would fill up quickly, and how that all works. Things with timed entries have been completely sold out here lately.  So for his birthday, I just wanted to get it booked, but if they want to do another date also, we are open to it.  Sometimes we go 2-3 times in a summer. 

and this is totally understandable!! When timing is a concern - gotta run with it. 😉